RSVP

I would be very tempted to tell her exactly what I thought of her but wouldn't. I just feel sorry for her husband.

You should not bring gifts to the wedding itself, anyway.

As shallow as this person is, I really wouldn't want to go to her wedding anyway, but I would definitely go in together as a group with my coworkers & buy her something nice that she is registered for. I don't care how much someone is spending on their wedding, I buy pretty much an equal gift for any wedding, but I do shop carefully so I get the best quality for my money. When I go to Mexico I usually stock up on nice pewter serving pieces & they are a fraction there of the cost here. I probably would be awfully tempted to steer a conversation around to this topic while in a group & vent a little.

I give money. Anywhere from $50 to $100. The $100 mark is reserved for close friends and families. A co-worker, assuming they are not a close friend, will get $50-$75.

get something syupid you know the groom will like and will infuriate the bride.

What an utterly bizarre way of looking at wedding gifts.

Buy her what I could afford and attend the wedding. If we had a good relationship, I'd also let her know I overheard the conversation. Hopefully she would realize how tacky it sounded. Everyone I work with knows I'm a student and don't have that much money, so I would assume she wouldn't expect a big expensive gift from me.

If you couldn't tell, this is what I faced at work. I ended up telling her I wasn't going to be able to go after all, thanked her for inviting me and told her to have a great day. She did invite me to the "after the Honeymoon" showing of the video of the wedding and reception. She had about 12 of us over to sit around the TV and watch movies of her complete with instant replays. It was a year ago in September and she still brings in her wedding album for new hires to see.

(Is it really catty of me to be happy she's gained 27 pounds? :))

The couple will get a gift that I am happy giving...anyone who gets married thinking that they'll make out on the gifts has many surprises coming.

If I had not RSVP'ed already I would make an excuse. If the conversation had been with me instead of simply overheard I'd make it an obviously flimsy excuse. But having RSVP'ed, I'd go, and try to get a gift the couple would actually enjoy regardless of its price.

personally anyone that vain (as the bride was) doesn't deserve my friendship, or anyones for that matter since she seems to manage her friendship herself, but I would try to change her mind and feelings on how expensive the gift is. Or remind her that where she works probably no one will be able to get her an expensive gift on what they make there and either try to change the meals (a bar-b-que would be perfect) or just let her accept the meaning instead of the price of gifts....as a last resort I would team up with someone to buy a gift and definately let everyone know about the conversation.
just as elijahblue said I'm a student and can't really afford to get something expensive no matter what I pay. A good friend would understand that.
emily: not catty at all!!! I mean my aunt is happy her 4th marriage has worked out and my mom and grandma and I spend a lot of our own money on extras for her wedding as soon as we realized they were perfect and knew they were gonna last. She still braggs about how we helped her out but she doesn't take the album to work to show everyone

The bride's expectations are not your concern. She has invited you and that invitation does not come with a price tag. The only event at which gifts are required is a shower. Buy something you hope will be meaningful to the bride and keep your comments to yourself. In other words, forget you heard the bride's crass comments and behave appropriately, yourself.

I'd talk to the bride, probably in about that insulting a manner. if they still wanted me to attend, then I would buy what I could afford, which may include chipping in with other friends.

The purpose of a wedding is to celebrate love, not get a whole lot of bloody presents. Not that this aspect is not a nice one, it just isn't the main one.

I try to ignore the comment and buy something that I think that the couple will like. I don't set a price on gifts when I go looking so I usually spend whatever if I think it is something that will be liked. If I am low on cash then I will look a little harder for something in my budget. I don't expect costs of gifts to be compared. I don't think that I would that involved with the wedding if the bride was this shallow.

What an obnoxious bride!! Weddings aren't about "making back the money". You're throwing a party for your guests! I've never, ever considered a wedding to be a "break even" proposition. It's sick to even think of it in that manner. I'd go up to her and explain (in a nice way I suppose) how gifts are a sign of caring and affection for the couple and should IN NO WAY be construed as "pay back for the meal"! How sick sick sick.

Emily: She should see the "selfish" survey. My friend in CT had a wedding with 4 video recorders going - us "audience" couldn't see much of what was happening (cake cutting etc) because of the video equipment! So she sent out a "video of the wedding" for us to watch later. Amazing.

I'd *like* to sit her down and have the "I heard you say this and it made me uncomfortable. If you really mean it, I'd rather not attend your wedding" conversation, but I doubt I'd have the guts. In practice I would buy what I could or find someone to chip in with and just pretend it never happened. I'd probably tell others, not "so they would be prepared..." but just cuz it would make me feel bad and I'd want to talk about it with people (and possibly in the passive-aggressive hope that it would get back to her without my having to initiate the conversation).
Afterwards... I'm not quite prepared to jump on the "what a dog!" bandwagon I'm seeing here... she might be, she might not be, I dunno. I can see plenty of situations in which an otherwise reasonable person (including myself!) might be overheard expressing such a sentiment... possibly later having the "I can't believe I *said* that!" reaction and feeling crapty about it; possibly not.

I would certainly keep the overheard conversation to myself, but it would certainly lower my opinion of the bride. If you're getting married to make money on the gifts, well, you're slime, to be blunt about it. We're talking pond scum. That said, I would probably go ahead and go to the wedding anyway if I'd already said that I would; I would buy whatever kind of gift I'd already been planning to buy, or maybe go just a little cheaper, or, hell, maybe go a lot cheaper, knowing that that's what the bride is interested in.

Screw it. He/she may be cheap, but that wouldn't stop me from attending if he/she were a friend. If I didn't really know him/her that much, I'd suspect from your wording that she invited me simply to make a profit, and I probably wouldn't go.

I usually make things for my friends' weddings, since I think it's a much better sentiment. However, for people I don't really know that well... I probably wouldn't go in the first place.

Give them a lump of coal - anyone who expects a gift is scum.
* jzp, a subscription to Playboy?
** Perhaps the best thing to do would be to not buy a gift at all, go to the wedding, drink everything in sight, get drunk as a skunk, make rude gestures at the bride's mother, pinch the groom's mother's butt, comment to everyone about how oddly shaped the groom's nose is, insist on singing "going to the chapel" over and over... until they throw me out. That'll teach 'em!

You left out, intentionally buy a cheap and cheezy gift (it would have to be obviously intentional to work, I think). Reminds me of the gift-buying scene from "Four Weddings and a Funeral": "...if you could get someone else to chip in the other three thousand nine hundred and fifty pounds..."

I doubt I'd go to someone's wedding unless I really was close to them (coworker or otherwise). If that was the case, and I really cared for them, I'd either get them something caring and inexpensive, or go overbudget because I felt it was the right thing.

my opinion of her would drop considerably.

This can't happen here, in Spain. Here all weddings are always cost-effective (gifts are usually money, much more than meals can cost).