Have ever made a friend with a person whose friendship with you was frowned upon?

Oooooohhhhhhh yeah. Pam aka Nikki. She was VERY poor, spent time in foster homes. Her parents were mentally ill. I was new in school and she was the first to befriend me. It was only later that I found out that she was the least liked girl in the whole school district, had been for a long time. She had bad acne, was coarse and blunt, but she was my BEST friend. Ironically, she'd been labeled a lesbian/dyke and many nasty names of the sort before I'd come along. We were such best friends and had no other friends we wrote notes to each other a lot and shared lockers. Inevitably I was labeled a lesbian as well. Nikki was not gay, I was. The harassment became unbearable. I had to walk to school and kids would yell stuff as they went by, in the halls, in class and even on the phone. One time some one said something to my dad. He blamed it on Nikki and didn't want me to be friends with her. Any trouble I got into it was with her. My parents blamed her but I informed them that when I got in trouble it was because I decided to do those things. I was responsible. Shoplifting, smoking, poppers. I was in a way very sheltered. She had access to a seedier life and I learned a lot. She tried to instill a sense of self respect and strength in me, like she had, but it never caught on. She'd learned how to ignore and to not cry. She'd say 'Meghan, you can't let them see you cry. That's what they want and you're just giving it to them.' I just didn't have it in me. It was also easy letting some one stronger to steer the way. She was always the one that came and got me when I a girlfriend let me down or broke my heart saying the same things. 'Get a spine' 'Don't be a doormat' and 'Don't let them see you cry.'

Not that I'm aware of or that I recall. I picked "No".

Throughout my life this happens with me a lot. Most of my siblings picked up this trait my mother taught us (by example) as well. There are many examples but I’ll share just one. My current best friend has missing teeth and is homeless. The thing is, he and I used to serve together in the military and I KNOW that he is homeless only by choice. People prejudge far too quickly. This fine man has helped me help so many others who suddenly and unexpectedly found themselves homeless to stop being homeless and get their life, pride and shelter back. This guy is a stellar, unsung hero that I am most proud of.

I seem to have surrounded myself with people who don't frown upon me. yay

Wow Meghan, you really went deep on this one. Thank you for setting the tone. I grew up in a poor neighborhood and, depending on the era, I assumed the role you played or filled in as Pam/Nikki of my time and space. You learn, you teach, you learn, you teach… and nobody learns more than the teacher.

My first roommate, after moving out of my parent’s house, was really wealthy, incomprehensibly elitist and ASTOUNDINGLY cruel to those he felt too far beneath him to be kind to. While he would tolerate verbal jabs from his equals, if ever an underling looked at him wrong he would spring to being horrendous! I have seen him do some dastardly and illegal things to waiters, fast food workers, neighbors and classmates; just because he enjoyed it. It took a lot of time, sacrifice, arguing and explaining but I did manage to break him of that by finally getting him to see life through their eyes. When he finally, really saw it, he cried. No, he wailed. It appears he had done so many awful things to poor people for so long that I hadn’t a clue as to depth of his mourning. He is still a miserable man, but he no longer picks on the poor, unattractive and unpopular.

that was a cool story.... Nikki sounds awesome. Do you still know her?

I don't think so.

But I have friends.... where my friendship with them is frowned upon.

Yes, although it was only frowned upon by one person (her mother). Not that her mother had ever met me. It was more the principle of the thing, if you know what I mean.

erm, .......... not really, I bought a couple of friends home as a kid, whom my parents didnt like much, but generally no

No

Having been a social pariah myself, the stigma of having undesirable friends did not trouble me.

I once walked out on a date when I saw a man sitting on the sidewalk in front of the pizza place we were eating at. I took my food outside and shared it with him and was having a rather interesting conversation until he mentioned that the government had implanted a chip in his tooth and was tracking him. It was hard to decide which way to turn. My date waiting inside was rather boring. Ultimately my date came outside and said he was ready to go. At that point, so was I.

Wow, what a story. I am amazed you were able to get through to him.

Wow! That sounds like an amazing friend. I hope you are still friends. I love people like this. And by the way, lesbian & dyke are no longer nasty names. I know you know this, but I just wanted to remind you. You are lucky to have known this woman & I am sure she is lucky to have known you too.

Many street people are mentally ill. Why should that keep you from continuing to be kind to the man?

