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essay16-Jul-2001work/schoolactress unsorted651155.7%


What are some good excuses for not going to work?

Hey everyone, I'm running very low on excuses to tell my boss, why I can't come to work, can you all give me some suggestions? I know essay surveys are not popular in our community, but... your help would be greatly appreciated. smiley:::smile Thanks SC!


posted 17-Jul-2001 5:45pm  
I generally tell my boss (pick one): I'm sick; I don't feel like coming in to work; I've got to work on my car; it's a beautiful day outside. Your boss may vary.
I've actually had him harangue me for coming to work one gorgeous summer day.
posted 17-Jul-2001 5:46pm  
I have a relative coming in from Hawaii & I need to pick them up at the airport.Or better yet I have to fly home for a relatives funeral.The last one is good for 3 day up to a week or two.
posted 17-Jul-2001 5:51pm  
A hang over, a death in your family (always works, no questions asked), food poisoning.
posted 17-Jul-2001 6:00pm  
This one can only be used for not showing up or calling off on a Monday. I forgot to carry in the Sunday paper, so when I saw the paper there, I thought it was Sunday. By the time I realized it was Monday, it was too late, so I stayed home.
posted 17-Jul-2001 6:10pm  
Try http//
It lists loads of excuses for missing work, missing school, to tell police officers, etc. The site is called The Mother of all Excuses
(reply to juliw) posted 17-Jul-2001 7:32pm  
lol Oh my god, I love the sunday paper thing. So funny, thanks for the link. lol
romkey Survey Central Gold Subscriber
posted 17-Jul-2001 8:06pm  
"I quit"
posted 17-Jul-2001 8:11pm  
My favorite one that I used most recently was this:
I called and told them that I had to go to the doctor's office first thing in the morning and I would come in right after my appointment. The truth was, I was too depressed to get my ars out of bed so I just went back to sleep. When I woke up 1 1/2 hours later, it was easier to get up, so I went to work at 10:00am.

You can always tell them that your car won't start and you are waiting for a mechanic to fix it. It could take all day so you'll see them tomorrow.

Mononucleosis is always a good one.

Once I had strep throat and I told them that since it was contagious I wouldn't be in for a couple of days. (I really was sick that time)

Migraines are a great excuse because they come suddenly and they last a long time. They also come often whereas you can only have the flu so many times in the same month.
posted 17-Jul-2001 8:58pm  
I have a doctors appointment...I have a migraine....My last pair of nylons has a hole in them.... smiley:::raspberry
posted 17-Jul-2001 9:23pm  
I never have had job in my life. It sounds like you're not too crazy about yours at this moment!
posted 17-Jul-2001 9:58pm  
I like this one: You were leaving for work. You turned the key in the lock, and, damn, it broke off in the lock! So you're SO has already left for work and you can't leave the house open. You tell them, "I called the locksmith/superintendent, and they'll be over shortly."

Wait about an hour and a half, two hours, then call back. "Damn, they're not here, yet! I just called them and they said they were backed up but they promise to get to me today."

