| User | Comment |
|---|
romkey  | | posted 25-Feb-2007 11:21am |
I'd try to. I want to be encouraging. It would be difficult - moreso due to the mess than the food's quality. |
bill   | | posted 25-Feb-2007 11:34am |
Yes, of course. |
| llamamama | | posted 25-Feb-2007 11:37am |
I'm single..but..yeah, I'd appreciate it. |
Enheduanna  | | posted 25-Feb-2007 11:38am |
Of course. But my SO knows how to cook. |
dab  | | posted 25-Feb-2007 11:38am |
I would appreciate it. And I'd help clean up the mess. Fortunately, my wife's a great cook and the times that the food has been less than stellar have been very rare. |
| Enigma | | posted 25-Feb-2007 12:12pm |
Most definately appreciate the effort. I may have to go be by myself to have a quiet laugh if it is that bad but I'd appreciate it anyway. |
| blondie20 | | posted 25-Feb-2007 12:31pm |
I don't have an SO. |
| Amanda | | posted 25-Feb-2007 1:11pm |
It would depend on my mood. If I were in a good mood, I'd appreciate the effort. If I were in a bad mood, I'd probably be annoyed. However, my boyfriend knows how to cook, so the food would be fine. He does have this issue with making messes, though. |
| gazelda1 | | posted 25-Feb-2007 1:23pm |
Yes.....It is a lot for them to want to do that..much less make an attempt at following though...and so what if it is less then stellar...not even chefs make a perfect dish every time....I should know..I've had a couple of real flops....But I would embrace it...hubby made dinner a few times for me...the first time was absolutely awesome..the second i sat there and in extreme pain tried eating each bite...Hot would be an understatement...and a ton of sour cream could not have saved this meal...but i ate it small bite by small bite...and acted like it was ok until he finally gave in and couldn't eat another bite..I was not going to discourage him from trying again..to some cooking is a second nature..to others it has to be learned..and any discouragement could stop them from wanting to learn and trying again...I am leaving to go out of town on my own this week. Hubby took of work to stay at home with the kids...and now i can go away knowing that because he has learned my kids will eat well. |
| JessicaWoman99 | | posted 25-Feb-2007 1:54pm |
Yes of course I would still appreciate it even thou he may be lousy at
cooking a dinner and leaving me a huge mess |
| autumnlight | | posted 25-Feb-2007 2:03pm |
Of course. I'd be amazed that he'd even made the effort to be honest. |
| guido | | posted 25-Feb-2007 2:17pm |
Yes I would. |
they  | | posted 25-Feb-2007 2:24pm |
Yes, but my SO knows how to cook... he also knows better than me how to clean. This scenerio is more likely to happen to him.
He was a hibachi chef when I first met him.... He can make unbelievable italian sauce, he cooks meat to perfection..... the smell of everything he cooks makes my stomach feel like it will cave in if I doesn't eat some immediately. |
| cabinfever | | posted 25-Feb-2007 3:01pm |
My SO knows how to cook (he used to be one), but I'd still appreciate the effort they put forth... as long as they clean up the mess. If they started cleaning it up of their own accord, I'd probably help. My hubby is a messy cook... and rarely cleans up after himself. Drives me nuts. |
| Cain | | posted 25-Feb-2007 3:47pm |
Not hell no, just no. My SO does cook very occasionally, but he manages to use every kitchen utensil and pot in the place, even for the simplest of meals - and I hate having to do all the washing up afterwards. I'd rather just cook myself. |
| filiasan | | posted 25-Feb-2007 4:24pm |
(I'm single, but...) only if he offered to clean as well--since he made the mess! |
LJD  | | posted 25-Feb-2007 6:02pm |
YES, any effort would be appreciated when fixing dinner for us. If he cooked, I'd gladly do the clean up.
