| User | Comment |
|---|
| ASexyBabe | | posted 6-Sep-2000 10:33am |
Not if I did not like the change. |
| Hotbabe | | posted 6-Sep-2000 10:57am |
Only if I was unhappy with that aspect of my appearance and also I would do it for myself, not to please my SO. |
| jjg | | posted 6-Sep-2000 11:06am |
My wife has already changed the way I dress. |
| kirst | | posted 6-Sep-2000 11:20am |
If I wanted to. I wouldn't change, though, just to please him. |
| supplicant | | posted 6-Sep-2000 11:21am |
There are a few things I'd have no problem with, but not all that many. |
| Jemmy | | posted 6-Sep-2000 11:27am |
Maybe. I'm not sure. That's not very nice of them, though. |
| natsim | | posted 6-Sep-2000 11:54am |
My SO would not ask me to change my appearance, except perhaps to squeeze a big fat white zit on my forehead or something really tame like that. |
Enheduanna  |
I'm not sure if I would. I guess it would depend on what they were asking me to change and why. And whether I wanted to or not. The thing is, once they ask, even if I decide I want to, I'd feel like I was changing it for them, which I wouldn't feel quite right doing. I guess mostly I'd feel like they didn't like me as I was, and that my appearance was more important to them than what is inside.
The advanced stats are interesting--no women have answered yes so far, but over a third of the men have. |
| mary |
Well, my S/O wouldn't ask that of me. But, if he says that he likes good tans I will focus on getting one, stuff like that. |
Kristal_Rose    |
As long as there was no insistence, it would be a pleasure. Chances are though that anyone who hooked up with me liked my tastes in the first place. Also, I've found that trying to please anyone while playing the defensive is doomed to failure. I wouldn't change to anything I didn't like myself, but I always like to try on new looks. |
| anonymous |
what's an SO? |
| Enheduanna | | (reply to anonymous) posted 6-Sep-2000 5:21pm |
Significant Other |
| sequel |
If an SO took it upon himself to ask that I change my appearance, I'd dump him immediately. Well, no, not quite -- first I'd list all the things about his appearance that he should improve... |
bill  |
Yes, within limits.... though, she apparently likes me like I am. I've asked, and she never seems interested in changing me. |
| bill |
I'm actually a TLC fan... Here are some relevant lyrics from "Unpretty": Never insecure until I met you Now I'm bein' stupid I used to be so cute to me Just a little bit skinny Why do I look to all these things To keep you happy Maybe get rid of you And then I'll get back to me (hey) more... |
| Maarten |
Clothes maybe... plastic surgery no way!! |
| cody |
if I could.. that is. |
| Zang |
Clothing, yeah, no problem. Hair/facial hair, as long as I thought it looked okay. Tattoos, piercings, unnecessary surgery, major weight gain or loss, stuff like that...not a chance. |
| mandy | | posted 6-Sep-2000 10:10pm |
My So would never ask such a thing. She already agrees that I am perfect! as is!  |
| Zang |
Although the advanced stats have changed significantly since you made that comment, I'll venture an opinion. I would guess that women tend to be more insecure about their appearance, and therefore spend a lot of time fussing over it. If their SO were to suggest something else, it would be like saying "All that time you've spent fussing over your appearance was wasted". Where as most men spend significantly less time worrying and obsessing over how they look. If their SO says "Why don't you wear that shirt I bought you for your birthday?", he's probably going to think "Well, that will save me having to make that decision." |
| TwistedIvory | | posted 6-Sep-2000 10:31pm |
I think just about the most I'd do would be to cut my goatee. Other than that. . . probably not. I grew my hair out for my last SO and like it better this way, so it stays; the earrings stay, so does all else. . . |
| Enheduanna | | (reply to Zang) posted 7-Sep-2000 10:16am |
Still more men than women say yes in the advanced stats.
I think you're pretty much right about the differences between men's and women's relations to their appearance. I also think women spend a lot of time working on their appearances based on what they perceive as attractive, and alter how they look in lots of ways without being asked (and would probably be offended if asked). Women are more likely to make the changes for "themselves," although this is misleading because it's probably not for themselves that they're really doing it.
There's also a stereotype about a woman taking a man and "whipping him into shape"--getting him to wear nicer clothes, getting him to shave more often, breaking all his nasty bachelor habits, etc. I find it fascinating that the number of men who voted "yes" bear that out to some extent. For all their pissing and moaning, men like women who make them feel like a "better man." |
| Enheduanna | | posted 7-Sep-2000 10:23am |
I've thought it over and decided that, beyond the suggestion of what outfit they might like me to wear, I wouldn't change my appearance for an SO. I look the way I look because I want to look this way; some of it is ideological, and I would not compromise what I believe in order to please someone else. I would not feel right giving in to any insecurities I have about how attractive they find me, and would rather stick to my guns than cave in order to please them. In the long run, that would make me feel more insecure. If they would leave me because I refused to change something for them, then they could not have liked me very much in the first place. |
| jettles | | posted 7-Sep-2000 10:42am |
certainly not.......
