How would you conquer the earth?

Well, one way to do it might be to sucker some poor sap into a conversation with a burning bush and start a couple or three religions based on the event and a book comprising a collection of ancient histories, myths and arbitrary rules.

I would land and just tell them straight up - we're here, we're far superious than you, either you do what you're told or we're going to punish you. End of story.

Step 1: Run a survey web site
Step 2: ...
Step 3: Conquered!

I would deploy alien agents disguised as humans and have them take over all important aspects of human culture. They would have no idea what hit them. Violence would get to messy.

1) Undergo genetic manipulation to disguise myself as a human
2) Get a place at medical school
3) Qualify as a doctor
4) Specialise as a pathologist
5) Learn how to re-animate the dead
6) Create an army of zombies
7) Unleash them upon the world
8) Curse when I realise that the zombies decompose before I can take over
9) Sell the patent for my Zombie-maker method to Microsoft, thereby allowing them to monopolise the afterlife
10) Use the proceeds to build a spaceship
11) Go into space
12) Look down at all the puny earthlings
13) Laugh, like this: Mwahahahahaha!
14) Have a snack and check my emails
15) Fly around the sun backwards, creating a hole in the space-time continuum
16) Go back in time to about the year 20AD
17) Use my modern-medicine healing powers (plus my rather swanky spaceship) to create a new religion before Jesus manages to dominate the market
18) Travel back to the present
19) Revel in the worship of a few billion people
20) Get them to do my laundry and bring me biscuits

I would use military force, but nothing dramatic like threatening blowing up the Earth or anything. I would study the Earth and its international politics, and use that in my strategy . I would use some combination of the Powel Doctrine and the 1700's British strategy of divide and conquer. Take over 3rd world countries that nobody cares about first, then European countries since would be the least likely to fight back, and I would take over the US, China, and the crazy muslim nations last.

If that doesn't work, I would use sexually attractive, intelligent sociopolitical beings that resemble humans, make $$ the legal way, and just start investing in gold and real estate.

Create an army of cloned Bruce Lees to take over the Chuck-tatorship that is our country.

I'd send Zim

I would have to let the ends justify the means.

Build a massive robotic intelligence force and stagger dates for releasing them into civilisation in massive quantities. At first they aid those in danger, and seem like friendly police; but on the same day as I crash all government information systems, globally, they are instructed keep guard of people in their homes with lasers blocking off streets and such, which, when crossed, kill. So only the most stupid die. I wouldn't bother doing this in third world countries.

The elderly and children are cared for. The internet is down. Politicians are coerced into underground bunkers, never to see daylight again. Teachers and professors are rounded up and the best are recruited; so are civil servants. All those with the right qualifications to practice medicine are also rounded up.

The most vapid of celebrities are kept underground with the politicians.

Then the rules are relaxed. The boundaries of countries mayn't be crossed until the following has been accomplished: the economy has been kept as stable as possible; people can shop, buy books, visit the cinema, go to work. But the education system has entirely changed, and a universal secular law similar to both Kant's categorical imperative and Mill's Harm Principle has been established; a radically different system of punishment complements it.

> I would have to let the means justify the ends.
>
> Build a massive robotic intelligence force and stagger dates for releasing
> them into civilisation in massive quantities. At first they aid those
> in danger, and seem like friendly police; but on the same day as I
> crash all government information systems, globally, they are instructed
> keep guard of people in their homes with lasers blocking off streets
> and such, which, when crossed, kill. So only the most stupid die.

Thats one way of getting rid of all of the dumbasses in the world.

> I wouldn't bother doing this in third world countries.

>
> The elderly and children are cared for. The internet is down. Politicians
> are coerced into underground bunkers, never to see daylight again

.All right, very good idea!!!


> Teachers and professors are rounded up and the best are recruited;
> so are civil servants. All those with the right qualifications to
> practice medicine are also rounded up.
>
> The most vapid of celebrities are kept underground with the politicians.

Good, good.
>
>
> Then the rules are relaxed. The boundaries of countries mayn't be
> crossed until the following has been accomplished: the economy has
> been kept as stable as possible; people can shop, buy books, visit
> the cinema, go to work. But the education system has entirely changed,
> and a universal secular law similar to both Kant's categorical imperative
> and Mill's Harm Principle has been established; a radically different
> system of punishment complements it.

I want to be on your team.

Also, there's a free mug.

> Also, there's a free mug.

Good, freebies help get the word around

Feed them junk food, taint their water supply, taint their food supply, cram legal and illegal drugs into the society, to make them more malleable.....hmmm something like what's happening now.

I would destroy Survey Central first

I'd plug them into a dream world via interesting and pleasant chemicals. Their bodies wouldn't be in vats, they'd be strewn about the floor.

Okay, I have developed a brand new plan to conquer the Earth. It came to me while I was sipping my third glass of Bushmill's 10 year old single malt Irish whiskey. Three simple steps, and it requires only two surgical kills.

Step 1: Kill Pinky (He's always screwing up the Brains brilliant plans anyway.)
Step 2: Chill a while, smoke a lid, drink a fifth of Bushmill's 10 year old single malt Irish whiskey while the Brain takes over the WORLD!
Step 3: Kill the Brain. Then, I will rule the world! MWUHAHAHAHAHAH!

My alien race would be way too lazy to accomplish anything like this.

I would override all television signals and demand the subjugation of all, while slowly sinking Manhattan into the Hudson River as a demonstration of my power.