Do you feel that it is right to date someone considerably older or younger than you?

I believe that age shouldn't be an issue, providing that the younger person has reached the legal age to have sex. I myself prefer to date men who are considerably older, as I tend not to be attracted to men my own age group or younger.

I like this survey.

Both OK, as long as both people are legal age.

Of course.

How's our age difference?

I think you're slightly too young, but seeing as you're Maarten .......... lets get it on!

I'm 32.

I knew that already.

OK, problem solved!

I see it as natural and acceptable.

It truly doesn't bother me. As long as both people consent to the relationship, nothing should stop them.

As long as they are adults, otherwise they should date people within a year or two of their age.

I'm presently dating a woman who is 47, I'm 38. She's kind of obsessed over the age difference issue. No one else cares, or can even tell for the most part. Most people guess our ages as both being 30-35.

THis survey has crapty options; depends on situation. Generally, yes, although I think that the large number of relationships involving girls between 15 and 19 and men who are in their 20's are slightly twisted.

I don't think there are any moral issues pertaining specifically to age, so I wouldn't say it's "right" or "wrong". I would say I believe that relationships with large age differences may face a wider set of problems than relationships between people of similar ages, but I don't believe those problems are necessarily insurmountable.

If you don't like this survey's options maybe you should take a more active role in the qualification process. Then if you have complaints or suggestions about surveys that are constructive, they have a chance of being implemented before the surveys are released.

When I was thirteen, I had a boyfriend who was eighteen. I don't think there was anything wrong with that.

This all depends on what you mean by 'considerably'. I would personally avoid more than about a 25% age difference, but as long as they're both old enough to know what they're doing, who am I to judge?

I am undecided. It grosses me out to think of loved ones doing that, but as for why that grosses me out, I cannot say. Probably just a societally based inhibition I learned and will probably have to unlearn soon, considering the way my life has been lately.

It depends on what you mean by "considerably", and also on the absolute, as well as relative ages of the people concerned. A 20 year old man dating a 10 year old would be considered a pervert, and if a 30 year old was dating someone who is 20 people might think it's too wide a gap, but a 40 year old with a 30 year old would be nothing unremarkable.

I think the real question is whether an adult should be getting involved in a relationship with someone who is still emotionally a child. To me, that's wrong, irrespective of the age gap. On the other hand, people who are emotionally mature can make their own decisions, age doesn't really come into it.

I think it's okay to have a greater age difference if you are older (30 year old dating a 45 year old, for example). The younger one of the daters is, the worse an idea it seems (25 year old and 12 year old, for example).

Yes, It is ok to marry them also. My husband is considerably older than me. 12 years older to be exact.

Assuming, of course, that said person is still 18 or older.

Why?

I agree with you. If a couple is mature enough, age shouldn't be a factor. Maybe if you had a one on one with your wife, told her how you think its a waste for her to be obsessed over the age-difference, then she'll listen to you. Stress that the only thing that matters is the emotion, honesty and love.

I'm not going to have 120 options up there just to satisfy your every need. Your answer is "depends". So right it in the comment box. Leave the insults behind.

Of course, when younger, everyone wants to see the person date someone their own age. However, why is that? Of course, stagitery rape. But if the person is in love...

Thank you mandy!

Hey, Jems, if your parents found out, they could file a lawsuit.
Weren't you at all worried that your SO would expect much more than what you were willing to give up?

You said it best. Who are we to judge?

"Considering how my life has been lately" hmmmmm. Intresting! Hasn't society moved on as far as to condone older/younger relationships? I mean, the stars do it all the time. Celine Dion, Donald Trump... I think the responses aren't all that shocking.
As for being grossed out to have a loved one be in that position, why should it? If they are truly a loved one, the one thing that should matter to you is their happiness. If they are happy and found their other half in someone 10/15 years older, it shouldn't matter.

Of course, dating someone emotionally childish at an older age is wrong. But how often do you find the situation. Usually, if that's the case, they don't have the capability to make right desicions and the SO dumps them shortly after.

