| User | Comment |
|---|
LindaH   | | posted 13-Feb-2005 2:32pm |
NO! I don't think it's wrong to maintain a good, healthy happy relationship just because the friend's beliefs are ignorant. I probably wouldn't want to be around this friend in polite company though. I don't blame you there.
I'm not one of these people that think if you don't disown people, you condone their behavior. That's an absurd notion. |
| Biggles | | posted 13-Feb-2005 2:41pm |
I don't consider it wrong, but I can't help but feel that there might be situations where it would be. I think that might be more the case where someone was really acting on their beliefs. Could I really be friends with someone who was going to Jewish graveyards and spraying swastikas all over? I doubt that I could. |
| darkshadowsseeker | | posted 13-Feb-2005 2:42pm |
I don't know for certain, but I hope that others don't think you feel the same way about certain things because of your friendship. Some people are into "guilt by association". |
SueBee  | | posted 13-Feb-2005 3:37pm |
Although I think I would find it difficult to be friends with someone like this, I don't suppose it is wrong as long as the person is all talk and would never physically harm the people he dislikes. As you said, maybe hearing your viewpoints would help open his eyes. What would be wrong is if you disagree with his views but go along with the things he says because you want to be his friend.
Really I suppose hating someone with views like that is just as bad as him hating people who aren't just like him. We humans need to stop the hating somewhere and start loving each other more. |
| SueBee | | (reply to Biggles) posted 13-Feb-2005 3:49pm |
I can't imagine anyone who knows you at all to think you would share those types of views. I suppose if it ever became too uncomfortable or embarrassing to associate with him you probably would end the friendship, but in the meantime, if he has enough redeeming qualities that you enjoy his company, you shouldn't feel bad about being friends with him.  |
| Enheduanna | | posted 13-Feb-2005 4:14pm |
I don't think it's wrong. But if he starts killing (or advocating physically harming) the people he holds these negative opinions about, you might want to reconsider your friendship with him. |
| Amanda | | posted 13-Feb-2005 4:24pm |
No, I don't think it's wrong. I think that the choice is yours to make. If the friendship makes you uncomfortable, then you should end it. But, if you are able to maintain the friendship, without being uncomfortable, then I think it's okay for you to continue it. Maybe you could tell him that you are uncomfortable with the way he rants and ask him to refrain from doing it when you are with him?
I also want to address the issue of homophobia. I believe this word is thrown around to much. Homophobia is a fear of gays and lesbians. Someone who disagrees with the lifestyle is not always homophobic. I, personally, don't agree with homosexuality, but that doesn't mean I am homophobic. I am also able to get along fine with gays and lesbians. There are sexual homosexuals that I hold in high regard. I don't judge people based on their sexuality. Take Kate and Sue, for example. No, I don't agree with the lesbian aspect of their lives, but I am able to overlook that because I believe they are both very caring, loving, good-hearted people. So, does my disagreeing with homosexuality make me homphobic? I think not. |
Iseult  | | posted 13-Feb-2005 6:42pm |
Of course it isn't wrong. Unless you hypocritically imply that you agree with your friend when he begins ranting. |
| SueBee | | (reply to Amanda) posted 13-Feb-2005 7:04pm |
BOO!!
What about now. Did that make you fear me?  |
| caviartaste | | posted 13-Feb-2005 8:08pm |
There are certain lines I would not cross to find friends and that is those lines which involve those of the boundaries of rights of other people. If someone violates the rights of other people in a direct way, I could not be friends with that person. I am talking about murderers, rapists, pedophiles, stalkers, abusers, terrorists, etc. This goes beyond their beliefs and more into their behavior. |
| Amanda | | (reply to SueBee) posted 13-Feb-2005 8:31pm |
Ahhhhh!