Call back in about another two hours and say, "I guess I can't come in today. This is ridiculous. I'm really upset over this."
(reply to juliw) posted 17-Jul-2001 10:02pm  
Ooh! Oooh! Last night on the Discovery Channel they did a one-hour show ALL ABOUT CEDAR POINT!! Oh I got so homesick! Very exciting.
(reply to jkiehart) posted 17-Jul-2001 10:24pm  
I was laughing so hard over your comment until my husband yell at me and said "OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH LAUGHING"! "IT CAN'T BE THAT FUNNY" I said oh yes it is, so he read it and starting laughing. lol
(reply to jkiehart) posted 17-Jul-2001 10:26pm  
Excuse me "yelled" I was laughing while I was typing, so my spelling sucks!
(reply to actress) posted 18-Jul-2001 12:22am  
I'm glad I made you laugh!!
posted 18-Jul-2001 12:48am  
Tell the truth.
posted 18-Jul-2001 2:38am  
I shot myself cleaning my gun.
I'm locked in my own closet.
My Mum/dog/ goldfish/ favorite soap star was killed.
My monkeeeeee threw poo on my uniform and the washing machine is broken.
I forgot how to drive and I don't have change for the bus.
posted 18-Jul-2001 2:52am  
The only excuse I use is that I'm sick. The only time I don't go to work is when I'm sick. If I need a day off for another reason, I ask for it. My job is pretty flexible, so that's easy to do.
posted 18-Jul-2001 4:48am  
Chronic pubic lice, Anal warts
posted 18-Jul-2001 9:25am  
Diareah is always a good one. Noone wants to go into talking about that. Once when I lived alone I had a deadbolt lock that opened with a key from the inside and outside and I lost my keys inside the house and the door was locked I couldnt get out of the house without going out a window. So I stayed home from work and cleaned and looked for my keys.
jettles Survey Central Subscriber
posted 18-Jul-2001 9:28am  
i was arrested last night! my car exploded this morning. or my favorite: i overslept because my fish ate my alarm clock!!
posted 18-Jul-2001 9:30am  
You could say your child was sick and you had to take them to the dr. but anytime you tell them you are going to the dr. you run the risk that they may ask for a note. I have severe migraines and use this as an excuse sometimes when I just don't feel like coming in. I also have an ulcer that causes me to wake up yakking and sometimes I do not get enough sleep at night. If you say you have a yeast infection and you can't stop itching I doubt they will be bold enough to question you about it. I try to stay away from excuses that involve other people being sick or dying because it may cause bad karma.
posted 18-Jul-2001 9:32am  
my pipes broke and my house is flooded. I have to stay home and clean up the mess and salvage my belongings. Whatever excuse you use if you tell them to many times that wild crazy things happened to you they will tend to not believe you.
posted 18-Jul-2001 11:18am  
1) I died and won't be in today. Monday earliest.
2) There's a large purple snake hiding in my desk drawers. Until you get rid of it I'm staying home.
3) I've played all the games that came with the company's operating system software. Until you get some new ones, I'm not coming in.
4) I'm mad at my cyber-lover and don't want to read his/her e-mail waiting for me in my computer's in-box.
5) The paint on my cubicle is still wet.
6) The company coffee supply is outta macadamia nut coffee. I have to fly to Hawaii to get some.
7) I hate YOU!
Enheduanna Survey Central Subscriber
posted 18-Jul-2001 1:49pm  
You're telecommuting. Nevermind if that's not actually an option where you work.
(reply to actress) posted 18-Jul-2001 5:29pm  
You're welcome. Check out the site if you haven't already. It is a riot!!
(reply to jkiehart) posted 18-Jul-2001 5:37pm  
Wish I'd seen that! I haven't been to Cedar Point or Put-In-Bay for about ten years. Have you ever been to the Blue Hole? It is some big pool of water that is supposed to have no bottom. it used to be in Castalia, Ohio, which is also up that way. Anyway, someone just told me they moved the blue hole to somewhere in Florida. I have no idea how.
(reply to Brian) posted 18-Jul-2001 5:39pm  
Those are some great excuses you have there. You must have a lot of practice. smiley:::winking raspberry
(reply to juliw) posted 18-Jul-2001 5:45pm  
HAHAHAHAHAHA! They moved it. That's classic! You bet I've been to the Blue Hole. Sure was exciting... I guess it was pretty deep.
"Say, look at that pool of water, there."
"Wow. It's really pooled up there. How deep do you think it is?"
"No one knows."
"Is that so?" (pause for effect) "Who wants to go to Dennys?"

