If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Welcome.

coffee?

"Jesus Christ! It's about fudging time"?

lol lol lol

What are you doing here?

"Well done, good and faithful servant."

When door-to-door salesmen die, and get to the pearly gates, I picture God saying "No, I don't want any! Go to H@#!" Just kidding, but it's nothing sales people haven't heard before.

what makes you think i'm going to get anywhere near the pearly gates?

"What are your orders, boss?"

GO to hell lol lol lol wouldnt that be a hoot.. BTW I do not believe there is such a place as heaven or hell. I think it is something that was made up to make people behave themselves and be less afraid of dying.

...and so the bartender says "Sorry little fellow, but we don't serve ducks here."

Sorry, we got the wrong person.

(pointing back into heaven and looking flustered and bored) "Man those guys are wankers"

"You're much more handsome in person."

this is taken from the questions at the end of the actors studio interviews!!
"you are dreaming, wake up!!"

gosh darnit... you *do* exist, you heartless mothafudgeer!

HA!
You assume god is waiting til you're dead to speak to you?
Man, You need to ask and listen, now.

god is dead and no one cares...

I'd sing it to him... over and over again!

Nah, I think that where ever I end up, I will know, and will need no one telling me where I am.

just "Hi"

"what the hell are you doing here?"

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"Welcome home". Of course I've heard that in the realm of totally psychic family gatherings, the realm of ancestral spirit, a meditation realm with folks like ganesh and garuda hanging out, and I've felt at home in some other realms. Lately a strong calling has been gaining momentum, it's been described to me as both going home and as getting a ship. Most every realm I've been to started as a speculation, and I didn't encounter documentation till after I'd had the experience; this is no different; The last 20 of 1300 pages in Alice Baileys 'treatise on cosmic fire' describe transcending color and experiencing everything as electricity, alas it doesn't seem to describe what happens when you become that electricity. The moment I say ok, let's do it, I get a feeling like being plugged into a wall socket and chicken out. I've made some mistakes before like the time I was unwittingly worshipping Kali-Ma & the Sri-Yantra and awoke in intense fire, and had to cool off in the ocean. Now I am white light (Gevurah) when in the presence of red, so it was worth the mistake.
"I welcome you all" is what I say during group worship; it seems to escalate the group's ecstasy, light, or knowledge depending upon the flavor of worship. I got the line from my guru, guru mayi chid-vilas-ananda. I respect her a lot. Besides prompting my kundalini awakening, she has a warm hearted energy that I can identify when someone so much as hangs her picture in their house. It is a sort of romantic magenta-peach or pink-orange energy that wafts and billows or scintillates like a hall of disco mirrors.

Think of yourself as in the garden of Eden, naming the animals and always having delights and needs in reach, you're welcome to stay there of course and there's no reason to leave, but your key fits far more than you can imagine at the moment. You may find that every movie or book on mythology you ever read was a preface to the experience. We may be enlightened, but we are not fully enlightened. There are things to be gained from discussions with the logos, practice, experience, etc.. But there are things you still can't see even if you were to become a nebula tonight. At this point I am beginning to consider all of creation including my intellect and perception, though it be in mirror unison when I choose such, to be an external experience, as is the void. So far it has all been inference.. I create therefore I am.

"Your lucky! One of those fat rappers plugged the hole that takes you to hell, so we'll have to hold you here."

You know for once I think I agree with Richard.

check mate

yes - I got all of these annoying essay questions from "Inside the Actor's Studio" (a show on the Bravo cable channel).

"Hey, I've been waiting for you! I packed a bowl..."

YEAH thats what I want said to me

You've been naughty, very very naughty, but nicely done so....

"Pull my finger."

WELCOME MY CHILD

I haven't got a clue what I would want Him to say... I guess I'd just like to know why certain things happened...

"You were right, I don't exist!"

"What's up?"

Boy have I been waiting for you, can you help me with this?

Another one...

Do you now the last line to...

There was a woman from Nantucket...

