What do you do when your significant other is having a breakdown?

I would stand by him, see him through his troubled times

Just stand next to (by) him? Just stand there?

I would take care of him. My husband rarely gets sick, but when he was I nursed him back to health. My husband and I share separate rooms, so I didn't miss him being from my room. BUT, I heard a loud thud in the bathroom. I rushed into the bathroom, saw him lying on the floor, his head next to the bathtub. I talked to him, he could hardly talk. I asked him a couple questions, then I called 911. He went to the hospital, he was dehydrated, they had to rehydrate him. He had been sick with a cold, but neglected to take in enough fluids. A few of his family members have the same problem. When he came home, I pushed a pitcher of water in front of him, and gave him some minerals. A little time later, perhaps 3 or 4 months, he said he became dizzy and weak again, I asked him, if he needed to go to the hospital again...he said no. I again, gave him fluids, and minerals wherever he sat, and next to his bed.. That was a few years ago, he now fills himself with water....BUT unfortunately, he loves colas, which is not good. But, for an 80 year old man, he's doing well...comes from a line of long livers..

I would stand by him...in the next room.

Talking to them trying to sort out the situation would be the best thing to do I think.

shrug it off

I have done all of these things at one time or another
I try to be kind and supportive but I also know when I am being manipulated and I refuse to FEED that behavior any more

1. Hide the phone. She calls anyone she can at all hours of the night. Family won't talk to her anymore.

2. Hide the wine. It makes her more insane.

3. Hide the CD's. She likes to go outside and blast the neighbors went out of control

4. Stay away from her to prevent her deciding to pick on me.

5. Long for when she finally passes out and falls asleep.

6. Enjoy the next day as I tell her all the things she did (which she never remembers) and her saying "Oh no"

Luckily this happens now maybe once a year. 25 years ago it was weekly.

I have never had a significant other where this has happened.,............ I have had it where my SO has been very frustrated and NO MATTER what I say it will end in an argument so I just shut up....

My husband and I share separate rooms............ isn't this an oxymoron?

Sorry, I meant to say we have separate rooms, have for 20 years... He didn't want separate rooms, but now he's used to it, likes it. I wanted separate rooms after I had a car accident. I wish I felt different.....to cuddle with a loving man would be wonderful.

Ugh. Been there. Never again.

That's how I started to feel about Rod at the end..... that I was being manipulated because of his anxiety. It got to the point where I always wondered if his need for me to stay home was the anxiety or just a control thing.

mmmmmm so its you and not him then?

Yes...I know you can't understand, but this is what happens when there is no love. I still have those feelings, but not for him...

Mine seems annoyed right now that I'm sitting here on Mallory's MacBook typing instead of sitting watching him watching my TV...*sigh*

ugh.

Men.

It just seems like a big hassle to me these days. Maybe after Mary grows up.

Are you on Facebook?

nope...I don't even have email...I'm just playing on Mallory's laptop to piss off my husband

Ok, Thanks for sharing.......I want to ask more but its none of my business,

Regards David

> Mine seems annoyed right now that I'm sitting here on Mallory's MacBook
> typing instead of sitting watching him watching my TV...*sigh*

Whats up with that? Mine does the same thing, acts like his feelings are hurt if I dont sit down with him to watch TV. I rarely like to sit and watch TV. I would rather be doing something productive.

or if I pick up a book while he's just sitting next to me watching what he wants to watch he says, "What's wrong, am I boring you?"

> or if I pick up a book while he's just sitting next to me watching
> what he wants to watch he says, "What's wrong, am I boring you?"
>

they are so self centered

David, feel free to ask me any questions,

Pick them up.

So why do you have separate rooms from your husband?

I'm not in love with my husband. We really are not suited, not compatible. Our marriage was a mistake from the beginning. It was my fault, I was so naive. But, he gave me two precious sons, for that I am thankful..I wouldn't trade them for anything.

In these later years, we get along, he has been in the last six months, the husband I wish he had been all along. We don't fight, we do have some disagreements. I'm not sorry I stayed because to the children I wanted to give some stability. The first 43 years of our marriage I never denied my husband, I finally did. Perhaps my accident triggered my pent up anger. Of course, he visited me at night sometimes.

