If someone is in a monogamous relationship, do you think having cyber sex is cheating?

Doing anything your partner doesn't want you to be doing is cheating.

No.

Doing anything your partner doesn't want you to be doing is free will. Cyber-sex isn't real sex -- you're not even in the same room! It's just wanking with someone else.

Oooooh. That's a toughie.

drdt: Anythingyour partner doesn't want you to do? So am I cheating on her when I watch NYPD Blue against her wishes?

That's a real gray area. Like maybe charcoal...(sorry, Fletch reference). I'm not quite sure; I'm positive my SO would say yes, so I guess I better say yes.

It is cheating when my S/O does but it isn't cheating when I do it (I've never done it). That is the way I feel anyway, but I am such a jealous person, maybe because I can't trust him anymore.
But I have never had cyber sex before anyway. I just don't think like that. I dig my dildo, is that cheating?

anon #2: I think maybe drdt meant that in reference to what your partner may be doing with another PERSON which includes being unfaithful to the commitment with each other, physical or not.
You probably already knew that but you just wanted to be a pain in the ass.


okay, I am grumpy

For me, cheating and fidelity are a lot more about intent than action, so things like even an kiss or cybersex when made with an intention against the agreed terms of the relationship qualify as cheating.

If it makes the other person in the relationship uncomfortable, then yes.... If it doesn't bother the other person, then no.

I don't think so.
Cheating, to me, involves touching.

Typing dirty to an anonymous stranger, who you'll never meet and fudge, is not cheating.

Neither is watching men masturbating in front of a webcam, I hope. Or I'm in biiiiiiiig trouble!
*licks her lips*

lol

For me, if it involves any sort of emotional attachment, which I'm guessing cyber-sex would (phone sex does), then it would constitute cheating.

cheating, to my mind, means saying one thing and doing another.

I am with you on this one They.

well cheese, that's makes me uncomfortable...so...would you and they be cheating?

Magbast: Do you mean cheating as in me & they with each other or me and they with others?

What is this cyber-sex? Sounds interesting. Do people do it via e-mail? Chat rooms?

Yes

It's not nearly as bad as actually having sex with someone, but if done behind the other's back, I think it is deceitful and therefore "cheating".

I'm not to sure I guess it is up to the other person. I mean it is not as bad as actually having sex with someone.

Um, I dont really know. Thats a pretty hard question cause there are alot of different branches of answers. I think that it really depends on how you would feel in that situation...

I have trouble with the whole "cheating" concept anyway.
Why would "cyber-sex" be different than "phone sex"? it long-distance (supposed) mutual masterbation, right?

I said yes. If a couple has a relationship where they don't mind each other getting off with others online, I don't think I'd call that a ``monogamous'' relationship.

No, as long as you don't carry it any further. Like arrange secret meetings together. It's not any worse than daydreaming about another. Harmless fun for the mind. I think cheating involves a physical relationship.

depends on how the couple define monogamy. and also what sort of online sex roleplay they're having.

yeah, I think it is. Wouldn't you think it was if it was your significant other was doin it behind your back?! If they weren't cheatin then they could just jerk off by themselves!

i hope n-... i mean i dont think so!

Think of it however you want, but it is still cheating. Actually, even thinking about being without someone else is a very subtle form of cheating if you think about it. Now, it's not technically cheating, but on the mental plane, it really is cheating (and often the other person can sense such things). Ideally, if one is with the ideal mate, they should not need to even think of another. If they don't believe in or want monogamy, then that is fine, but they should be able to be honest with their lover and be with someone compatible who thinks the same way or wants the same kind of thing. I can't stand liers who mess with people's minds because of their selfishness when there are plenty of people out there who would be fine to have an open relationship with them. I make it a point, even if I am really mad at someone or they've betrayed me, I will not cheat. I don't like what I see in others and I don't want to be that. Also, it's pretty back to get back at cheaters by cheating... it makes you so cheap and often you didn't even want to sleep with the person you did, so I think that is really sad.

anonymous #1, cyber sex IS sex, and wanking with someone else IS cheating. Sorry, I disagree with you. If you have agreed to a MONOGAMOUS relationship with someone else, then you should not need such things, and if you have need of such things, perhaps you should re-evaluate why you are in a monogomous relationship, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, make sure your mate understands monogamy in the same way you do! I think that's they main problem with these kinds of things... people have different ideas of monogamy, desire different levels of monogamy, and have different dreams of what they want the love of their life to be like (or maybe they just want sex slaves their whole life)... people don't communicate enough about what they're looking for and therefore hook up with the wrong people.
Personally, I have yet to find my "knight in shining armor", if such a thing exists... My boyfriend certainly is not one, sorry to say. My vision of a knight in shining armor does not include him "wanking" with someone else, devouring huge amounts of porno, having cyber sex or flirting with other women online, lying to me about important things that concern me (such as other women) or extensively (little white, personal lies that are nothing more really than small personal secrets don't bother me, however), etc... It also doesn't include what the majority of the men in this day and age have become... wimpy, weak, unhonerable, gangster wannabees, but oh well. I should have become celibate and devoted my energy to spiritual things when I had the willpower... Most men are nothing more than mice (sorry guys, but that's how you all seem to me now and how most of you act). I wonder if they've always been like that.
So sad, I still want to believe in fairy tales and that men like that exist...

figure it to be something (sexual thoughts, ideas, fantasies etc) that you share with your SO so could take away from the emotional love that is shared with your SO and considered an "affair"????

mega kudos cydonia ... regarding the whole issue of being for the entire person that you love and only that person ... *kudos again!!

If they were replacing the normal relationship with it, I'd prolly have to give her a wake-up call about it.

You know, all of us here make up the "cyber-sects" of different aspects. Those of us that choose to verbalize our arguments are the "oral sects". So what now?

Sects, sects, sects. Is that all you people can think about?

If cybersex is cheating, so is masturbating!

Spoken like a true cyber-sexer!

Not at all. Its all talk and no action.

Well...how would you feel if you found out your SO was sexually gratifying herself with someone online when instead she should be doing sexual gratification with you?...think about it

What if your SO was gratifying themselves online and still gratifying you offline?

I'd rather they put that time into gratifying me and not into gratifying someone they don't even know

What if you're not around? I suppose they shouldn't masturbate either, since they aren't putting that energy into you, and just pleasuring themselves?

Except the fact that they are pleasuring someone else on the internet unless that has been brought to your attention...so I still advise against it

Yeah.

it is just "cyber" sex! damn, i mean you don't even see or touch the the other person!cyber sex is just jerking off while you are on-line!

It is dirty secrets being kept from your S/O. If they are hiding it they are cheating. My space is the worst. I found out my S/O was having cyber sex with a girl on his my space. He travels for a living and is only home once a month. She's in California and he goes thereon trips.How do I know if theyaren't doing more than cybersex?Idon't I just know on 1 e-mail he gave his phone no. to her for when he's in town. Is that cheating? Reply to this. I'm home working and taking care of his 2 girls.
We have great sex when he's home so what do you do in this case? I haven't said anything yet but I do say it's cheating.

If that's what the two people in the monogamous relationship consider to be cheating - they may have their own definition. I would consider it cheating if I had an SO who did that.