Why did you never have kids?
| Votes | Answer |
|---|
| 9 | I never had kids because... | | 1 | I am still young, but I'll never have kids because... | | 15 | I had kids | | 6 | I am still young, and I am planning on having kids | | 3 | Other |
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| User | Comment |
|---|
they     | | posted 29-Jul-2008 9:35am |
I never never had kids.
 survey. | Melf  | | posted 29-Jul-2008 9:46am |
1) Blah blah blah, education
2) Blah blah blah, partner
3) Overpopulation
4) Independency
5) Fear
6) Selfishness
Other than the last reason, I don't really have anything against adoption. I would seriously consider it. | | Galomorro | | posted 29-Jul-2008 11:41am |
Never did want kids - never had the slightest desire to take responsibility for one. Besides I'm gay, have no partner, and would never be able to afford a kid even if I wanted to adopt. Kids make me uncomfortable, although I'm interested in studying infants and toddlers from a distance and reading about how their minds grow. In fact, reading an excellent book right now called "Into the minds of Babes - how screen time affects children from Birth to age Five" by Lisa Guernsey, 2007, a library book I just got yesterday. It's about TV viewing and video watching, and gets into all those special videos like "Baby Einstein" -- there are lots out there now -- that're supposed to give the baby an advantage later on, as in intelligence increase. This sort of thing fascinates me. | | Enheduanna | | posted 29-Jul-2008 12:02pm |
I am still young enough to have kids if I do it in the next few years. I am not sure if I will or not, though. | dab  | | posted 29-Jul-2008 12:11pm |
Too busy with my own life. AKA, selfish. | | Irene007 | | posted 29-Jul-2008 12:21pm |
Funny question to read as I first get on the site! I'm pissed at my son right now, but I have no regrets!
| gambler  | | posted 29-Jul-2008 3:12pm |
because there annoying little bastards.............Nah, I have two now, 3 including the 11yr old that practically lives with us.......... I know I appreciate them more now I am older | cloudhugger  | | posted 29-Jul-2008 4:20pm |
I never had kids becasue I got lucky. I never had kids because I would have ruined their lives. I never had kids becasue my childhood was so horrific at times, I never learned from any reasonable adult how to act. | | ausfox | | posted 29-Jul-2008 4:43pm |
I had one | | llamamama | | posted 29-Jul-2008 7:08pm |
Well, funny story, actually.. | | Pomeranian | | posted 30-Jul-2008 3:45am |
I had the opportunity to have a child and decided not to and I don't feel like telling strangers why. | | Cain | | posted 30-Jul-2008 6:27am |
I never never had kids. | Matty  | | posted 30-Jul-2008 11:26am |
I already am a parent. | | bill | | posted 30-Jul-2008 3:16pm |
Somehow, I've just never had the desire to have kids. I'm not sure why. It seems like most normal people really want kids. It seems to be built in to most people. But, as far as I can tell, I'm not like that. Maybe it's because I was the last kid in my family and I wasn't exposed to babies growing up. I was never a babysitter. In general, I don't find babies cute. I don't think they smell good (I don't just mean poop smell). Other people seem to think all babies are cute and smell great.
If my wife had wanted them, I might have adapted and even gotten into it. Maybe I could have been a good father. Though, I'm not sure. It's possible having kids might have made me very unhappy and thus caused a major disaster, even ruining my life and the lives of many others. I over-think things sometimes and it's easy to talk yourself out of having kids.
I have enjoyed interacting with kids who are older. Maybe at around 8, when you can talk to them and they like to play. I even seem to attract kids at this age, though that may be more that I can be passive and the kids know they can take advantage of that. Maybe I don't act like an adult, so I seem like them too. I don't do that thing that most adults do when they talk to kids in a higher voice and all that crap. Mostly, I just don't talk to kids if they are around. Teenage kids are OK too. I interact with some online, especially at GameTZ where there are many video game players. There's clearly a limit to how much I can relate to them, but I can relate on some level. I do get that it's cool to see a person go from being a helpless baby to a successful adult. But, I don't really feel like I need to be the one to be responsible for that.
