Should I stay home and have babies?

Babies are so CUTE!!!!!!!!

I don't think I'd recommend having a kid because you hate your job: I would probably recommend quitting your job instead and save having a kid for when you want to have a kid. If that coincides with quitting a hateful job then congratulations are in order.

I'm just a kid...but if I were you I think I would explore other possible career paths before having children...it doesn't sound like you are at all enthused about family life and you may regret it later on...

If you can do that financially and you wouldn't feel like less of a contributor in your marriage/relationship and your partner didn't resent being the sole breadwinner then hell yes.
I'd do it in a heartbeat if the opportunity arose. Being a mom is so fulfilling, especially if your spouse is supportive of you being a full time mom.

I say go for it...but the question is, do you enjoy your time at home, and would you enjoy being a Martha Stewart type, or would you be resentful for the decision???

YES!! But you should both want to have a child first.

Are you sure that a child is what you really desire at this time??If you feel your body clock calling you,then by all means go for it,but don't substitute a baby for feeling inferior to the male dominated profession for which you seek.Look into other avenues of your career but don't give in!!!Hang in there,your just feeling a little bummed out right now,it'll all pass soon enough.Don't throw away all that time & money that you had spent studying to get to where your at.Your career & a baby can flow pleasantly together.Why not do both????

you get back in the kitchen and bake me some pie!!!!!!

sorry, seriously i feel that you should have a child if that is truly what you want to do, not because you are tired and bored with your work. you can find work that is fulfilling and you should!!! then decide the appropriate time to have a baby.....when you are feeling good about yourself and what you can give to your child!

It sounds to me like you would rather stay home.

What ever you do, please chant:

HARE KRISHNA
HARE KRISHNA
KRISHNA KRISHNA
HARE HARE

HARE RAMA
HARE RAMA
RAMA RAMA
HARE HARE

as well!

Better to have them up a tree

I can't make this decision for you.

Sure, if you think that would make you happy, and you and your husband want children. I get the feeling you think there's something wrong with staying home and being a mother and homemaker, but there's nothing wrong with it. Listen to your heart and you will hear the answer that is right for you. Good luck!

you should do what you want to do. Raising children shouldn't be a fallback for some failed career path unless raising children is what you really want ot be doing.

It depends: if that's what you want to do, then yes, you should do it.

Only if you are a woman.
It's really painful for a man to try it.

Do you want to start a family? Will staying home with a child make you happy? Does your husband want to start a family? There are just to many depends to just answer this question.

Real answer: Do not deny yourself personal development. My wife returned to university after a ten year and three child hiatus.

You ready for this story? She started medical school in a foreign country (Mexico), in her third language, while still raising three kids (then 8, 4, and 3). Not to mention, having to put up with me.

She is currently a 3rd year student in medical school, now in her home country (Brazil).

She is an exceptional woman. A role model for anyone, female or male. She is first among my heros. I'm very proud to be her husband.

We both have sacrificed to give her this opportunity.

Yes, it has been a royal pain in the ass!
Yes, she feels guilty about not spending more time with the kids.
Yes, our social life sucks.
Yes, there have been fights.
Yes, she felt like quitting at least a million times.
Yes, we eat a lot of hot dogs, chips and beans.
Yes, our sex life is infrequent.
YES, IT IS WORTH IT! YES, YES, YES.

In a nutshell, have your babies, but don't you DARE be less than you can be! (HUG)

Having a baby is great; it's been one of my most fulfilling experiences. But I wouldn't recommend having one JUST because you hate your job. Plus, if its creativity and passion you crave, a newborn pretty much kills all that for the first year or so. Explore other job opps, go back to school. When you're really ready to have babies, you'll know it.

Sure! I say go for it!

I'll teach you how to knit!!

Are you in Brazil, too??

Your wife is MY hero, too! I don't even like having to go to the bank and the post office in the same day. To imagine where your wife finds this wellspring of energy and drive amazes me.

I can only conclude it's your loving support!

What you wrote about your wife really warms my heart!

I don't think that's a good reason to have a child, and I think you should investigate other career possibilities if you are really unhappy. I think it really depends on what you really want to do.