But yeah, I read on some website a few months back that they had to close the Blue Hole because there was no wheelchair access, and they couldn't afford to build a RAMP (Heck, Id've done it for $75 plus supplies).
(reply to jen) posted 18-Jul-2001 11:15pm  
*raises an eyebrow*
posted 19-Jul-2001 5:23am  
My dog sat on my face and wouldn't get up!
posted 19-Jul-2001 1:05pm  
i just had a baby
posted 19-Jul-2001 1:06pm  
my baby just had a baby
posted 19-Jul-2001 1:06pm  
my leprosy is acting up again
posted 19-Jul-2001 1:07pm  
i can't find my car
posted 19-Jul-2001 1:20pm  
there is a nail stuck in my eye. (this really happened to me and the stupid roofing company i worked for fired me for not showing up for the rest of the week, then they claimed i must have got the nail stuck in there someplace other than work because no one saw it happen so i was denied workman's compensation and was stuck with a $12000 hospital bill)
(reply to heyzeus1) posted 19-Jul-2001 1:24pm  
How do you get a nail in your eye at work and noone knows about it? I would scream bloody murder with a nail in my eye. Everyone would know.
(reply to ASB) posted 19-Jul-2001 1:49pm  
i ran over it with a power saw
the people i worked with were all mexicans who didn't speak english
they didn't like me anyway
they wouldn't even take me to the hospital
since the nail went all the way into my skull, it looked like i had just been hit by a rock or something, i didn't even know there was a nail in there until the x-rays
posted 19-Jul-2001 9:31pm  
If you are a woman, and your boss is a man, try describing some kind of "feminine complaint" to him in TOO MUCH DETAIL. He will cut you off in mid sentence, give you the day off, and never speak of it again.
(reply to Zang) posted 19-Jul-2001 11:02pm  
I like this one, very funny! lol
(reply to actress) posted 19-Jul-2001 11:30pm  
Is your boss a man?
(reply to Zang) posted 19-Jul-2001 11:36pm  
No but it was hella funny!
posted 20-Jul-2001 1:50am  
i, uh, got lucky smiley:::smile
niether my brain nor my eyeball were punctured due to the angle it went in.
(reply to actress) posted 20-Jul-2001 1:51am  
Ha! i think zang has the best answer there
posted 20-Jul-2001 2:27am  
I wouldn't know. I've only called in sick about 2 or 3 times in the last ten years.
posted 20-Jul-2001 9:10am  
pnetty shoer
posted 20-Jul-2001 10:30am  
NO I'm not, we say that a lot. I thought it was blank slang, cool I see that it's not. smiley:::smile
(reply to juliw) posted 20-Jul-2001 10:41am  
Practice no! Those are the excuses my employees give me!
posted 20-Jul-2001 12:19pm  
"For personal reasons" (said with a grave voice)... that way you don't have to lie, and it sounds mysterious enough that most bosses won't ask for specifics. Just let their imagination fill in the rest.
(reply to actress) posted 20-Jul-2001 2:35pm  
Hmm...I'll try to come up with something you can use then...
posted 20-Jul-2001 2:38pm  
Haven't you seen Southpark? On one episode Cartman uses that prefix at least once in every sentence. It drives his friends nuts.
posted 20-Jul-2001 3:35pm  
I have explosive diarrhea!
(reply to Brian) posted 21-Jul-2001 8:31am  
OIC! Well, you have to hand it to them. They came up with some pretty good ones!
Biggles Bronze Star Survey Creator
posted 21-Jul-2001 12:30pm  
"I got all the way to the bus-station. Then I was sick in a dustbin so I thought I should go home again."