My husband never cooked, even when I worked. I wouldn't know how to act...LOL I think any woman that has a husband that will help in the kitchen, has a real jewel. This reminds me of my 17 year old granddaughter that has a 17 year old boyfriend that is a jewel. He does something special for her almost every day....shows her great appreciation. I just love this guy. They've been together for two years, and have never had an argument. |
| angelfire | | posted 25-Feb-2007 8:26pm |
My SO knows how to read the packages and therefore can prepare food. But he doesn't leave a mess regardless. |
| RGirl | | posted 25-Feb-2007 9:55pm |
Yes, but it is likely to be the other way around here. My SO is a good cook. I can make a few things but a meal I"m likely to screw up.. |
LindaH  | | posted 25-Feb-2007 10:57pm |
Yes. Whenever anyone tries something they aren't good at, they should never be treated like it wasn't worth the try. Anyone treating another person that way in front of me loses a few respect points.  |
| cloudhugger | | posted 26-Feb-2007 12:43am |
I would absolutely till appreciate it. If it was made with love, it will taste wonderful. |
| mandy | | posted 26-Feb-2007 1:24pm |
My husband is a good cook. BUT............
This happens a lot when my husband cooks after he's three sheets to the wind. It sucks because then he'll wobble off to bed all drunk and mad at me for being annoyed with him and I'm stuck cleaning up after a long day at work. I've had to tell him....Do not do this anymore. I appreciate the thought that he wants to have food for me when I get home but walking in to the house to find a staggering drunk, slurring his words, dropping food all over the place, the doors wide open because of smoke in the kitchen with the heat still on in the house.......etc etc..........
crushes me  |
| Zang | | posted 27-Feb-2007 2:15am |
Marginally. I'd appreciate the fact that they were trying to do something nice for me. I don't think that I've ever gone out with someone that couldn't cook. I mean, some were certainly a lot better at it than others, but none of them were completely incapable. They at least had some certain specialties...What grown adult can't cook? How do they feed themselves? |
| RGirl | | (reply to mandy) posted 27-Feb-2007 2:48am |
Now that sounds like a bummer. I'm not happy with drunk people. How do you stand it? I don't mean that as trite in case it sounded that way, I'm totally asking a serious question. If it's none of my business you can tell me. |
| mandy | | (reply to RGirl) posted 27-Feb-2007 2:14pm |
I can't. I'm at my wits end. Not sure what to do. I'm just trying to cope and I pray a lot and try to be kind. I knew he was this way when I married him but felt it was my job to give him a warm home and love and make sure he wasn't in a room alone somewhere drinking himself to death. I commited to this and feel bad now hoping he'll change. The worse thing to do is to want to change people. Even if he never stops this daily drinking .....I at least wish he'd try to get a job. |
| RGirl | | (reply to mandy) posted 27-Feb-2007 5:26pm |
Tough love. Get help or go. That you signed up for this is amazing. I've dumped people I was dating, even a serious relationship because I simply don't do drunks. I grew up with them. That was enough, I'm not taking care of any more. Were their alcoholics in your family growing up? |
| Biggles | | posted 28-Feb-2007 10:25am |
Single, but an SO who made that kind of effort would be appreciated. |
| mandy | | (reply to RGirl) posted 28-Feb-2007 1:35pm |
Yes. Both parents...and I am one as well. We were two happy drunks together in the beginning. Now I hardly drink at all. He was drunk again last night when I got home and just trying to pick fights with me because deep down he knows the truth and yet is in such deep denial. He knows what I'm thinking and feeling about him even though I haven't said it. He's trying to get me to go off on him so he can make me the bad guy and defend his actions by being able to call me the quitter if I chose to ask him to leave(It's my place...he moved in with us...I pay for everything). That way he saves face.
I'm playing this one cautiously. I refuse to fight with a drunk. It's fruitless. I'm hoping time and patience and a lot of praying will help resolve this. He's not a BAD person. He is hooked on a bad chemical and has been for 20+ years.
|
| RGirl | | (reply to mandy) posted 28-Feb-2007 6:56pm |
The rate of divorce after one or both partners quit is VERY high, very high. Many had only that one thing in common. Eliminate drinking and they don't know what to do with each other. Also, there are personality changes in the one that has quit, how they see the world is much different than how the one still drinking does. And, I believe there is that constant in your face reminding you of what you were once like in some ways. I can see that as being an ugly daily reminder that one wouldn't appreciate. But in the case of co dependency some times one person quits drinking but can't quit their other addiction - the other alcoholic. Then there is the risk of the other alcoholic wheedling the sober partner into drinking with them again- they can be very sneaky and manipulative about this. I mean, for the most part, the partner still drinking can get awful lonely. Or they can simply drive to a point where you want a drink, or the idea of leaving them so they can get their act together is a scary thing. Sometimes the best thing to do isn't the easy thing to do.
