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multiple21-Feb-2006ethics/moralityHopeAbounds by votes57751.9%

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If someone apologizes to you after hurting you, and they make excuses for what they did, or blame you for their behavior, and they tell you what they did was NOT wrong, is their apology genuine?

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VotesAnswer
21No. A person cannot be truly sorry if they do no think what they did was wrong. It is "lip-service" to make themselves feel better, or shut you up.
18No. Remorse is when you feel regret for doing something wrong and then apologize. When someone is truly sorry they do not blame you nor make excuses for their bad behavior.
13No. If they didn't do anything wrong, what is there to be sorry about? They should not apologize if they don't mean it. It just deepens the wound.
5Yes. I believe you can be justify hurting someone, blame them or other factors for your bad behaviors, and still say you are sorry and mean it.
2Yes. When we do something wrong all that should matter is saying the words, "I am sorry." It should not matter to anyone why we did what we did, or how we truly feel or if we truly believe we did something wrong.
0Yes. We all hurt one another and should be allowed to do it daily, to the same person repeatedly, say we are sorry and that should be enough.


UserComment
LindaH Silver Star Survey Creator Survey Qualifier
posted 21-Feb-2006 7:48pm  
Most of the time, probably not, but I think there are cases where you can believe you are justified, but still be sorry that your actions hurt or offended them. (Not sorry you did it, but sorry they were hurt by it)
wendekroy
posted 21-Feb-2006 8:02pm  
Good point - you must have had personal experience with this to explain it so clearly. I have been there too. There are people who need to act out or cause conflict and if you are in the way you get it - - - then later an apology. I don't go for that. As I have said when dealing with such toxic people -- "you shoot first and apologize later - doesn't change a thing - there is still a bullet in me" I believe you can make a mistake and inadvertently hurt someone but the people I speak of do it often and also continue to live as though they are not sorry - even if they say so. That is never acceptable.
Enheduanna Survey Central Subscriber
posted 21-Feb-2006 8:28pm  
I am inclined to think that if you're truly sorry, you apologize without casting blame or making excuses. On the other hand, I think you can also think what you did was not wrong and at the same time be truly sorry that it hurt someone you care about. Sometimes you have to make a choice that will hurt someone, as much as you are sorry that it will. It's not that it's justified, necessarily; it's just that it's what you have to do. I guess that kind of makes it justified. I don't know.
ultamate
posted 21-Feb-2006 8:57pm  
sounds like, "I'm sorry you got hurt but I'm not sorry for what I did that hurt you" That is no apology, thats more like, " Hey, deal with it!"
bill Survey Central Gold Subscriber Silver Star Survey Creator
posted 21-Feb-2006 9:00pm  
I think people can say things "in the moment" or in a defensive way, when they are cornered or are experiencing a lot of emotion. So, I think learning to roll with the excuses a little, accept it for what it really is, that's the way to go. Sometimes, when someone hurts you, you have to give them a way through it, a way to make things OK again. Drop the challenge, the fight, give them a hug, tell them it's OK.
Zang
posted 21-Feb-2006 9:31pm  
Making excuses is okay, but blaming me or saying they didn't do anything wrong would certainly wipe out the apology.
CGTREE
posted 21-Feb-2006 9:42pm  
Depends on the person and the situation.
cabinfever
posted 21-Feb-2006 11:29pm  
Holy cow what a long one! This sounds like a battered woman asking if she should stay with or leave their abuser. If someone 'apologizes' and then blames you for their behavior, it's pretty much a no-brainer that they are not truly sorry, and that they are just paying lip-service to shut you up. I chose the first two answers.
dilfreak
posted 22-Feb-2006 12:01am  
All three No's. You can't trully be sorry if you don't trully believe you were in the wrong.
Liss
posted 22-Feb-2006 2:04pm  
It isn't an apology. It's saying "Yeah, sorry for offending you, but I stick by what I said." Of course, it depends on the situation.
caviartaste
posted 22-Feb-2006 4:08pm  
I checked that No. remorse is when you feel regret for doing something wrong and then apologize. When someone is truly sorry they do not blame you nor make excuses for their bad behavior.
But, I also checked:
Yes. I believe you can be justify hurting someone, blame them or other factors for your bad behaviors, and still say you are sorry and mean it.
The reason is - you can tell someone the truth - and sometimes the truth HURTS.....and you can be truly sorry that the truth hurts them - and mean it....but you can't help it if they can not handle the truth. That is not your fault. Sometimes, people need to hear the truth. Heal, and move past the hurt.


