| User | Comment |
|---|
cantilever  | | posted 17-Jul-2007 6:48am |
Brats should learn consequences |
Melf   | | posted 17-Jul-2007 6:55am |
Goodness, no. never. |
| judgescratch | | posted 17-Jul-2007 7:45am |
No.
...and  |
romkey  | | posted 17-Jul-2007 7:59am |
It depends a bit on the situation... is this in New York city or a less urban setting?
But... no, it doesn't really seem like an okay thing to do. I don't really know how to deal with children arguing and throwing things, though. |
| icurok | | posted 17-Jul-2007 8:07am |
... and then when the mother has calmed down, she goes back to the front porch to find that the children have run off. She phones the police to report them missing and they question her about why exactly she would be so stupid as to lock her own children out of her house. The story gets leaked to the press. She has reporters asking her probing questions every time she walks to and from her car. For a brief period, her first name becomes a national euphemism for bad parents. And then after two weeks, everyone forgets about it because Paris Hilton has been photographed snorting cocaine in a Jewish cemetery whilst giving a Nazi salute.
I forget what happens to the kids. |
| bill | | posted 17-Jul-2007 8:18am |
This seems fine to me. |
| andrewmarshall | | posted 17-Jul-2007 8:24am |
Consciousness of others is not unlike a giant hand upon a pen or better still a paint brush besides your own well not unless you hide out in the toilet measuring the time lines of nature of your own face in the mirror on the wall only to discover an inclination to self doubt is always to express everything that goes wrong is or is not your fault now that kind of attitude is as self sunken as to believe on every other occasion your are right.
Children need paths to explore to take their bearings from familiar landmarks, the further you look back and the deeper you excavate in search of the childhood what is it you recall first you may remember a person a place or a thing, but if you try harder you will recall the paths first, for nearly if not all learn to walk before speech so paths come first, people and things second. Paths of those first steps around the house, down through the garden, the path to the park the shops the way to school, corridors through the fields of long grass surrounded by bushes trees and woods. Given greater thought what do we know of the earliest part of mans education, the most important part was to follow the trails and paths of animals. Oh I know detractors will claim their own experience and occasion when they found themselves lost became angry no doubt with the location and the instruction from a parental voice that told them to follow the path and you'll be alright.
Then perhaps it is we are forced to question our own ability to ignore the dimensions of other humans.
|
| icurok | | posted 17-Jul-2007 8:31am |
... meanwhile, on planet Zeist. |
| Lahdee | | (reply to icurok) posted 17-Jul-2007 9:42am |
> ... meanwhile, on planet Zeist.
 |
| Lahdee | | posted 17-Jul-2007 9:53am |
I wouldn't go about a fight that way, but I don't see how a short time-out outside in the yard is so bad. You make kids play outside on nice days as opposed to playing Nintendo or watching tv, you give time-outs and send them to their rooms, forcing them to stay for a few minutes.
I made my son go outside once when he was in a ranting loud mood, just to get away from everyone and have no one to rant at. I first sent him to his room, he got louder and wouldn't quit even when I told him I wont listen to him with that tone. He wouldn't let up. I sent him outside and he kept opening and closing the door. I said "You want me to lock it? Stop." and he kept doing it so I locked it, just to get him to stop. He was safe under the patio in a fenced in back yard and about 10 or so. He stopped his rant quick and I let him back in. Just seems no different from a time out. As long as it's not for a long period of time, I think an outside time out is ok. I mean are we talkin 2 minutes or 20 here?
Our dad's ex girlfriend from many moons ago locked us all out when we kept running in and out and she was trying to mop the floor. The second I realised it was locked, I thought "Oh, I get it" realising why. When it started to rain, we all checked again, it was still locked. We sat in the van reading comic books then got in trouble for staying out in the rain. |
| Lahdee | | posted 17-Jul-2007 10:04am |
Linda, you should use the garage as a time out and make the kids sort their toys while they're in there. |
they  | | posted 17-Jul-2007 10:38am |
When we were arguing as kids, my mom would separate us.... On opposite ends of the couch or in separate bedrooms..... before long, we'd be conspiring across the hallway, or whispering across the couch.