I'm afraid your children would feel very out of place. Firstly, you have a husband who has a job. You are obviously intelligent enough to be planning your future and considering the pros and cons of having a child. You are ambitious, and feel stifled in your job. You can bake and grow things. You really don't seem to be the mother type.

In order for your kid to fit in at school and develop at the same rate and level as their schoolmates, they shouldn't know their father, or if they do he must be an abusive drunk or junky. You should smoke something (or everything), swear like a wharfy, and teach the kid to steal from supermarkets. You should have absolutely no means of finacial support, live in an environment that is unfit for a child to live in and rely entirely on the government for your existence. Your child should receive most of it's language skills from the Jerry Springer show since you should be too out of it to speak. Your child should be conceived during an alcohol binge or a weekend of cocaine induced debauchery. You should of course smoke and drink during the pregnancy then give the kid Ritalin because of it's behavioral problems which you can blame on "society".

Go for it. I don't see why not.

It has hasn't been easy, jkiehart. There were days when she wanted to quit and days I wanted her to quit. Fortunately those never happened on the same day.

I think we are over the hump on that one, but we take each day one at a time. The kids are proud of mom, and, wow, is she a ever role model for them.

Entaõ onde Você está no Brasil tambem?
'tou no Porto Alegre, aqui no Sul.
'ta frio pra caramba! Chuvendo hoje.
Minha esposa é do Rio originalmente.
Eu sou gringo de Houston. Os meus filhos são "gringoleiros"!

I think you're in Houston... with the children? Did I read that right?

Let me try to translate:
Are you not in Brazil?
No here is fast sun
My wife is originally from Rio.
Her white husband is in Houston. With our "little white children!

You should do what you truly want to do. Don't have children just because you're bored.

I guess thats between you and you husband... huh? Personally, I'd probably be supportive of that decision if I were him.

(tears of laughter flowing down cheeks)
Excuse me I thought you were in Brazil or Brazilian.

Your translation was pretty good.
Here's what I really tried to say:

So, where are you in Brazil, as well?
I'm in Porto Alegre, here in the South.
It is cold as all get out. Raining today.
My wife is originally from Rio. (right on!)
I am a "gringo" from Houston. My children are "gringoleiros"

Gringo is strictly a Mexican slang term, not used in Brazil. Albeit, they know what it implies.

However, I invented the word "gringoleiro", which is a cross between Gringo and Brasilierio (Brasiliero is Brazilian in Portuguese) to describe my Brazilian/American offspring. Its a linguistic goof.

One error many Latin speakers make with Portuguese is that the word "no" in Portuguese is a contraction of "em o" (literally "in the"). It does not imply a negative.

The Portuguese word for no is "não" - pronounced "now".

So, "não" you know.

So there's not really any way to imply a flat out "no" in Brazil? Well it's no wonder Brazilian girls are so easy!

OH MY GOD WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?? I DIDN'T SAY THAT! WASN'T ME!

It's COLD in Porto Alegre??

I live in New York City and it's hotter than hell today. It's going to suck when I walk to the bar later.

Do you mind if your wife becomes my new role model? I'm finally starting college (again) and am seriously stressing about finding the time to manage school, home life, a full-time job and my wonderful one year old. I can't imagine doing all that, plus in a different language, in a different country with two more kids. Your wife is inspirational. So are you, you know. I wish I had the same level of support from my husband.

(blush...hemming and hawing)
Ahh...Brazilian women are not "easy". They are very affectionate and have no qualms about displaying that affection in public. Affection, not sex.

And they are (in my humble experience) very...ahh..relaxed about sexual matters.

They treat the activity as a natural one to be indulged in as one feels appropriate without guilt trips. And most times with more true "discretion" than I have encountered outside of Brazil.

(MAJOR BLUSH) I have received "invitations" which I politely refused without consequence. (Contrary to my northern hemisphere behavior experience that hell has no fury like a woman scorned.)

Their lack of inhibition and creativity is...ahh...ahh...(still red in the cheeks)...amazing.

I spent an enjoyable bachelorhood in Brazil during the 1980's.

It is cold here, because we are in winter. Albeit I am now warm from reliving some tropical memories.

I hope your spouse can support you emotionally, physically and financially during your efforts. It has been a strain for us, but I have dragged Kátya (my wife) around to three foreign countries interrupting her education and life in general. I must admit I felt gulty about that.