When my mother went into treatment and really took it seriously she spent a little time back home but at a point gave my dad the ultimatum he needed. Us or alcohol. He chose alcohol, unfortunately I over heard this conversation and it was very hurtful, but she stuck to it.. He was left all alone in this big house except for his cat. He got very lonely and went into treatment. They tried to be together sober but it was a joke. They had not ONE thing in common all of a sudden. But he has been sober for a long time. So has my mom. Being apart was the best thing for them.
And remember, if you have kids in that house is it fair to them? |
| mandy | | (reply to RGirl) posted 1-Mar-2007 4:21pm |
My daughter has seen so much worse. This is funny to her compared to what she's seen in the last 3 years. Plus, she is seeing her Mom finally get herself together. She is so proud of me and supportive of my positive changes(getting out of a very violent relationship with a man she hated, quitting drugs, leaving a job I hated for a career I love and seeing me sober)and my husband's drinking is a joke to her. |
| RGirl | | (reply to mandy) posted 1-Mar-2007 4:46pm |
Funny? A joke? That you chose to keep him in your lives? Ok, I know that is sounding judgmental. I'm just going back to how I felt and I guess it's fair to say that not all people respond the same way. How old is she? What does he bring to the table that makes him being around worth it? Love? Anything else? I know this sounds nasty but I'm looking at it from a different point of view. And hurray! to you for what you have accomplished. I bet she is proud. Do you ever wonder what she thinks of you for keeping him around? |
| LindaH |
I think the tolerableness of a heavy drinker usually depends on the personality of the drinker. Some "happy" drunks aren't at all difficult to live with. |
| RGirl | | (reply to LindaH) posted 2-Mar-2007 1:30am |
Until they are so 'happy' they fall down in the front yard and can't get up again without assistance while the neighbors watch on. My dad was a happy drunk, and I preferred him drunk to sober because he was an obssessive compulsive butt-hole, but that doesn't fix the 'funny' embarassing behavior. Some 'fun' drunks are so happy that with each drink they 'happier' and louder, and brazen, embarassingly so. Now this behavior at the occassional party or barbecue is ok, but the daily kind, no, happy doesn't cut it. Not every day. But all in all I'd take the 'happy' drunk to the depressed drunk, which my mother was. Ugh! I have seen every kind of drunk there is and no drunk is easy to live with, IMO. It's difficult for me not to say something. I wouldn't say these things if I met any of you here face to face but I no good things to say about drunks or 'heavy drinkers'. I might be insulting people, I might be seen as insensitive, but there is nothing easy about living with a drunk. Then you have to take care of them. Clean up their crap. Then they are sick and can't do anything the next day until they have another buzz going. If you try ignoring them they manipulate you and make you feel guilty. If you express how you feel they claim you don't know how hard it is for them. Then you have to be disappointed when they fall off the wagon. I have no soft feelings for alcoholics. I haven't 'spoken' this much about it for a very very long time. It isn't healthy to get caught up in other people's drama like this so I think I should stay away from it for now on. |
| LindaH | | (reply to RGirl) posted 2-Mar-2007 3:04pm |
Ok, so have you seen the kind that drink every day, but don't get so drunk you have to take care of them? They are alcoholics too, aren't they? |
| RGirl | | (reply to LindaH) posted 2-Mar-2007 6:12pm |
I have never met an alcoholic that wasn't toxic to their loved ones &/or themselves in one way or another because of the alcoholism. Hell, you don't even have to drink to be a drunk- a dry drunk is some one who has cut out the drinking but not the detrimental behaviors that went with it. |
| RGirl | | (reply to mandy) posted 2-Mar-2007 6:20pm |
What you have accomplished makes you a great role model for your daughter, but being married to a man who brings so little and takes so much, I just hope she feels she deserves better and I wonder why you don't feel the same way about yourself.
