Sign On
Create Account

Last

TypeCreatedCategoryCreatorSortVotesHidesRating
essay3-Oct-2006personalityjustincase by votes68857.9%

Advanced_Stats

What is the difference between a pedophile and a child molester?




 


UserComment
LindaH Triple Gold Star Survey Creator Gold Qualifier
posted 3-Oct-2006 10:28pm  
A pedophile is a person with a disorder, but doesn't necessarily act on it. There's no law against having pedophilia. A child molester has done something against the law. Child molesters are pedophiles, but not all pedophiles are child molesters
ultamate
posted 3-Oct-2006 10:32pm  
I don't know but they are both sick!
cabinfever
posted 3-Oct-2006 11:24pm  
A pedophile is an adult sexually attracted to young children. A child molester is the same thing, but has actually acted upon his sick desires. A pedophile is a future child molester.
ausfox
posted 3-Oct-2006 11:26pm  
I don't know. They're both monsters.
romkey Survey Central Gold Subscriber
posted 3-Oct-2006 11:46pm  
A pedophile wants to but hasn't necessarily acted on their urges. A molester has.
Bilateralkitty
posted 4-Oct-2006 12:12am  
Unfortunatly it seems the primary difference today is if you happen to be a Member of Coin-gress or a member of the General Public. Elected officials get off sexual and capitol felony related offenses with a pension, health care benefits and a new job as a Washington DC Lobbyist in 6 months or less. You or me of course would win free room and board in an 8-by-12 with Tyrone and his platinum wig and hot pink lipstick collection playing 'house' for the next couple of Years.
cerealkiller Bronze Star Survey Creator Gold Qualifier
posted 4-Oct-2006 1:11am  
Bet you thought this was my survey.

Pennyann breaks down the pedophile term into 3 age groups but in general the public just uses pedophile. A pedophile has underage children as their primary sex/lust object. And, generally about 10-14 years old the rule. The tendency must last more than six months. The distinction lost to most everyone is that pedophile does not automatically mean child molester. The overwhelming majority of pedophiles do not act on their desires, no different than anyone fantasizing or lusting after another adult. The media has created a witchhunt which makes every pedophile a degenerate person who doesn't belong in society. You should be aware that in some countries the age of consent is as low as 12 and not long ago it was only 10 in England.

A child molester, on the other hand, more likely molests a child due to situational opportunity. They primarily still desire sex with adults, but if a child is available they take the opportunity to molest them.
cerealkiller Bronze Star Survey Creator Gold Qualifier
(reply to LindaH) posted 4-Oct-2006 1:14am  
> A pedophile is a person with a disorder, but doesn't
> necessarily act on it. There's no law against
> having pedophilia. A child molester has done something
> against the law. Child molesters are pedophiles,
> but not all pedophiles are child molesters


Close, but if you read my comment all child molesters aren't pedophiles. To be a pedophile your primary continuing attraction/lust is for children and not adults. Child molesters frequently prefer adults but will abuse a child if one is handy.
RGirl
posted 4-Oct-2006 2:19am  
A pedophile has sexual feelings for children. A child molester acts on those feelings and sexually molests children.
Liss Bronze Star Survey Creator
posted 4-Oct-2006 2:31am  
A paedophile can't help it.
bill Survey Central Gold Subscriber Gold Star Survey Creator
posted 4-Oct-2006 7:16am  
Pedophiles are a subset of child molesters who think they love their victims.
bill Survey Central Gold Subscriber Gold Star Survey Creator
posted 4-Oct-2006 7:18am  
Ah, I see I got that wrong... an important distinction being that pedophiles may not have acted on their urges. Still, I think you could have a child molester who is not a pedophile... someone who molests for other reasons than "love". But, perhaps that distinction is meaningless.
Biggles Bronze Star Survey Creator Survey Qualifier
posted 4-Oct-2006 8:17am  
It's similar to the difference between "prejudice" and "discrimination". Paedophilia is about the way that you are, child molestation is about the way that you act.
Biggles Bronze Star Survey Creator Survey Qualifier
(reply to cerealkiller) posted 4-Oct-2006 8:28am  
> You should be aware that in some countries the age of consent is
> as low as 12 and not long ago it was only 10 in England.

