User	Comment
gambler	posted 18-Jul-2008 9:35am   I am faithful to my wife; everybody who knows me, knows that as well............ I am with you, I have too much respect for my wife to do this...she also gave up a helluva lot, to come back down to Jamaica to be with me, I couldn't crap on her like that. I flirt, its a cultural thing here.... Everyone knows me at the airport and most know my wife too. I guess for some women that the lure of a "married man" is just that + if it ever comes to anything it will only be for sex and nothing else so its a "safe" route
dab	posted 18-Jul-2008 9:56am   I think for some people, an affair with a married person is "safe". That is, they want it to remain an affair and not go any further. Another possible explanation is that a person who's with someone is demonstrably more attractive than someone who is not. After all, if someone else is interested in them there must be something worth being attracted to. Whereas someone who's single must have something wrong with them; otherwise they wouldn't be single.
Cain	posted 18-Jul-2008 10:14am   I suspect that it's not so much that a person may actively pursue a married person, but rather that marriage doesn't put them off. I may be wrong, but from my own experiences and those of friends, its not the fact that a person is married that causes the flirtation/attraction/whatever, its just that for some marriage isn't sacred or important anymore, and they believe married people are fair game. And to be honest, with the number of married people that I know who HAVE had an affair, it looks like you may be in the minority. I wish there were more people like you!
Jody	posted 18-Jul-2008 10:28am   There are probably many reasons for that kind of pursuit. The allure of the illicit, the desire for something new, problems in the current marriage, and the like.
they	posted 18-Jul-2008 10:36am   I have no idea.
bill	posted 18-Jul-2008 10:55am   I could only speculate... Lets see... This is nothing new. People break rules all the time. It's not even illegal to have an affair. You might also ask why people rape, murder and steal. Or, drive faster than the speed limit. Or, max out their credit cards. I suppose they think they can get away with it. They have some impulse to do it. It initially feels good. Maybe it's related to having low self-esteem (isn't everything!). People are drawn to taboos. There's a thrill to breaking the rules. Biologically speaking, sex/reproduction is a powerful force. I've never got (or made) a serious proposition to have an affair myself. So, part of me wonders if this is really that common. I think we'd all be better off if everyone respected the sanctity of marriage. But, they don't. Oh well.
Matty	(reply to bill) posted 18-Jul-2008 11:53am   Oh, it's common. Sometimes it's at regular intervals.
Enheduanna	posted 18-Jul-2008 11:58am   They have Satan in their hearts. Really, I think the first two options probably cover many cases. Maybe some people also just get off on it. As for marriage not meaning what it used to mean, I don't think that has anything to do with it. Extramarital affairs have been around about as long as the institution of marriage has. There are biblical laws about it, and you don't make a law unless someone's doing the thing you want the law to prevent. So apparently marriage has never meant what it used to mean.
bill	(reply to Matty) posted 18-Jul-2008 12:02pm   You sexy hunk!
Matty	(reply to bill) posted 18-Jul-2008 12:06pm   While funny, it actually affects freindship. I find myself avoiding women who flirt to much...out of respect for my wife. I don't know, it just seems that when the line is drawn...and clearly, flirtation should stop.
Matty	(reply to Cain) posted 18-Jul-2008 12:09pm   Well, thank you, but before you go painting wings on any available pictures of me, let me point out that I get tempted as well. I think it's fair to say that a nice rack will turn my head jsut as fast, if not faster, than most men. I just make a point not to pursue anything, but I am made of the same human flesh as everyone else.
cloudhugger	posted 18-Jul-2008 12:13pm   I'm thinkg you want athe overpowering attraction one to be the answer but probably more towards 'other'. married guys are somehow more attractive because they are already taken. Someone who is not a loser, because there is a woman that loves him so he must be a good one. OR Married men cannot fully commit to an affair are safe to flirt with. Some take the flirting way too far, consider yourself being used rather than really found to be that attractive. For a guy, you are way too easy to flirt around with. Personally, I love to flirt with guys, doesn't matter to me if they are married or not because that is all it is, is harmless silly flirtyness. The charlatans that flirt for more than that, are mearly using you. Hopefully, you can tell the difference between silly harmless fun flirts, and charlatan whore mongrel user flirting.
bill	(reply to Matty) posted 18-Jul-2008 12:17pm   If you've made it clear, then flirting is actually safe, right? So, maybe that motivates them to do it more. In a sense, they can say anything (and make you squirm) all the while knowing that nothing will come of it. So, it's all a joke. The only kind of flirting I do is joking around. I wouldn't do it, if it was serious.
llamamama	posted 18-Jul-2008 1:05pm   The danger. Trust me, I know.
moviesnob	posted 18-Jul-2008 1:11pm   It depends on the situation, every situation is different. What makes one person cheat could mean nothing to the next person.
Matty	(reply to bill) posted 18-Jul-2008 2:03pm   I see your point aboout the flirting becoming moot, but somtimes it just doesn't seem that way. After a woman made a joke about her own bubble butt; I retorted with something to the effect of, "no, that's not your butt; it's your head." She then responded with,"you wouldn't say that if we were in a hotel, naked, and sweating. Wanna find out?" I was taken aback; I never made such suggestions to her, not even close, not even the same ball park, but I knew at that moment she wanted to get a good fudging...not just because of the nature of the comment, but the chemistry of the moment (is that utter bullcrap?) made me feel so. And truth be told, she has fabulous bewbs: big and fluffy and not sagging by her belly, so it was a real temptation. But after my blood went back to the head which thinks, I just wondered why this woman was so forward, knowing that I am married and faithful. Anyway, I know there's no real answer; it just peekd my curiosity about the nature of romantic relationships these days. So, I put it in a survey.