But I did not support her out of guilt. She deserves it because she is so dynamic. And quite frankly she surprised most everyone we know, because most were betting she would fail after the first semester.

(Bursting with pride) Not only did she pass, but she became the leader of a band of other expatriate (non-Mexican) students at the school. Brazilians, Guatamalans, Costa Ricans, Chileans and two African/Americans from New York City!

Since she is older, she was the "mom" to the "youngesters" who needed support, guidence, a loan, a ride, a cigarette and occassionally a hot meal (general cooked by me). That just made her stronger still.

Now we are back in Brazil, and to tell the truth, I think she was happier there in Mexico. Here she is just one of many. There she was truely special. Regardless, it's one heck of a feat for a forty year old (shh, don't tell her I told you her age!) mother of three.

Can you blame me for being proud?

Right... right.... THAT'S what I meant...

Wow!
So cool! I can't believe how much everyone liked this survey! I really thought it would get trashed in qual - I am SHOCKED nobody picked the "I don't care" option.

Thanks guys!

It's also really interesting how people see me differently, from what they have gleaned in my explanation or elsewhere on SC. Iguess I could explain what's behind all this! It isn't anything cataclysmic, I just often feel I'm not being stretched, and get frustrated and bored. I have been awful when bored since I was a small child

But, there are good things about my job and I only really threaten to quit when I am PMSing. I think over the next 2-5 years I will figure some more occupation-related things out. Recently I had a cool idea for a product design that I wanted to produce and make a business out of, and now it looks like it isn't feasible, so I have to start over with something else. Disappointed.

Plus I do love doing home-related stuff, actually I do like being Martha (buying a house will probably shut me up for a while) and sometimes I just look at some of my girlfriends who have new babies and think I could like their lives right now.

I'm not gonna have a baby yet. I have other things to do first and it wouldn't be fair. I want to be 100% there for my kids. Plus not have any student loans left!!!!

But thanks for taking my spaz out seriously - you're all so nice..... and I like hearing bits of your life stories too!!

So, does anyone have any ideas what a disillusioned architect could do instead? Not interior design but something design-related.....? Maybe there's something really cool I haven't thought of!

Yuck. If that is the only job you'll ever want to work at, go ahead. Personally, I would rather be a hot dog vendor. And I'm a vegetarian!

Well you should certainly quit your job and do what you want. If that something is have babies, great. If you just can't think of anything else to do, then I think it's a terrible idea.

greeting cards! i know that there are a ton of them out there, but are they any good, really?

pottery or sculpting? you'd still be in the 3-D realm

photography? lapidary? jewelry design? furniture design? hair dresser lol?

btw..."Martha's" rule!!!

This should be a decision between you and your husband. But, please realize staying home and taking care of babies and the home is not only a full time 24 hour a day job, where you are grossly underpaid, never get time off or vacation and don't have time for creativity (at least not until the children are in school). If is something you think you can handle, then by all means go for it.

I LOVE Martha! Whenever my husband isn't home I watch nonstop HGTV - I love all that stuff!

AND, I was thinking of greeting cards a while ago, and NO there aren't enough nice ones, and I used to handmake all my cards anyway. AND it would be a cheap (low-risk) business to set up and do part time to begin with. Maybe this is a sign!!!!

What's lapidary?

I also like industrial design - I'm obsessed with containers and household stuff. I thought about applying to Umbra and InterDesign.... almost too MANY choices....

I thought about greeting cards as well, lately I've been doing collage work, and i make them into cards...I wanted to, but it would require more computer equipment; scanner and a fix up on our printer.

I LOVE Martha as well. We don't have cable or anything, but when I go to my folks place, my dad and I watch that station...LOVE IT!!!

Lapidary is gem and stone cutting...VERY interesting stuff, but expensive. Need lots of equipment and things. If you knew a stone cutter already, that would be your best bet, or find one and ask them to be your mentor...
Yeah, there ARE a lot of choices. It is hard to pick just one...

Well, whatever you do, even if you're not sure about it, I'M sure that you'll be great at it...go for the cards!!!

Thanx! I think you should too!

Quit Your Job. Take some retreat time. Give your heart and mind a chance to recover, Then, with a bit more clarity, figure out if having babies, or doing something else, would be more likely to "feed creativity and passion." or fulfill you how you wish to be fulfilled.

if you are going to cater to a male (your husband) if you stay home, wouldnt that defeat the purpose of getting out of the male dominated career?