I think the only reason society sees that as a bad thing is because we unify that situation with the word RAPE. What if... What if that situation, that word, did not exist?
Don't get me, I think statigery rape should be punishable, but what if both consent to the realtionship? What then. For example, the student and his teacher in the US a while back. Do think it was right or wrong?

Of course its also alright to marry. Marriage just symbollizes the tremendous love shared and nothing, no issue, should tear that up.

My parents won't find out. I'm too much of a sneaky, deceptive, evil child for them to find out about anything. Besides, that part of my life is over with. I wasn't worried. He was very nice, and I trusted him. He really respected me. The only problem with the age difference was that it caused our relationship to have to end. He went off to Universtity, and I am still here.

She's not my wife, we've been together about 3 months, we've been friends for about 4 years, and acquainted for over 10 years. She's recently divorced, and has two teen-aged sons. I'm single and have never had children. We discuss the age difference issue quite frequently. She knows very well how I feel about it. On one hand, I'm very much attracted to older women. On the other hand, I don't even think of her as "older", I mean, the age difference is less than 9 years. It isn't like a generational thing. She is a very attractive and young looking woman. She grew up in a small town, and I think that effected her perceptions of how judgmental people are. No matter what the evidence to the contrary, she seems to think that everyone is thinking she's a "cradle-robber" or something. I think that eventually she'll come around, I'm very loving and supportive and I know how much she appreciates me.

BTW, I think the word you are looking for is: "statutory".(Statutory Rape)

Star, essentially everyone here ahs said "It depends". There is NO suitable box for "It depends". My stating that the options are crapty is not an insult, but a comment. It is as much the people who passed the survey's fault as it is yours.

i believe both are ok as long as the people are "of age", 18 or older.

Other. It depends on the age of the people.

Only wrong if they are a child & you are an adult...
child = anyone who is under the age of 18.
Personally I don't date anyone more than 2 years younger than me (I'm 25) because most of the time, we've nothing in common for the relationship to last.

Jemmy's going to hate you for that

I have had relations both with people older than me and younger. And trust me, in highschool 4 years is alot

As long as both parties are legally of age, I think it's none of anyone else's business. But there can be power imbalances in those relationships and I don't necessarily think they're such a fine idea as I used to.

it is ok, unless the person is too young or too old..like i am 30..and maybe to 35, otherwise i'd be marrying someone too old

Oh well, life goes on...Jemmy should just be happy that I'm not her mother. No matter how much of a sneaky, deceptive, evil child she is/was, I'd have found out & busted the boyfriend & her rear-end. (I'd have found out because, I would have seen the signs)
No matter what you think when you're involved with an older guy when you are a teen, you come to find out after the fact that your mom was right when she told you, "You have nothing in common with this older person & the only reason they are bothering with you, is because they find it easier to get into your pants than some girl's their own age."

Is. My ex-boyfriend was a really good person, and I have had MUCH owrse relationships with guys my age. Because he was older, he respected me more. He didn't hit me, or force me into sex. That is something an immature child would do. It wasn't that big of a difference, and he was so nice. We had a lot in common, and no matter what people say about relationships like that, I think that there was nothing wrong with it.
And if you were my mom, you wouldn't have found out.

I'm 37. 18 - 55 is OK with me except I would prefer to make life long plans and would have to be in a relationship that could accomodate changes over the years.

Because 'it depends' for so many people here, an [it depends] option would make the survey less meaningful. Because probably 'it depends' for most of us, imagine if any of us without penultimate certainty chose [it depends]. We would have no way of knowing which answer people gravitate towards.

What signs? Nothing changed. If I would usually go to my friend's house on Friday night, I would go out with him instead. There weren't any signs. I'm too careful for that.

For certain limited values of considerably. I don't think I'd be comfortable with more than a 20% difference between the ages.

Of course, it would be hypocritical to say it is okay to date someone older but not okay to date someone younger.

Interesting that everyone else seems to equate 'dating' with 'having sex'.

That does seem to be a common distinction between friendships and relationships. Who would have thought?
sorry

I'm glad that you feel the way you do. Safety is the number one thing. And as long as you both left on a good foot, then everything'd fine. Do you still remain in contact with him?

