How often do you and your SO say to each other things like "I love you!"?

I don't have an SO.

me neither

Many times a day.

more than twice a day i guess but not too numerous too count if i chose to count that is.

we tend to say it more when we're not in the same place and we're talking on the phone... but at least a couple of times a day

many many times a day Sometimes I ask him if he is tired of hearing it yet lol

Not enough. I try to say it to my wife daily, but the words "I love you" get stale. I have not found the right alternate words.

I am having difficulty right now convincing my wife that my love for her is as strong as ever. She is about to turn forty and going through some kinda middle aged crazy phase.

Having married still a virgin (a situation I tried my best to remedy), she is now beginning to think that she needs a new cork for her bottle. And that I am somehow responsible for her lack of wine sampling in the years preceding our meeting. (It's all my fault, you see, so I must not love her.)

I can't remember the last time she said with sincerity "I love you". I think it was about two months ago.

All I can do is be patience and hope she does nothing stupid. Well, other than punch out her mother for giving her such guilt trips when she was young.

It would be damn hard for a forty year old mother of three small children to start over all for the sake of a lost past.

We have our crabby days but I think we try to spend at least a moment each day appreciating each other. It really varies a lot though.

I'm almost 40 myself, and the mother of three pretty large children. I married the guy I met in high school (though I did "sample a few other bottles" before hand). A few years ago, I went through a period of time where I felt completely unable to be sexually attractive to anyone. Nothing my husband could say could convince me differently. After all, he had to tell me that, didn't he? A number of things helped to bring me back to myself (not least of which was a new lover ). But in retrospect, I was also pretty depressed at the time, and resolving some of the issues I had then helped bring me back to a better sense of self.

I don't think what you're describing sounds all that uncommon or crazy. Ups and downs in sense of self affect how we deal with our long-term relationships. Sometimes they just pass in time, and sometimes it takes a lot of work.

Thanks for your comments, but I ain't too thrilled about the idea of my wife taking a lover...

Too often to count!

Several times a day.

I don't have an SO.

I don't have a SO.

I don't have a SO, not an SO.

Every day many many many times.

I love you Baby. I'll never get tired of saying or hearing it.

I don't have a SO.And for me "I love you" is not "You're so cute" etc..I said things like "I like you so much" to several of my boyfriends but I say "I love you" (in these terms) only when I mean it.And so is not often and I don't need to repeat it over and over to him.

Whenever we talk, which is every evening at around 7 my time.
Cheers me up just thinkin' about it

Yikes. People should just shoot themselves when they turn forty. Nothing's good about it. It's funny to hear about a couple so close in age. I guess I'm sort of too used to this third-world-ish thing of old guys being with young women.
Seriously, though...Snorlax, if you visibly act the way you do around cyberchicks in real life, I think just about any woman would feel depressed and hostile.
SHE WAS THIRTY AND A VIRGIN?!!!!?!!!!!
Why would you marry someone so ugly?
Sorry if I seem blunt here. Bad freakin' day.

Lots.

Actually, I would not suggest taking a lover as a solution for anyone. That was just my experience. The important part of what I wanted to say is that for me that reaction came out of depression, and if she's depressed just patience alone may not be helping her get back to normal. I should have said that right out in the first comment, I think. And I realize that this may be completely out of line as we are strangers to each other. If however it turns out to be more helpful to view something as a symptom of depression than of just being "crazy" then it is worth letting you know that that was how it was for me.

Oh my God! Maybe the nicey-quest for Senior Class President votes is getting to you!

*look out! She's snapping! TIM-BER*

Love you

All the time...we make people and each other.....
sick!

*wobbles from her trunk and conks you on the head*
Seriously, you're right. I feel like calling someone and saying every nasty thing I can about every person I know.
I hate vipery high-school girls.

Too often to count! Even after 20 years!

We get that all the time too!

Maybe, Dora, when you find "YOUR ONE" (not "The One" because yours will certainly be wrong for another woman), you might think differently. When my husband and I tell each other "I love you", I can compare it to comfort and reassurance. We say it regularly, in fact, about a half hour ago while I was answering replies on SC, my husband was in bed in the next room and called out; "Do you love me?" I replied; "I adore you!" It's silly but comforting... Sometimes I may be doing a menial task around the house, I will look up at him and he's grinning, so I ask him what's so funny? He'll invariably reply that nothing is funny, "I just think that you're so cute!" I know it means I love you. Other times, he will ask me why he is so lucky to have found me or why is he so lucky to have won my love. He does not always say "I love you" but he means it in his actions and comments. I don't know if I am making myself clear to you but I know that it's clear to me...

PS: I don't mean to make this sound like a fairy tale, trust me; it's not that easy but when you invest so much time into a relationship, at one point you either hate each other to death or really love each other. We were lucky... It's just unfortunate to see some couples break up for stupid things like finances!