I don't think that's true. It's been 16 since 1885 according to Wikipedia, having been raised from 13. English law set the age of consent as being 12 between 1275 and 1875.
MiniMary
(reply to Biggles) posted 4-Oct-2006 10:06am  
> |> You should be aware that in some countries
> the age of consent is
> |> as low as 12 and not long ago it was only
> 10 in England.
>
> I don't think that's true. It's been 16 since
> 1885 according to Wikipedia, having been raised
> from 13. English law set the age of consent as
> being 12 between 1275 and 1875.

Probably because people lived to be only 30. You have to get as many fun years in as possible!  * wink *

MiniMary
(reply to cerealkiller) posted 4-Oct-2006 10:11am  
The concept is unacceptable to most people, whether it be someone's unacted upon thoughts or real life actions. I do not think that you are ever going to be able to turn that around. People are never neutral on this issue and every term, behavior and disorder is lumped into the same category.
Enheduanna Survey Central Subscriber
posted 4-Oct-2006 1:03pm  
A pedophile hasn't necessarily ever molested a child.
Iseult Silver Star Survey Creator
posted 4-Oct-2006 1:30pm  
Pedophile likes little kids. Child molester 'loves' little kids.
Zang
posted 4-Oct-2006 4:10pm  
Well, to begin with the word "paedophile" is more scientific. It's the kind of word a Psychiatrist would use. But there's something else, probably more important. A paedophile is someone who has a particular psychology; deviant sexual desires. One can be a paedophile without being a child molester. Apparently, that is more often the case. A lot of paedophiles don't act on their deviant impulses. I suppose it is also possible for someone to molest children without being a paedophile, but that is probably pretty rare.
cerealkiller Bronze Star Survey Creator Gold Qualifier
(reply to Biggles) posted 4-Oct-2006 4:56pm  
Maybe. I read this somewhere on the internet but can't recall where.
cerealkiller Bronze Star Survey Creator Gold Qualifier
(reply to MiniMary) posted 4-Oct-2006 5:21pm  
"Unacceptable" is putting it mildly. The rage and desire to kill molesters and pedophiles is what I consider unacceptable. As mentioned before most pedophiles don't ever lay a hand on children. It's something dealt with internally and some desire help for it, some don't. It's a listed mental illness. We don't desire killing people with other mental illnesses so is it right to want to kill pedophiles? Believe me, a pedophile is tortured with this internally but without help can't do anything to stop it.

Supposed "Christians" who go to church on Sundays, read the Bible and believe themselves good people would more easily break one of the main commandments of Thou Shalt Not Kill when it comes to child abusers. Do they think God will consider it okay? I don't think so.
cerealkiller Bronze Star Survey Creator Gold Qualifier
(reply to Zang) posted 4-Oct-2006 5:25pm  
> Well, to begin with the word "paedophile" is more
> scientific. It's the kind of word a Psychiatrist
> would use. But there's something else, probably
> more important. A paedophile is someone who has
> a particular psychology; deviant sexual desires.
> One can be a paedophile without being a child
> molester. Apparently, that is more often the case.
> A lot of paedophiles don't act on their deviant
> impulses. I suppose it is also possible for someone
> to molest children without being a paedophile,
> but that is probably pretty rare.


I think you have it the closest based on what I understand. Yeah, child molesters are more likely pedophiles who prefer children. But some would rather still have sex with adults and just seize an opportunity when it comes up to molest a child.

Similarly, there are several different 'types' of serial killers. Some prepare everything methodically beforehand, are very ritualistic about it, stalk their victims, leave no evidence. On the other hand, there are killers who just seize the opportunity, kill randomly and aren't concerned about a clean crime scene.
Amanda
posted 4-Oct-2006 5:39pm  
A pedophile is someone with a mental illness that causes them to be sexually attracted to children. A child molester is someone who has had sexual contact with a child. Not all pedophiles are child molesters. Not all child molesters are pedophiles.
Zang
(reply to cerealkiller) posted 4-Oct-2006 6:04pm  
> Yeah, child molesters are more
> likely pedophiles who prefer children. But some
> would rather still have sex with adults and just
> seize an opportunity when it comes up to molest
> a child.