As long as you are both together, that's what matters. As long as you are both happy together, that's what matters. As long as you both treat each other with respect and love, that's what matters.

Oh, thanks for the correction.

1)Thank you for seeing my point
2)When it does come down to making a life-long relationship, I think many prefer someone close to their age. However, when the situation is dating only, it's kinda intresting to have that age difference. I know I often thought of trying it.

That's a damn good point!

This goes out to MIREILLENS AND JEMMY!!
Mireillens, it's nice of you to care and had Jemmy been your child, I'm sure you would have handled her appropriately.
Jems, you have to understand that you don't know her. You don't what she's capable of. Don't overestimate yourself, and more importantly, don't underestimate the opponent.

TO EVERYONE. I AM A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT. NOW, I'M SORRY IF I INSULT ANYONE BY SAYING WOMEN MATURE FASTER THAN MEN. THE GUYS IN MY GRADE (SCHOOL) ARE ALL QUITE IMMATURE. AND THE HANDFUL THAT HAVE PROGRESSED NICELY ARE ALREADY TAKEN. NOW, I HAVEN'T DATED IN A WHILE FOR THAT SPECIFIC REASON. I HAVE DEBATED FOR AGES TO LOOK FOR OLDER MEN, BUT SOMETHING INSIDE ME STOPS ME. I WANT A RELATIONSHIP THAT CAN STRESS SAFETY ALONG WITH "LOVE", BUT I DON'T WANT IT WITH SOMEONE MY AGE AND STILL THINKS A "FANCY DATE" IS GOING TO THE MOVIES!

A few nights ago I had my first ever experience in which I wasn't keeping my eye on the life-long. I'm not sure that I'd like to date like that again though.

Judging by my 13 yr daughter and 16 yr son, I see your point but don't. My son may fritter time playing with his buddies but heart is full of slow conservative contemplation while my daughter tackles the worlds wisdom in her writing. I can see either making a point that the other has not matured based on behavior, but venture to say that even by that age in which the genders have taken to internalising or externalising their understanding that neither is wiser. Girls are probably encouraged to discuss relationships while boys are not. That leads to a different behavior. I unquestionably agree with mireillins about the easy pants while agreeing that an older boy has reached the capacity to verbalise their relationship wisdom at a younger girls level. I doubt either truly has a greater value on the consequences of dating.

No, not anymore. We both thought it would be best if we just moved on. But we did both leave on a good foot. My relationship with him was ten times better than relationships I have had with guys my age.

I agree with you. The guys I go to school with are all about 14, and they are pretty immature. Maybe I am too, but I'd like to hope that there is more to my life than trying to act mature by drinking and having sex, while still acting very elementry school-ish.

I don't think I'm over-estimating myself. I think it is a terrible thing how deceptive I am, and lately I have been trying to be a good little girl, while still trying to do what I want to do. But I don't think it is right for parents to control their children's lives, and they don't need to know every detail.

I'm sure she is/would be a wonderful parent, but "busting my rear-end" is not something likely to happen. Even if it did, that wouldn't stop me from doing it again. When you get down to it, I could have been punished so bad no one can even imagine, but if I really really want it, that will only make me want it more. My hoices are my choices, and my life is my life. No amount of authority can ever change that.

It depends what's old and what's young...women generally date men who are 2 or 3 years older than they are anyway...