I only have one kid... but I think this is how I would handle myself in this situation. |
| cabinfever | | posted 17-Jul-2007 10:54am |
No... even if the yard is fenced. |
| JessicaWoman99 | | posted 17-Jul-2007 11:10am |
Probably not a good thing to do to children and yes I get stressed myself and yell at the kids or holler at
them and children they can wear on our nerves |
| Enheduanna | | posted 17-Jul-2007 12:02pm |
I don't think locking them out is appropriate. It's their home, and they should never be locked out of it. I would put them in their bedroom(s) and shut the door(s) and tell them not to come out until I say they can. Disobeying this instruction will have serious consequences. |
LindaH   | | posted 17-Jul-2007 12:15pm |
I think it depends on a lot of factors. What is the neighborhood like? Is it safe out there? Are the kids going to continue fighting out there? How long do you plan on making them stay out there? If they knock, do you open the door and let them back in?
Decent neighborhood, locking one kid out to separate them both, safe fenced yard, they will only be out there a couple of minutes on a nice day, I see no harm at all. No different than making them play outside on a sunny day. When they knock, you make sure they are okay and let them back in when they want in. |
| thecomic22 | | posted 17-Jul-2007 12:52pm |
My mom did that to us when we got on her nerves. But you'd haft to remember that was when you could leave your kids outside & not worry about them coming up missing. Where we're from that was a normal thing to do if you irritated the fudge outta mama & daddy enough. But I myself would just split the kids up by putting them in different parts of the house. |
| cerealkiller | | posted 17-Jul-2007 1:25pm |
No. Handcuffing them to the bedpost like my wife's ex-husband used to do works better. |
| LJD | | posted 17-Jul-2007 3:51pm |
Arguing, having a difference of opinion and discussing is natural, but throwing things, no. I would not put the arguing children outside TOGETHER. What is the gender of the children? Throwing is a no-no. I would try to see what the children were arguing about, sit them down and teach them how to have a discussion peacefully. |
| Amanda | | posted 17-Jul-2007 4:13pm |
I don't think this is an okay thing to do. I think that the children would resent the parent and feel let down. Having your own mother lock you outside can't be a good feeling. It's their home, yet they are locked out of it. It seems cruel to me. Children aren't animals to be locked away when they annoy you or make you angry. |
| Amanda | | (reply to icurok) posted 17-Jul-2007 4:15pm |
That's the best answer ever.  |
| Amanda | | (reply to LJD) posted 17-Jul-2007 4:16pm |
What difference does it make what gender the child is? |
| LindaH | | (reply to Amanda) posted 17-Jul-2007 4:23pm |
But how is it any different than making them play outside? You lock them out in the back yard, where there's a sandbox, water bin and outdoor toys, they're likely to totally forget that the door is locked. |
| Amanda | | (reply to LindaH) posted 17-Jul-2007 4:32pm |
First off, I don't think you should make a child play outside, but instead encourage it. If a child is doing something inside that is more appropriate outside, I think you should give them a choice. Take it outside or stop doing it. But, forcing a child to play outside doesn't seem right to me. Children are people, too. They should be allowed to do what they enjoy, for the most part. The only way I could see making a child play outside is if the child never wants to play outside, instead staying inside watching TV or playing video games. Then, I'd understand why someone would make them go outside. But, in normal circumstances, most children like to play outside or do active things, so forcing them to doesn't seem right. Especially, when it's only to get them out of your hair.
Secondly, I think locking a child anywhere is wrong. Just like I wouldn't lock my child in his bedroom, I wouldn't lock him outside. It seems cruel to me. I think it is bound to cause negative reactions. I can only imagine how I would've felt had my mother locked me outside. I'd have been pissed and deeply hurt. I think I'd have felt that she didn't want to put the effort into dealing with me and didn't care about me. |
| LindaH | | (reply to Amanda) posted 17-Jul-2007 4:42pm |
I would have probably found something to do.
Don't kids feel this way whenever they are punished? Time outs or whatever? Kids always object, raise a fuss and resent being punished. Being locked out doesn't seem any worse.