"Hookers and gin for all!"

Welcome, your family will be joining you one day, in the meantime here is your grandma and grandfather for you to wait with.

Welcome

"Have a seat, and I'll answer all your questions..."

Okay, you may have done some bad things in your life, but you did have faith in ME, and you did have good intentions, while living on Earth. Because you believed in Me, I will let you in. Your family is waiting for you.

"You look FABULOUS, dahling! Let's go shoe shopping!"

I would be love to hear "Let's talk."

I have sooo many questions!

If there is a God. I would first want to hear "I forgive you. Will you forgive me?" and them perhaps "Let's talk."

Now let the party begin

Holy Crap! How the Hell did you get in here?

Go to hell you little dog!

Well done

Welcome to my kingdom.

No, I don't think he will let you in. You're too racist.

Come on in

You cant come in. Your work is not done. Here's your new body (in the shape of Liv Tyler) Go back down to earth!

Your work on earth is not completed, you'll have to return!

Welcome to all knowledge...

"I am me and you are you and we are all together..."

the boat yard is over there

get out of hear its not your time to go

"You were so very wrong. But 'welcome' all the same."

I've been looking forward to meeting you.

"Well done, thou good and faithful servant."

Well done, oh good and faithful servant.

welcome, my daughter

Welcome to heaven. You may think that I am God, but actually, I am Zog, the personification of logic, truth and reason. I right wrongs. Please take this moment to laugh at all the people who wasted their lives in church, and then return to your coffin where you will lose consciousness, and never live again. Because few people know this, but when you are dead, your dead. There is no god and there is no heaven. Now to the pictures of church-goers.. please point and laugh.

"Well done, good and faithful servant." Oh, what a day that will be!!

S'cuse me? I take exception to that!

Heaven is meant to happen here. Folks, please don't wait till you're dead. Imagine what it would look like and make it happen here. What would be elsewhere that is not available to us here and now? We don't need to transcend the physical plane but take unattached delight in and stewardship of it. People can love each other here. A cloud's not going to help things, after all Sartre's 'No Exit' was a hell composed solely of three incompatible people in a lounge room for eternity.
I've been to heaven on earth. I don't stay because I like to challenge myself and eventually forget how I got there.

I agree. We need to make the most of the here and now.

I saw a stage performance of 'No Exit' once that was really bad. Sitting in that audience was hell!

excuse me, but heaven exists

Truth always mirrors. When I was supposed to perform it, I tried so hard to be perfect, even rehearsing in the original French, but my astoundingly vain partner didn't want to perform except whenever I agreed with her that it wasn't working. It was pure hell. and then there was Art by Raza. I played the character Alan Alda played (I used to be much like him), and like in the play, my partner didn't get it. Performing Nightingale and Blood Moon were like the plays too. I remember when I used to make props, if I made rotting flesh hands 'Springs Awakening' (1892 about abortion) I picked up sores on my hands. I've become careful over the years what I absorb as life stories. I still end up choosing some horrendous ones. You probably know this too.

How bizarre, but I can see how that would happen. mandy swears that I make things happen by wishing they wouldn't. Like, at work, more customers than usual ask to use the bathroom when we're running out of toilet paper. That sort of thing.

Have you ever seen the play 'The Actor's Nightmare'?

She's right. Your greatest held fears and confidentally surrendered desires are the things most likely to happen. {don't blame me; I didn't write the system}.
No, haven't seen that play.

Well... umm..

Here's your Rolling Rock.

"WELCOME TO AMERICANA HEAVEN"
"YOUR THE FIRST PLUMBER THAT GOT THEIR HEAD STUCK IN THE TOILET AND SAID GOD HELP ME"

Come in,my son,and take your place.IŽll forgive you!!!

That happened to me a month ago, almost. I blacked out next to the toilet and got my arms wet.

Welcome in.

HEERRRRRE'S JOHNNY!