Thank you...I think that i should too!

Well, then maybe we both should. Yay for us!
Maybe that will tone down my pms today, having something to think about!

Come back to Sheffield and redesign the egg-boxes! Yay, they're getting knocked down! Hooray, hooray, hooray!!! Demolition begins in August. ***HOOOOOOOOORAY!!!!!!!***

No way!!!!! I remember going in there to look, when I was in architecture school. I can't believe they're actually getting rid of them!

D'you know what's going in its place? Or even better, who's doing the replacement?

I'm not sure. It can only be better though!

Bah! Well keep me updated won't you!!

lol
Funny thing, (I'm VERY pregnant), I sort of miss pms and what-not!

I guess it's all relative..... do you know whether it's a boy or a girl??

I think you should discuss it with your husband. Don't have children unless you really want them. Ultimately you should be guided by what is best for the two of you as a couple. Don't feel that you have to have a career because that is the "feminist" thing to do. IMHO, feminism is about choices, not about fulfilling your perceptions of what is appropriate. Having children that you don't really want would be a big mistake too.

right, I agree...nope...I'm planning a home birth. I'm due in a week and a day, but i know that i'll be a day or two early

having a kid could easily kill creativity and passion as well

Eeeshk! I'd want hospital and full drugs!! (Although hospital is gross, but I don't have to clean up the sheets there....) So are you having a midwife? That's cool.

Yes, but I actually CARE whether or not he's happy!

Is that said from experience???
Seriously, I know I'm not ready. I just often feel completely out of place in my world. I'm missing something, I know that much.

Yeah, I'm not very maternal. Maybe that bothers me a bit. I feel like I should be by now. Or like, I am a selfish person because I want to be left alone to do my crap, and not have anyone too dependent on me. Like I am immature or something. gosh darned societal pressures!

No experience here. I'm pretty sure having kids would me a challenge for me.
Anyway, I go through phases of feeling out of place as well.

I know those societal pressures well. That's why I got married - trying to fit in. I was married for 13 years and never had any children because my husband and I didn't feel we were ready. We kept saying maybe someday. People were rather rude the way they questioned us about when we were going to have kids. I got to the point where I'd respond by saying "Why do you ask?" Having children is not for everyone. I have no regrets. I don't think you should have children unless you and your husband really want to, and feel ready for it in every way. Don't let the pushy people make you feel bad about your choices!

Follow your heart!

Yeah, I have a midwife who is very cool. I was quite lucky and blessed to have found her. She will be coming w/ 2 assistants on the day, have met the 2 of them once, but am quite comfortable w/ them.

I told my midwife, that if for some reason, god forbid, I need to be taken to the hospital, I NEED to be knocked out!
Sometimes I feel like I want to crawl outta my skin, and being numb from the waist down, I think would make that feeling even worse! ESPECIALLY if there was a need for a c-section...UGH!
Well, whenever you stay home and have babies, be sure to check out different hospitals and stuff. Because hospitals DO offer alternative to the normal horrible white sterile room and such. They do make an effort to make you more comfortable...BUT, that's still not my thing!

Does anybody ever consider the child's sake when considering having a child? Everyone always seems to say "oh do it, it's so wonderful, it's so fulfilling, do what you want, etc." without necessarily giving any consideration to what kind of life the child will have in the world as it is today. Mostly, as usual, people thinking about children make it all about themselves. Not about the new human being they are creating. "Should I do this for me?" "Will I be a good mom?" Maybe the biological and social drives for women to become mothers are just too great for them to overcome.

Maybe I'm just too cynical, but when/if the time comes for me to be a father, it's going to be an agonizing decision because I'm really going to think long and hard about whether it's going to be right for the child to bring it into the world. In many ways, this world is a really bad place to live, and I know exactly how lucky I've been to have such an easy time of it.

There are so many children waiting for adoption who've already been born and need families. What about them?

Hurrah! It's not just me.... I had a new suggestion last night for a job : production designer for tv shows. I like that one. As usual my confidence in my talents is already pulling me back. I'm mad at myself for it, but I still do it.

I don't think it's such a big leap from a parent wanting to have children to the children being wanted.