Now wait just a minute, young lady.

As a matter of fact, my wife is very lovely. I truly believe I married the most beautiful flower that Brazil had to offer when we married in 1987. She was 24 at the time. Gorgeous! Sought after by many other men. Why she choose me is still a mystery I thank God for every day.

Her overly protective mother bullied her into being a meek and mild young women who was terrified of acting upon her career, her opinions and her natural sexual impulses of her late teens and early twenties. "Only 'putas' sleep with man without being married."

My wife is not hostile toward me because I am a flirt. She is hostile because she never was with any other man. She directs her anger at her mother towards me. She feels guilty about condemning her mother (who "sacrificed and slaved to protect her from the evils of becoming a loose woman"), so she sublimates.

You are too young and too "liberated" to understand what years of repression can do to one's sense of self worth and personal accomplishment. I have always supported; emotionally, physically and financially; Kátya's schooling, hobbies, careers from even before we were married.

(I think she thought marrying me would free her from her mother. It hasn't.)

Kátya is in a very delicate stage of her life. I love her and support her, but can not prevent her from having these desires. It is very sad. It was never my requirement that she be a virgin.

Her case is a strong argument for why young people of an APPROPRIATE AGE must make their own decisions about their sexuality.

My "flirtation" (charming and witty comments) to other women is intuitively less when with my wife, but not totally abandoned. It is part of my schtick, and my wife knows it. (You of all people should realize my outrageous bullcrap doesn't mean anything.)

How do you think I won her heart in the first place?
It wasn't due to my prowness in bed.

Thanks

No,it's a matter of character.I haven't find my "one",soulmate etc..yet..but I loved before (really loved not just an infatuation) and yes I did say i love you but not often.I simply don't like it,I don't like men that repeat "i love you" every two seconds.But yes,if he let you know he loves you (and so do you of course I suppose)with his actions then that I like it.Just the sappy scene of someone bothering me with lovey-dovey comments 24 hours a day makes me tremble ,maybe I have a different idea of love than you and all the western population of course.I do enjoy lovey-doveness but not to the point of sugar poisoning and I have low tolerance it seems.Anyway the right thing is to find someone that suits you and I'm glad you find your one.

At least once a day.

"I love you" - not yet
Other things, often.

((((hugs))))

I'm no expert on love, so I don't really have any advice. I just hope it's all alright for you. I can only imagine love for a spouse being as strong as the love I have for my mum or that I know she has for me. And I know that isn't something she has to tell me - I just know.

*kiss*

No SO

No SO, I'm celibate.

This thread reminds me of a greeting card I have taped to my fridge that says "Three things people should do every day is tell their kids they love them three times." It's always nice to hear "I love you", in whatever form.

*makes evil face at you for the dig*

Get her in therapy, go with her (know that 78% of people in therapy claim their mothers drove them to it?). Baby her to no end, pamper her with gifties and stuff. I think that'll make any woman feel better.
But maybe I am too young and too liberated to know...
It sounds like your wife is trying to manage both sides of the moral see-saw. On one hand, she's resented about her mother telling her the puta crap, and on the other hand she defends her for working hard at it. Pun not intended, but she's made her bed and now she must lie in it. You're legal in Brazil at age 18. She didn't have to be a virgin, that was her choice. You're a wonderful man and she doesn't have to put you through this

Long day, four parties. Bleah. Probably my advice isn't so good.

Oh Dora! It's so hard to explain. Sometimes I feel that if reincarnation was real, then I was purposely born near enough for him to find me again. I say "again" because we both feel such a familiarity between us that we must have known each other before. It's really hard to explain, if reincarnation does not exist, then fate surely does. When we got together, we found so many events and mutual acquaintances that should have got us together before but I think that our age difference (10 years) back then worked against us - time had to pass since I had to grow older and he, more mature!

Like I said before, this is NOT a bed of roses! Neither is it "mushy". I know what you mean about someone telling you "I love you." every 2 seconds - that's not love, that usually represents insecurity. That someone needs to hear you say the same thing he says (love probably has a very different message for this type of person). My husband and I were not always like this, we've been through phases; infatuation, marriage, children, disasters (financial and personal) and have come out of it all, recognizing who is the best friend, the best listener, the best person and etc.

Like you said, I am lucky to have found my "one" - I think it's incredible, I'm happy!


You mention the Western population, where are you from?

Thank you

Kátya has a undergraduate degree (and teaching certificate)in psychology and doesn't believe in it. I have been trying to get her into therapy for over six years. We even went one time together to a marriage counselor. Kátya declared it a waste of time and never returned.

Did I mention that she is particularly hard headed, despite all the wonderful things she is.