You got me. I'm officially homophobic after that! |
| SueBee | | (reply to Amanda) posted 13-Feb-2005 10:43pm |
Hee hee! I knew I could be scary!!  |
| pandora | | posted 14-Feb-2005 3:34am |
I don't think this can be looked at in terms of right and wrong, but I'm curious to see what others have to say. |
| pandora | | (reply to Biggles) posted 14-Feb-2005 3:36am |
Yours was one of the opinions I was looking forward to reading!  |
bill    | | posted 14-Feb-2005 7:47am |
I think the most important thing is that you make it clear to him and other people around you that you disagree with his views. If he embarrasses you, you should challenge him right there on the spot. Otherwise, people may assume you agree with him.
I had trouble answering because "right" and "wrong" seem like personal things. It's not me call to decide those for you. |
| Danger | | posted 14-Feb-2005 9:23am |
I think that it's not wrong to maintain the friendship in any circumstances; however, it's also not wrong to state dissenting views. The only reason to stop the friendship would be if they did or said something that you could not forgive in a friend which would impede your friendship from then on. |
| jettles | | posted 14-Feb-2005 9:28am |
wrong? no i don't think it is wrong but i couldn't maintain the relationship. first of all, i am a lesbian and wouldn't tolerate someone telling me i wasn't equal to everyone else. secondly, even if i wasn't gay, i would have a hard time justifying my time with this friend.......... when i don't agree with any of his/her social beliefs(which basically cover everyone other than his own kind.
just my feelings, good luck, i hope you can help him to understand that people are just people are just people! |
| jettles | | (reply to Amanda) posted 14-Feb-2005 9:33am |
but what does "disagreeing" with homosexuality mean? does it mean that you don't think it exists? that you think it is wrong? |
| Updown | | posted 14-Feb-2005 11:33am |
I have friends like this. I have even confronted them, but it doesn't work. I have even been ridiculed for not being a racist. However, they are my friends. I have known many of them since childhood. I feel for them, but all I can do is make them aware of their behavior and hope they have a change of heart. Unfortunately, some of my friend's behavior is not necessarily ignorant, but it resembles hatred and resentment. I was having a fine morning until I had to ponder this question. |
| Amanda | | (reply to jettles) posted 14-Feb-2005 5:32pm |
Do I believe that homosexuality exists? Why certainly. Do I believe it is wrong? I can't really say. I believe that each individual must decide for themselves what is right and what is wrong. As far as my feelings on homosexuality, which I believe is what you are getting at...I believe that a relationship should be between a male and a female, not a female and a female or a male and a male. Why do I believe this? Basically because I believe that is what nature intended. And, I'll go ahead and say this. While I do consider myself a Christian (although I'm more spiritual than religious) my views are not based on any religious teachings. I believe that I would feel the same way no matter what religious views I had. Now, as far as judging homosexual people, I do not do that. I do not judge anyone based on their sexual orientation. I believe that what people do behind closed doors is their business, not mine. I judge people based on their character, their actions, their words, but never based on sexual orientation. Nor religion or race, for that matter. Each person should be judged on a individual basis. I also do not agree with the way some people think of homosexuals. I've heard many things such as homosexuals are bad people, are sexual predators, etc. I believe that people who say these things are very ignorant. I believe that homosexuals are people, just like any heterosexual person is. Having said all of that, I will also admit that I, myself, have had a sexual attraction to some other females. I have even had sex with another female. (Not something I openly admit to, though.) I guess some would call me bi-sexual, but I do not think so. Maybe it was experimenting with my sexuality. I can't say for sure. But, anyhow, that's my views. I hope that answers your question. |
| southernyankee | | posted 14-Feb-2005 9:57pm |
I would say this particular case isnt so bad, but if you see your friend getting white power tatoos or going to some Nationalist 3rd party's candidates meet up somewhere, you might wanna reconsider your choice of friends.