You seem to have some really exterior view of good and bad, and are relating these notions to deprivation. I doubt you do things you actually consider bad by some standard of society. You don't want to stick a knife in someone, and would consider that bad even if no one told you because you understand that you wouldn't want it done to you. There is nothing bad about going to the park late at night, but like sleeping with these older guys, perhaps foolish and unwise depending on what control of your environment you have.
Why should your punishment affect your desire one way or another. At most it should give you cause to recognize the extent to which someone else considers it a problem, and if you have any inkling that they are motivated by their own wisdom or experience, then that should give you cause to contemplate their motivation. My own mother probably realised by the time that I was 6 that I would not relate to punishment, and switched to practical and ethical counselling as I always did with my kids. To want something more after punisment is defiance for defiances sake. A stolen bottle of champagne will not taste better than any other. By being defiant, you are actually allowing others to control you. I understand the rush one gets from challenges and establishing their own liberty, but consider a couple things: You could be creating your own challenges (sports, art, task success, whatever) rather than insisting that other people create challenges of resistance for you. Also, it would be a far more valuable and effective challenge to earn your own authority by secretly being the one to delegate your parents authority over you and make friends with them in the process. You'll have to warm them up to the process, because I suspect they are in denial themselves. Start by asking their advice on things which you have a fairly sound opinion on already but might actually get some useful advice or a second opinion from them. Eventually you might work yourself up to "Mom, the guy I'm having sex with wants to try a threesome. I'm cosidering telling him... What would you do if you were me?" As is now, you've made your rapport with your parents useless. If you brought up the topic of sex, you might be sent to bed with a spanking.
Don Juan used to put himself in the hands of tyrants to challenge his spirit. I go a graceful step above:
When I recognize a potential enemy, instead of waste life with a moments thought on fear, hatred, revenge, battle, etc. which would relinquish some of my world to a reaction to outside impositions, I immediately set out to become friends with the person. It is my personal challenge and the result is always far more rewarding than defeating an enemy. I could now ask to stay the night when travelling at the homes of people whom circumstances were pushing to make enemies of.

Yeah, I guess that makes sense, but he wasn't THAT much older, was he? It was only a five year difference, and I was so much more careful having sex with him than other people. I know that just being defient won't make something better, but if I really want something, than I'm going to get it. By doing it in a sneaky way, no one gets mad. I'm happy, their happy. Nobody yells. Just the way I like it.

Have you ever stalked your son at school? If he still seems to be more mature, then tell him to call me.

"Easy pants" had nothing to do with it.

Kristal is a pretty wise gal....huh?

Yeah...

He plays video games and reads stephen king. I can talk with him on any topic. He lacks motivation, and doesn't care for school. He understands all the spiritual phenomena I discuss. His friends can discuss career pursuit or buddhist philosophy eloquently, yet chosse to spend their time seeing how much pain they can inflict on each others knuckles. I get along with their games by adding my "yeah, but can you do this?" I told him he lost his gal of two years from not demonstrating any passionate commitment, just 'whatever'ism. He lives in AK so you won't be seeing him.
Back to you.
Change 'sneaky' to 'private'. That way the conception becomes your responsibility and not a reaction. You are taking on the responsibility of protecting your mother from what she doesn't want to deal with. As long as you do keep a secret life, recall that your mother knows you better. She will probably be imagining the worst case scenarios. Her scorn is based in fear for you (and possibly her own mis-givings). I am sure she would want nothing more than to feel you are actually self-responsible, she would be happier yet to feel that she was somehow the one who passed that on to you. If she self identifies primarily as a parent, then your failures are seen by her as her failures. Is mom happy with her life? If you could get one honest answer, ask if she was like you when younger. It would explain a lot about her behavior towards you.

So, I'm private? I guess that works too. I think she is happy with her life. And she was nothing like me when she was a child, or my age.

So, I am or am not a dogy little brat?