And when kids are being way too loud, taking them out where they can be as loud as they want is dealing with them. I'd rather have someone send me somewhere else than make me be quiet. |
| Amanda | | (reply to LindaH) posted 17-Jul-2007 4:45pm |
I think being sent to your bedroom and being locked outside are two totally different things. Locking someone out is telling them you don't want them there. I can't see how this is good for children. Like I said, it seems cruel to me. Think about it. How would you feel if your husband set you on the porch and locked the door? (You don't have to answer that. I'm sure you'll come back with something like "I wouldn't mind as long as he had a good reason" or some other bullcrap."
Wait a minute....I thought you didn't mind if your kids were loud. I remember you saying they could be as loud as they wanted at home. Make up your mind, Linda. You're sending your kids mixed signals. One day something is fine. The next it's wrong. |
| LindaH | | (reply to Amanda) posted 17-Jul-2007 4:53pm |
Loud is fine, most of the time, (fun loud, screaming, the volume itself doesn't matter to me) but when one kid is disrupting the peace of the other ones, making the other ones scream, holler and raise a stink, the troublesome one is "creating" the noise, and I'd rather send that kid out then make the other 2 stop yelling.
The thing is, sometimes it is okay to be loud, and sometimes it's not. If someone is on the phone, trying to listen for the kitchen timer, trying to watch TV, etc. You can't be loud. I allow them to be as loud as they want, if no one around them minds it at the time. It's not "mixed signals" it's being observant of the situation and considerate of everyone in the room. Kids are smart enough to figure it out. |
| Amanda | | (reply to LindaH) posted 17-Jul-2007 5:14pm |
In my personal opinion, locking a child anywhere is cruel and borders on child abuse. I really don't care to hear your excuses. |
| LindaH | | (reply to Amanda) posted 17-Jul-2007 5:20pm |
Alright, I guess it would be better to just allow the disruption to continue. |
| thecomic22 | | (reply to LindaH) posted 17-Jul-2007 5:36pm |
> Loud is fine, most of the time, (fun loud,
> screaming, the volume itself doesn't matter
> to me) but when one kid is disrupting the
> peace of the other ones, making the other
> ones scream, holler and raise a stink, the
> troublesome one is "creating" the noise,
> and I'd rather send that kid out then make
> the other 2 stop yelling.
>
> The thing is, sometimes it is okay to be
> loud, and sometimes it's not. If someone
> is on the phone, trying to listen for the
> kitchen timer, trying to watch TV, etc. You
> can't be loud. I allow them to be as loud
> as they want, if no one around them minds
> it at the time. It's not "mixed signals"
> it's being observant of the situation and
> considerate of everyone in the room. Kids
> are smart enough to figure it out.
To anserw this arguement about locking a child up anywhere, I agree with amanda. Hear my story & you'll get why...... When I was a small child a year old, (shows how good i remember) My dad was moving to a new place of work since he owned his business, & my mama was working. Well being a baby I was underfoot, so my mama took me to this ladys house who ran a daycare. I can still remember the sloppy joes & juice we had that day. Well I was a hyper child who wasint use to being told what to do. She told me to lay down for a nap. I wouldint. She snatches me up by the hand & drags me ot the end of the house & locks me in a room by myself. I beat on the door, begged, pleaded, cried, you name it. She refused. She only came back there once & that was to tell me to shut up & lay on the bed. When mama came back for me a few hours later, I ran as fast as a baby can & jumped in my mamas arms, screaming & crying. Mama said something to her, now that, I dont rememeber. My sister said for a while after that you couldint even walk outta room & close a door, I'd scream & tear outta the room. I was that traumatized. Though I was a baby I remember it all. & Even though that dog wasint my mama I still would never agree with locking a child up anywhere or EVER leaving my baby at a daycare. |
| LindaH |
How long were you in there? How big/interesting was the room? I'd never lock a kid anywhere for an extended period of time, and I'd never lock them anywhere boring. The reasoning being that if they are forced to play somewhere else, away from the people they are disturbing, they'd be forced to do something other than disturb people. If I didn't lock the door, he's just open it, wander back in, and resume the disruption. I'd rather avoid all that. |
| thecomic22 | | (reply to LindaH) posted 17-Jul-2007 5:43pm |
> How long were you in there? How big/interesting
> was the room? I'd never lock a kid anywhere
> for an extended period of time, and I'd never
> lock them anywhere boring. The reasoning
> being that if they are forced to play somewhere
> else, away from the people they are disturbing,
> they'd be forced to do something other than
> disturb people. If I didn't lock the door,
> he's just open it, wander back in, and resume
> the disruption. I'd rather avoid all that.