I suppose in a grander sense, I could make the argument that having kids is bad for the environment. I think that's a fact that most people are unwilling to talk about. We're all so caught up in the god-given right of having kids and the wonderfulness of it, etc. But, lets face it, population growth is behind most of the problems we have, especially with the environment. The more people we have on Earth, the more pollution, the more strain on resources, the more extinction of species (as they lose their habitat to human expansion), the more we destroy things in the name of war (over the diminishing resources and viable land). But, that's really more of a post-rationalization since the real reason I don't have kids is that I don't want them. I also think there's a fair bit of evidence that human population growth may be more of an effect than a cause. There's some sign that population may level-off with globalization. | | jettles | | posted 30-Jul-2008 6:11pm |
because it wasn't the right time then my partner didn't think she would be a good parent and now we are settled and we seem to give our time to friend's children and niece and nephew. | | RainingFeathers | | posted 30-Jul-2008 8:33pm |
Because I don`t want any. I love kids, and would never give up working with them, but the lifestyle I want to lead wouldn`t really be possible with children in the house. Privacy, spontaneity, quiet, a flexible schedule, etc. | | aquawolfy | | posted 30-Jul-2008 8:34pm |
I'm not interested in being pregnant at 17.................. | | cloudhugger |
Just strangers..? Or stranger than you?  | | cloudhugger | | (reply to bill) posted 31-Jul-2008 9:01am |
That very well could have been exactly my answer too. Down to the details...wierd... | | bill |
weird | | cloudhugger | | (reply to bill) posted 31-Jul-2008 9:28am |
That too. | | bill |
lol, I didn't even realize it was misspelled. I spell things wrong sometimes too... maybe we're twins, separated at birth. | | Matty | | (reply to bill) posted 31-Jul-2008 10:26am |
> Somehow, I've just never had the desire to have kids. I'm not sure
> why. It seems like most normal people really want kids. It seems
> to be built in to most people. But, as far as I can tell, I'm not
> like that. Maybe it's because I was the last kid in my family and
> I wasn't exposed to babies growing up. I was never a babysitter.
> In general, I don't find babies cute. I don't think they smell good
> (I don't just mean poop smell). Other people seem to think all babies
> are cute and smell great.
I don't think this attribute or aspect of your personality is that odd at all. I never had a desire for children; I was always too selfish. I just wanted to enjoy my life the way it was and not have anything mess it up.
We decided to have kids so my wife would be fulfilled, and about 6 months lafter we had Cynthia, all that changed. All of a sudden, my daughter became everything; she became an integral part of any decision I made. Just recently, when I moved back to DC, I chose my house based primarily on the school district and availability of a community swim team. Ho sordid is that?
> I have enjoyed interacting with kids who are older. Maybe at around
> 8, when you can talk to them and they like to play. I even seem to
> attract kids at this age, though that may be more that I can be passive
> and the kids know they can take advantage of that. Maybe I don't
> act like an adult, so I seem like them too. I don't do that thing
> that most adults do when they talk to kids in a higher voice and all
> that crap. Mostly, I just don't talk to kids if they are around.
> Teenage kids are OK too. I interact with some online, especially
> at GameTZ where there are many video game players. There's clearly
> a limit to how much I can relate to them, but I can relate on some
> level. I do get that it's cool to see a person go from being a helpless
> baby to a successful adult. But, I don't really feel like I need
> to be the one to be responsible for that.
It's not really like that; it has little to do with the satisfaction of seeing your child grow (actually that part is pretty painful) and everything to do with the unconditional love given to you by your child. That feeling of love that will always be given to you, no matter what you do, is overpowering; it changes you.
> I suppose in a grander sense, I could make the argument that having
> kids is bad for the environment. I think that's a fact that most
> people are unwilling to talk about. We're all so caught up in the
> god-given right of having kids and the wonderfulness of it, etc.
> But, lets face it, population growth is behind most of the problems
> we have, especially with the environment. The more people we have
> on Earth, the more pollution, the more strain on resources, the more
> extinction of species (as they lose their habitat to human expansion),
> the more we destroy things in the name of war (over the diminishing
> resources and viable land). But, that's really more of a post-rationalization
> since the real reason I don't have kids is that I don't want them.
> I also think there's a fair bit of evidence that human population
> growth may be more of an effect than a cause. There's some sign that
> population may level-off with globalization.
I think once countries sufficiently advance, birth control will eventually control population growth. Plus, the US has almost no, if any, population growth from the birth of children. I'm pretty sure that the last census indicated that immigration was far and away our biggest source of population growth. | | bill | | (reply to Matty) posted 31-Jul-2008 11:19am |
As usual, you make good points. I actually think it's hard in a way not to have kids. One of my biggest problems these days is not having much in my life that I really care about it. You're saying your kids are central to your life now. I don't have that. I'm floating around without much motivation or reason most of the time.
As far as I know, you're right about the US population. In general, Western countries have a birthrate that is not high enough to maintain the population. Maybe we talked about this before. I'd seen a Nova (PBS show) about it a few years ago. Europe and Japan allowed less immigration than the US, which meant they tended to have the problem of their population shrinking (which is really bad given government social programs depending on income taxes, etc.) But, the US has been breaking even because we have a lot of immigrants. It's funny, no one talks about that when immigration issues come up in politics. Anyway, on the other hand, there are countries with booming population. These are typically, 3rd-world countries.