No, you're still sneaky. It will take a little more than changing the word. Do you see the distinction I'm trying to make?
I figured most of my life that I was nothing like my mom, in fact nothing like almost anyone except maybe Spock or Dr. Seuss, then a year ago at the age of 36 I realised that my mom has been through almost all the same experiences as I have, though she never bothered to mention it.
You're only a dogy little brat because you want me to call you that so you can deny it. You're defiantly docile or independent as suits your game. You didn't see me critiquing your sex life, yet you jump to defend yourself. I was a teen age boy once, and probably as mature as they got ~ Mature meaning ethics, future, consideration, integrity, significance, etc. outweighed sex and drinking for the most part. ~, yet if I wasn't finding what I wanted in my age group, curious lust would have shifted my guidelines. Have you asked him why he prefers you to older gals?
You'll make it some fashion or another;
The most I really have to say to you at this point is figure out what seems most significant to you. The ways people relate and behave, and how rewarding their life is. I worry that you're going to figure out how to marry a rich dude and have porcelain partyware and a big screen computer/TV and discover at the age of 45 that other people found other ways to be much happier. ..much like I was saying about an external concept of good and bad, there's also the external set of happiness expectations that tv sells you. Keep doing new things that change your outlook on possibilities. Look at your friends and imagine what they will be like or doing 20 years from now. Stick with the ones who you feel will have happiness and wisdom no matter what the circumstances.
Be your own person. Stop asking people if you're good or bad. It might work as a method of comparison to figure out where your self-conception stands to other measures, or for simply grasping other's worldviews, but as long as you ask instead of decide, you will drift. There is not one standard of ethics. Judge you by your world, and others by their world. Establish who you are by what goes on inside you, not by your behavior.

I am 21, my girlfriend is 45. She looks damned fine (like, 10 years younger). She has the experience, I have the energy and endurance, we both have the libido. 'nuff said.

You are my new god! How, when, and where did you meet her?

I don't want to judge people. That isn't nice.
He is gone, we thought it was best that if he was moving away, to not stay together.
Now I am just confused.

Well, I'm sorry if I confused you. You can be wise about people, know the arts and sciences, and see various ways in which God has empowered you as a co-creator and still be confused. Confusion is a tool to achieve greater understanding. Just don't allow so much confusion that you are disabled. The opposite of confusion is ignorance in which we decide things are a certain way even though we aren't sure. I may have given you way more than you're comfortable to think about there. I had someone do the same for me when I got into yoga. Within 3 weeks my whole world had been turned upside down because I was willing to concede that everything I knew about myself and the way the universe works or is made of might be wrong. The result is that now I can make worlds, including the one I had spent most of my life in which most people also live in, but now I know a lot more about what it really is.
I always like to to stay good friends with anybody who has been in my life, whethar they started as lover, an enemy or whatever. When I was a senior I had a girlfriend, so when mom moved out of town, I stayed behind living out of a suitcase. Eventually we married and had kids.
I'm not sure how I confused you since almost anything I said this time could do it. Ride the path of open minded exploration of what really is, when you get too confused, relax, be comfortable and good to yourself, believe in things that you used to believe in. Eventually seeing a story on tv or feeling grass beneath your toes becomes a bit like hugging a stuffed animal.
In summary, keep changing your beliefs, at least until you discover an enchanted way of life, but not so quickly that you drown in the water that you once thought to be land.

at this point in my life i would not date someone significantly older or younger but i am not against it. it wouldnt work for me but i am not everyone

Um...yeah. I think I got most of that. Thanks!

To Jemmy, star2b_ca is exactly right, & hopefully for your sake all is well with you.

TO EVERYONE.
Woman do mature faster than men (physically) BUT... (& this is very important!) age has absolutely NOTHING to do with maturity...if it did my marriage & most marriages in general would have survived. There is nothing more frustrating than a 28-year-old baby! (BTW…My ex-husband was 3 years older than I was - we were married for 6 years)

SPECIFICALLY TO JEMMY ~ your comments "he respected me more. He didn't hit me, or force me into sex" you implied that he did these things ONLY do to his age...again, this was do to the fact that he is possibly an honorable ‘REAL’ man, or you just haven't been around him long enough to see the true side of him. When in love, especially when you are young, you tend to see only the 'good' stuff of a relationship, not the entire relationship as a whole.

Just a note...if he truly RESPECTED you, he would have waited until you were an adult before having any sort of sexual relationship with you, dating is one thing, but jumping into bed with a child is another. However, I really, truly, hope that all is well with you & that what you are saying about your boyfriend IS true. Good Luck.

I saw the bad parts of him as well. I just prefer not to dwell on the bad aspects, which everyone has. And I'm not a child. Thank you.

Great observations. Thanks for the imput

and thank you.

