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single22-Nov-2000sex/relationshipszeke unsorted1191458.7%

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How long should two people date before having sex, on average?

Assuming they're both adults looking for a long term relationship, they're not just sleeping around, and the relationship is going well (their love is growing). Explain your choice.


VotesAnswer
111-2 dates
183-5 dates (a few weeks to a month)
125-10 dates (about 2 months)
103-6 months
1about 1 year
0several years
18until marriage
28other


UserComment
Wicksy Bronze Star Survey Creator
posted 22-Nov-2000 8:26am  
very difficult to say

I don't like the idea of sex on first date though

Very cheap!
natsim
posted 22-Nov-2000 9:44am  
It depends entirely on the people in question.
they
posted 22-Nov-2000 9:45am  
Other.
they
posted 22-Nov-2000 9:46am  
What a boring, stupid survey.  * wink *
ASB
(reply to they) posted 22-Nov-2000 10:05am  
I agree totally but you know they insist that if it is not flawed (yeah right) it must be pushed through.
they
(reply to ASB) posted 22-Nov-2000 10:07am  
I just said that because of zeke's negativity.
Wicksy Bronze Star Survey Creator
(reply to they) posted 22-Nov-2000 10:08am  
what negativity?
they
(reply to Wicksy) posted 22-Nov-2000 10:18am  
He has called several surveys boring or stupid... I'm not sure of his exact wording.
Zang
posted 22-Nov-2000 10:24am  
I picked 3-5 dates. This is a good question, and one which is rife with problems. There are so many other variables which come into play. How long did you know each other before "dating"? How well did you get to know each other on these dates? How old are the people? What constitutes a date anyway? Speaking for myself, I've been involved in relationships in which there never really was any "dating" (by my definition of the term). My present relationship, is with someone I was acquainted with for over ten years, friends with for about four years, but we still "dated" for a couple of months before having sex. Ultimately, I would say that the most important thing is that both parties feel comfortable with the idea. No one should feel that they are being coerced into something they aren't ready for.
North79
posted 22-Nov-2000 10:31am  
it completely depends..although I myself won't ever sleep with someone on the first date!
Enheduanna Survey Central Subscriber
posted 22-Nov-2000 10:31am  
It depends...
zeke
posted 22-Nov-2000 12:48pm  
If you feel "it depends", then in your comments please state what range you'd feel comfortable with -- what's the quickest, what's the slowest pace you think would be right? Or state how long it's been in your serious relationships. I'm curious to see if there are gender differences in the responses.
Enheduanna Survey Central Subscriber
(reply to zeke) posted 22-Nov-2000 12:56pm  
I don't think it's a question of right and wrong. I don't think you're immoral if you have sex on the first date, or extra-super moral if you never have sex at all. I think it depends on what you and your partner are comfortable with, what kind of relationship you have, and how quickly you want that relationship to progress. So I guess I'd say the quickest is as soon as you meet the person, and the slowest is never. Like I said, it depends.
zeke
(reply to Zang) posted 22-Nov-2000 12:56pm  
Right: what constitutes a date? To simplify things, let's say it's spending 3 hours with a person, mostly alone or with one or two others. I would count it whether you think it's "a date" or whether it's something more casual. If you find it too difficult to quantify it, then how would you decide, in terms of feelings? I.e. would you, personally, have to be in love to be comfortable with sex?
zeke
(reply to natsim) posted 22-Nov-2000 12:58pm  
You say "it depends on the people" -- could you say what range of #dates / months you think is right, for yourself, or for people you know?
natsim
(reply to zeke) posted 22-Nov-2000 3:29pm  
Okay, the range that is right is from 1 date to after marriage. Does that help?
Maarten
posted 22-Nov-2000 3:44pm  
That's for them to decide. Could be on the first date, could be after 6 months.
Jemmy
posted 22-Nov-2000 4:17pm  
It depends on the people and how long they want to wait.
Zang
(reply to zeke) posted 22-Nov-2000 6:42pm  
I have my own somewhat bizarre definition of a "date". To me, the first "date" involves calling someone you don't know very well and asking them to go out and do something with you at a particular place and time. One of the crucial components is that there is always a possibility that they will say "No". Is it still a "date" if you go out with someone where there is already an established friendship via mutual friends, and you have already gotten to know the person? One could ask someone out under those circumstances in a very casual friendly kind of way and "date" them for a while before any romantic ideas enter either persons' mind. Do you see what I'm getting at? I'm a bit confused myself I guess.