That's what I figured would be the exception. Something like that anyway. I understand that rapists often don't much care about the age of their victims.
MiniMary
(reply to cerealkiller) posted 4-Oct-2006 7:20pm  
I totally agree with you but the parental protection mechanism kicks in and you know that every parent thinks of this happening to their own children and....well, I don't have to tell you how strong of a reaction that can cause. "Kill the bastard" is shouted from the roof top. This is an illness. An addiction and needs to be treated as such. People do not have the same fury (though some may, if a loved one is involved) when someone abuses alcohol or drugs...but when you add children to the equation...the 'expected' happens, and, CK...that attitude is never, ever going to change. I know that some fantasies are not acted upon but it doesn't lessen the rage...and nothing ever will. Instead of sympathizing with the tortured pedophile, (and if you are not one yourself you never will sympathize with one) it will be easier, as you said...to find a trusted therapist/ treatment team and work together. I am sure that there are various support/therapy groups, though they may be very clandestine, for obvious reasons. It may help to look into that. Stay true to yourself and your feelings. I'll never judge you. Addictions control our lives and it takes so much work to break free of them....and you must always stay on guard, long after the critical work is done. I want you to be a happy man, experience inner peace...not a tortured soul living with shame.  * love *
cerealkiller Bronze Star Survey Creator Gold Qualifier
(reply to MiniMary) posted 5-Oct-2006 1:19am  
Thanks. When I discussed this "condition" with the therapist she wasn't shocked or disturbed at all. Very blase about it. It thought it curious that she asked if I wanted to have help to get free from it.
The_DeathstalkR
(reply to cerealkiller) posted 5-Oct-2006 1:32am  
> Bet you thought this was my survey.
>
> Pennyann breaks down the pedophile term into 3 age groups but in general
> the public just uses pedophile. A pedophile has underage children
> as their primary sex/lust object. And, generally about 10-14 years
> old the rule. The tendency must last more than six months. The distinction
> lost to most everyone is that pedophile does not automatically mean
> child molester. The overwhelming majority of pedophiles do not act
> on their desires, no different than anyone fantasizing or lusting
> after another adult. The media has created a witchhunt which makes
> every pedophile a degenerate person who doesn't belong in society.
> You should be aware that in some countries the age of consent is
> as low as 12 and not long ago it was only 10 in England.
>
> A child molester, on the other hand, more likely molests a child due
> to situational opportunity. They primarily still desire sex with
> adults, but if a child is available they take the opportunity to molest
> them.

10?!? that is too young to be having sex
cerealkiller Bronze Star Survey Creator Gold Qualifier
(reply to The_DeathstalkR) posted 5-Oct-2006 1:39am  
Not really. When my sons were in Jr. High the 10-12 year olds were offering themselves to the boys. But, it is generally accepted that an adult having sex with a 10 yr old isn't proper.
MiniMary
(reply to cerealkiller) posted 5-Oct-2006 9:23am  
I'm not surprised. You are not doing anything illegal.....via behavior modification, you can stop engaging in certain activities that perpetuate your thoughts...but she probably wanted to know if these 'thoughts' were affecting your everyday life. A few days back, you mentioned an accusation (I believe) that may have shaken you up, thus, may be affecting your everyday life... now. Sometimes, we need a jolt to question our belief system. If your difficulties are purely thought based, she may help you with that obsession, and since there are no behaviors....there isn't a compulsion to deal with. If she can help you change your thoughts, reduce the obsession...then she is a good therapist..Stay motivated!
Biggles Bronze Star Survey Creator Survey Qualifier
(reply to MiniMary) posted 5-Oct-2006 12:45pm  
 * grin *
cloudhugger
posted 5-Oct-2006 5:20pm  
Death before prison, and death in prison.
cabinfever
(reply to cloudhugger) posted 6-Oct-2006 2:42am  
Now that is a good definition.
cloudhugger
(reply to cabinfever) posted 6-Oct-2006 2:43am  
 * wink * thought you'd see it.
Maarten
posted 6-Oct-2006 6:57pm  
Not all pedophiles molest children.
ROCKMAN
(reply to Zang) posted 8-Oct-2006 8:57am  
> Well, to begin with the word "paedophile"
> is more scientific. It's the kind of
> word a Psychiatrist would use. But there's
> something else, probably more important.
> A paedophile is someone who has a particular
> psychology; deviant sexual desires. One can
> be a paedophile without being a child molester.
> Apparently, that is more often the case.
> A lot of paedophiles don't act on their
> deviant impulses. I suppose it is also possible
> for someone to molest children without being
> a paedophile, but that is probably pretty
> rare.