|
| Kikz | | posted 7-Sep-2000 10:49pm |
I'd change my appearance by changing who was to my left |
| Kristal_Rose | | posted 8-Sep-2000 12:14am |
You folks have it easy. I constanly play with the question "would you change your anatomy for your SO"? I want a sex change, but if I was with a woman who wanted me to keep my anatomy, without considering me male, I probably would, because I can make my experience feminine, while she might prefer that deep gush. On the other hand, If I get permanent with a guy, there's no question - operation. |
| Kristal_Rose | | posted 8-Sep-2000 12:16am |
HEY, do those fortune cookies in the IntelliHealth banner look like a torso to you to? |
| romkey |
how hung up we are about controlling how we look! I think if an SO gave me an ultimatum ("either you change this or else") then that would be an indication that there was something else substantially wrong, but at the very least I think that changing how you look can easily be a form of play; if a request was made to me in a respectful manner then I don't see the harm in it. |
| Zang |
I'm reminded of a report I read recently, where a study was done comparing the perceptions of men and women to photographs of the same people, dressed in different clothes. The women tended to find men who were dressed in nice expensive clothes as more sexually appealing regardless of their physical attributes. The men ignored the clothes, it really wasn't a factor. I think this supports my theory that men basically go around undressing women with their eyes all the time anyway. I know I do!  |
| micah |
...Honey, I don't like how you're dressed....take it off! All of it!
I'd be happy to change my appearance! |
| Kristal_Rose |
Back when I was a guy, I was outraged that store owners would treat me with suspicion when carrying a backpack and dressed a bit shabbily though clean, while on the other hand people addressed me as sir when wearing a suit and carrying an attaché. |
| micah |
I would call that common sense. Don't get too pissed about stuff like that. Stress is very bad for you. |
| Kristal_Rose | | (reply to micah) posted 9-Sep-2000 9:27pm |
I don't anymore, I was a different person then. I have a fantastic rapport with everyone I meet on the streets now, and even if I didn't, I'm much more forgiving about peoples superficiality (they know not what they do). It wasn't the reaction to the poor look that bothered me, it was the contrast later, when I became a suit. Since the suit cost me only $6 and was really cool, I later adopted the philosophy that I could congratulate people on their looks, once I realized that they were accessable to anyone who wanted them, even if they were living on rice and hand picked berries as I was then. That suit was a big break; I went from a wannabe at a floundering Citroën garage to attending technology shows and talking to engineers in person, and negotiating with COO's of big companies like logitech, adobe, coke, & disney all because I changed my self-conception (& got access to a computer, fax, & long distance service (moved in with parents)).
Micah: You mentioned wishing people would listen to your ideas (on global social/technical utopia?). My advice is redefine yourself. I got to the phase mentioned by considering myself a colleague of those leaders, not just a peon with brilliant common sense. Even then, I found I had te redefine myself as a peer to higher forces, and fore-go personal recognition. {motive test} but at least I get what I want to happen now (actually I always did, I just thought I had to be personally physically engaged in it before). Also contemplate the big picture of what you want. Is utopia what we need? What is it? Who is it for? |
| RaveDevil | | posted 10-Sep-2000 3:37am |
Sure...anything better for them is pretty sure to be better for me |
| Andyroo | | posted 10-Sep-2000 10:13am |
Nope. I'd never change the way I look for anyone, but me. If she don't like me, then she can go find someone else. |
| bill | | posted 10-Sep-2000 10:23am |
I also agree with what Zang and Enheduanna said about the female/male difference. I think that for me, it's part of a bigger sexual roles issue. As a male I'm expected to do my own thing, make my own way in life. I think our society allows women to not be this way (though, that has been changing). It's OK for a woman to just be a wife, but not OK for a man to just be a husband. Anyway... I find that I'm often feeling alone in my independence. I'm looking for some feedback about how I'm doing. So, I do seek the opinion of people close to me about stuff like that. An extension of that would be wanting my SO to give me tips on how I look. |
| Enheduanna | | (reply to Zang) posted 10-Sep-2000 11:13am |
It also supports my theory that women really dress for other women; it's only the women who notice. |
| Zang |
Yes |
| Kristal_Rose |
Yes |
| Avocado | | posted 11-Sep-2000 1:28am |
No. But I have expressed opinions on SO's appearances before... like one I thought he looked really good in a beard, and another I wanted her to keep her hair long. Though these are simply instances in which I expressed a preference for something they'd all ready tried, rather than suggesting something new. |
| micah |
I want to push people along the path, faster than they want to go. I've recently been skyrocketed forward with my recent breakup with my girlfriend, and can totally feel my spirit flying, but I'm still sad. That proves itself as a gauge, to tell me just how connected I really am(how much more climbing I have). My mind keeps telling me to look back down the ladder to those close to me, and I want to throw them a rope before I move on. I choose not to move up without bringing everyone with me. I want to be the light. The biggest difficulty is with my x-girlfriend. It's shocking to think of how much spiritual development she has to go...and of course, my mind plays the part of tagging the situation with a value judgement, and I feel so sad. I want to be her teacher, but must sit on the sidelines and wait it out. I love her so much, and hope that she 'gets it' in this lifetime. |
| Kristal_Rose | | posted 11-Sep-2000 8:54am |
or even need to go. The fatalistic side of mystic vision indicates it's all God, and can only return to such.