To answer your 2nd/3rd question I would say "Yes", either that or something very closely resembling it.  * wink *
mandy
posted 22-Nov-2000 6:54pm  
It is none of my concern how and when people choose to sleep together.
Kristal_Rose
posted 22-Nov-2000 7:15pm  
It took about two minutes last party went to. Young gorgeous swedish woman I'd said hello to at another party. When the band started, we were already squirming on the floor of an art-gallery stall with an audience. I still can't get over it. I didn't get to the sex point, but I've only had two partners, and they were of the life-long variety. The other weird thing about that night was that at the same time I had a love at first sight with another woman there. Gazing into the eyes with another draped across you. Weird. I was offered the physical ones number, asked for the latters number, and am now thinking I have to call the squirming partner if for no reason than to not feel so weird. I hear she's a teacher. The body language didn't communicate a darn thing (weird too). The other gal was immensely complex (she taped me to a wall as an exhibit), yet I felt instantly like we'd been lovers for millenium. The swede was more like a black sea of milk within a midnight sun. In my experience, sex has been tantric, goes on uninterupted for many hours and involves trading millenia of incarnation histories; I went to that party with an agenda of trying meaningless sex, and got close, and now finding myself still perplexed that it could be meaningless, thinking I should try again, that perhaps I missed something.
People usually live up to my expectations from the first hour I meet them, even if their range mimics the history of religion. I would marry that gal who taped me to the wall in a flash, even though I've only spent a few minutes talking to her. My last two girl friends involved a couple years of getting to deeply know each other, yet still there was a permanent mystery. I would expect and perhaps even desire that in a candidate for marriage. My ex, whom I still love, is no mystery, and that may be part of why she's my ex.
[5-10 dates, about two months] sounds about right to me, though my last was about 4 months.
Kristal_Rose
(reply to Zang) posted 22-Nov-2000 7:46pm  
I can't really say I ever dated except for the first blind double date with mutual friends that had me and my wife to be making out at the rocky horror picture show. Ever since then there was never an issue of being turned down. Even when we proposed, it was so mutual that we weren't sure who actually asked the question. We were at a pizza parlor playing centipede. My last girlfriend, I'd been visiting her house for months, near christmas I dressed in a red mini and white ornamented christmas stockings. I think if a person has to formally ask if the times right, you aren't reading each other in synch. I remember one party (where my goal was to prove wrong the host whom I wanted to marry that I could get a woman attracted to me). I flirted heavily with all her girlfriends and had the weird experienc of interlocking knees with one gal and just beaming warm love between us for half an hour. She went nuts. The last hour of the party till sunrise consisted of her screaming repeatedly at me "You don't make the F-n sun come up". We never did acknowledge any sort of relationship, or at least she wouldn't. She said good-bye when I said good job and real estate.
I called her (Heather) recently. She said she'd give me another chance at being friends if I wouldn't obsess with her or put her under any pressure, and not call or time together a relationship. I hope I can get Tara's number. (the artist who taped me to the wall). or maybe Ingrid will turn out to be someone of substance, hard to tell. At least I know now that being a transgendered lesbian isn't an obstacle.
Enheduanna Survey Central Subscriber
(reply to Kristal_Rose) posted 22-Nov-2000 10:10pm  
I came across a quote today that made me think of you, and which I thought would amuse you. It's from Carol Gilligan's book In A Different Voice (although I came across it as a citation in another book), which is about women's language. Anyway, this is it: "It all goes back, of course, to Adam and Eve--a story which shows, among other things, that if you make a woman out of a man, you are bound to get into trouble."  * wink *