I apologize if I come off rude on the subject of alcoholics in general and your husband in particular. I obviously still have very strong feelings about these things but I have no right to judge you or your situation. That said......well I guess that's all I have to say. |
| LindaH | | (reply to RGirl) posted 2-Mar-2007 6:33pm |
Well, I'll have to try and find info on 'buzz drunks' or whatever they are. I don't really know if they would be considered alcoholics or not, to be honest. Maybe they aren't. |
| RGirl | | (reply to LindaH) posted 2-Mar-2007 6:52pm |
Some people can drink to a buzz every day and not be an alcoholic. Will they work their way to it? Who knows. A lot has to do with behaviors associated with the drinking, like trying to minimize how much you have drank or what you drink, so effectively they can fool themselves. There are also people who abuse alcohol but are not alcoholics. They can cause as much dysfunction though. When I was a teen, for a couple of years I abused alcohol, but I wasn't an alcoholic. Not to mention the dysfunction, alcoholics and alcohol abusers are dangerous to themselves and others when they are in denial about how drunk they are. There are some drunks that have this strong urge to drive as soon as they are too intoxicated to do it. And if they need to make a beer run..........nothing, NOTHING can stop an alcoholic from getting their drug- except themselves. Until they are ready to do WHATEVER it takes to stay sober they will be unsuccessful. And being sober isn't just not drinking.
My aunt was the kind of drinker that drank all day, wine, but she didn't come off as drunk because her intoxication didn't belie itself to outsiders but she knew she was drunk. Very different than my mother. She was an easy read, quickly stumbling and fumbling and emotional. Recently, since my grandparents moved in with my aunt and her husband- who doesn't drink, quit drinking. It was a bit after Papa died. They were close so I knew she was going to do it because she has my grandmother to be there for. The doctor told her her liver and kidneys are showing signs of abuse. Going into a facility wasn't an option. She took Antabuse, went to AA and got a job. The doctor told her to get a job for the periods where her cravings were the strongest and she is doing very well. Weird, though, her recovery is hush hush, I guess a dignity thing. |
| ROCKMAN |
My Woman knows how to cook, but if she didn't I would appreciate the effort. |
| ROCKMAN | | (reply to LindaH) posted 3-Mar-2007 10:00am |
> Well, I'll have to try and find info
> on 'buzz drunks' or whatever they are.
> I don't really know if they would be
> considered alcoholics or not, to be
> honest. Maybe they aren't.
I drink some Beers almost everyday and I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic. |
| LindaH | | (reply to ROCKMAN) posted 3-Mar-2007 12:02pm |
Okay. Maybe I'll get around to looking up the official definition. |
| mandy | | (reply to RGirl) posted 3-Mar-2007 1:59pm |
She thinks I am loving...non judgemental and can see past people's human foibles to the deep soul beings they really are  |
| mandy | | (reply to RGirl) posted 3-Mar-2007 2:01pm |
Actually I think the whole exchange on this survey has been good for you. You needed to vent some of these strong emotions. (((((HUG)))) |
| mve17 |
No.. idiot..
 |
| RGirl | | (reply to mandy) posted 4-Mar-2007 1:14am |
Thanks, I'm actually very disappointed in myself right now. I don't like going back to that place and I thought nothing could do that anymore. And I don't think it was fair to you. |
| mandy | | (reply to RGirl) posted 4-Mar-2007 12:28pm |
Why? I am strong enough in my own beliefs and convictions to see where that was coming from in you. Don't feel it unfair. I don't. (((HUG))) |
| RGirl | | (reply to mandy) posted 4-Mar-2007 5:41pm |
|
| kitti723 | | posted 15-Mar-2007 2:05pm |
Yes, We'd laugh then we'd clean up the kitchen together while we waited for the pizza to arrive. |
| mrmarm | | posted 27-Mar-2007 12:30am |
I put I single but never the less if they can't cook I wouldn't sit there pretending every thing alright while the stoves on fire. |
| falkensmaze | | posted 26-Apr-2007 2:16pm |
I'm single, but I would appreciate the gesture. |