Anderz
posted 22-Feb-2006 6:08pm  
Yes. When we do something wrong all that should matter is saying the words, "I am sorry." It should not matter to anyone why we did what we did, or how we truly feel or if we truly believe we did something wrong.
... I don't disagree with this one at all- my mum used to force me to apologise to my brother if I'd done something to hurt him, and I used to do a silly cartoon, mock kind of voice, I didn't mean "I am sorry" at all, was just something I was forced into saying.
verouge
posted 22-Feb-2006 7:22pm  
It's difficult to say,
you cannot kill someone and say "sorry I killed him but he deserved it".
but you can beat your son and be sorry about it although you are sure that you are right..
ultamate
(reply to Anderz) posted 22-Feb-2006 7:50pm  
I would rather have no apology at all than for someone to lie and say "sorry" knowing they don't mean it. What is the point in saying it if you don't mean it? I don't know why your mother would force you to say you were sorry if she was going to let you say it like a joke. She might as well taught you how to lie nicely. Do you also say,Ē I love you" when you really don't mean it? I feel sorry for your boyfriend/ husband and your friends. I wonder if they know when you say "sorry" youíre really lying and donít mean it at all.
fruityloop12
posted 22-Feb-2006 9:16pm  
no it isnt, if they have realised they have hurt you they shouldnt try and come up with excuses to justify what they did. If they really thought it wasnt wrong, they wouldnt be apologising.
Enigma
posted 22-Feb-2006 11:01pm  
I don't see it as an apology at all actually.
longhaultrucker
posted 23-Feb-2006 12:53am  
depends on the scenario
Irene007 Survey Central Gold Subscriber Silver Star Survey Creator
posted 23-Feb-2006 7:57am  
I'm sorry but I think this is a silly survey - very biased and an obvious attempt to justify one's own feelings about a similar event that happened to the survey creator.

How the hell can an apology be genuine if they blame you or make excuses?!?
Irene007 Survey Central Gold Subscriber Silver Star Survey Creator
posted 23-Feb-2006 7:57am  
What ever happened to the "other" choice?
cerealkiller Survey Qualifier
posted 23-Feb-2006 7:03pm  
Nothing like a poorly done run-on question. Where's the "other" answer choice?
cloudhugger Survey Central Gold Subscriber
posted 23-Feb-2006 10:04pm  
No, sticking the knife in, and then turning it, then pulling it out and adding salt for good measure.
southernyankee
posted 25-Feb-2006 12:56am  
No. Its an either or. Either they're sorry because they did something bad (pretty much by definition being sorry means YOU did something wrong) or you're not because you precieve that you are not at fault. The only exception would be a situation where both cars are at fault in a traffic accident or something like that.

Now, if you think that I am at fault and I think that you are at fault then there's no logical reason for you to apoligize because this means that you are a borderline personality psychopath who has a fudgeed up sense of responsiblity who thinks the world is to blame for your own failure and therefore you don't preceive yourself as the narcisist that you are. In which case at least you're honest which is a lot better than some fake ass new age feel good appology that doesn't mean crap.
Anderz
(reply to ultamate) posted 6-Mar-2006 3:53pm  
I forgot to mention the fact that I was about 2-7 years old! Obviosuly now I mean I'm sorry when I say it.
ultamate
(reply to Anderz) posted 6-Mar-2006 8:50pm  
maybe, but thats not what you said.






> Yes. When we do something wrong all that should
> matter is saying the words, "I am sorry." It should
> not matter to anyone why we did what we did, or
> how we truly feel or if we truly believe we did
> something wrong.

RGirl
posted 10-Apr-2006 11:38pm  
You have to acknowledge your actions as your own when you apologize, but if there are extenuating circumstances what are you going to do? Maybe there was pile up on the highway. Maybe their cellphone did die.
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