It was a small room & it didint matter for how long, I wasint even her child. It was long enough. & I didint give a damn whether it was an ''interesting'' room. I was terrified & wanted out. |
| LindaH |
I think being locked outside on a sunny day in a yard full of summer toys is a lot different than being locked in a little room. Giant difference. I don't think a kid would be traumatized by having to resort to playing in a sandbox because they got locked away from bugging their siblings. |
| thecomic22 | | (reply to LindaH) posted 17-Jul-2007 5:49pm |
> I think being locked outside on a sunny day
> in a yard full of summer toys is a lot different
> than being locked in a little room. Giant
> difference. I don't think a kid would be
> traumatized by having to resort to playing
> in a sandbox because they got locked away
> from bugging their siblings.
Well at any rate I dont agree with any of it. |
| LindaH | | (reply to LJD) posted 17-Jul-2007 5:50pm |
I always felt like the kid who is in the 'right' is being unfairly made to sit and talk things out, just because some other kid was being a pest. The good kid shouldn't have to deal with it. The pest needs to play alone if they can't play nice. |
| LindaH |
Okay, fair enough. How would you teach a pesty kid to play nice, without inconveniencing the good kids? My solution has always been to make them play alone. |
| Amanda |
Don't even waste your time on this. It's pointless and you'll only end up wanting to bang your head on something! I also know, from experience, it can ruin a perfectly good buzz.  |
| thecomic22 | | (reply to Amanda) posted 17-Jul-2007 10:14pm |
Did you read my post about being locked in a room as a toddler & being traumatized? Sucks for me I will admit. |
| Amanda |
I noticed. |
| thecomic22 | | (reply to Amanda) posted 17-Jul-2007 10:17pm |
> I noticed.
I shoulda knee'd the dog.  |
| southernyankee | | posted 18-Jul-2007 12:32am |
I wouldn't do it but I guess its semi-reasonable. |
| southernyankee | | posted 18-Jul-2007 12:36am |
I was expecting this to be another Linda survey. |
| LJD | | (reply to Amanda) posted 18-Jul-2007 2:11am |
If the boy is 12, and the girl is 7, there could be some rough house, obviously the girl would be at a disadvantage. |
| LJD | | (reply to LindaH) posted 18-Jul-2007 2:14am |
Ok as a parent, perhaps didn't know who was right or wrong, but if the parent does know, then obviously the child that is in the right position should not have to be punished....this is where good parenting comes in... |
| LindaH | | (reply to LJD) posted 18-Jul-2007 2:23am |
Yep. Trying to figure out what happened, who is being honest, and what to do with the one who instigated things is sometimes tricky. |
| Amanda | | (reply to LJD) posted 18-Jul-2007 5:21am |
So, if the boy's 12 and the girl's 7, it'd be okay to lock the boy outside?? |
| Wackadoo | | posted 18-Jul-2007 8:33am |
What is the neighborhood like? What time is it? I don't know - seems like there are other options. Put them in their bedroom. The basement? Outside would be fine but I wouldn't lock the door. |
| EyesOfCharisma | | posted 18-Jul-2007 10:34am |
I would never lock my children out of the house. I always think the worst, and I would think that they would get hurt or something, and then I would feel horrible forever. If they are misbehaving, stick them in their room. |
Iseult  | | posted 18-Jul-2007 12:20pm |
Sure. |
| Biggles | | posted 18-Jul-2007 12:55pm |
Where? What kind of children are they - likely to sit on the front porch and sulk for a bit, or more likely to run away? Is it done completely seriously? How long is the door locked for? Will the older children look out for the younger ones? Is it safe? |
| icurok | | (reply to Amanda) posted 18-Jul-2007 1:39pm |
Thank you. When I saw that you were the creator I knew that this wasn't an autobiographical survey. Do you mind me asking where this particular parenting technique comes from? |
| Amanda | | (reply to icurok) posted 18-Jul-2007 1:45pm |