Seems to me like this guys biggest problem is his honesty. Hell, there are a lot of people out there who (unfortuanlly) share his views, they're just too politicly correct and polite not to say whats on their minds. Hey, at least this guy's honest. YOu shouldn't reward honesty with negative reinforcement (like not being his friend). People with such views are more likely to be converted to when they openly say what they think and piss others off than secretly hiding their attitudes.
btw: for your situation, go to blockbuster and get your friend to come over to your house and watch American History X. |
Zang  | | posted 14-Feb-2005 11:49pm |
I'm the last person who would try to tell someone who they should or shouldn't be friends with. No. I correct that, if they weren't a good friend to you I might suggest that. I don't think that someone's political beliefs need to be an issue. Some of my friends are Anarchists, some of them are Socialists. I may not agree with them, but I don't hold it against them just because they have stupid ideas.  |
| autumnlight | | posted 15-Feb-2005 6:30am |
People's views on race, sexual orientation and politics say a lot about a person, but not everything. If you think he is a nice guy you should be friends with him. I guess there is a line between thinking it and acting on it ie. being an active terrorist or someone who beats up gays for the fun of it. I would find it hard to be friends with a clear racist, but I guess they must have clear good qualities for someone to want to be friends with them. |
| icurok | | posted 15-Feb-2005 7:15am |
I wouldn't say no to having a friend with extreme views. However it ought to be mentioned that often, people move in different circles. I would be careful to keep such a friend away from some if not most of my other friends. |
| jettles | | (reply to Amanda) posted 15-Feb-2005 7:35am |
it does answer my question and thanks for being honest.
|
| icurok | | (reply to Amanda) posted 15-Feb-2005 7:58am |
I have nothing against what you've written either. I also appreciate your sentiments and your honesty. But I am however curious about one little thing. Where do you get that male/female relationships is something that "nature intends"? |
| Amanda | | (reply to icurok) posted 15-Feb-2005 3:32pm |
That's a tough question that doesn't have a simple answer. It's one of those things I feel and I know why I feel that way, but it's hard to explain. It's partly based on the fact that a male and a female "fit" together. It's like the human body was made for that to happen? Also, because only people in a male/female relationship can procreate. Although, I don't feel it's a must that people procreate, as it's a personal decision that each person must make for themselves. I don't know if what I'm saying is making much sense. As I said, it's a tough one to explain. |
| Amanda | | (reply to jettles) posted 15-Feb-2005 3:34pm |
Glad I could answer your question. And, I hope that there are no hard feelings based on what I've said. |
| Jemmy | | posted 16-Feb-2005 7:58pm |
I wouldn't say it's wrong, but I couldn't do it. I find it hard to be friends with those who offend me, and it sounds like this guy would offend me. I know a guy who is friends with most of my friends, and my boyfriend. I liked him at first, but as I got to know him I began picking up on more and more things he said that would be offensive to many women, and some other things that offended me as well. I keep him as a sort-of friend just because he's always around and I don't want to stir up trouble by completely ignoring him, but we will never be close friends. |
| southernyankee | | (reply to Amanda) posted 16-Feb-2005 11:43pm |
well, in nature, humans arent the only ones which have gay specimens. secondly, from a Darwinistic point of view, if a person *limits* their sexual interactions with only their own sex, then they wont get to produce offspring. So really, gay sex is not unnatural, its the lack of straight sex that is. Therefore, if a really horny bisexual fudgeed everything in sight, regardless of gender, that would still be natural in some weird way. Also, an asexual person would be the one that is not natural. Also, take a lot of straight people as samples, and notice that waiting till marriage, using contraceptives and mogonomy arent that natural either, since these acts don't produce a diverse and plentiful offspring. What is your defination of natural anyway. |
| Amanda |
I totally get what you are saying. I just think that nature intended (meaning Mother Nature, God, whoever created mankind) male/female relationships and not male/male nor female/female relationships. It's a personal opinion and nobody else has to agree with me. It's not even so much the conception thing, that's just a part of it. As I don't believe that everyone has to have children, that's a personal choice. It's just that women and men "fit" together, if you get what I'm saying. It's hard for me to explain it all. I know how I feel, but it's kind of hard to put into words. I also don't believe that a person's sexuality defines who they are as a person. |
| southernyankee | | (reply to Amanda) posted 17-Feb-2005 2:30pm |
yeah, I think I get what you're trying to get at.