Hi, Julie! Welcome to Heaven! You did a fantastic job down on Earth, and sure do deserve to be here. I especially want to commend you on your modesty. Right over there is your dad, grandparents, and all the other friends and relatives you haven't seen for a while.

Do you have any questions to ask me? I will answer all of them.

Why?

That's rather insulting, don't u think? There was no need for that.

Don't you think even God would get sick of a bunch of self righteous sycophants constantly kissing his ass? Personally I really don't give a crap what you think of my comment, and I can't understand why, out of all the other comments, you took exception to mine. PS, when did you have your humorectomy?

Hi, I'm Bill you were right I am god.

HARE KRISHNA
HARE KRISHNA
KRISHNA KRISHNA
HARE HARE

HARE RAMA
HARE RAMA
RAMA RAMA
HARE HARE

"welcome dear servant to Heaven. You lived your life in proper way, you did alot of good things in your life, you made so many people happy. let me make you happy too, you deserve it!" i would be glad if God would say things to me when i die. And i would like to see my gradmom meeting me in Heaven....i would tell her how i missed her on earth!

God has a whole variety of means by which you could be conversing now. You could perhaps meet your grandmother now too, but I don't recommend it. Talking with God I wholeheartedly recommend though. Until then, you're just guessing that you're serving God. With 2 bf relationships, I'm glad you use your own judgement at least.

well Kristal_Rose i always use my own judgements, i say what i think is right and i honestly dont care what people think about it. what about God, i always talk to him through my prayers and i never lose faith in him, no matter how hard sometimes my life can be. what about my grandmom i prefer dead people to keep in peace and i dont believe that people can communicate with dead or anything like that.

To my surprise, the next couple nights after I became a minister, I had (lost?)souls visiting me in my bedtime meditations. I also have friends (close in heart, distant geographically) that I communicate telepathically with.
God: one way to communicate is yours - pray and see the influence in your life. Other options include having an inner voice, reading signs and omens, and what I rely on, speaking through the logos, in which all words around you have a higher level of meaning forming a direct 2 party conversation. There are at least a couple dozen variants of the logos, many not talking to god, per se. Half the time I use my own judgement, the other half god is audible, suggesting things to do or not do re: physical, emotional, and spiritual issues. I have trained a few people to hear god. God tells me when to check my finances, suggests I work more on one realm or another, clarifies my shortcomings, presents immense opportunities for service work, changes the sweetness of my environment, etc. etc. etc.
Usually I have the radio going as a guide. Talking "directly" to God through others takes a state of grace I've rarely touched. That's one version of what I call heaven.

You have nothing to worry about, you are definitely Saint material!

'Go away; you belong down there'
That's what I'm goint to hear.

Do you believe in reincarnation?

But the question here is "What would you like to hear?

During 9 hours of tantra I experienced several thousand personalities, I also have ancient memories, for instance, when I was three years old, I was designing gas lighting mechanical ignition systems for castles. I suspect that that's one of the places I left off at in a prior life.
So yes. As much as I believe in the existence of history. You've asked this before, and I gave you the same answer.
Speculating on why you ask, heaven is a place to visit, not our ultimate destination.

"Goin't to hear". Your own soul wont let you get away with your ego rubbish.

Actually I asked because of what you said about being able to contact a relative who is no longer alive. I found myself wondering if that would be possible with someone who had passed away a long time ago. If they'd been reborn into another life, I wouldn't think you could contact them as the person you knew before.

I've been heavily considering 'downloading' the scene of my fathers death (for many reasons, esp. sentimental), and perhaps some of his memories too (I want to know if I'm still heir to the family castle).
I certainly wouldn't want to disturb him as he is manifest now though.
I've done a bit of both, but never combined. Communications that transcend the physical are just as frequently out of time synch as they are in it. That source which connects all manifestation, also connects all time.
I just realised my meditations weren't false readings (ok, so I did more than consider it). They were scenes of Nazi germany, and i just now realised he was a toddler living amongst that.

Is our intermittant ethernet connection 2-way, or was this just synchronicity?

Damn, I never read the question properly.