I was having a hard time trying to word it. I like your comment. That's pretty close to what I wanted to say.
caviartaste
posted 8-Oct-2006 11:03am  
In my opinion the difference is someone who thinks about it and someone who does it.
I'm not going to split hairs like some people would about what this "philia" is versus that "philia" or the ages involved. Wrong is wrong. This type of wrong affects people who are too young to make decisions for themselves and get taken advantage of. Even if the children aren't molested - Pedophiles usually get involved in some type of child pornography....These children have a lasting mark left on their lives as well. There is not ONE area of this that is innocent.
JessicaWoman99 Quintuple Gold Star Survey Creator
posted 8-Oct-2006 2:43pm  
A pedophile and child molester they are both very very sick and need to be put away for life
Zang
(reply to ROCKMAN) posted 9-Oct-2006 1:55pm  
Yeah, people tell me that all the time.  * grin *

I always warn people (SC users) I'm about to meet, that I'm not really that articulate in real life. I spend way too much time sweating over my responses here. In real life I'm like: "...and then the uh...you know...thingy..."  * raspberry *
ROCKMAN
(reply to Zang) posted 10-Oct-2006 5:51am  
Really? That's hard to believe. I can't picture you sweating over what your typing for a response, not wen you have so many good ones. * wink *
Zang
(reply to ROCKMAN) posted 10-Oct-2006 6:34pm  
Well, sometimes I'm just flippant, but I'm very careful about it nonetheless.
ROCKMAN
(reply to Zang) posted 11-Oct-2006 5:51am  
I just don't take the time and think about it hard enough, I guess.
Zang
(reply to ROCKMAN) posted 11-Oct-2006 4:10pm  
No reason why you should. I just happen to be a great big weirdo!  * raspberry *
ROCKMAN
(reply to Zang) posted 12-Oct-2006 5:18am  
I wouldn't call you a weirdo...
Zang
(reply to ROCKMAN) posted 13-Oct-2006 10:47am  
Well obviously you don't know me very well!  * grin *
ROCKMAN
(reply to Zang) posted 14-Oct-2006 7:05am  
Ok, I'll just take your word for it. Weirdo! * smile *
Zang
(reply to ROCKMAN) posted 15-Oct-2006 2:33pm  
 * yes *
happygurl26
posted 17-Oct-2006 2:39am  
there really isn't any difference between the two because they both have to deal with children and sexual violation.
they Survey Central Subscriber Bronze Star Survey Creator
posted 18-Oct-2006 11:32am  
A molester acts on his urges I guess.

I don't think one is better than the other though.... they are both scum.
Sidston
posted 29-Oct-2006 9:11pm  
I don't know maybe a C.Molester is a one time offender, whereas a Pedophile is a frequent offender, like it's there sexual compulsion that must be fulfilled when ever they got .....................
SpoiledLiLMama
posted 1-Nov-2006 6:57pm  
I don't think there really is a difference..
prospero
posted 2-Nov-2006 11:57pm  
A pedophile thinks about it, a child molester acts on it.
kitti723
posted 4-Nov-2006 8:31am  
I'm not sure but I think that a pedophile may not ever touch a child but only collect porn and other perverted acts other than physical contact with a child.
filiasan
posted 11-Nov-2006 8:55pm  
Hmm...action, I guess.
patarnone
posted 26-Nov-2006 5:55pm  
I don't think there is a difference.

When someone does a child wrong, who cares what its called, it's still wrong.
thecomic22
posted 5-Jan-2007 12:51pm  
there aint a difference they both should be put on a fast ride to hell.
mross
posted 15-Jan-2007 11:17pm  
A pedophile has desires for children, but doesn't act on them. A child molester acts on their desires.
mandy
posted 16-Jan-2007 12:50pm  
A pedophile may just have the desire and not act upon it with a child...a molester acts on that desire
NotWhoYouThink
posted 27-Feb-2011 12:00am  
Well... At the risk of half the people in here wanting to kill me I will let you know that I am a Pedophile and I would never, and will never, harm a child. Child molesters are the scum of the earth in my eyes and need to be locked away for life. Pedophiles who do not molest children have to hide the fact that they are sexually attracted to children or risk being hated by everyone, disowned by their family or even attacked by people who don't understand that it's not a choice that they made. That being said I'm willing to answer questions but will not reveal anything about myself other than the fact that I am a male pedophile who has not committed any crime.
CA07
posted 27-Apr-2011 11:42pm  
Hello,
This message is for NotWhoYouThink. So, I've read every single last comment on this survey and finally at the very bottom I find yours..which..is extremely ironic but ultimately somewhat relieving...

