In your opinion, which of these are most the important or significant ways of being nice?

1 - being tolerant, etc.
The rest are almost as important.

not playing pranks on them

Can't tell you because I'm in a rotten mood and can't figure out what nice is right now.

Being easy going about things. Being polite sometimes works, but other times can have exactly opposite effect - it can make you look stuffy and condescending.

I'm surprised that 'calling people' ranks below please and thank you. I would think it would run right alongside not saying things that might hurt feelings. It amounts to the same thing.

Saying polite words and yes being non-judgmental and avoiding saying things that really could hurt
feelings and avoid doing things that could hurt feelings good survey

refraining from "calling people" on playing pranks.

> I'm surprised that 'calling people' ranks below please and thank you.
> I would think it would run right alongside not saying things that
> might hurt feelings. It amounts to the same thing.

Linda I like the one being non-judgmental and it is so easy to judge others I am guilty of this , like when I saw this
person was not sure if it was a man or woman ? Yes it was a woman with her hair chopped off
she looked so manly so much like a guy I just stared at her
and trying to figure this out

Yep, that one ranks up top in my opinion too. Non-judgmental is a good quality.

tee hee

nonjudgmental, tolerant, accepting is most important of these and i put polite words second because it should be expected to be spoken nicely to and for us to speak nicely to others and it can't hurt. as far as avoiding hurt feelings, its important if they can be avoided but at times you cannot avoid hurt feelings. and i think you should always call someone on bad behavior!

1) Using polite words
2) Avoid saying things that might hurt feelings
3)Avoid doing things that might hurt feelings
4) Refraining from calling people on their poor behavior
5) Being non-judgmental, tolerant and accepting, which is the same as # 2,3,&4.

Using polite words.

What if 'being called' hurts someone's feelings?

> What if 'being called' hurts someone's feelings?

What if someones bad behavior is hurting someone elses feelings?

Well, then it makes sense to call them on it.

I just think that you shouldn't always call people on poor behavior. (Like when it's not your place/business, when it doesn't hurt people, minor social blunders, etc) Some people get really upset being confronted about poor behavior, particularly by people who shouldn't be bothering with it. It does more harm than good.

But, I did think of a good phrase to use, just for those ocassions...

"I don't appreciate being called on my behavior. I find it self righteous and rude, not to mention insulting"

> Well, then it makes sense to call them on it.
>
> I just think that you shouldn't always call people on poor behavior.
> (Like when it's not your place/business, when it doesn't hurt people,
> minor social blunders, etc) Some people get really upset being confronted
> about poor behavior, particularly by people who shouldn't be bothering
> with it. It does more harm than good.

Yes, if they are not hurting anyone or themselves, then it is just plain rude. The only exception is if it is your child or a child you are babysitting.

Very true. That's why it's so insulting when people do this to strangers. I think there are tactful ways to inform friends that their behavior was substandard. When strangers do it, it's weird.

well as i said in the middle section........ sometimes you can't help but hurt someone's feelings. i find it interesting that someone can behave very badly and then they are upset that someone would "call" them on it. and by calling them on it, i don't mean yelling at them or doing it in front of a whole group of people but talking to them about their behavior and how i felt about it or how it made a group feel and telling them you won't tolerate it again. i think people who behave badly for the most part realize what they have done and at times don't care and other times they apologize on their own. people who don't care NEED to be called on it!

Okay. I had in mind people who don't think they are doing anything wrong, and then someone calls them on it. That can be kind of a shock.

> But, I did think of a good phrase to use, just for those ocassions...
>
> "I don't appreciate being called on my behavior. I find it self righteous
> and rude, not to mention insulting"
>
>

do you really say this to someone calling you on bad behavior?

No, but I think that would be an excellent thing to say if someone calls another person on behavior that really isn't all that wrong. A lot of it comes down to opinion, and that's another reason people should choose their battles and use tact when they want to call someone on something. When you are engaging in behavior that you don't find wrong, and someone calls you on it, it's downright uncomfortable.

1 - Being nonjudgmental, tolerant, and accepting
2 - Using polite words (please, thank you)
3 - Refraining from "calling people" on their poor behavior
4 - Avoiding doing things that might hurt feelings
5 - Avoiding saying things that might hurt feelings

For some reason I find the word “nice” to be a little lame. Being respectful captures how I want to be perceived, respectful encompasses (IMO) all the qualities you described. Courtesy, social awareness, kindness, love, are all being “nice and respectful”. Nice all by itself to me, seems to be somewhat superficial.

Good survey.

That's nice.

> That's nice.


Or...

“That’s a nicea!”

I've been exposed to an awful lot of people defining "respectful" in arbitrary and confusing ways. It almost puts me off the word.

> I've been exposed to an awful lot of people
> defining "respectful" in arbitrary and confusing
> ways. It almost puts me off the word.

I can respect that!


Respect, what a concept!