I didn't quit being kind I just had a different opinion of him up until that point. He seemed sane. I would've gladly sat there and listen to his ramblings as they progressed. I had to choose between him and my date and they both an equal chance with my time. Besides the pizza had been eatten and I was ready to go home.

No, we are no longer friends. Nothing happened to us, just over time we went in different directions. I am definitely a better person for having known her. I was the only person she ever invited home. I didn't even make a face at the state of the house- should have been condemned- or the state of her parents, especially her dad who sometimes talked to the radio about government conspiracies.

My house was like that as a kid. I should've been put into foster care, not that I think it would've been a good thing but our living conditions were severely below standard and I was neglected. I used to have people drop me off down the street at my friends house cause we lived in the worst house on the street. It used to be an army barracks that was never completed. There was no siding, just tar paper and the front of the house had no door. You walked through what should've been the first room of the house but had become some sort of storage area for all the crap we didn't need and then there was a door. None of the bedrooms had doors, just curtains, and the only bathroom had a sliding door like in an RV. Needless to say I never invited anyone over. There was always all sorts of unreputable people hanging around drinking till all hours. It sucked.

My friends parents couldint stand me. ha ha.

You should write a book about it, it sounds like you have a lot of great material to work with.

Not as far as I know. I wasn't the sort of child parents disapprove of.

Yeah loads of times. I prefer to make my own decisions about people.

Well there were more creative names that were very embarrassing for a shy 14 year old.

Yeah, I can imagine that was embarrassing for you at the time. I was called names too for other reasons that were a negative experience.

Well, my home environment wasn't anything to smile about. My parents were drunk much of the time, some drugs but my father managed to go to work so we were living comfortably at the time. This was also a period in which both parents quite drinking for about 3 months. My parents were quite hypocritical with their opinion on Nikki. In fact they were down uppity about it. That disgusted me since they managed to be drunk/high every night. We had been dirt poor for several years while my dad was laid off. When I met Nikki we had just stepped up to a better life and I think my dad thought we were now too good for some one like her when we had just been living almost as wretchedly. Nikki didn't like coming over to my house because she could sense their dislike and judging.

I did write a book and Nikki is one of the chapters, by another name though. My book is set up in a way that each chapter is a childhood friend up to 17 years old and how it all intertwined and worked it's way out to the last one.

cool

That really sucks. I know how that felt. I used to spend alot at a friends house & her parents treated me like I was the reason we were always in trouble but we were inseperable at the time. I would spend weeks at a time in the summer there and her parents tolerated me but I could tell they were put out.

Sounds a lot like my friendship with Nikki.

Not since I was a teenager. Anyone frowns on my friendships as an adult, and it's time for them to turn around and go bug it up their own smell.

I'm more relieved, as he used to horrify me with his antics.

As an adult her mother used to come see me at my job, I worked in a mall, & bring her granddaughter, my friends daughter and ask how I was so I believe that later on she have realized that we were partners in crime & that it was not all my fault. My friend also took a different path than myself. She ended up not to good with a string of bad men and a few kids and not much work to speak of. Last time I saw her she teeth were real bad, I assume from neglect. Funny cause I remember her parents putting braces on her teeth and that was a big expenses to me. I guess she just didn't get out of that lets smoke & drink with boys phase that we went through as teenagers cause she seemed just about the same, except with bad teeth. I do still care for her but we have nothing in common & I have moved away.

Most of my friendships actually.

Same here...that would have been a good option.

Yea back when I met Jenna in the 5th grade & we were friends. Everybody thought i was a rotten little fudgeer who'd corrupt her. Crap SHE corrupted ME! Like I totally spray painted ''butt-hole'' across our math teachers Mercedes by myself....... *rolls eyes*

Or she purges or she smokes meth- accounting for the bad teeth.

I never knew her as a purger growing up she was always thin and high strung and smoked alot. Drugs may have played a factor. I don't know.

Not that I'm aware of.

No. I was a pretty okay kid really.

Some people didn't agree with my friendship with hitler but I know they were just jelous

No.... I was a good girl that parents loved to see their kids with... but I have had friends that my parents frowned about.

You almost got me in serious trouble for telling that story, because recently at high school a teacher had their wheels slashed or windows broken or something and I rememebered that story and I started laughter and now everyone thinks I did it and my occasional dog care teacher kepts on giving me death stares.