But yes, we are here for a century or so, and our thoughts manifest, so we should choose thought &/or action that make the best of our experience. So much is available here.
Re: getting it. I've had the rare privelage of being two persona's in one life, and the funny thing is both persona's would look at the other and say you're missing the point. My prior side emphasised mystical transcendence, knowledge, power, eradication of the ego, & unbiased judgement; my latter experience valued the human experience - emotional relationships, play & delight, appreciation of nature, experience above contemplation. And having now somewhat integrated these extremes I can't make an experiential or philosophical arguement on behalf of either. But I do see now that one person's asleep is another person's awake. You and I are both awake, yet are somewhat unfamiliar with each others faculties. I recently broke up with a woman whom I had a deep love for, whom shared many mystical experiences with me, and whom had a vastly greater knowledge of occultism than I. In fact I realize just now. I was a mysticist and she was an occultist. It's amazing what grand excursions we had together considering I believe the world is for our benefit and we are in union with God, while she believed (I think) that Earth is a battlefield and God is not even helping us.
Another perspective that might help you out is to look at the old pantheistic religions: you had war goddesses, time gods, debauchery gods, etc. Translate that to God manifest as our mutual multiple existetialism incarnate form, and you will see that everyone here is providing a story. Some stories are miserable. You have the good fortune of being one with vision, and perhaps you'll be creating microcosms of heaven in your wake, with or without their cognitive pre-consent. But again I ask: Who is it for and why? |
| micah |
Sorry Kristal. I lost the reference point. Where can I find the comment to which you refer? |
| Kristal_Rose | | posted 11-Sep-2000 11:15am |
Your prior comment. You said "I want to push people along the path, faster than they want to go.", and I responded "or even need to go." Or do you mean "Who is it for?" which is just 10 comments up on this survey. Written 9/9/2000 6:53pm, if you really like details. |
| micah | | posted 11-Sep-2000 11:31am |
"Who is it for?" with a Utopia subject. |
| Kristal_Rose | | posted 11-Sep-2000 11:41am |
then later the trail of heavens subject. Pretty much the same question. Yep, Yep, Yep. Although the latter get's us a bit closer. |
| micah |
All a short lived idea for everyone. Who'd see it anyway? ...or rather, who would choose to see it? They certainly don't see it now. I wish I could explain myself in an understandable fashion when I say that pain is just as beautiful as the pleasure. That it's all just another color in the white of love. Do you see the root of my frustration? I stopped talking like that in 8th grade, and have pretty much kept my mouth shut, and just became the passive observer. People complain about how quiet I normally am, but they don't know that the reason for it is that I know they don't want to hear what I have to say. So be it. My lesson of patience sure is taking a long time! Hurry the fudge up! lol |
| Kristal_Rose | | (reply to micah) posted 11-Sep-2000 3:27pm |
I've seen red, a love on a carrier wave of hatred. It's all white in a sense. But I can't see why anyone would prefer to experience pain, hatred, or misery, though I can present no argument against it in the big picture. To further a prior point, my soulmate also felt I was much lower on the ladder than her, and though to believe her would go against everything I've arrived at in a dozen years of intensive contemplation and experience, I can see how my beliefs would go against everything she studied and correlated with her consequential vastly different life experience. I never got the chance to explain how my belief system explains her experience, while her's does not explain mine. That teaching frustration you mentioned.
I hope you're getting my point. I want to hear much more about your paradigm, but I don't blame J for leaving you based on what you just wrote.
Your answer to my question shows some awareness, but I was hoping for a couple tiers higher. Who told you a compassionate bodhisattva suffers? What does your martyrdom serve? Thoughts are contagious, whether they be of love or hate, or paradise, or purgatory or suffering. If you enjoy silent suffering, keep it in your world, you'll be provided plenty of reason to believe it's warranted. I hope you lose your patience. That rope ladder you wish to dangle below you seems to indicate to me that you have contaminated one realm to create contrast with a higher realm, eventually I think you'll find it preferable to rewrite your lower domains. I think you're where I was at back in 1991, 3 years into my radical awakening which 12 years later is still sinking in, and being creatively applied. I'm glad I had teachers at that point lend me a hand up, even though I took them to be far below me at the time, as they didn't seem to acknowledge my mystical connection.
Perhaps I've read wrong too much from too little.
Make God's experience a good one. Love K |
| North79 | | posted 12-Sep-2000 10:00am |
Maybe, if it wasn't too drastic and I was indifferent. |
| gdrago23 | | posted 24-Sep-2000 3:45am |
I already let her pluck my eyebrows, I shorten my, um, fuzz so she won't be picking them out from between her teeth, and I try and make myself look nice for her...
But then again, she shaves (soon to be waxes!) for me, and may dye her hair my favorite (hair) color for me. |
LindaH  | | posted 22-Jul-2008 6:12pm |
NO!  I'm not anyone's doll. |