What I believe respect to be, besides individual actions, and attitudes, is a way of life. It is a source of energy and can be as dynamic as the power of love. The product of respect comes back to you in the form of a reflection of yourself. Respect is a reciprocal force meaning the degree of respect received is inversely proportional to the amount of respect given. It empowers yourself and others. And guides you through life much as a light does in the dark. Is will create a greater appreciation of your surroundings and show you the subtle things in life that go unnoticed without respect. Respect is not limited to people but can and should be applied to everything. An example is respecting the environment. If you “disrespect” a river or lake by having no “regard” for the ecology then when you to draw a drink you will receive sewage in return. By respecting the water it can remain sweet and pure. Respect does not always come naturally, and requires discipline and a conscious effort, but the reward is worth it. It can save you a lot of grief and frustration, by avoiding conflict and confrontation. And reward you with help and cooperation. It is the glue that holds our society together. It can never be demanded; the mere act of demanding it nulls the effect. What I have mentioned so far relates to a persons interaction with his or hers approach to life. Respect has an action/reaction effect. Knowing that gives you an advantage, and will increase your perceptive powers. This will increase your chances to generate positive reactions from your actions. Respect is not dependent on “someone “ giving it to you. You can be disrespected in the grosses way like being spat upon. You retain your respect by how you react to such a display of disrespect. It cannot be taken from you. People that reach a high degree of personal achievement are deserving of respect not from others but from oneself, this by the nature of respect generates respect from others. Respect does not in itself come from being a “expert, or an authority figure, or a hero”. These qualities can be subjective to the person judging their respectability. One mans hero is another mans foe. Ultimately it comes down to purity of intent, actions do not determine respect, intent does. The person that is held as a hero, may have had selfish intentions as he performed his act of heroism. His display of self-respect will be felt by others and is returned in their respect towards him. To answer the question “Is it possible to respect someone that does not respect you?” the answer is yes. The respect you have towards anything is not dependent upon their respect towards you. But maintaining your focus and display of respect makes it difficult not to gain the respect of those that show no respect. Being an example of respect gives others a reason to display their own respect. You can see why I call respect a way of life not an artificial ceremony to bolster a person’s public status.

We had this conversation before, remember?


http://surveycentral.org/survey/20820.html

I just kind of go through life being myself, being a decent person without thinking about it. I usually only feel 'good vibes' or appreciation coming back from people who know me well. I don't usually react to displays of disrespect, except maybe halfway kind of squinting at someone. I can still feel undeserved disrespect though, as well as people thinking I have "disrespected" them, when no disrespect was intended.
And there are still people who will not show respect, no matter how much courtesy and kindness you show to them. Just have to grit your teeth and shrug it off.

Agreed!

My point is more that respect in an internal perception not dependent on anyone else. By being respectful respect is yours, it is manifested within not externally. For example different customs could have different respectabilities, Eskimos (from what I have heard) share their wife with houseguests. This could very well be construed as disrespectful of the woman or the marriage by non-Eskimos, but in their custom this would be a showing of respect. Respect is also nonjudgmental we can’t compare respectabilities I believe it to be set of values developed through the practice of respect.

I'm kind of different than a lot of people. My ideas of right and wrong are pretty independent of culture. I follow my own standards of right and wrong, and try my darndest not to step on anyones toes, except when I believe they need to be "shown" some error. I consider myself a "respectful" person, but because my standards differ from others in a lot of ways, they may disagree.

> I'm kind of different than a lot of people.
> My ideas of right and wrong are pretty independent
> of culture. I follow my own standards of
> right and wrong, and try my darndest not
> to step on anyones toes, except when I believe
> they need to be "shown" some error. I consider
> myself a "respectful" person, but because
> my standards differ from others in a lot
> of ways, they may disagree.


And that would be their choice, the fact that in your perception you were being honestly (honesty is a key word) respectful in your actions and thoughts you generate self-respect. Self-respect is the only respect you should be trying to generate. Self-respect emanates like an aurora and returns to you in the form of respect from others, those that know what respect is.. (maybe not everybody but you can’t make everybody happy all the time, be happy with yourself)

>
> And that would be their choice, the fact that
> in your perception you were being honestly (honesty
> is a key word) respectful in your actions and
> thoughts you generate self-respect. Self-respect
> is the only respect you should be trying to generate.
> Self-respect emanates like an aurora and returns
> to you in the form of respect from others, those
> that know what respect is.. (maybe not everybody
> but you can’t make everybody happy all the time,
> be happy with yourself)
>

It doesn't always, though. One of the easiest ways to offend me is to treat me like 'the bad guy' somehow (suspicion, questioning my motives, disapproving of an innocent action) and a lot of times, even though I know I'm right, I avoid a conflict by refusing to defend myself. This sometimes reaffirms people's misperception, and I don't get their respect. See?

I don’t think that with those kinds of people you will be able to receive respect, that is why I believe it is within you, not something someone gives you, I hope you understand.

Yep. Sounds perfectly understandable to me.

I do not think you are all that different, then others, I can relate to everything you mentioned.

cool.

All of these things are equally important unless you are being treated badly by that person.

Being nonjudgmental, tolerant, and accepting
The rest are It depends.

> |> I'm surprised that 'calling people' ranks
> below please and thank you.
> |> I would think it would run right alongside
> not saying things that
> |> might hurt feelings. It amounts to the same
> thing.
>
> Linda I like the one being non-judgmental and
> it is so easy to judge others I am guilty of this
> , like when I saw this
> person was not sure if it was a man or woman ?
> Yes it was a woman with her hair chopped off
> she looked so manly so much like a guy I just
> stared at her
> and trying to figure this out

> That's nice.

You are such a crap
I said that really nice.