Dear Billy The Bum

Dear Billy the Bum,
How will I see your answer to my question if it is on the wall of a men's restroom?

No, thanks.

well you'll have to go there.
can i have a quarter?

ok, can i have a quarter then?

this reminds me of http://www.frankthebum.com/

Yeah you can.

Who is the President's best friend?

thanks.
can i have 50 cents?

i was thinking of those articles in the onion
like ask a wiccan priestess.
but nobody has asked for any advice so i cant play. should've done it anonymous.
i cant pull these off as myself.
ahh, remember the good old days of heyzeus' anonymous surveys...

i've never met him, so i really dont know. can i have a quarter?

chaaaaaange
chaaaaaaaaaaaange...

If I was able to actually well, talk to him about it instead, sure. I mean, it's a dollar. I would love to talk about life with a bum. Maybe we would talk about it over a meal at McDonald's, on me of course.

Sure. Here, have two.

THAT WAS YOU!!!!

No, that's a bit much for your not-very-good answer.

Darn. It woulda been a kick to imagine his name on the wall. But I can do that for free.

only the good ones, bill.

i know there were some pretty crappy people attacking other people with anonymous surveys and remarks, but that's not my style.

Hey, Billy, are Kierkegaard and/or Goethe worth reading?

Well, its like this
a few weeks ago, i had an awful day out here. I wandered between 50th all the way up to 68th, a high class area, you know. but it was awful, cold and snowy, bitter like the people who passed by. nobody would give me change, nobody would look me in the eye. I had the worst take home in years, $3.37 was it for 4 hours of work.
I took that to Denny Dean's Pub on 48th to get a beer, and even the bartender was an ass to me. He said'drink it and get out', wouldnt look me in the eye.
so after my bud and shot of everclear, i headed to the can to take a piss.
and then i looked in the mirror.
well, guess what.
there was this HUGE pile of frozen booger all over my beard. I must have sneezed and it froze there. it had been there all day, and nobody had the decency to say anything, they just looked away and mumbled something about 'I just gave my change to some guy on the other corner'.
well, Kierkegaard is like that.
a huge frozen booger on my beard, taunting me, denying me.
a huge frozen booger.
goethe...he's no frozen booger though.

I'm not sure a alone can justify that, but I have nothing else to say, so thanks

not sure a what alone can what?

Ok, Billy, how do we stop people from picking on weaker people?

Dear Billy the Bum - Should I stay or should I go now? Should I stay or should I go now, Bill you just gotta let me know, should I stay or should I go?

*Shrug* It doesn't matter.

Dear Billy the Bum, I was wondering if you had any spare change?

Well gee whiz all i got is hardly a penney and living on a fixed income

?? why even bother with this ??

Do you take Amex?

Ha! thats a good one. well, I am always willing to consider trading spare change for something more valuable. What have you got?

I can't say. Is the corner you're on providing you enough duckets?
will the corner on the sunny side of the street provide more?
or will you get run over by a bus will crossing the street to get there?
These are the chances we take, my friend.
I've spent my whole life going, and have only been run over by a bus once.

It depends what amex is? A pill right? can you derscribe it?
I take little blue ones, little square red ones, and whatever else i find on the sidewalk or the floor of the bathroom stall.

maybe you should reconsider you financial budget. Not eating can save you tons of money!

2QAYL

When I was in 'Nam, we stopped people from picking on weaker people by shooting them. I am pretty sure that still works.

I've got a bottle of your finest liquor.

Yup, that still works.

ok then!
but 'my' finest liquor kind of varies in quality,

It's actually 90% moonshine I made in my basement.

> maybe you should reconsider you financial budget. Not eating can save
> you tons of money!

Yes perhaps i should do this or figure out something

Urinate off

You're fired.

What shall I have for my tea today?

"How will I get to see my answer in the men's room?"

Oh crap, I just used up my question, didn't I?

Billy the Bum, are you related to Jake the Peg?