Let me start by saying that I am not a pedophile...however, I am afraid that my husband is. I believe he is what you would call a non-exclusive pedophile. I JUST found out about this 2 days ago when I stumbled across his hidden collection of child pornography!!! I almost had a heart attack. There were 20 burned discs and a zip card with 800 media files of child pornography involving little girls from ages 2 thru teen years...However there were also some images and films of adult women. I have known my husband for over 5 years and have always seen him have not just an attraction but a raging libido for adult women. He has also always been very into sexual domination...but once again, only with adult women I assumed until 2 days ago. All this to say...I confronted him, shocked and disgusted. I told him it was over and to never speak to me again. I expected him to defend himself to me by some means - but he didn't. He just began to cry and started telling me how ashamed of himself he is and how he knows it's sick and then began begging me to get him some help.

He said it began when he was about 12 or 13 years old as far as he can remember. His father was very physically abusive (not sexually) and his mother was practically totally absent. He grew up in a strict household and was almost never allowed to go out with friends. He says he became very socially awkward and that he was generally rejected by girls at his school that he attempted to date.

So, naturally, as a teenage boy with lots of alone time and no girl friend - his favorite pass time became masturbation to internet porn. He said it started out normal at first, just man/woman adult sex...then he started looking at more hard core material such as sadism and masochism and pornography involving female degradation in general...then he said he actually sought out more socially taboo pornography such as sex with animals, dogs and horses, etc...and then eventually, he said while browsing, he was led to a child pornography website and was overwhelmed with arousal at the perversion of it all. He literally admits his arousal has to do with how socially unacceptable it is. He told me all the other genres of porn still aroused him - he just couldn't help but be aroused by child pornography as well.

Obviously his interest in child pornography didn't end there. His addiction to pornography in general has grown to an obscene degree. I often find him staying up after I'm in bed or waking up before me to sit in front of the computer and masturbate to porn. The zip card I found that he saved his child porn media files to showed the dates in which each file was saved -- it showed me that he had been creating his collection since a year before we met!!! It also showed that his most recent update to it was in January of this year!!

I've been crying and struggling with the decision of whether to run from him screaming or to stick with him and get him some professional help. He says with or without me he is seeking counseling for his addiction. He swears in real life he has no attraction to children. He swears he has never and will never want to engage in sexual behavior with a child. I don't know what to think. I know that because I love him so much my natural reaction is to help him but. I should also divulge that I have a Bachelor's Degree in Psychology...so I am very empathetic and understanding. But I can also be very rational and text book.

He fits the DSM's criteria for a pedophile which is:
-- Over a period of at least six months, the affected person experiences recurrent, intense and sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges or actual behaviors involving sexual activity with a prepubescent child or children aged 13 or younger.
-- The fantasies, sexual urges or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational or other important areas of daily functioning.
-- The affected person must be at least age sixteen and be at least five years older than the child or children who are the objects or targets of attention or sexual activity.

I know he says he wants help to make these disturbing thoughts and urges go away...but he has been collecting child pornography for years and has never made an effort to stop until I found out about it...so does he really WANT to stop, or is he just telling me that to keep me from a total mental break down? I do know that I have never seen him show an odd interest in children - not that he dislikes them but he isn't REALLY good with kids either. I also know that he, like the rest of the sane world, has passionately regarded child molesters and rapists to be monsters. Everything about him tells me this is a mental illness not a sexual preference. As far as I can tell this is to do with a serious addiction to internet porn that has only rolled over into child pornography because of a need for greater intoxication by increasingly perverse material. I want to believe that he can beat this illness if he really wants to but I'm also afraid that he will always have the desire to view child pornography...I'm so sorry for the lengthy post. It's just that this issue is consuming my life right now. I would appreciate any thoughts or advice you can offer!