That one worked for me. Unfortunately it wasn't so much an excuse as the truth...........smiley:::frown
posted 23-Jul-2001 2:36am  
Hey! Where are you? When did you put that up? Know what's even better? Kevin Spenser. Do you get that in the states? It is a Canadian cartoon about the most dysfunctional family I've ever seen on TV. Kevin is 13, abuses cough syrup, chain smokes, and has an imaginary friend who is a goose that gives him really bad advice: "You should burn the fudgeer's house down!"
(reply to actress) posted 23-Jul-2001 8:55am  
I have an idea: You could just go to work smiley:::wink
(reply to juliw) posted 23-Jul-2001 9:44am  
Yeah, and I like an idiot bought most of them!
posted 23-Jul-2001 11:00am  
It's a religious holiday?
(reply to Brian) posted 23-Jul-2001 5:27pm  
You're probably great to work for, so trusting and understanding.
(reply to juliw) posted 23-Jul-2001 5:29pm  
Not to mention thick as a brick...
(reply to Brian) posted 23-Jul-2001 5:32pm  
Me too at times
posted 24-Jul-2001 12:02am  
A meteor fell through my roof and as I ran from the house to get in the car, an alien swooped down and abducted my car keys, then I got on a bus, which plunged over a cliff. I climbed up the cliff to find a phone to call in late, when someone informed me that my workplace was sucked into a vacuum and wound up in another country. I missed the last flight, so I'll be late.
(reply to juliw) posted 24-Jul-2001 8:49am  
(reply to LindaH) posted 24-Jul-2001 3:53pm  
lol you are soooo crazy. smiley:::smile
(reply to actress) posted 24-Jul-2001 4:52pm  
(reply to Brian) posted 24-Jul-2001 5:35pm  
You said you were thick as a brick, and I said me too, at times.
(reply to juliw) posted 25-Jul-2001 7:55am  
(reply to Brian) posted 25-Jul-2001 5:33pm  
Uh, what can I say? After I typed that, I realized how dense I was being. smiley:::winking raspberry (duh) I am so dense, I can't pour water out of a boot if the instructions are printed on the heel. lol
(reply to juliw) posted 26-Jul-2001 8:56am  
lol You are delightful.
(grinning appreciatively)
(reply to Brian) posted 26-Jul-2001 5:51pm  
Thanks, Brian! I find you delightful as well.
(reply to juliw) posted 27-Jul-2001 7:18am  
(blushing furiously) Thank you.

The temperature here has taken a sudden dip, and it is now on 6 centigrade. I was going to take the boys to the tennis/swim club near our house to let them bat some tennis balls around, but that's kinda out now.

So, what's up for your weekend?
(reply to Brian) posted 27-Jul-2001 5:51pm  
It is a little cooler here, too. After several 90 degree Fahrenheit days, today's high was only like 74. It felt so comfortable for a change. I don't really have any plans set, but I have been dieting, so I might take advantage of the cooler weather to get some exercise. There is a nice track near my house for walking.
(reply to juliw) posted 28-Jul-2001 8:45am  
It`s Saturday morning and 0 degrees. I haven`t been this cold in a decade. Time to light the fire place.
(reply to Brian) posted 28-Jul-2001 9:05am  
Brrr...I guess that really puts things in perspectiive. My mom was just saying she was cold because it was only 60 when she went to get the paper! It is supposed to be 78 high today. Hope it warms up where you are.
(reply to juliw) posted 30-Jul-2001 6:57am  
It didn't. The weekend was very cold. I'm at work, however, my toes are still at home in the oven seeking relief.
(reply to Brian) posted 30-Jul-2001 5:40pm  
Sorry to hear that. Maybe you should come to Ohio for a few days. It is supposed to be 86 tomorrow (Tuesday)
(reply to juliw) posted 30-Jul-2001 5:54pm  
Bottle some of that heat and mail it to me, willya?
(reply to Brian) posted 30-Jul-2001 5:58pm  
You're welcome to it! I am sick of the heat.
(reply to juliw) posted 31-Jul-2001 6:55am  
Hey, isn't that a good excuse for not coming to work?
(reply to Brian) posted 31-Jul-2001 4:05pm  
One of the best! I told my mom that you wanted me to bottle up some heat and send it to you, and she said you can have her share, too.
(reply to juliw) posted 31-Jul-2001 5:02pm  
posted 5-Aug-2001 7:59pm  
My personal favorite: I can't come to work today because my Yucca plant is feeling yucky. smiley:::frown
posted 18-Aug-2001 3:08am  
1. I woke up with my dog lying on my legs, he's too big to pick up and move, and by trying to waking him up I could loose a foot.

