That's awful. Someone needs to slap that father from the opposing team.
Don't let one bad apple parent change what you're doing. You got it right, of course.
Maybe he's doing you a favor. Now you have an opportunity to talk to your daughter about people like that.
For extra credit, a challenge for you and your family... find a way to forgive him, find a way to be compassionate despite his absurdity and racism.

The thing is, Bill, so many people take this stuff so seriously. I've actually seen people go over strategic plans with their kids about County and State qualifications, etc. What's makes it worse is most of the kids aren't even very good, but their parents insist. It jsut seems that I am viewed by so many other parents as the wierdo-hippie trying to teach my daughter about giving her all instead of always winning. This is just out of left field for me because as you well know, I really don't consider myself a hippie.

I've actually had people tell me to hire a private coach for Cynthia; I've even been solicited by private coaches. What I can't get past is that to me, this should be some kids having fun with a little healthy competition mixed in, but somehow it's not. Somehow, this crap is like some fudging world competition; I don't get it, she's 6; thus the survey. Here's another example; Cynthia lost a race a couple of weeks ago because she did the first 5 meters doing freestyle instead of the breast stroke. She's 6; so what; she'll get it next time, right? Wrong, the coach tried to console me and Cynthia. She showed us how Cynthia could still make the Gold medal round for the County. Some of the other parents told us not to worry because Cynthia still had the full support of the team. WHAT THE FUDGE; SHE'S 6 YEARS OLD???!!! But this is the mentality I am dealing with.

As far as the father from the other team (his name is Ron), I had a "talk" with him once I heard the stuff he was saying. Now I know you're an atheist, but I think you can appreciate that it took every once of Christianity I had to try and forgive him. I'm almost there, but I have to tell you, I wanted to hurt him in a way that he couldn'y have walked away from. As it is, the only thing really hurt is his pride. Sorry, I'm not quite at saint-hood yet; I can't and won't tolerate such affronts to my family. But yes, I am trying to meet my Christian ideals.

Please don't take offense at the God stuff; it's what sustains me. While I think that I am far from a Bible thumper, I certainly don't want to offend any atheists or agnostics either. Just please understand that this is my perspective.

Anyhow, I would really want to hear from some parents who do take this stuff seriously to understand what going on.

I'd say athletics are important as part of a well rounded kid's life. That is, getting out and playing and competing with other kids. However, it sounds to me like these other parents are taking it well beyond what I'd call well rounded. They're doing their kids a disservice.

I can't possibly understand it myself. I'm not a parent and don't plan to become one. It does seem really insane, though. 6 is very young. I could see things heating up a bit once the kids get to be teenagers. But, even then, people shouldn't take it so seriously. I guess it's human nature. I've heard some people say that parents who take it too seriously are living vicariously through their kids. They want their kids to succeed where they themselves may have failed, perhaps. But, the adult super-competitive attitude seems destructive. Imagine being the child of a parent like that. All that pressure and you're only 6!

Don't worry about the religious thing. I was raised Catholic, so I understand it better than it may seem. Christ taught compassion and that's exactly what I meant before. So, your point of view makes sense to me. It is really hard to be compassionate with people like that. It sounds like you did well considering.

Thx. Perhaps curling is the best sport for Cynthia

Exercise is important. Athletics are good for kids. Winning isn't all that important. This competitive dad needs to chill.

> I've heard some people say that
> parents who take it too seriously are living vicariously
> through their kids.

I was just about to say that, and I noticed you already did.

Well, I think you had a right to argue there, I mean, justice and stuff is.. I wouldn't let anyone get away with that.

Not very. Especially if a kid is pressured into it when they're not all that enthusiastic about it. Adults make too much of kids' sports and go too far sometimes, then it can turn out to not be as much fun for the kid as it could be. If a kid loves it, fine, but it's not a matter of life or death -- that guy's nuts. He was going too far, making remarks like that. He's gonna mess up his own kid with an attitude like that. You are doing right by what you've been saying to your own daughter.

I always think of this issue when I hear about beauty pageants for little kids. I'm sure they can be a positive thing. But, it usually seems really messed up. And, I guess it's very common for the parents to take it way to seriously. Little Miss Sunshine was a great movie.

I think that everybody should be required to do some kind of athletic thing..for health reasons..But I do think it's really important for kids to play sports for a number of reasons. For one thing, hobbies are good..I really can't think of any other reason..and I could honestly go on and on forever..
I think it's just good for kids to play sports..it doesn't really matter if they win..it's just good for them to get out there and interact with other kids.
You don't really need to point out her winning, you're doing the right thing by just telling her she did her best.
[Lord knows I would not have stuck with soccer all these years if my parents told me I sucked and that I needed to score. I'm so glad they just told me I did good. Woo, I woulda quit long before I scored my first goal last season]
It really upsets me when parents take it too far, if anything, let the kid take it too far. I bet you that none of those kids will be swimming when they're older, and if they are, they really won't be enjoying it at all.

Athletics is very important, not only does it improve physical health it is a social tool to be used to develop fair play, teamwork, and the quest for excellence. My advices is to ignore the comments made by the other parents and provide support and congratulations and praise for a good effort and not so much on being first or last place.

Good sportsmanship is important whether you're in nursery school or playing professionally. This other father sounds like an butt-hole. I don't think it has anything to do with this being kids' sports versus professional. That kind of behavior is inappropriate at any level.