LindaH	posted 18-Jul-2008 2:44pm   Lots of reasons. Sometimes it's because they don't like the thought of anyone wanting a monogamous relationship with them. (Less chance of the person becoming clingy. No desperation.) They want to be wanted. They don't want to be needed.
LJD	(reply to Matty) posted 18-Jul-2008 5:16pm   Matty, I commend you for staying with your values. BUT, DO NOT ALLOW FLIRTING, ignore flirting from women. Flirting can get you into trouble. If you love, respect your wife, your children, are a responsible person, know that marriage is sacred, you can't have your head turned. Because if you do, you'll lose respect for yourself, it will hurt your conscience. Do not allow yourself to be put into a position of temptation. You have what you need, and want at home. If you were to do anything, it would SCAR your wife forever....and will SCAR your children forever. When you and your wife approach your golden years together, you will be able to face those years beautifully, without scars. Don't allow anyone to step into your space of respectability. Years ago I talked to a male doctor about men's sexuality, and he said don't ever let a man tell you he can't control himself....because he can control himself. As the Bible says...A father's sins shall visit ten generations. Of course, this would apply to a woman too. You see our culture is changing to the worse. People have lost respect for their mates, their marriage. Much of this change has come from Hollywood, the media, people turning away from God's laws. We should have a sense of responsibility for our family. The man, who is the headship, if he fails, the family falls. The same for the woman. We haven't only ourselves, we have our families feelings to think about. I know while living in the flesh, there will be temptation, but we have to fight it. Keep your home life interesting. Am I correct in assuming you love your wife very much, you have a satisfactory intimate life? If the answer is yes, there is no need to feel threatened by other women's flirtation. If so, the problem lies within you. Even if you didn't have a satisfactory intimate life with your wife, you could always pleasure yourself. You have to think of the bigger picture. I know this may seem strange, but I feel sucumbing to temptation comes into play too, when there is poor health.
Cain	(reply to Matty) posted 19-Jul-2008 5:50am   Temptation is one thing, and you're right, you're only human. But action is a big step-up from that and like I said, it would be nice if there were more people like you who didn't take action, whether they were tempted to or not!
Pomeranian	posted 19-Jul-2008 7:07am   Are you Data from Star Trek or something? Vulcan? What are you such that you would ask why a living breathing *human* would pursue this course of action?
jettles	posted 19-Jul-2008 8:34am   it's the unavailability and not having to commit and then also i would imagine the conquest of getting someone who is supposedly "committed".
Gomezy3k	posted 20-Jul-2008 10:50am   For some, it is all a matter of sex... Married people are for the most part safe.. Someone can have a fling with a married person, and when tired of them, dump them and move on... When I was younger, I had a married woman pursue me because she caught her hubby having an affair and she wanted to get even... I refused the temptation... been kicking myself for that one... One of the regrets of my past... LOL
JessicaWoman99	posted 20-Jul-2008 1:38pm   Why hell if i love him enough and I do know he is married makes it even more fun LoL ] tee/hee
JessicaWoman99	(reply to llamamama) posted 20-Jul-2008 1:41pm   > The danger. > Trust me, I know. But i love danger she can be jealous of her husband all she wants while I play around with him , oh how i love danger
llamamama	(reply to JessicaWoman99) posted 20-Jul-2008 1:43pm   That's not good
Matty	(reply to LJD) posted 21-Jul-2008 7:43am   Thank you for your support.
Matty	(reply to Cain) posted 21-Jul-2008 7:44am   Thank you.
docgbrown	posted 25-Jul-2008 5:01am   When I was teaching and tutoring I had your problem a lot more then ever before. When I asked where they were when I was single they most often said that I wasn't a challenge back then. I was also told; Married people that you have to seduce are usually cleaner. Married people are less likely to talk. Married people are less likely to "fall in love" with you or get clingy. Attached/in love people are usually happier and they want to be with happy people too so you become more attractive to them when you are with someone... From married flirters I would get the above and; if you're married, married people have just as much to loose as you so married people are a safer bet. AND finally, Married people won't judge you since they are just as in the wrong as you. As soon as I removed my wedding band (I had to cut it off after I crushed my hand while working on my truck) the flirting stopped. Not only did it stop but I became a Creepy Leper to those that had flirted and caused me to blush before. Over time I learned that on campus my wedding band worked the reverse of how it was intended; Guys with rings were "a challenge" and married guys without were assumed to be cheating bastards and avoided. I chose to be seen as the later as the temptation disappeared. My wedding band is still off and after all these years I have still never strayed.
Matty	(reply to docgbrown) posted 25-Jul-2008 11:52am   Wow, what a sad commentary. You know, there is a current male vs. female theme that men are dogs and horrible philanderers. But I have always retorted than men can't be concidered cheating if they are fudging themselves. They must be fudging women, which would mean, women have as many paws and snouts as men do. You have just shown me that I am right.
docgbrown	(reply to Matty) posted 25-Jul-2008 2:36pm   Yes, sad but true.
midagehippie	posted 23-Aug-2008 12:24am   if you are happy at home you won't seek outside the marriage...most people cheat because they are not happy at home with their mate and more than often, are neglected by their mate.

 
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