Have you seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHhdNEKwN50 (it gets exciting around 4:00 to 5:00) Anyway, he's showing that the families are getting smaller and lives longer throughout the world and the idea of a 3rd world may be going away. In the future, if the whole world is like the West, we may seem a global reduction on population happen, naturally. I'm not actually sure if we'll be able to deal with that very well. It may require us to change paradigms. Capitalism may not work very well without growth.
But, I digress... | | Matty | | (reply to bill) posted 31-Jul-2008 11:33am |
Yeah, Cynthia has actually taken our lives over and become the focus of our lives. I am not sure how to respond to your angst about lack of purpose. What feeble advice I could offer would be to tell you that you are still young enough for children...or...perhaps you could find purpose in what means most to you...conservation...community activity...I don't know. What I find the most comforting, you seem to have ruled out of your life...God and children. It's hard then, for me to offer any substantive ideas to you. But from what I can tell, you seem to be a cerebral person, and that's always a good thing; I think you can give your own life meaning if you simply set your mind to it.
As far as the economics, I am not much into that today. Such theories are floating all over DC these days, an I am frankly, fed up with theories. I think theories are ruining our nation. I am not being dismissive, I'm just theoried out for a little while. | | Crayons | | posted 31-Jul-2008 2:29pm |
I only want one kid. Very basic, just alright. | | Pomeranian |
Ok fine I'll tell you cloudhugger: I am destined to sire the anti-christ. | | cloudhugger | | (reply to bill) posted 31-Jul-2008 7:12pm |
ooootwins....  | | cloudhugger |
ooooOOOOOOooo...stranger than most | | judgescratch | | posted 31-Jul-2008 9:26pm |
Because I fell in love with someone who doesn't want to get married. Doesn't want to face the responsibility of having kids. | | judgescratch |
Yup. That's my SO's story, too. He didn't have a good model for marriage or parenting. Sometimes, I feel like I'm starting with really basic stuff showing him how to do life, and how others do it, what's okay, etc. | | cloudhugger |
I honestly believe learning how to get along has to be learned. . | | docgbrown |
I have two and one on the way | | Matty | | (reply to bill) posted 1-Aug-2008 8:59am |
>
> Have you seen this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PHhdNEKwN50 (it
> gets exciting around 4:00 to 5:00) Anyway, he's showing that the families
> are getting smaller and lives longer throughout the world and the
> idea of a 3rd world may be going away. In the future, if the whole
> world is like the West, we may seem a global reduction on population
> happen, naturally. I'm not actually sure if we'll be able to deal
> with that very well. It may require us to change paradigms. Capitalism
> may not work very well without growth.
>
> But, I digress...
Ok, Bill, I rarely watch several minutes of video to answer a survey; in fact, I am pretty much opposed to having to do research for anything I consider to be fun (except of course in a PS3 RPG, where I will do "work" to build my character. I love Oblivion 4, BTW. I go into every crapty little cave I can in search of more gold.). But at your behest I watched the link you sent me, and I'm not sure how to react. Part of me is afraid about the prospects of world-wide homogeneity. Another part of me is elated that things will even out. I guess though, overall, small families and greater longevity is beneficial to everyone.
However, I don't agree with the premise that family size defines the West versus the Third World. I think hygiene is a bigger factor. When I went to Singapore, for example, there was no toilet paper in the bathrooms in "Little India," there was a big bucket of water and a tin cup. I thought this was absolutely vile, and my perception was that this could only be in a third world country.
I even see a seperation, hygiene-wise, between the US and Europe. Europeans seems personally dirty to me. Every European country I have visited thus far seems to have a smelly gentry. And I mean noticeably rank, compared to people in the US. In Germany and France, for example, women had hairy armpits and sweaty body odor.  Maybe that's the reason for less population growth in Europe 
| | bill | | (reply to Matty) posted 1-Aug-2008 9:59am |
lol ...
Actually, I recently read that toilet paper is actually less hygienic (compared to rinsing with water). This is probably too much detail, but paper just smears the crap around. I made a survey about squat toilets recently after reading about this stuff somewhere online. Squat toilets seem barbaric to us in the West, but they actually may have some health/hygiene benefits over the ones we use. Still, I'm not really all that motivated to switch either.
I like clean too and I'm sure I'd be turned off by smelly people (in Europe or anywhere). I've been to Europe, but I didn't notice people smelling bad there. Maybe I just didn't get close enough. I've noticed many smelly people in the US, though I've spent my entire life here, so that's not too surprising.