No, you are absolutely spot-on with your attitude towards your daughter's sports - good on you!!
I bet that other guy's daughter wishs her Dad was much more like you.

I think you're doing the right thing. That guys behaviour is disgusting

Competitive sports should be banned. I always hated like hell being forced to participate in crap like that. It doesn't do anything for you other than physical excercise which is good. It teaches you that someone (preferrably you) has to win and someone else has to lose.

I think competitive sports should not be a requirement in PE. Individual exercise is good. Being forced to compete is bad.

you are doing the good thing, the noble thing and the beautiful thing. kids realize that there is competition and that not everyone wins and that there is only one winner of the "race" but in all honesty you make her a winner too because she realizes that you will support her even if she isn't the winner of that specific race......... she was competing and doing her best. there are all kinds of winners from the being involved in itself.
the other dad's intolerance, racism, and ugliness is also apparent and his daughter has to live will the ugliness and his non acceptance of her performance and the excuses he spews. kids understand all of this.
you are downplaying the ugliness and actually making the act of being involved and staying in the game the important part which is how it should be!!!

I think your attitude is much better and is much more likely to allow your daughter to develop into a well-rounded adult. However, the other father may be more likely to turn out a very messed-up but brilliant swimmer

This guy sounds like a real fudgetard. Winning and loosing is part of sports. Sounds like his daugher just lost and its time to move on. And I don't get whats with the racial stuff.

As for the importance of sports, well, dealing with competition in general is an important life skill. Its not really about the sport itself (save for actually wanting to professionaly do it), but the idea behind teamwork, competing, sportsmanship, etc. You and your daughter seems to learned that. Sounds like whoever was this guy's parents, teachers, mentors when he was younger--- they failed him miserably.

I think that sports for kids is a very important part of growing up. It not only helps them stay physically fit and healthy, but it also teaches socialization skills.

I concur with and understand your point, but this is the thing that gets me. I work on refining my daughter's strokes every day for about an hour because when she started, she told me she wanted to be a "champion." So, I essentially taught myself how to be a swim coach through videos and training books. Consequently, Cynthia wins every local competition fairly easily and despises when anyone even gets close to her. Thus, I have to constantly monitor her attitude for over confidence, pride, and over competitiveness. I spend a good deal of time discussing these feelings with her.

Yet (and here is the troubling part for me), so many parents instill the spirit of competition and the importance of athletics, but don't do anything to even help their children. Our subdivision's pool is an official lap/cpmpetition pool, and I take her there to practice. The same parents that criticize my attitude take their kids to the pool, tell them to swim without any instruction, and subsequently wonder why their children display no skill in actual competition. The unruly father from the other team, for example, didn't even really know the names or mechanics of the strokes, which I suspect is why so many of his objections were utter nonsense and summarily dismissed by the event officials.

Summarily, I guess I honestly don't see anything wrong with devotion and dedication to athletics. I do believe your physical condition is as important as your mental acumen. I aslo believe that some competition can be a good thing. What has troubled me about this whole swimming league scenario is that so many people seem to approach it so differently than I do that I sometimes question what I am doing. Many of the parents seem to feel that I "just don't get it."

I took note of some of the posts here that suggest some parents are placing their prior aspirations upon their children. I think that has some validity. I "just don't get it;" I try and live my life to the fullest.

Uh, this has nothing to do with kids sports...what it does have to do with is teaching the child about not being like that jerk and to learn how to deal with conflict and unreasonable behaviours.

Without the story, and just the question...kids sports are very important. IF that is what the kid wants to do. I was never able to be in anything competitive until high school, and I truly beleive it would have made a tremendous difference in many things.

Holy crap that is so fudgeed up. I had no idea it had gotten that bad, the competitive stuff.
After reading all the comments, the only thing I can think of is to not compete with a bunch of losers.
If you could find a better place to compete, she will only get better if her competition is better. I agree with everyone else that said that behaviour is disgusting, but if she wants to be a champion, than she needs swim with more positive competition.
I would find it hard to believe it would be like there everywhere, good luck with that.

It would so suck to let a bunch of losers ruin her spirit by acting so stupidly.

I don't see much choice; there aren't exactly a lot of swimming leagues around.

That freaky guy is the one with the skewed perspective. I feel sorry for his child.

You should like you're doing great. I remember one year in high school, I ran track. I sucked at it - I mean terrible. I got so nervous at meets, I came in last in every race. I really loved practice, though. I remember my dad went to my first meet ever, and after it was all done, told me it was the worst night of his life. It didn't upset me all that much at the time, but I've never forgotten it. I didn't run track or do any other sports after that, either.

I think what you father said to you was just plain awful, and I bet it upset you more than you know. Years later, you still remember it.

I can't imagine even approaching saying something like that to me daughter, knowing full well that it would hurt her so much. This is what I don't understand about some parents. Who cares if you sucked at track? Natural athleticism is rare and special gift, and people need to understand that.

I would have told you to shake it off and to pursue the things you liked and were good at. I also would have done what I needed to support whatever pursuit you intended...with money, time, and whatever else you needed.

My sons are all in sports and right now they are both taking swimming lessons too. My wife is the big sports fanatic that insists they play every sport (even if they aren’t into it). When I'm around I emphasize having fun and having fun getting better skilled and having fun learning the games and (often) teamwork.

Wow and I say kids sports are important go for it