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User: stmmts
Member Since: 17-May-2011 Survey Central member for over 6 years
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Last On: 17-May-2011
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surveyI put occasinally but it could be more like often. I have four sisters, and I am in the middle. So I got it and I gave it. It is a learned response greatly from what your parents do to you and also what they allow and how closely they monitor (whether they neglect supervision of their children). As my older sisters got older they stopped actually, and I sometimes fought with my younger sisters which the older sisters then stopped. I am not sure what exactly changed them. They would fight with each other as well. It is not something I am proud of, but I mostly understand that childhood behaviors are learned and taught be the parents. Sometimes childhood communication and resolution skills are not yet matured or even taught. I think it also has more of a tendency to occur when resources are low. My father once slapped me when I had a 102 fever for having picked a scab, and I passed out on the floor, awoke and threw up. He threw our family dog against the wall, and once even tried to choke my mother when she was trying to get him out of the house and file for divorce after apparently he molested my sister. My mother once attacked me when I was older and we were rolling around. I was getting too big to be slapped around or have my hair pulled by her, and when she did, I grabbed her hair for the first time, afraid though since I knew how much it must hurt her, and she jumped me. She came out of it with a bleeding scratch on her face which I am not sure when or how it happened. She had to go to work with this, but I think it was well deserved. She generally wasn't the actual abuser, but would tell us "wait until your father gets home", she would tell him something that happened. Sometimes we got hit with a belt, and very very hard I would say. I tried to lock my bedroom door once and he broke through the lock. To this day I don't speak to him, and I am in my forties. I have a degree in psychology, and have tried to repair relationships with my sisters. The effects of the abuse can be seen in them. My sister, obese, left her infant daughter who was an unwanted second child cold and neglected, and on each time I visited her hands or head were extremely cold. Rachael grew up retarded, and this remains a rift between us, although I have tried to get along, she is so threatened by my remembering this, she just about tried to have me committed or drugged up once in a mental institution, when in actuality I was unable to care for myself with the longstanding injuries resulting from a car accident. I am in severe chronic pain, and have after six years discovered that there is a rare surgery for this problem. None of my siblings have helped me whatsoever during ths time, and continue their rifts between us, not believing how serious my injury is and telling me I am just addicted to the pain medicine I must use to even be able to get out of bed. Relationships were better when I could be a source of assistance and support to them, although they resist much of a relationship whatsoever, but now that I am the one needing the support, they have maintained their distance. I am the only one that reaches out to call them and for twenty years did so at least every few months with not a call from them. This is some of the effects of this kind of abuse. Perhaps they have some kind of social personality disorder, I am not sure, but it is hard for me to break through. I have a boyfriend that experienced this kind of abuse and also participated with his brothers, cousins and others physical fighting, and was beat to the point of unconsciousness by his father once, and was beaten also many other times, I would say often. He hates to talk to his father, but does, but hates him. His siblings all get along quite well though, cousin too. Not sure what the difference is. They were all financially successful. The difference in my family is that I am now on disability, and my sisters have succeeded financially or have husbands who are successful. Perhaps they now see me as a burden, disabled. My boyfriend has vowed though never to get married, as he never thought he could get along and thinks marriage is only a way for women to make money. There are effects here too, believe me. He was into drugs for a while, but cleaned up when he got a good paying job and had to stay clean. It is close to twenty years at this job, but he works on call seven days per week, with only 12 hours between jobs sometimes, including one hour travel time. With this job he has little chance for a marriage relationship to succeed, as many people in this job have trouble in their relationships. It often leaves them with little sleep, and at times this can affect how they can cope. Neither he nor I ever had kids, we are in our forties. Three of my sisters did. I have seen one sister in action always saying no don't do this or that to her toddler. She divorced. I am afraid of how my sister with four kids 10 and under is doing, I have seen her in action a few times, and with her first wanted to let her cry a little bit, "because she didn't want her to learn she could control her". We had a little discussion, she did not appreciate. She got loud, I had to let it go. There is more. My other sister sounds like she is reading a text book when she is talking to her 5 year old twins. Maybe it's me or perhaps she is not the same when she is alone. Perhaps they are subconscious around me with a psych degree, as I have found that to be the case. I think they resent any input from me whatsoever, and they are severely afraid of any criticisms or being judged in any way as an attack on their sense of self worth, an over hypersensitivity from having been emotionally or physically abused. My mother used to rage and yell. My mother by the way, has never been able to say she was sorry for anything, ever. There is more, but I will leave it at this. They also have some ways in which they are functioning quite well, I think they have learned perfectionism from the abuse, which also is not good, but I can teach you to do some things quite well.
surveyIt was pointed out on the Bill Marr show that christians don't kill their enemies, do they? Do we hunt them down and shoot them in the face? And if we do are we Christian? Just some food for thought. When my boyfriend mentioned the topic, my automatic response, as I have been religious all my life, without thinking, I said, it is too bad we have to kill people, as I thought of what it must have been like for him for the military to break into his home all the sudden, and then... his life on this planet for him is gone. Loss of life is so sad. When are we on this planet going to mature up a little bit, stop acting like a bunch of freaking apes... (men...) and start talking through our problems. In truth, it might help some people to watch just a little more tv and see shows when this is done. I have found it interesting to see how much people on some of these sitcoms talk. Can you imagine how many more men we would have on this planet, if they weren't out there killing each other... and it is mostly men too. I don't know if there is an answer for human peace, I just think historically it is a real tragedy to think back to the civil war and know that 600,000 men were killed, they were all americans and we were killing each other. In fact, I am a single female and actually wish there were more men out there, I could use a guy who could take care of me and work, but the pickings are slim. I'm afraid of how many genuinly good people we have lost. Is there an answer, can we ever stop fighting, war, killing... by other means. I have a bachelor's degree in psychology, and the amount of information out there about ourselves and understanding others is amazing. Also information on how to communicate with others. I am sure there will always be the bad egg, and perhaps Osama was one, kind of like hitler. My religion teaches me that we are all the same and I needed to learn even how to forgive someone like hitler. Now perhaps we need to each ask ourselves, including say Obama, if we were the one that had to hold the gun and shoot it at an intended target, would we do it, should we do it, and could there be a better way? Perhaps osama would have been taken into custody, and there were people there who started to shoot first, so it could have been considered self defense, which might be a legitamate reason to use a weapon can kill, and stop someone dead in their tracks from taking the most precious thing you have away, your life. Relief might be a better word, other than celebrate. At the very least we have taught that if you are going to fight with us, then will will find you. It is not a wonder though that men come back messed up from wars and what not when they have been forced to kill other people. The loss of such a precious gift of life and the taking of such leaves much to consider, because, would you want to lose yours? I think not, and I think death is incomprehensible to many of us, and the idea of taking another's life leaves us with an uncomprehensible feeling of... what exactly did we do? How could that be right, life is just so so irreplacable and amazing, who born on this planet doesn't "deserve" it? No matter how mislead they are. I could go on, but I am thinking I should not take up too much more space. Can't we just ... "get along". Marriane Williamson says there probably when there are only five people left of the planet, they will look at each other and say, "we better learn how to get along". Hopefully, it won't come to that. Perhaps what you think, you will get.