zeke
posted 22-Nov-2000 10:12pm  
It was an experience I just had with a new girlfriend, getting strong vibes that she likes to take six months or more to get to know someone before she gets serious, that prompted me to create this survey: I was falling in love on the second date and she was just warming up... rather frustrating! Six months struck me as a rather long time (unless it's your first relationship). For me, I think I'd be ready in anywhere from 3 dates to 3 months.
Kristal_Rose
(reply to Enheduanna) posted 23-Nov-2000 3:37am  
I'll check that out. Thank you. Arhanarisvara works as a model at the moment.
anonymous
posted 23-Nov-2000 7:58am  
In that amount of time they should have been able to get to know what each other is like and know whether they want to stay in that relationship, they would also know each others likes and dislikes! (hint hint)
Enheduanna Survey Central Subscriber
(reply to Kristal_Rose) posted 23-Nov-2000 10:02am  
I think in context it's about the roots of patriarchy. I just thought the particular wording of this bit was amusing!
kaleb777
posted 23-Nov-2000 3:14pm  
First date
jettles Survey Central Subscriber Survey Qualifier
posted 23-Nov-2000 6:59pm  
it all depends on the people and how mature they are.
smurf
posted 23-Nov-2000 9:25pm  
I would have to say marriage. I think sex before marriage tends to make things real complicated in a relationship, and I also believe that every time a person has sex with another, a strong emotional tie is formed between the two. Saving sex until marriage, in my opinion, makes it even more precious. * smile *
BlueberryMuffin
posted 24-Nov-2000 1:12am  
I realize this is most likely going to make me the victim of more anonymous slams at my level of sexuality but.. I always thought sex was what started the dating. You find someone you desire, you have sex with them and if all goes well, you begin to date. Have I been wrong all this time?
Kristal_Rose
(reply to Enheduanna) posted 24-Nov-2000 2:35am  
Here's how I envision it next time
and here's part of a good party
(from my KIrlian Tarot Deck at www.ereiam.com)
I've recently been shown a vietnamese psychic site with almost the same name (eriam) so don't mispell it. I'm fond of the Lilith story which I discovered through a tantric exchange is quite real.
romkey Survey Central Gold Subscriber
posted 24-Nov-2000 11:29am  
It depends on the people and what they're comfortable with. I think that specifying it in weeks or dates is drastically oversimplifying the matter.
romkey Survey Central Gold Subscriber
(reply to mandy) posted 24-Nov-2000 11:31am  
unless you get to watch!!  * smile *
romkey Survey Central Gold Subscriber
(reply to smurf) posted 24-Nov-2000 11:31am  
it also means that a lot of people get stuck in marriages with people they're not sexually compatible with.
Oscar
posted 24-Nov-2000 1:56pm  
marriage
mandy
(reply to romkey) posted 24-Nov-2000 2:31pm  
Doesn't THAT go with out saying, love?  * raspberry *
romkey Survey Central Gold Subscriber
(reply to mandy) posted 25-Nov-2000 1:30am  
I don't know - I'm not allowed to get married to the person I love! Guess we shouldn't have sex then...  * smile *
Lauren
posted 25-Nov-2000 3:47pm  
3 months sounds good, just enough time to back out before anyone does something too stupid,
Zang
(reply to Kristal_Rose) posted 25-Nov-2000 3:56pm  
The top image "Ten of Gears" looks extremely Paul Delvaux. I don't recognize it specifically, but the whole image (apart from the colours) is exactly like his style. Did you scoop it and play with it? He's one of my favourites.
Hotbabe
posted 25-Nov-2000 3:58pm  
Until they both feel ready.
Maarten
(reply to Hotbabe) posted 25-Nov-2000 4:07pm  
r u ready?  * wink *
Hotbabe
(reply to Maarten) posted 25-Nov-2000 4:09pm  
Indeed I am.
mandy
(reply to romkey) posted 25-Nov-2000 4:28pm  
doomed to celibacy  * raspberry *
romkey Survey Central Gold Subscriber
(reply to mandy) posted 25-Nov-2000 4:40pm  
I've got blisters on my fingers!  * smile *
mandy
(reply to romkey) posted 25-Nov-2000 4:51pm  
well...THAT conjurs an image!  * laughing out loud *