LindaH. Need I say more? |
| LJD | | (reply to LindaH) posted 18-Jul-2007 4:11pm |
Yes, very true. No one knows the child better than a parent, or loves them more. A parent can evaluate the personalities, issues in the past...but sometimes tricky as you say. |
| LJD | | (reply to Amanda) posted 18-Jul-2007 4:21pm |
Actually locking out of the house, is temporary, the issues have to be resolved, but I would separate the two children, especially if the younger is female. |
| LindaH | | (reply to LJD) posted 18-Jul-2007 5:10pm |
Yep. Parents would know how different reactions will affect different kids. They can usually tell who the instigator is, too. There would be no need to bring both kids out if there's a fight. The instigator is brought out, problem solved. |
| columbia | | posted 18-Jul-2007 5:24pm |
...sorry but i'm totally ok with that. Kids should "play" outside more! |
| LJD | | (reply to LindaH) posted 18-Jul-2007 6:15pm |
Yes |
| cloudhugger | | posted 18-Jul-2007 7:45pm |
I don't have children for a reason. Don't worry about how you treat them. They will have plenty of time for therapy for the rest of their lives. |
| cloudhugger |
Brilliant! give the kids hallucinagenic candy and they will forget what their issues, mom's issues, dad's issues the world's issues are and they can have a great time. |
| cloudhugger | | posted 18-Jul-2007 8:02pm |
My mom seperated me and my sister all the time, even for little things. She drove us apart, and neither one of us learned how to settle differences.
don't kow why I'm saying this, I guess it bothers me that we couldn't work things out, even to this day. |
| LindaH |
I think kids should be left to squabble and scrap, if neither one is a pesty instigator. In situations where one instigator is causing others to get screaming loud and snapping back, the instigator should be pulled away somewhere (room, outside, doesn't matter) and be made to play alone peacefully for a while. Lesson being that when you get all up in people's faces who are minding their own self, you are not wanted around.
I won't even teach the 'victim' not to scream and snap back at them. That's part of the lesson too. |
| Zang | | posted 19-Jul-2007 3:52pm |
I thought the very obvious answer was "Yes". I'm completely baffled by all the "No" responses. I can only guess that they come from people who live in neighbourhoods where imaginary child molesters lurk behind every bush, just waiting for such an opportunity. |
| Jody | | posted 19-Jul-2007 4:41pm |
As long as another door to the house is unlocked, I think it's fine. |
| mrmarm | | posted 20-Jul-2007 12:37am |
Yeah I think that's alright. |
| LindaH | | (reply to Amanda) posted 20-Jul-2007 12:48am |
I thought about it, and I can understand what you mean about the emotional effects. I think if a parent knows the kid isn't going to internalize it, take it personal, feel like mom doesn't care about them, then it is okay. Mom and kid can talk about it later and come to some sort of understanding about it afterward. Parents know their kids best. By age 7 (in your example) a parent who pays any attention to their kids' emotional make-up would know how a kid is going to process this sort of thing. If you have a kid who lives right in the moment, shrugging off everything, (including punishment) going right back to doing what they do without a second thought, you know that this kid isn't going to care one way or the other whether or not the door is locked.
But, some kids do care. So, I see what you mean by that now. |
| Enigma | | posted 24-Jul-2007 9:14pm |
Absolutely not for many reasons. A mere ten of which comes to me without even really thinking about it.
Love the eyesight line.
|
| Crayons | | posted 26-Aug-2007 11:53pm |
No way. They will just find this as an excuse to hide to make mom even madder or even run off. At least, put them somewhere that you can contain them, like in a bedroom,I guess. Unless they're really safe out there and there's no fun outside. |