I just think that nature intended (meaning Mother Nature, God, whoever created mankind) male/female relationships and not male/male nor female/female relationships.
My take on this though is that I am not so sure if nature intended relationships in the first place, at least not in the sam sense we view them as. Considering that most species couple's break up imediatly after their young left the nest, and our high divorce rate, marriage doesnt really seem that natural in the first place. Also, I also believe that nature intended for there to be an exception for every rule, so really the "they fit together" theory only applies to the vast majority 90% to 95% of the population. There goes your theory. My take on it is that even if its true and one of nature's rules, one of nature's rules is also that there is an exception for every rule.
THink about it, did nature intend for any species to populate the earth without following a natural food chain, but apparantly humans and rats are an exception. Perhaps nature had another for us to be exempt, or something like that. |
| Matty | | posted 18-Feb-2005 6:21am |
It is not wrong to maintain this friendship; he hasn't done anything to you. I have a few friends who are like that myself. However, my friends who hold similar views to your friend are generally not invited to gatherings where "more reasonable" people congregate and I understand why.
I would like to pose a question to you. Is it wrong to specifically not invite a friend to a party of yours because his/her views are socially unacceptable? |
| annaradler | | posted 20-Feb-2005 4:30pm |
it is wrong to maintain this relationship it will only make you hide how you feel towards other people or cause you grief |
| JessicaWoman99 | | posted 20-Feb-2005 6:13pm |
It is very wrong to have a friend like this, and now Survey Central you have done it again! I am all cranked up and I am going to say again, and "no" some of you will not like this? But as I said last week about some of those Churches I mentioned this does sound like them in a way? This is their veiw on society and the world and they are so self righteous and a bunch of hypocrites as the Lord Jesus calls them in the bible. And as I think about this even more TeleEvangelist Pat Robertson is just so critical and self righteous against people who are gay and transgendered along with some of these other smoke blowing preachers, who think they can criticize us and other people as well! See Survey Central you got me going again and I am non stop! period. But if you have heard these preachers on radio or television then you know what I am talking about here? this sounds just like the way some of them preach and shout" and I truly believe some are racist as well, because they are always busy judging and condemning every human being on the this planet earth, and they are not our friends, but our enemies. |
| JessicaWoman99 | | posted 20-Feb-2005 7:37pm |
To have a friend like this would be like, going to that Church that preaches hatred and not love towards one another. For they practice not what they preach, and people are who they are born to be. Like trying to ban same sex marriage is discrimination and hatred towards a group of people trying to live their lives and raise children, this is all they want is to be recognized as a couple living together same as heterosexual couple. |
| peggysue | | posted 21-Feb-2005 12:16pm |
We have to love this person, because he is our fellow human being, but we don't have to like him. I would say stay away from him, or try to help him see that his views are wrong, in a very kind and gentle way. |
| denise804 | | posted 21-Feb-2005 1:13pm |
abhorrent? xenophobia? What the hell does that mean. I need a dictionary!!!!! But I get the question. Be his friend. Maybe you can talk a little sense into him and change his views. |
| JessicaWoman99 | | (reply to denise804) posted 21-Feb-2005 2:50pm |
And people who are like this,you cannot change them no way because I have known somebody who was exactly like this and they are trapped in their own little world and it does not matter what you say to them. They could fall off a cliff and this will not change their mind at all. Abhorrent means hate and xenophobia is fear and and hatred of foreign people and things "wow" strong words |
| JessicaWoman99 | | posted 21-Feb-2005 6:36pm |
And it is wrong to have a friendship with a preacher who is screaming" and yelling" jumping up and down like he has a fire inside of his pants, and he is billowing smoke out of his ears |
| JessicaWoman99 | | posted 21-Feb-2005 6:41pm |
