It's the Survey Central Athletics meeting. Which events do you want to participate in?

TO THEY: You said:

Tho, it's a shame you didn't offer more less-athletic options like tug of war.

This is an Athletics meeting, all of the above are in one. Tug of war isn't!

Oh gee i would not even get past the Hammer or Triple Jump in my condition har har

100 metres, shot putt and high jump. They're the three events I did in my last Athletics competition.

Anything that doesn't involve running.

None, thanks. I'll just cheer other people on.

100 meters because I'm more of a sprinter... then discus and shot put because they're silly. ...and long jump because I remember kind of liking that too.

I'll give the biathlon a try.

I haven't a fudging clue what most of those are. We 'yards' not meters
And which one of those 'thlon's include cat juggling?
AND WHAT THE HELL IS A STEEPLECHASE!!???! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
steeples don't run away silly!

Let me throw that javelin once or twice.

is "throw" the right word?

No bench ball? Ok, 100 metres, long jump, and javelin.

Cum shot

I'll do distance swimming. Slow but steady.

The Grab Ass Contest.