say it again?
 * raspberry *
Kristal_Rose
(reply to Zang) posted 25-Nov-2000 10:05pm  
Yes. the other is Sigmar Polke. Visit my site. I demonstrate the process of taking a black and white scan of an appropriate modern artwork, and using it as af oundation tier for several color/texture paintings which are then mixed just as a palette of colors, using the mystical aspect of photoshop filter layering to 'burn', 'lighten', etc.
romkey Survey Central Gold Subscriber
(reply to mandy) posted 25-Nov-2000 10:20pm  
I've got fingers on my blisters!
flirt
posted 26-Nov-2000 9:06am  
It's all subjective, do what you feel in the moment! There are no rules. If you want to do it just do it. But only do it if you are 100% sure and are protected.
Hotbabe
(reply to flirt) posted 26-Nov-2000 11:33am  
Very wise words indeed.  * raspberry *
flirt
(reply to Hotbabe) posted 26-Nov-2000 11:55am  
It's been my rule and I have stuck by it. But there's no reason why you can't kiss on the first date. And there are no rules about what part you should be kissing!! Weh Hey!!
phi
posted 27-Nov-2000 1:27pm  
Until they both want to. Duh.
broncosfan
posted 27-Nov-2000 5:14pm  
anything else is sin
Wicksy Bronze Star Survey Creator
(reply to phi) posted 28-Nov-2000 4:12am  
That's  * duh! *
Kristal_Rose
(reply to romkey) posted 28-Nov-2000 4:29am  
A bad image. I got blisters on my footsies getting my son a guitar because the bus was detoured. Fortunately I had a front and center starting line view of the detours cause, the Hollywood Santa Parade. Phase two in which Doris gets her oats.
mishka
posted 30-Nov-2000 4:49am  
why date first?
icurok
posted 1-Dec-2000 12:33pm  
I said 3-5 because I was asked for an average, but for me its been the same as Blueberry Muffin. I've never dated anyone I didn't have sex with first. Does that make me wicked?
zeke
posted 3-Dec-2000 3:29pm  
Check the advanced stats: of those who responded, "other" (typically meaning "whenever they feel ready") is the most common response, but other than that, men said a few weeks to a month as their most popular answer, while women said 3-6 months. What can we conclude from this?
micah
posted 4-Dec-2000 6:17am  
Hard to say. Depends on if there's magic or not. Jessica and I snapped together like a rubber band that's been under a lot of tension and was finally released. Under most other conditions, though, I'd probably wait until I know the person for a month and really like them and saw that I'd be with them for a while. But that's based on a lot of naivety, as I'm not too experienced in that sort of thing.
Grandizer
posted 6-Dec-2000 7:59am  
3-5 if they are long dates with a lot of conversation, ie: not a movie or a sporting event. Also previous friendship of 4-6 months would also qualify.
5-10 if just met or blind dating.
mireillens
posted 14-Dec-2000 12:46pm  
How ever long they feel is necessary & right for them...who am I to tell them WHEN they can have sex?
jkiehart
posted 21-Dec-2000 5:13pm  
A good ten minutes or so.
anonymous
posted 7-Jan-2001 7:57pm  
Although I've had my share of one night stands and long term relationships, I know that if I'd go for a relationship now, I'd want to wait until marriage. Just my opinion though.
smurf
(reply to romkey) posted 13-Jan-2001 4:38pm  
Isn't a marriage about love? Other things can be worked out, so long as the love bond is strong. Love isn't dependent on good sex.
ASexyBabesToy
posted 7-Feb-2001 8:28am  
Depends on why they are dating.
juliw
posted 10-Mar-2001 4:28pm  
It depends on the couple, really. I think when both partners feel comfortable enough with each other, and care enough about each other, it is okay for them to have sex. I definitely feel it is better to be friends first, and not rush right into being "in love" and having sex.
confetti
posted 11-Apr-2001 1:35am  
1-2 dates. I believe in love at first sight. And if you're in love, you can have sex. Who hasn't had sex on a first date?
Iseult Silver Star Survey Creator Survey Qualifier
posted 14-Apr-2001 8:43pm  
Dating doesn't matter.
I had a sex with a guy after he dumped his girlfriend.
We didn't date at all, and afterwards, we didn't go out.
Julia81
posted 27-Apr-2001 11:27pm  
From my perspective it would be 3 to 4 weeks because i am really concerned about health issue, all these diseases around, i would like to know person as much as i can before having sex and it doesnt matter how i am attracted to a person. I shut down all my instincts&hormones and common sense takes over. i am really careful with this cause once one of my friends went to Hawai on vacation and she met this awesome guy. from the first time she saw him she knew that she fell in love.well, he felt attracted to her too, as what she thought. well, they had this wonderful time together, but it was time to go back home.He said they would keep in touch,blah,blah. So, when she was going on her plane to PA(philly)that guy give her a present and his phone number and address.he said to open the present in the plane.She got so excited, she thought it was alove letter or something.however, when she opened it.....there was a note"welcome to the society of people with AIDS". that bastard had AIDS and she has it now and dying.By the way he got arrested cause he did to many women.and police was looking for him.
Barbijo
posted 30-May-2001 2:44pm  
If there's chemistry between you, go for it on the first date!
Cleo
posted 3-Jul-2001 4:16pm  
Speaking from experience I dated my husband at least 6 dates before having sex.But,I wasn't sure if I wanted to marry him untill 8 years later.
midagehippie
posted 6-Jul-2008 8:20pm  
right away if you are attracted...waiting is pretentious
froggie54
posted 3-Apr-2010 2:43am  
Third date is about right by me. I don't always follow the "third date rule", but more often than not it does happen then.
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