When does teasing become verbal abuse?

Attempting to define the difference denies us the chance to really live our lives. I reserve the right to tease and to occasionally go too far, and to sometimes not go far enough. Every case will be different. I'm offended by the implications of defining this; there are some places were law doesn't belong.

I think it depends less on what is said and more on the underlying relationship between the people involved. My best friend can say things to me that no one else could without hurting me, because he is sufficiently intimate with my own self-image to know the ways in which teasing will be funny to me. Basically, if you're not sure the other person will think it's funny, then it's not a good idea.

i'm notorious for teasing until i end up hurting someone...i would like to apologize to they for all the teasing and aggravation...i'm sorry baby

i agree hunter....

There are some times when only Shakespeare's fool is able to tell the truth. In most times teasing should be light enough to not be felt by those who prefer not to.

bill: so basically, you are saying IT DEPENDS?

It seems to me that it has to be verbal abuse in order to be teasing, i.e. I would define "teasing" (in this sense) as something like "verbal abuse intended playfully." That it is intended playfully may change the acceptability of it, but it doesn't change the fact that it's verbal abuse.

I think "anonymous sniping" is a related phenomenon. The next time someone makes an anonymous snipe at you. Imagine that it was actually your best friend who said that. Is it still a snipe? Does it all seem in good fun suddenly? This effect baffles me at times.

When someone loses an eye.

i tend to tease people but usually not in what i consider a hurtful way and i try to make sure that people understand that i am not serious and would never want to hurt them in any way. but i can see how it could be perceived as abusive!

My Ex husband teased me constantly...Now I see him doing it to our child....It stinks!

I've known a number of men who tease children unmercifully. (I don't know that women don't do it, but I've never known any who did.) My grandfather talked me into squeezing a bee out of a flower when I was three years old...he was just teasing.

Good question! I'm not really sure. I think alot of the time teasing is taken too seriously, but we sometimes have political correctness to blame for that. Sometimes oversensitivity plays a major part in it. I find abuse to be a strong word.

I think the motivation in the teasing is the main factor here. Although it's possible for a well-meaning tease to be taken the wrong way, this is more a problem of miscommunication. A well-meaning tease can be a great linguistic tool especially as an ice breaker or to ease the mood.

anyone that remembers grade school knows that teasing can *feel* abusive. of course, then what actually is the definition of abusive?? when something hurts? when it has a long lasting negative affect?

I was teased as a child too by the other children at school....I had a funny accent and they called me fat(although
looking back at pictures I look fine...go figure?)It really had an affect on my self esteem....I had to work hard to
overcome feelings of worthlessness....and it was physical at times...teasing...throwing things, actual beatings....

I would love to go back and take on those losers now...knowing what I know...and with my renewed sense of self
worth.

I grew up in a family where good-natured teasing was an every day occurrence. Usually it was a pleasant form of attention, although sometimes it could hit a nerve. That was totally different than the type of teasing I sometimes got from kids at school though. I really think it's the "teaser's" attitude that makes the difference. And knowing when to stop.

mandy...your accent was delightful. Those losers were just jealous!

and YOU ...are sweet!!!!!

just because someone is sensitive, it does not mean that teasing cannot be abuse. There is a limit to how much teasing a person can take and it is very easy for the abuse line to be crossed. Just because one person may deal very well with teasing it does not mean that others will not be hurt by the same type of behavior.