I suppose the rest of the world may see Americans as being overly concerned with being clean. They say that one of the causes of drug-resistant bacteria may be our over-use of anti-bacterial soaps and cleansers. | | bill | | (reply to Matty) posted 1-Aug-2008 10:00am |
p.s. I played Oblivion on my PC a year to two ago, I loved it. I recall being obsessed with getting Sigil Stones so I could enchant me weapons and armor. I kept doing those hellish gate areas just to get another stone, hoping for the right kind. | | Matty | | (reply to bill) posted 1-Aug-2008 10:37am |
> lol ...
>
> Actually, I recently read that toilet paper is actually less hygienic
> (compared to rinsing with water). This is probably too much detail,
> but paper just smears the crap around. I made a survey about squat
> toilets recently after reading about this stuff somewhere online.
> Squat toilets seem barbaric to us in the West, but they actually
> may have some health/hygiene benefits over the ones we use. Still,
> I'm not really all that motivated to switch either.
Perhaps the scientists who did that study should wipe their whole ass. I suppose science can prove just about anything if it wants to, but I still stay sprinkling my ass with a common tub of water and then cleaning it with my own hand is disgusting, not clean.
> I like clean too and I'm sure I'd be turned off by smelly people (in
> Europe or anywhere). I've been to Europe, but I didn't notice people
> smelling bad there. Maybe I just didn't get close enough. I've noticed
> many smelly people in the US, though I've spent my entire life here,
> so that's not too surprising.
I suppose this is all in the nose of the beholder, but Europeans and Asians seem smelly to me. South Americans and Americans seem to bathe more regularly.
> I suppose the rest of the world may see Americans as being overly
> concerned with being clean. They say that one of the causes of drug-resistant
> bacteria may be our over-use of anti-bacterial soaps and cleansers.
I don't doubt that; it seems fairly logical. Actually, I don't buy that stuff; I use Ivory for everything.
| | Matty | | (reply to bill) posted 1-Aug-2008 10:41am |
I think the game has changed a bit; I am in constant search of money (just to have the stuff I need) and Daedran artifacts to complete my quests. Enchanted armor and weapons are all over the place; I am constantly selling these things. Anyway, this is one of the best RPGs I have ever played. I really like the mix of minor and main game quests; it keeps everything moving and interesting. | | LindaH |
I know what you are trying to say, but your wording is amusingly redundant. (no offense) | | cloudhugger | | (reply to LindaH) posted 2-Aug-2008 9:21am |
I even had two periods to be sure.  | | Danger |
I am still young, and I'm not sure if I'm going to want kids yet. If it happens I'm sure I'll be happy, but if it doesn't it's because I really don't like kids all that much. | | jindalmeenakshi9 |
yes kids are gr8 timepass in the world for homely women | | Gomezy3k | | posted 3-Aug-2008 11:44am |
I had 4 kids...one of each... hehe | | AlexelA |
I'm still young and single, I plan on having kids, but hey-- that may change. | | laurenk1 |
I'm only 20...so I' m waiting to have kids until I'm out of college | | efh47 | | posted 3-Aug-2008 10:32pm |
I never got married. If I had, I would have tried to have kids. | | judgescratch |
Agreed | | gambler | | (reply to bill, Matty) posted 7-Aug-2008 9:31pm |
I was reading your back and forth in this thread and couple of points:
I am a selfish SOB have gotten less so because of Mitzie and I have a 21yr old son whom I had when I was 20 and was not a very good father, thats not to say I am a great one now, but I have a great deal more tolerance for Kai and my stance when my wife wanted to adopt was Ok, if you want to lets look at it.......... because I knew it would make her happy.
In fact when Mitzie told me she could not have children I think inwardly, I cheered! The 1st night this tiny bundle came home with us and slept between us , I woke up the next morning turned to Mitzie and said "You do know of course I am NOT giving him back" (we at the time were just temporary guardians) he didnt even have his medical papers or anything......... I paid to have the blood work done on him, but it didnt matter as I was smitten and was prepared to deal with anything.
He is now a British Citizen...... ironically he is technically an illegal here in Jamaica as he only has a UK passport and is not now a Jamaican Citizen even though he was born here.
Not sure why I wrote all that............ My point is that now I am older the flexibility I once had bothered me at 21 (I was still a kid) now its cool oh and BTW , I do agree with Matty about the smelly europeans it is true sorry even Brits! and I am British
Regards David | | bill | | (reply to gambler) posted 8-Aug-2008 10:17am |
Someone needs to make a survey about Eurpoeans being smelly. | | Melf | | (reply to bill) posted 8-Aug-2008 12:22pm |
Rather smelly than obese!  | | bill | | (reply to Melf) posted 8-Aug-2008 12:36pm |
| | Melf | | (reply to bill) posted 8-Aug-2008 2:29pm |
Oh noes, multiple links. | | JessicaWoman99 | | posted 30-Aug-2008 10:50pm |
I would perhaps love to have children someday if i get married have a husband who wants children |
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