Thank you!
Mandy86Lynn
posted 18-Jul-2011 3:56pm  
Id just like to say coming from a therapeutic way, yes in the world certain thoughts our put in our heads & everyone has certain impulses, even odd sick ones at times but I really dont see much of a difference between a pedophile and a child molester! A child molester in my opinion could be someone with a low self esteem/confidence issues & preys on a young persons that are easly manipulated for their own sexual gratification, some molesters have a fetish for what is new & un-used yet & some almost look at adult men & women as filth & Serial child molesters, I would say are related in this, in some sick peoples eyes it is about prepubescent youths being forced to flower & bud before they ready yet! & yes some scumb bags & I mean all scumb bags, not just one type! Some scumb bags do not care who they violate 6-60! statutory rape, raping someone with alzheimer's or raping someone with a mental or physical disablility & in relating to all pedophiles and a child molesters, a lot of it, is a lot about control, submission/submissive in like to control the vulnerable side of a person, in over-powering them & manipulating them into saying yes or getting no permission at all!

Our children are beautiful, elderly & vulnerable people that are so inoccent & fragile are beautiful! Why would we want hurt them? That will effect a child or a elderly/vulnerable person for the rest of there life weather they are consciously aware or not! I was a victim of molestaion at a young age & yes I knew about sex & I gave permission but should a child be given the responsibility of a loaded gun? They do not even know the damage that can be done by it!

Sexual relationships are a beautiful thing & is about showing affection to a partner you love & making life, our society has become very perverted in young girls sleeping around, using drugs & having babies when they themselves can not even take care of themselves & deep down all they really want is to feel needed & accepted! & guys thinking they have to break in any virgin they find because there arent any anymore & their mind set is the cause! If you truly love someone in anyway, it does not matter if they are not a virgin or die a virgin! If the world was going to end when my niece was 13, I would not want her to go find someone to deflower her, I would want her to be with the ones that love her & tell her goodbye!

After I was molested by a friend of the family, I felt so sick with myself & this person, I couldnt even bare to be around the person that did it, it would keep me up sick at night thinking about it & I felt I did something wrong & felt dirty!

Now as for pedophiles not acting on their urges, does that mean just thinking about it, or downloading & trading videos & pictures of children being violated? Because paying/trading pictures & videos of children in this way (kiddy porn/child pornograghy) is so wrong & before anyone that is like that can get better they need to stop feeding there minds it! Those types of videos still feed, promote & pay for children to be molested/RAPED & abducted! Example (Ted bundy) his last victim 12 years old, I watched a documenty about him, he used to read all those old bondage detective magazines & he would pretend his arm was in a cast & have unsuspecting females carry his books for him & place them in his car & kncok them out with a tire iron & abduct them, later in court they were questioning him & he just kept screaming "its what I fed my mind" over & over again! I believe he was refering to porn & his sick fantacies! Before his excuscution, I think he had a lot of physiologist asking him questions & helping him to realise his issues, I am sure, there is a lot more to his issues than that & in how he was raised!

Ted Bundy was raised to believe his grandparents were his parents & his Mother was his older sister! A lot of the things that happen to us & that we are exposed to growing effects us very strongly! We need to look at this & get help for it & or ask ourselves questions & answer them honestly! & not just try to think this is who we are & this is what we like, (weight out the good from bad) I bet good wins! We can not go through life living on one selfish bad reason to do something that we think we like & gives us pleasure! We need to think about others & we especially think about our children!

You spend enough time with anyone that has/had an abuse addiction/prostitution I bet you a hundered percent of the time it has to do with the way they were raised or something they were alfficted by growing up! Or the people they got mixed up with! Sometimes it is hard to see because they dont remember/dont want to remember what happend to them growing up, or they had a very controling parent & they themselves are controlling now!

We always say we wont end up like out parent but we usually do unless we can recognize the same patterns of us & our parents/guardians/abandonment! So many people just keep afflicting people with the same stuff they were afflicted by & either think they went through it others should too, or it is in their subconscious! It is a vicious cycle, that only someone with a strong will & mind can break!

Please if you have any of these addictions relating to children & are reading this! Stop! It is that easy! Delete, burn, throw away anything you have that feeds into this ring of hurting innocent people, it is wrong! Stop feeding your thoughts & your mind this garbage before it is to late & you hurt someone, or someone gets hurt because of your hand! It is not who you are! Cut it from your mind, you deserve a better life purpose than to feed into the ring of lies & deception! Amen! May God be with you & you feel his presence & surender to his will & the free will of others & others under their parents roofs & others that need help in a positive way!
Mandy86Lynn
(reply to CA07) posted 18-Jul-2011 4:53pm  
Hi just read your comment after I posted my mine, they both almost relate to eachother! You should give it a read if you get time, your husband sounds like an alright guy! But yes it sounds like he has a bad addiction to porn & tries/tried to hide it or at least part of it, the best thing would probably be to get some professional help from someone he is not emotionally attached to & can look at his situation from the outside!