True fact: in fourteen years of marriage, Kátya has not once admitted she is wrong about anything. Even when it was obvious to the rest of the family (children, mother, brother and me) she choose incorrectly or caused difficulties by her choices. (Next to the word hard-headed in the dictionary is a picture of my wife.)

So, I am very very concerned about how she handles these feelings she is having. People without a lot of sexual experience often confused "lust" and "love". I know I did when I was first becoming sexually active.

BTW: I ain't that wonderful of a man. I have dragged her and the kids to various foreign countries about every two years. This can be a very stressful lifestyle. This latest move to Porto Alegre, Brazil was to be our second last. I had planned to take her home to Rio de Janeiro after this assignment. Now she says, she's not so sure she wants to go there.

She has become addicted to the benefits of expatriate life; financial, social and global experience. For example, she has planned for us a trip to Uruguay this coming long holiday weekend (Dias dos Mortos). I like to spoil her with such things.

It comes down to one basic feeling: ours is the only bed I wish her to lie in. And the only one in which I wish to lie as well.

You sound very much in love with each other. I don't know why. I have a good feeling that things will work out. Maybe you should just focus on the kids for awhile. Let her know you're there for her, that you love her to pieces and that you think she's sexy. I think that's the best you can do in this situation.

I belong to the Western population,
I am from Northern Italy

What do you do for a living that keeps you traveling so much?

Way too often to count! *Smiles blissfully*

Last time I counted, it was about 4, 837, 292 times a day. We're pretty disgusting.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having some difficulties. I hope things start to go better for you soon. ((HUG))

Ah! I work for Calabrese (of origin) Italians and also with a girl from Venice. I like the Northern Italians better, they think differently! I hear that the rest of Italy calls them "snobs" but from what I can gather, the people in the North are just more worldly!

I'm from North West which is the BEST!

We very rarely say "I love you". We often say things like "I like hanging out with you", "you're amazing", "I'm glad I married you" etc.

I am an international contracts negotiator/administrator for an American engineering and construction firm. I hold a MBA in International Business and speak a couple of foreign languages: Portuguese and Spanish primarily, plus a very rusty French background.

I am a professional expatriate. That is to say, a crazy person who actually goes to foreign countries to live and work for periods of 1 to 5 years on various large scale projects (normally US$ 1 billion plus).

I generate the paperwork that keeps all the auditors happy: clients, taxing entities, insurance companies, import/export banks, ministries of labor, labor unions, ministries of health, safety and environment, investment bankers, certifying agencies, contractors/subcontractors, ad nauseam.

When the money starts getting big, everybody wants to track it to make sure they get their fair share. I spend a lot of time making sure they are not trying to get their "unfair" share. The world is a very greedy place.

Thank you, dear. Just one of life's passage that we go through. (sigh) I wish we didn't have to.

Wow! How did you ever get into such a position?

I think "I can't live without you," is a really very different thing to say then "I love you."

??? Remember I am older than most here at SC.
Twenty five years of hard work is how I got in this position.

Plus the International MBA factor...
Only about 3% of the US population has the guts and/or talent to go live and work overseas for extended periods. Expatriate life is not for everyone.

So, the competition for the jobs in the international market is small relative to similar positions within the US.

uh... Is Venice NW? Save me the trip to my atlas!

Venice is NE.Turin,where I'm from is NW.They are both very North and Venice is very East and Turin very West (near to France.)

So you worked your way up from another position?

It varies from day to day, but we do say it a lot.

this may be a dumb question, but how do you insert smilely faces and HA! signs?

go to the help section it tells there how to do it

Of course, I had no "rich uncle" or political connections when I first got outta school. I've done my share of grunt work. Come to thing of it I still do my share of grunt work...

Along the way I have been a clerk in a clothing store, a radio journalist, a salesman, a buyer, a bookkeeper, an auditor, a warehouseman, a file clerk and a general "go-fer". Just another hard working short fat middle aged white man.

We also do this really cutesy disgusting thing where we blow each other kisses over the phone at the end of every conversation. Sick, I know.

I am single at the moment. (So moodily I'm going to vote this survey bad)

That's not nice Some people care a lot about their ratings! (The rest of us do until we make a complete stinker of a survey that everyone rates bad - after that we "honestly don't care that we have a bad rating" lol)

*sulks in a dark corner*

Will you face into the corner and stop pulling faces to distract the class!?

If it isn't one thing its another!

*dribbles pee down trouser leg*

Of all the deliberate attention seeking misbehaving people, you surely take the biscuit!

In response to your comment to Dino:

I have stopped creating love surveys because there are a number of users here that get sick at ther site of them and will almost always vote bad!

That's depressing. And I've never been in love so I should be more depressed shouldn't I?