Say a close female friend of yours, married, confides they're trying to get her pregnant. At what ages is your reaction (even internal) less than joyful?

I'd be less than joyful for ten. Also LTJ for 15 unless she has unusual resources for a 15-year old. On the other end, anything pre-menopause is fine, as long as she is aware of what's involved.
**lisashea: Ah, you're counting the age of the father as well. The parents should hopefully expect to live at least 15 (preferably 20) years after the birth. And listen to your doctor. If they say if will be a dangerous birth, ask yourself if it's really worth it both in terms of risks to the mother and risks to the child.

Who is "they"? Sounds like some evil impregnation conspiracy.
I must admit that no matter what age something inside of me feels sorry for them and the horrible burden they are about to take on.

depends on other factors besides age.. such as prepareness to care for a child

Given the tremendous expense, loss of privacy, and loss of intimacy involved in infertility treatment, I might speak up in a cautionary fashion if they were older than 45. I know miracles occur, but the chances of getting pregnant after 45 are practically nil, even with all the miracles of modern medicine. I think it's unfair for the infertility clinics to provide misleadingly optimistic statistics to bolster the faith of these people. If someone over the age of 45 wanted to adopt a child, I would support them wholeheartedly if they were in good health and truly seemed to want to love and raise one or more children.

I have a problem with older couples having children, because that means that when it is time for college and other horribly expensive things the parents may very well be at retirement age. Are these parents expected to spend their nest eggs on college, or do they force the children to work their way through and pay for it themselves? Besides, parenting is hard! And tiring! How many 55 year old moms can keep up with a 3 year old? I'm sure there are some, but not the majority.

I've read this survey question about ten times and I'm still not sure what it's asking. (This question wasn't run through AltaVista Translations, was it? But I think it has something to do with having a baby, which is always a bad thing in my book. I think there should be a 5-year global moratorium on childbirth. I understand that accidents happen, but anyone who intentionally tries to bring a child into this world should be ashamed of themselves. I can't think of a more selfish act. Well, okay I can think of a few...

***lisashea: Ah, I see what you're getting at now. An interesting question, but I can't think of a good way to phrase it either without some type of explanatory text. But since my answer was all-encompassing, I'm sticking with it.

For me this is not an age-related reaction. It depends on so many other factors, including her health, her husband, her financial situation, her commitment to her career, etc.

I think I could be joyful and still be concerned about the possibility of an unhappy outcome.

Breeding, I just don't get it.

With the exception of 10 or 15 years of age and over 60 I would be happy for them

This is a tough one for me. I'd always tell the person I wished them the best, but I know a guy whose father was *78* when he was born. He spent his whole childhood caring for his father, worrying about him dying, and of course going through the funeral very young. Another friend of mine just had her first baby at 48. What happens if she dies at 52? The baby is left without a mother. Bob's aunt had a baby in her 40s and the baby was born with serious mental problems, due to the mother's age. I would have to recommend if the mother is say over 45 that they adopt, if they're going to have a child, because the baby is already born and needs a parent, and they don't run all the physical risks for both parent and child.

***Ron2112: Sorry, I was trying to keep the question short!! If only Bill would let notes get added to questions (hint hint). I wanted to know, if your 70 year old friend wanted to have a kid, would that bother you more than if she wanted to have a kid at say 30?

***Milktree: OK, I unsorted it. Easier?

I don't understand the question. They who?

Selfishness is bad why?

Having never thought about it in this context, I'm surprised by answers. I didn't think my range of "acceptable" ages was as small as it is. I don't think the results of this survey should be sorted, I find it's hard to get any useful information out of it in this format. *** yes, thanks. It makes it easier to see the curve.

This is a toughie-- I'm a person who is in favor of zero population growth and loves children. Where does that leave me?

To say that I wouldn't be happy for them no matter what her age is overstating the case A LOT. It is the case, however, that whatever her age, a part of me would say (deep in the privacy of my own mind) that there are too many people as it is, and it's kind of irresponsible to add more. Hey, you asked.

Don't know about less than joyful, but I'd worry for health and happiness reasons.

It's situation more than age.

They're trying which leads me to believe that's what they want. Why would I not be happy for them? I don't believe in babies having babies but if they were people who could nurture the child age wouldn't matter. Birth defects and parental death occur at all ages. If based out lives on statistics I think we'd all pretty much spend our lives curled in the fetal position.

If she is 10, how can she be married? And if she is 45 and older I would think she has lost her mind. How can you be happy for a crazy woman? I had a woman of about 48 tell me she was trying to get pregnant with her first (she was a newlywed) & her 60ish husband with two children approaching middle age was so against it. Poor man. This was not a stable woman; thank God she didn't succeed and now is too old to get pregnant.

Under twenty and over forty would be my gut reaction. I really couldn't tell you why or justify it.

Well, I'd be scared for a pregnant 10-year-old on physical grounds. Other than that, my (internal) cringing has more to do with personality than age... if I think they'd make good parents I'd be happy for them, at 15 or 80. Part of "making good parents" involves making reasonable plans for your own future (e.g., continued education, imminent death) and your child's health; this is particularly relevant at extreme ages.

Stability is a factor on the early end; health on the late end...

I was going to choose "happy no matter what age" option, then noticed the "10" and "15" options. Then again, I don't know any married 10 or 15 year olds, either! Also, the age issue is less a factor than maturity (particularly if young) and health (much more so if older). Still, I would probably not be entirely comfortable with the idea of even a fairly fit 65+ year old woman setting out to have a child, to be perfectly honest.

To be honest, my own desire not to have children would cause me a moment's hesitation at anyone's telling me this news. It would cause me to remember all the reasons I *don't* want to, and I'd be less than joyful for a moment until I realized that this makes the friend very happy, then I could share her joy. This is with the exception of Ms. Hunter for whom I would be happy immediately, wholly, without hesitation- married or not.

If the person is married, and they want children, feel free. I don't think 10 is possible (but I could be wrong) and I am unsure what the average cutoff is for childbearing, but I was under the assumption that it was before 50. Basically, the only way I wouldn't be happy is if I really didn't think the person was fit to be a parent, then again, I probably wouldn't be friends with the person in that case. **Then again, I wouldn't be 'happy' per se, I'd be about as enthusiastic about it as I am about most everything else.

Externally, I hope I'd be totally supportive and joyful, although I might tactfully try to make sure she knew what the hell she was doing.

Who the heck gets married at 10? Also, if they could actually get pregnant at 80 I would be pretty happy for them.

I don't think most 10 year olds *can* get pregnant. And I *know* most women in their 60's and beyond can't. It would depend on the person, but if they were below 20ish or above 60ish, I'd be a bit concerned no matter how great of a parent I thought they'd make. Also, I'd be more concerned if the woman were old than if the man were, because of the physical stress of pregnancy.

That's a badly phrased question IMHO.