How well are you appreciated?

In my work life I am under-utilized, not under-appreciated.

The whole concept of being appreciated is faulty. Live for yourself!

Do what you do because it pleases you. Only do things for others when it pleases you as well (this is not so strange, making other people happy can be a way to make yourself happy).
Leading a life in which you are doing things for others and not yourself will only lead you to despair. You are the only one who can ever really hope to know what you want and give yourself what you want. If you're waiting for others to do this for you, you will be hurt.
Read some Ayn Rand for more of this philosophy...

I wish I was worthy of more appreciation, but I've been thinking about it lately, and I really have no great or even interesting qualities. I'm not even that nice.

In my work life, I feel kind of odd about the appreciation level. People tend to really appreciate and find desperately important and helpful, things that don't take very much effort from me. I tend to slack a fair amount, but my bosses still give me raises and make extravagant statements about the centrality of my function in their lives. It's both gratifying and odd, but makes me feel that I have successfully hit a balance where I'm providing a much needed service by effort that doesn't require major stress on my part and provides a more-than-adequate salary and perks.

Pandora, you have a number of interesting qualities, and I haven't even met you or interacted with you much. You are articulate and have considered opinions. You care passionately about your brothers & sisters and defend them heatedly. You have told us about taking control of your life, getting jobs and a car and finding ways to continue your education. Everything I know about you indicates that you are a lovable and capable person. Those are all pretty interesting and admirable qualities.

Bill, you know I disagree with you completely. I think *you* disagree with yourself to some degree and are simply trying on a new cynicism.

I don't disagree with myself, but I think it would be fair to say that I'm caught up in the need for the appreciation of the people around me. I think I'm keenly aware of the pitfalls of such an existence. Thus, I'm may be a hypocrite, but I don't think what I'm saying is wrong or even cynical.

I've checked and unchecked half a dozen boxes, and finally left them all unchecked. It just depends so much on the person and the time and the phase of the moon -- there's no general rule. I suppose overall I feel I'm appreciated just enough, otherwise I'd take steps to change things. I dislike being over-appreciated almost as much as under-appreciated; it makes me very uncomfortable.

It varies depending on who you ask. I guess my teachers appreciate my brains but not my ability to be late with assignments. My parents appreciate the efforts I put into our family, but that is a you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-yours relationship. My boss appreciated that I worked my butt off for him, but he still underpaid me.

Well thanks Hunter. I don't know what to say, except that means more to me than you may ever know.

I would have liked an option about children appreciating parents.....

I have some great friends who appreciate me. Work is an endless black hole sucking up my effort with no reward. Guys are totally unappreciative, but fortunately I can just give them up. Wish I could just give up my job.

you can

Bill - It's true that we shouldn't live our lives just for other people, but I think either extreme is what's faulty. Unless we live as total hermits, our interactions with other people are bound to be a major part of our lives, and I think it's natural to want to be appreciated.

As for Elijahblue, or anyone else, being able to "give up" their job, it's true that we have more than one option, but I fully understand that it can be very difficult to give up the security of one job to enter into the unknown. It's a scary thing to change jobs, and can be difficult to find a comparable starting salary if you've been in one job for a length of time. And some of us are on a budget too tight to allow for a cut in salary, even for a limited time.

Pandora - I totally agree with what Hunter said about you, and I haven't even "known" you as long. I always appreciate your comments, and I think you're very nice!

One more thing...anyone raising a child should be putting the needs of that child first, so parenting tends to be the total opposite of living for oneself. And while parenthood (even step-parenting) can be incredibly rewarding, there's probably nothing else that can make a person feel so unappreciated.

Thank you very much, SueBee.

Let me rephrase. I wish I could give up having a job, period, and concentrate on personal projects. That I can't do, unless I want to become a bag lady or lead a life of crime to finance myself.

Bill: Exploring extreme ideas is cool. We should examine our assumptions, especially those that seem unassailable. I should especially examine this idea since I want to reject it on sight.

elijahblue - yeah, that's what I meant by the "you can" comment. Thanks for recognizing that.
I've found that if you don't like something you're doing it can really help to consider alternatives and really examine why you are doing it. What I've found when I've done this is that I either don't really hate the thing I'm doing but perhaps just one aspect of it that I could change; or that I'm doing it in order to achieve a greater goal that I really want and so it's worth it. ...or, I may actually realize that I should make a drastic change. (I'm over-simplifying here) Regardless of the effect, I end up hating that thing I'm doing less after the examination.

SueBee - I think you misunderstood me (with regard to the Ayn Rand rhetoric I was spouting). Living for yourself doesn't mean living as a hermit. It doesn't mean avoiding people. Why would you? You probably enjoy interacting with people, so do it more! But do it for yourself. Thinking that way doesn't actually change what you do day to day in your life much usually (unless you're in an unhappy relationship or job or something like that). It just doesn't allow you to blame others for the way you feel. It's a way of taking responsibility for how you feel.
If your goals are to do what's good for you, and you don't feel good - then it's your fault. It's not the fault of your partner, boss, or friend because they don't appreciate you. It's your fault for structuring your gratification such that you require their appreciation to feel good.

Oh, and... again, I'll be the first to admit that I haven't actually been able to live this way (yet).
"You teach best what you most need to learn" -right?
I do think it makes a lot of sense (at least rationally).

Sorry for all the long commentage, folks - I guess this issue pushes some of my buttons...

A low self opinion means I usually think everyone thinks much more highly of me than I deserve.

bill: i find it odd that you identify self-fulfillment and self-motivation from a Rand-roid perspective. Yes, that (and self-reliance, and a few other IMO positive self-things) is an element of that viewpoint, but there's strong implication that the natural and logical progression includes self-absorbtion and self-ishness [to the exclusion of helpfulness]. I know a LOT of people (especially in business) who are very strong, self-reliant, etc people that are still using external validation (money, title, reviews, etc) to validate their self-worth. Screw that - anyone not caught up in blind pursuit of high marks in school should have gotten over that.

Uh, I lost my point. Something about associating internal motivation and validation with basic growing up, and not associating it with any philosophy [especially one I dislike].

Bill - In that case, I agree with you. It seemed like you were saying to live for yourself without any regard for how it affects other people. That sounds incredibly selfish. But not needing the constant approval of others is probably a good thing. Maybe I better read some Ayn Rand to get a better grasp on the concept!

SueBee - once you're done with _The Fountainhead_, I suggest you read something a bit lighter like _Sewer, Gas and Electric_ by Matt Ruff - it makes a nice balance to Ms. Rand's rhetoric.

Thanks, Jonathan. I'm taking notes for my next trip to the library.

I wonder what Brian thinks ? Do we under appreciate him ?

Life is good!

I try not to think about these kinds of things. It tends to turn people obsessive about how they are being treated.

Firstly let me say that this is one of the best surveys I've come across, its actually interesting(I'm slagging myself off her as well).
I find for myself that I am generally over appreciated, the people I hang around with at the moment all look up to me, it really pisses me off at times. I just want to be treated the same.
At work I'm treated like some Miracle worker when I'm really just lucky, and my last relationship (6 years worth) the girl treated me like a movie star. I've reread this and it sounds terribly big headed but I beleive it to be true.

The Advanced Stats for this survey are pretty interesting, though there is a very high percentage of abstainers.

Jonathan you too could be interesting just by reading my latest book 'How to be interesting' , available at all good book shops.

Okay, so who else thinks 'under-appreciate' is an inherently funny word?