| User | Comment |
|---|
LindaH    | | posted 23-Jun-2007 9:32pm |
No. I can't even remember having fights with any friends. |
| ultamate | | posted 23-Jun-2007 9:37pm |
Yes, I had a best friend from about 12 years old to about 23. After she got married she changed dramatically. She started bragging, lying and talking behind my back to other people. I wouldn't say I broke up the friendship but I did back away. She ended up moving away for 16 years then came back and contacted me. I tried to remember all the good times and the closeness we once shared before she changed and decided to make another go of it. Everything was grate for a time but about two months after our renewed friendship started I caught her in a huge but stupid lie that put me in a bad situation. I hate a liar, so I'm done with her. |
| RGirl | | posted 23-Jun-2007 11:46pm |
How old is adult? At about 19 or 20 I broke off a friendship because this friend, she kept getting herself into bad situations, this time with a man. She'd gone off with a man she barely knew. He turned out to be abusive. She would call me when things got bad saying "I don't know what to do." I gave every suggestion I could. She never did one thing towards making things better for herself and I was tired of her calling me and dumping on me. It hurt me because I had actually been in love with her for a long time when we were best friends. Finally I asked her not to call me until she had done something, taken one of the steps she'd always promise to take. I never heard from her again. Later, when I ran into a mutual friend he told me that she had been waiting for me to 'make a move' that whole time we were friends.
Lesson #1 NEVER wait for the other person to make a move!
I had some one break off a friendship with me but that was an absolute mess and would take forever to explain. The lesson though, is never leave the small stuff in. Bring them up as they arise so they can be dealt with. Otherwise before you know it you have a long shopping list of minor infractions and think it's enough to hate some one. She soured my need for friends. It was the biggest heart break, a friend I loved hating me. I haven't had a friend since. I am not afraid of relationships, I know they sometimes end. I wasn't prepared for my best friend to suddenly refuse to speak to me, not even fair enough to explain why. She took every girl friend we had with her. I had never felt SO alone my last year in that dorm but I didn't leave. I wouldn't let them run me out. You can see it in my graduation pictures. I am so obviously tired, dark circles under my eyes.
That's enough. I really do think friendships are over rated. Anne is my best friend, but there is more than friendship anchoring us. Pure friendships, in my eyes, are too easily lost and too much is lost with them. Flimsy. Why do you think I have so many pets.  |
Frostbrand  | | posted 24-Jun-2007 12:04am |
I don't want to go into details, but sadly yes. |
| ausfox | | posted 24-Jun-2007 1:14am |
Yes I have |
| cabinfever | | posted 24-Jun-2007 1:20am |
Yes, I have. |
they   | | posted 24-Jun-2007 6:25am |
I guess we're not talking romantic friendships...
So I guess not...... but it's because I don't fight... I'm non-confrontational.... So I'm likely to stop calling if someone is an butt-hole... but I wouldn't have an all out argument with him/her. |
| Irene007 | | posted 24-Jun-2007 9:54am |
Yes and I had dreams for a long time about these people. To consciously break off a friendship is really hard for me but in these cases, it was for the best. One was a long time friend from high school; when I met my husband, I sent him to meet her when she finished work to give her a ride back home. All she did was drag me through the mud - Ben came back a little peeved and said with friends like that, he doesn't want to meet my enemies. So I confronted her the next day and talked it out with her - I thought it was settled. Years later, my best friend of 30 yrs + (Christine) hooked up with this woman because I was their mutual friend and they lived in the same neighbourhood. Everything she would say about me, Christine repeated to me; she understood that this woman had issues. I just eventually drew away from her and started avoiding her. She was really jealous of me all those years and I came to understand why all her friends and boyfriends hated me; I never had a chance with her bad mouthing me all the time. I stupidly thought it was because they were such low characters and felt out of place around me, turns out that they were rather ignorant to pass judgement without even getting to know me. The last time I saw her was at a festival in their neighbourhood, I saw her near a stall talking to Christine, I was wearing sun glasses so she didn't see where I was looking and she look right at me. Then she came around and feigned surprise at seeing me and came to me with a big grin and her arms wide opened - I was so disgusted, I just asked her if I knew her. She replied; "Well if you're going to take it THAT way!" and stormed off. Take WHAT what way??? She eventually found reason to dump Christine's friendship too - poor woman, she doesn't know what a real friend is. I encountered her older sister years later and she wasn't talking to her anymore because she had left the Jehovah cult and you mustn't communicate with the "fallen" (stupid people - shows how ignorant they really are!), she also told me that her boyfriend and father of her 3 children had dumped her for another woman. She must be lonely... I take no satisfaction from knowing this - it's just sad. |
| Irene007 | | (reply to RGirl) posted 24-Jun-2007 10:03am |
> I really do think friendships are over rated.