Or how about the firemen who were going to a fire and they pulled down their pants at the fire and they lost their hose?????????????oh my" |
| Biggles | | (reply to Matty) posted 21-Feb-2005 7:55pm |
In part it must depend on how well you can trust your friend to keep quiet on certain issues in polite company. |
| Maarten | | posted 23-Feb-2005 9:14am |
It's not wrong, but I just couldn't stand such a friend. |
| Elledys | | posted 2-Mar-2005 12:21am |
sounds like a tough situation, but you shouldn't stop being his friend just because of his beliefs, even though they may be pretty critical. |
| Kristal_Rose |
Not wrong. I befriend a mostly abhorrent neighbor. Basically, I'm looking out for him, hoping to provide some guidance. I also make the best of that which I can to relate to him with. Most everyone has something you will find disagreeable, so to shun some friendships would merely then be a matter of degree of tolerance seen in that light. On the other hand, I wouldn't call him a 'good' friend, nor would I go out in public with him. I did brought him shopping for guitars because I figured he needed a hobby, but decided afterwards that I wouldn't even tell him about the sweetest guitar shop I know of, in fear of damaging the vibes there. |
| RaveDevil |
So, you may not share your friend's beliefs, but you have your own beliefs too. Don't simply decide to abandon friendship with this person. How would you feel in your friend's situation if someone you've known and spent time with just decided to leave you out from then on? It's an ethical question, but think of what is most important. Your friend? Or the pressure you have to conform to society's every whim just to "fit in"? |
| Starfish | | posted 12-Mar-2005 2:22pm |
I don't think it is wrong to maintain this friendship, but there are other situations where it would be, a vocal Nazi for example, is very different from someone with racist views.
It's hard to say on my part, because it's not a situation I'm going to find myself in. |
| jojo44dd |
A friend is a friend no matter whats there opinions or ideas are. A person can look over stupid people. And still remain a friend! |
| Prophit |
listen people are a product of the background they come from in alot of cases. I cant blame them for this and everyone has a right to an opinion diffrent from mine. As long as the person doesnt act on any destructive thoughts then why not be friends with them |
| patarnone | | posted 10-Apr-2005 7:25am |
I personally, don't like a lot of debate in my relationships. Discussions, sure, but I generally stay with like minded friends. Granted, I have a broad range of interests, but I just can't see hanging with anyone so far from my own beliefs. I could never just chill with neo-nazis |
| Kristal_Rose | | (reply to patarnone) posted 11-Apr-2005 7:21am |
No cold steins of brew with the SS out on the patio porch-swing? |
| CGTREE | | posted 15-Apr-2005 11:54pm |
Well it all depends if it bothers you......or not.....if someone was racist around me and i didn't like it then i would ask him or her to please stop it when i an in their presents......and if you really don't like it then i guess give them the finger and find a new friend. |
| Enigma |
Can't imagine being able to say "I was Hitlers best friend" and not thinking there was something wrong with it. |
| they |
I said it's not wrong. This is a source of frustration for me in my life as well. I have a few friends who are really racist. They have been my friends since we were teenagers and it's the only big thing that we do not agree on. It makes me sick to hear their views so we avoid the topic. The only time I ever put my foot down is if someone says something hateful in front of my child. |
| sexy1 | | posted 6-Jun-2005 11:17am |
sorry i don't know! |
| nonamejj18 | | posted 15-Jun-2005 5:16pm |
your free to think and believe what you want to believe |
| RGirl |
It is wrong - unless you are prepared for others to assume you have the same views as your friend. |
| w_wanderers | | (reply to Biggles) posted 1-Jun-2006 4:27am |
There was a fascist gang where I used to live and their most popular gangsta (not the leader) was very anti-gay. Today he works hard to promote LGBTIQ rights and feels very strongly about this. I think it is a guilty conscience that makes him do this. He said he opened his mind when he read liberal literature and was shocked to learn that liberals are not the ignorant morons that he thought we were. |
| rubylillysue |
I could never be friends with someone like that, cos they would make me very uncomtable |