Why are you thanking me? It's all you guys. Everyone literally takes my breath away when you reply to my surveys. I feel such a sense of achievement thanks to you guys! Did you know that my "Shroud of Turin" survey is on my school website! Seriously, I mentioned it to my Religion teacher. He was so proud that he posted it. Thank you guys so much!

Congratulations. But were you first attracted to her because of her sexual experience or her "damn fine" looks?

Sorry to hear about the divorce. I know that for some people, age is not the issue. However, for some people, it is. That's why this survey was created. To see both sides to the spectrum.

I think that the "age" issue is very recent. In history, father's would marry of their 16 year old daughters to anyone who was fit, whether they be 5,10,15 years older. Now, if I was 16 and even had a crush on a 26 year old, my ass would be grounded for much of my life.

I do find those things kind of disgusting. Thriteen year old girls were married to 60 year old men.

I thank you for being the person you are and for creating the survey. Creating a survey is more than asking the right question or even making the right remarks within it. It is willing a forum to have a collectivization of sentiment, concern, and vibes that is in tune with a part of you, and meeting everyone else at that same conception in spirit. Look at the flavor and syntax of comments people make here. You truly made a 'uniquely you' collaboration happen. If someone else had asked the identical question, the survey would still have had a different feel by this point.

"My ass would be grounded for much of my life" I agreee, but with a significantly differnt interpretation. You might get married for life to someone insecure who values sex more than life experience.
P.S. Keep thanking people. Once you become jaded, there's a tremendous wall to break down.

You said, & I quote…“When I was thirteen, I had a boyfriend who was eighteen”.
You were a child then, I have no clue what your age is now, but if you are under the age of 18, you are a child, regardless of whether or not you are having sex.Yes, dwelling on the bad aspects makes for a bitter relationship, but it is equally worse to close your eyes to them all together. Do not sweat the small stuff, but realize that there are some things you should never allow to happen (deal breakers as you will) find out what they are for you & don’t compromise your opinion for any one.
Your Welcome

I am only sorry that I stayed in that relationship for that long. Nevertheless, without my marriage & eventual divorce, I would not be the person I am today, not to mention I would not have the beautiful daughter that I have. I am in no way Sorry for the actions that I had to take. Actually, I received the Final Divorce Decree on my 25th birthday & I still say that it was the best gift I ever got from someone.

Age is never the issue, unless one person in the relationship (no matter how mature for their age) is technically a child (under the age of 18).

To put it quite bluntly…
There are differences with every relationship, but the reality still stands…anyone who has to go to a child for an intimate relationship is either immature, a pedophile, or a mix of both.

At 16, I thought myself very mature, too mature for those my age, but I was still in no way as mature as an adult was. In reality, I had absolutely NO CLUE, as anyone who is truthful with themselves would agree to also. I don’t even think the me now would be able to knock any since into the me at 16, but yet I was determined to do what I felt I as ready for. All I have to say is good luck to those of you who are in their Teens & hopefully you will fair well in the end like I did (no children or sickness from my “mature” actions) Really, if I were as mature as I had thought then, I’d have stayed abstained & just loved being a child.

I'm 14 now. I didn't close my eyes completely. Well, not in that relationship, anyway. I pnly closed my eyes to small, meaningless things, like the way he stirred his coffee.

I do realize that there are some things that I shouldn't ler happen. They didn't happen with him. I had a boyfriend who hit me, and he was the same age as I was. I don't know if it was because he was young and didn't know any better, or if it was because he was an idiot. Maybe a combination of both.

It's because he was an idiot. Anyone who "doesn't know any better" at 14 is an idiot, because they should damn well know better long before then. It doesn't take much to learn smacking into people doesn't solve problems.

He always said I asked for it. I think that we were both idiots. He had me sucked in by his sweet words, and I was afraid to get out. When I finally did, I went back, but eventually, I ended it for good.

It's a problem a lot of people go through (getting sucked in to the sweet words), but I'm glad you managed to get out - a lot of people don't. The only people I know who have ever really "asked for it" were into BDSM and were quite happy to receive it too, which is something else entirely