I don't - I've had this long lasting one with Christine and it has lasted because neither of us is petty enough to let silly misunderstandings get in the way. I know all the things she says about me when I'm not around because she tells me herself! That gives me a chance to explain actions and etc... A few years back, we encountered an issue; rather than let it stew - she came right out with it and it was settled the same evening. Her husband was my husband's best friend as well, how lucky is that?? I love these people; they're always there for me... |
| Amanda | | posted 24-Jun-2007 10:06am |
Yes. Or at least, took a break from the friendship until I got over it. |
| Otter | | posted 24-Jun-2007 10:49am |
My friend's wife gave me a hard time about having my car registered in New Hampshire while I was staying at an apartment in Massachusetts. She threatened to call the police on me and we haven't spoken since. |
| Gomezy3k | | posted 24-Jun-2007 11:14am |
Who has friends??? I have a few people who think they are my friends and I wish they would go away.... |
LJD  | | posted 24-Jun-2007 12:16pm |
No |
| Otter | | posted 24-Jun-2007 12:33pm |
I know alot of people, a few are friends, I take friendship seriously. |
| LindaH | | (reply to Otter) posted 24-Jun-2007 12:40pm |
Why do people bother even caring about stuff like that? |
| thecomic22 | | posted 24-Jun-2007 5:08pm |
No, not that I can remember. |
gambler  | | posted 24-Jun-2007 7:52pm |
No, I do not think so |
| Enigma | | posted 24-Jun-2007 10:58pm |
 Oh hell yeah. People ALWAYS come to me for advice and then when they don't like what I say they think they can argue with me. Hey, you came to me for advice, you don't have to take it, but don't argue about it with me. It's your life, do what you want and WHY THE HELL DID YOU ASK ME THEN?"
So sometimes I have to just not speak to them anymore because they drive me crazy and they are needy little bastards.
Of course these people are not really friends are they? More like acquaintances. I have very few true friends and I would never fight with them. |
| RGirl | | (reply to Irene007) posted 24-Jun-2007 11:55pm |
I guess some are luckier than others. |
| docgbrown | | posted 25-Jun-2007 12:16am |
Yup, sometimes it is worth it to cut bait on a friendship when you finally see the light |
| Enheduanna | | posted 25-Jun-2007 1:16am |
No, although I have had a friendship cool somewhat due in part to a sort of disagreement. |
| Irene007 | | (reply to RGirl) posted 25-Jun-2007 4:34am |
It has nothing to do with luck; it's about cultivating friendship as you would love - one doesn't fall in love - one cultivates it! |
| RGirl | | (reply to Irene007) posted 25-Jun-2007 4:40am |
And when you cultivate away only to have the other person walk down each row ripping the plants up violently, leaving the roots painfully exposed? My last friendship, I had no idea, she gave no inkling our friendship was in trouble. It was quite traumatic so I guess it would be impossible for me to agree. I'm glad you've had different experiences. |
| Irene007 | | (reply to RGirl) posted 25-Jun-2007 10:43am |
The way I see it; if she trampled all over your friendship; then she wasn't worth the effort... |
| EyesOfCharisma | | posted 25-Jun-2007 2:36pm |
Yeah, my friend asked me to come over and clean her house with her for a party... She lived like 60 miles from me, and I said, well I would love to.. but I don't have gas money. She said she would give me $40.00 when I got there. Anyways, a few weeks later she starts hounding me for the $0.00 back that she 'borrowed me' After a while I just told her to fudge off, and was done with it... It took me hoursssssssss to clean her nasty ass house. That was at least worth $40.00 |
| romkey | | posted 25-Jun-2007 9:21pm |
Yes, one. |
| RGirl | | (reply to Irene007) posted 25-Jun-2007 9:57pm |
Or maybe I wasn't worth the effort....it is too unresolved to make any sense out of it. That is what was unfair. She just stopped speaking to me one day it was only in a long note where she ripped me to shreds that I had any inkling as to why she changed overnight and everything I read left me with the feeling she never told me what was really wrong- leaving out the toothpaste? Getting the bathroom rug wet? Little things that could have been fixed or understood if only she had mentioned them. These aren't reasons a person suddenly detests and is disgusted by some one they loved like a sister the day before. PS. I didn't leave the tooth paste out for her to put away...that is where I KEPT my toothpaste and therefore it WAS put away! I still have nightmares of being in that dorm and seeing her. I always beg and beg and apologize without a clue as to what I feel so guilty and horrid about. |
| Irene007 | | (reply to RGirl) posted 26-Jun-2007 12:03am |
Without giving me the details, do you believe that she was right to treat you the way she did? |