One of the big reasons I don't intend to have children is that I figure even if my chemistry does change on me and make me want them someday (kind of unlikely, since I'm already 33, but not impossible), I'm sure I would not be a very good mother. I think I'll make a great aunt, godmother, or various other grown-up-you can-talk-to-when-you-can't-or-won't-talk-to-your-parents, but just not a mother. I can't imagine it being right for any child for me to bring them into this world. I'm much more psyched to be involved in taking care of children who are already here for one reason or another, and now that they're here, they need love and support.

IT DEPENDS IF YOU WOULD BE HAPPY STAYING AT HOME OR YOU JUST NEED ANOTHER JOB

I did, and now I work.

I believe that one parent or the other should stay home with a child if you choose to have them. If it is not an option, and you have to work, you have to do what is best for your family. And material possessions isn't always what is necessary.

If you have a secure financial position I think that if you enjoy doing that stuff go ahead, but remember what trouble a baby can bring and just try to investigate other fields before you change your life. Still it is a terrible reason to have a baby, so only if you really want to.

all you list are reasons you don't want to do your vocation, but you never list whether you really want to have kids. do what you want - not just things that aren't what you don't want. if you want to do that (stay home, bake, garden, have kids), more power to ya.

if you feel that you would be happier doing that, then you should.
im sure that if you got into the same job feild with maybe a different place, you may be able to express yourself the way you want to.
good luck with the decision.

If the reasons for wanting to have a child are selfish and transitory,
then the child could eventually end up not being "wanted". Same thing
with marriage - a person wants so desperately to be married, then ends
up getting a divorce later because they don't "want to" any more. You
can't not "want to" be a parent any more, once you have a child you
will always be a parent whether you're involved in the child's life or
not.

I wish there were more folks like you in the world topper; we'd have
a lot more children with families then. :)

you should not take an easy way out. look around for a job that you can succed in. that will make you much more happy and after you have found something you can and want to do, then see if you want children.

do what you want girl, thats advice to you

Depends...do you really want flowers, cakes, and rug rats? Maybe you've just picked the wrong career. It's never too late to change paths. If being a stay-at-home mom is your dream, far be it for me to dissuade you, but if it was you most likely wouldn't be asking this question in the first place. Think hard about what gives you joy in life. Is it something you can turn into a profession?

You shouldn't just give up... unless you really want to grow a little garden and be a maid... jobs are a good thing to me... especially for women, we weren't even allowed to work for awhile. But if you want to stay home that's good too.

would that make you happy?
I know they're fun making but do you want to raise children.
My very soon to be wife has been discussing having kids. I want them she dosen't right now. So we got a free kitten. He's always in trouble. he cries all night. and if we can't handle a kitten we can get rid of it and know we can't handle children.
TRY A PET FIRST.

No. Have children, but never stop working.

Maybe it's your workplace that's getting you down. Try changing where you work.

Babies are horrible little monsters. Don't !!!

Kittens are MUCH cuter than human babies. I have a cat that I treat like a baby already. He is about as demanding as I can handle, which isn't very.... I guess I value my freedom. Don't do anything exciting with it, but I still know I HAVE it. Work is getting me down less since I made this survey. Glad I didn't do anything rash! SC is such a good forum for venting....

Yes, I wish I could have a baby! But right now I need to wait until my boyfriend finishes school and marries me.

Maybe the break from work will allow you some fresh ideas or at least appreciate it from a different light. A child (but only if you really want one) will change your world perspective. It may open new possibilities you never thought possible.

It depends on how much you want to have a baby, stay home, cook, etc. If you are able to do it financially and really desire this a lot, then wonderful! This is a creative and important job itself, raising a new human being. I feel a kid needs to stay with its mom, providing she is enthusiastic about teaching and caring for her baby, during its first few years to give the child a good start. Unfortunately this is not always possible and the mom has to work and leave the baby at daycare, etc. I think there should be more child care centers at work, free for the parents.

stay home and have sex. don't bring anymore rugrats into this world

Got a bad job? Ditch it. Find something more rewarding. But don't stay home and have babies, just to escape. That's a terrible reason to be a SAHM/housewife (depending on how PC you are). Because once you start that path, it'll be hard to get out. And then you'll just be trapped.