It must have been a hard thing to find, knowing they belong to your husband but it does sound like he really wants to change & that is always the first step & it is good he can recgonise where his issues came from & started! Just keep yours & your husbands issues private for the time being & maybe & weather or not you stay with him, I would personally destroy/throw away all the porn! It is best if he is ready & can do it himself, in a way I think he wants to! but in another way I think he was riding it out, hoping he would not be caught!

I think in a way he may distance himself from children because he feels guilty about what he does behind closed doors! It is one thing to have a fantacy get lost & act it out with another willing adult but to collect porn of children & minors is dead wrong!

In a christian point of veiw, he has a demon of lust in him & this demon is controlling him & at one time in his life he invited it in through his own free will, when he was at a low point & felt alone & it grew & became more controlling but any man that is willing to ammit his wrongs & change, I say is a good man & you should think about getting him help & sticking by him, it will only make your relationship stronger if you can help eachother through this & break this sick addiction that has ahold of him! I dont think even you knew to much of the side he tried to hide but try to find the good & bring it out of him again!

God bless you
Carsta
posted 12-Aug-2011 5:41am  
I'm not sure what to think about my husband or whether to stay with him. We've been married for almost 20 years. Our courtship was mostly based on friendship as I didn't feel the chemistry. He was fine with that but always wanted to get married anyways. My daughter was 5 yrs old when we met. She too always wanted us to get married and so finally when she was 11 we did. I wanted her to have a dad before her childhood was over. They were very close. Now many years later I realized I did love him "that way" and became very sensitive and intuitive to his behaviors that I never noticed before. I started noticing that he looked at young girls that we would run into in public places more intensely than others. That he seemed to have a glazed look on his face. I had this feeling that something wasn't right and for months I became obsessed with wanting to find out the truth. I couldn't look into the history on our computer or go into his account because he was administrator and I didn't know the passwords. It didn't matter anyways because his career is IT and he would know how to keep things hidden from me if he wanted. I kept looking for something that would confirm my suspicions. Then one day I found an external hard drive that I plugged in that did just that. There were 2 videos that validated what I thought was me just being crazy. I confronted him a few days later and he was so upset, even to the point of threatening to kill himself. Things have since calmed down but he minimizes it by saying it was the only thing he ever had and that the only reason he had it was because he had to download it to open it and that he was just curious. He still won't admit that he has an attraction to young girls. I feel like even though I love him very much, I will always feel that I'm not enough because of this. He has never hurt anyone and even my daughter said he never touched her or did anything inappropriate. I'm not sure whether to stay with him and seek help or just get on with my life knowing this will always come back to haunt me. I can't stand going anywhere with him where a pretty young girl might be as it makes me feel so uncomfortable. When one appears unexpectantly I just want to walk off and get away.
Varmit
posted 24-Aug-2011 3:01am  
If you looked at the definitions, you'd know. Pedophilia is a sexual desire. Molestation is an action. It is, of course, possible to have a primary or exclusive sexual interest in children and not molest them, just as I have a primary sexual interest in women, but I don't rape them. Any pedophile who recognizes the potential for the actualization of their desires to harm a child wouldn't take the risk, I think. In fact, I respect those non-offending pedophiles who go their entire lives dealing with being unable to, in good conscience, satiate their desires in reality. I think that is a noble sacrifice to make. And, of course, there are child molesters who do not qualify as pedophiles. From even a cursory glance at the research surrounding this topic, one will notice that it is likely the large majority of pedophiles that do not offend and that they are being dehumanized through a media witch-hunt that conflates the terms without due consideration.

And I am not a pedophile. But that doesn't mean human rights stop where my sexuality and preferences begin, and the dehumanization of these people who have *done* nothing wrong is, in my view, disgusting.








Wildean
(reply to justincase) posted 28-Dec-2011 7:07am  
Read Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita, guys. The narrator is not a classical paedophile IMO but you'll understand better what makes one tick.
Last
Advanced_Stats

If you'd like to vote and/or comment on this survey, please Sign On

 
Link this survey: http://surveycentral.org/survey/difference-pedophile-child-molester--25285.html

Hits: 4 today (113 in the last 30 days)