| RGirl | | (reply to Irene007) posted 26-Jun-2007 12:10am |
Absolutely not. But then I never got a real answer. Maybe there was something I was unaware of. The way she ripped me up and down totally destroyed a good part of my self esteem as far as friendships are concerned. Can a best friend disappear so suddenly, so completely as a result of such minor infractions? They weren't even infractions. She never told me so I didn't know there was a misunderstanding in the first place. It was very confusing. |
| Irene007 | | (reply to RGirl) posted 26-Jun-2007 7:32am |
I can imagine... That's why communication is so important in any relationship. Did you ever get a chance to speak your peace so she could see your side of things? |
| Zang | | posted 26-Jun-2007 4:15pm |
Not as such. I tend to think of it as "taking a break". I don't rule out the possibility that we'll resume at a later date. |
| RGirl | | (reply to Irene007) posted 26-Jun-2007 7:51pm |
No. She sent me a letter but never spoke a word to me again. We ended up leaving nasty notes to each other in the bathroom we shared. The whole group we hung out with went to her side. At first they would visit me and her. I told them all that it was between me and her and I didn't want them to feel put in the middle. I told them to do whatever they needed to do. I knew it was going to happen but by giving them 'permission' it hurt less. At the same time, they then hung our with her and when I'd walk by in the dorm they stop talking and laugh, or say stuff loud enough for me to hear, it was like something out of Dante's Inferno, or Tartarus. Having what you long for so close, dangling in front of you, mocking you. I could have gone to another floor in the dorm but I decided to not let them push that far. It was indescribable. I don't know how I made it. It was also confusing because we'd all known each other from our first year and we'd gone from adolescents to adults by this point. I believe my behavior reflected a more adult behavior than theirs. I have that to comfort me. |
cloudhugger  | | posted 27-Jun-2007 6:45am |
Yes. |
| Irene007 | | (reply to RGirl) posted 27-Jun-2007 8:39am |
I was just going to say that; never debase yourself in such situations. People can be so petty... By the sound of it; you didn't loose anything worth holding onto and I think you're a better person for it. *pats pennyan's back*  |
| RGirl | | (reply to Irene007) posted 27-Jun-2007 11:38pm |
Thanks. It may have been petty, but it still left its scar. I rarely ever think of it anymore though so I guess that means some degree of healing. |
| Irene007 | | (reply to RGirl) posted 28-Jun-2007 12:59pm |
It's in the past so leave it there - you can hold your head up! Do you know the song "Hold Your Head Up" by Argent? I'm going make a special request to my computer DJ (me) and play it for you now! I love that song... |
| RGirl | | (reply to Irene007) posted 29-Jun-2007 1:29am |
Oh, how sweet. Yes I've heard of that song. |
| caviartaste | | (reply to Irene007) posted 1-Jul-2007 12:43pm |
Irene, you are so wise...and i love you  |
| Irene007 |
I love you too Cav!! Hey! How far is it a drive to Houston for you??? |
| caviartaste | | (reply to RGirl) posted 1-Jul-2007 12:54pm |
I hate to hear you went through that pennyann. People can be so confusing sometimes when they don't communicate. It's the most frustrating thing on earth! I'm glad that you now realize there's nothing you could have done about the other person's actions. And if you're not thinking about it nearly as much anymore maybe your scars are starting to heal indeed. I hope so.
Sometimes we all beat our heads against the wall because we can't get other people to communicate well and we're left with the ?. That's what sparked this survey. I don't think it will break off - the friendship is way to old for that but i'm just waiting and wondering right now.... |
| caviartaste | | (reply to Irene007) posted 1-Jul-2007 12:55pm |
Um about a day |
| Irene007 |
Dang... 
|
| RGirl |
Exactly, left with the WTF written all over your face. Oh, and thanks. It is healed in a lot of ways but there is sometimes still a phantom pain. |
| mrmarm | | posted 27-Jul-2007 7:32am |
I am not an adult yet an adult, I don't know if this is a sex / relationship question. |
| southerngrrl78 | | posted 21-Jun-2008 9:51pm |
I just recently had to cut off contact with a friend I've known for over 20 years. She basically started a lie that my husband was cheating on me (completely unfounded). She is jealous because my husband got a promotion at work and hers didn't (her husband works for the same company). I'm sure she's going around telling people what a crappy person I am, but this is not the first time she's lied. I don't even know why I was friends with her as long as I was. She's completely toxic. |