2. When I woke up I was still really tired, and when I tried to open the door it was jammed, so I went back to sleep for about an hour. When I woke back up I was fine, so I tried the door again, it turned out it was still locked.

3. zzzzzzz *snore* ...( if you're anything like my mom when she snores, no one will want to bother you... if they put a clothes pin over your nose, just pretend you're still sleeping)
posted 13-Sep-2001 6:45pm  
You don't want to go to work, that's fairly enough. But a problem comes with this statement - what's good enough for you, can't always be good enough for your boss.
posted 16-Feb-2006 12:00am  
Diarrhea is always good.
posted 7-Aug-2006 1:45am  
I'm allergic to work.
posted 30-Mar-2007 3:01pm  
this is utterly heartless and terrible for me to do this..but... my grandmother was dying from cancer and my managers were aware of this. i needed a really good excuse because i had already used the common 'i'm sick' and 'i have an appointment' etc. so.. i called in and said i couldn't go to work b/c my mom was sick and couldn't take care of my grandma b/c my grandma could die if she was exposed to her illness b/c of the chemo...therefore i had to go sit with her all day. in reality it was just a gorgeous day outside and i didn't feel like going to work... well it worked...horrible, i know, i'm going to hell..
posted 19-Feb-2008 7:55am  
This one only works if you have a friend that is a doctor.
Shave your head and go to work act sick and tell your boss you have been diagnosed with cancer.
It should get you a month and a half off work
Plus if your boss is generous he will even pay you even when your away.
posted 19-Feb-2008 8:08am  
My six year old kid said that there was a monster in his closet so I'm going to wait until it comes out.
If he tells you to come anyways get all mad and say "You want my son to die?"
posted 19-Feb-2008 8:11am  
Say a Jehovah's Witness came to your house right when you were leaving for work and he is still talking to you.
posted 19-Feb-2008 8:12am  
I really thought Dr. Pepper did make the world taste better until i drank a lot of it and got sick.
posted 29-Dec-2008 7:40am  
posted 9-Jun-2009 10:01am  
Just tell him/her "I need to take Wednesday off to take care of some personal business, I can either come in on Saturday or take it off my holiday, it's up to you."
This stops the boss from getting annoyed; after all, you are giving them advanced warning and offering to make it up to them. Also, their choice isn't whether or not to let you have the time off, their only choice is between having you in on Saturday or take time off your holiday.
posted 23-Aug-2009 3:21am  
check out . You can request an excuse and get an answer.
posted 26-Jul-2010 7:39pm  
Some good excuses for not going to work would be:

"My car was broken into this morning and I can't go anywhere until the police come to take my report and the window repairman replaces my rear windshield."
"There's a squirrel trapped in my basement and I want to get him outside before I leave."
"My mom was stung by a bee this morning and her leg is swollen so much that she can't even move it to walk. The doctor told me I need to take care of her all day today."
"I threw out my back yesterday helping my friend move and I need to lie flat in bed all day."

I started a whole blog for this very topic, which you can check out at
posted 1-Mar-2011 2:31am  
Just saw this 10 years later. Funny. Anyways here a few more just incase youve used all of these ones

. I'm Constipated and i'm not leaving home till i have a crap
. I let my dog out for a crap and i can't find him/her and the kids will sit themselves if i lose him!
. I don't feel like the crap i have to deal with at work today
. I have an infection in my ass and it hurts when i crap.
.My crap is blue i have to go to the doctor
. I hate my new hair cut i need to let it grow out
.My partner just left me & i'm busy celebrating
.I'll come in as soon as your wife is finished sucking my cock

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