I have tried and tried to forgive him for the earlier years, but haven't been able to, the anger so deep. When I married my husband I was in seventh heaven, thought we'd be a happy family, something I wanted so desperately...family is everything. But, he regretted marrying me, because I brought with me two daughters from a former marriage, children by another man, unthinkable. I've been reminded of that often until a couple years ago. It pained me so much, he never accepted my girls… He was emotionally abusive to them, never a loving example of a father. My girls needed that. But, because they never knew anyone else, they love him. They call him dad. My oldest girl was the one that took most of his irresponsibility, because she looked more like her bio dad. She has always tried to stay in contact with her bio dad, and took his name at age 18 years. She wanted to belong. Both my girls did. My youngest daughter felt the same, but she told me she still thinks of my husband as her dad, but wished she had a relationship with her bio dad. I tried so hard to be both mom and dad, and you can’t do it. My first husband, too, was not a father, and it hurt. It was my fault I couldn’t give my children the loving home, and father they deserved. This is on my head, the guilt. I think of it now, it makes my heart hurt. I know the anger I feel is why I had the stroke, pent up anger. My daughters were 5 mos. And almost a year and a half when I met my husband. They were babies. He always made a difference between our sons, and my daughters. My daughters noticed, especially the oldest daughter.

With our two sons, he would whip them on occasion, never taught them things. He was heavily involved with their sports, took them fishing and hunting because he enjoyed those things. He never sat and talked to them about life, man, son talks. To this day, it's about sports. This is how he communicates...through sports. My oldest daughter wanted to be involved, go with them fishing and hunting ,but he said “no because girls are a pain on such trips“. My daughter was heartbroken. My daughters wanted approval from a father, never got it.

This is why it is so important, for the life long marriage to be alike, ESPECIALLY if you have children, to know the person backwards, and forwards. I was young and foolish, wanted a family. I feel down deep, my husband wanted his own daughters, but we had boys.

Aside from the major issues with my daughters, my husband and I are not suited. I’m a people person, he is not. I’m a sociable person, he is not. He’s not a person with initiative, severe procrastinator. He’s definitely not a leader. He had a severe temper, throw things, beat holes in the walls, kick things, much like his father did. Was physical. He’s a former alcoholic, yet retains the alcoholic personality.

I wanted a family that had God as the main focus. He didn’t want to go to church, even though he believes. I failed my children, I sent them to church, but didn’t go myself. I was so disappointed, unhappy in my marriage, but I should have been stronger and gone. I know my unhappiness would have shown. Thank God, my children are believers, go to church to this day, with the exception of my oldest girl, but she has faith. I love all my children.

This is the tip of the iceberg of his lack of responsibility, caring and love. My husband has stayed with me, because I think he wants a family, he just never knew how. I can handle about anything, but when it came to my children, I’m as a mother bear with her cubs. I’ll never forgive him.

Thats too bad I am sorry to hear, Thanks for sharing .......... Im curious how is the relation ship between the sons and daughters?

The children love each other, support each other. I've often wondered what their feelings are. The boys have never talked about their feelings, with the exception my youngest son said he feels his father didn't care about him as much as his brother. My youngest son and my oldest daughter got into a bit of an argument a couple years ago, but since then everything is okay, they hug each other, talk. My oldest daughter is a lesbian, but has told me is a bi. This crushed my soul. My youngest son is heartbroken. The other two hasn't said anything. One day, I'm going to gather them together and want to hear from their hearts. My sons and daughter grew up with each other. If anyone felt anything different, it would be the girls, but the girls love the boys, but heart of hearts, know their brothers had priorities with dad, because they were boys and his bio children.

As adults the children do not fight, they do love each other....I wouldn't have it any other way. There will be no friction...

God wants you to forgive him
God wants you to forgive yourself
God doesn't want you to live without joy
*hug*

Thank you Mandy, for your kind, comforting words....God bless you! .*Hugs*

I would listen.
Retreat if necessary.

I'm not good at making contact. I believe in leaving people to it. But only if I have the faith of knowing they should ask for support if they need it.