Does geographical distance help to escape from problems with family?

Yes, I'm sure it does.

almost, but not quite. Since I still dont have a real job yet, I am at some level dependant on them for money. And my place of work is owned by my mom. There's not much I can do at this point. Being in college away from home for 5 days out of 7 is good enough for me. I just find other effective means of dodging these problems.

damn, I wish I coudl say the same.

damn, I hate you.

damn, I am fudging jelous.

I should have said it depends. I wasn't thinking of financial dependence as a possibility.

Yes. At least it keeps you from family gatherings, holidays, unavoidable contact situations.

Some of them, certainly.

Geographical distance hinders rather than helps.

I recommend moving to another planet.

it helps them be not so entirely annoying. space and distance doesn't fix a thing of course, but it does help

It HELPS, but it doesn't really solve anything, unless your problem is them coming over unannounced.

Sometimes. If I am angry with someone in my family, I get away from them. Some problems can not be solved just by distance, though. That sounded way worse than I meant for it to.

To some extent, I'm sure that it would.

yes

Yes, in the short term anyway.

I wouldn't know. I face my problems. I don't run away from them. Then again, my parents are Ward & June Cleaver.

It can give you some forced emotional distance that can put some problems in perspective, but generally the problems will reach you by phone or email, or they'll be waiting for you when you go back.

I'm not sure

Yes, to some extent. You don't become involved with the petty stuff. I typically do not hear from anyone UNLESS I ring them. Of course, in my experience, most Americans feel that Hong Kong is at the ends of the earth...

One thing I do find odd is that most people (including family) expect us to come visit them when we fly back to the US. Other friends that live in Hong Kong have said they same (and most of them are NOT American). Weird...after travelling back all that way, you would think people would put in a little effort to keep the relationship working...

No, I can say this from personal experience.
All the problems you have with your family are not the members themselves,
but the problems you have with yourself as a result of thier influence upon you.

If they molded you wrong,
you leave in the same shape,
no matter where you go.

http://www.pusboil.com/pullme.wav

That isn't always true. Sometimes family members ARE the problem.

> That isn't always true. Sometimes family members ARE the problem.

If you have no problems with yourself in regards to your family,
then you can develop strategies to deal with them.
Most people are actually trying to run away from themselves.

Avoid? Yes. Escape? No.

Run away from themselves? I don't get it.

If you have a family member who is intrusive, annoying, and who stops by all the time trying to interfere with your marriage and your kids, (but you have no problems with yourself) and you move, you aren't running away from yourself.

> Run away from themselves? I don't get it.
>
> If you have a family member who is intrusive, annoying, and who stops
> by all the time trying to interfere with your marriage and your kids,
> (but you have no problems with yourself) and you move, you aren't
> running away from yourself.

Well that is a little different.
I meant more along the lines of having a mother who didn't love you growing up so you are an emotional mess now who can't stand her, but now she is just a little old lady who has no idea she hurt you. See?
You can't move away from that.

Oh, ok. But I wouldn't consider that a problem. Problems to me are things that interfere with day to day life.

What do you think I'm doing here, all the way out on the edge of the world.

Yes. It helps.

Problems to me are things that effect me emotionally.
I consider things that interfere with my day to day life as interesting and engaging challenges...
almost entertaining.

If someone interfered way too much, calling all the time, coming over, trying to influence your kids to be secretive and sneaky, wouldn't the challenge get old?
If someone's kid came to your house and walked in without permission all the time, getting into things and running around being loud every day for 2 months, and their parents weren't home, would that be entertaining and challenging?

If something bothered me emotionally, I could deal with that, because I am the only person involved. I can control it. I can't control other people.

Being a negative influence on my children would upset me emotionally.
Someones kid making trouble however is an oppertunity to be a positive influence.
I can see how this is upsetting for you.

I can't do the positive influence thing on other people's kids. It would take too much energy. More than I have! I'd also feel like I was doing someone else's job.

If someone was being a negative influence on my kids, I wouldn't be thinking about emotions. If I got away from them, The problem would be gone, and the emotions that went with it would be gone. I think situations are more important than the emotions that come with them. They are tangible problems to try and solve. Emotions are only a by product, not a problem.

now you are straying away from the initial question.

Definitely. It doesn't solve them, but it helps in escaping from them.

Yeah, well conversations sometimes do that. If you read the last part of my last post, it relates to your answer.

Sometimes, but they always come back to bite you in the ass.

Absolutely. It took 2,700 miles to do it, but I finally escaped my families bull crape.

No it doesn't. Geographic distances does nothing to make one side less bitter about the other, doesn't stop one side from bad talking the other, doesn't stop the hurt between both sides from whatever issue started the whole mess in the first place...

I wouldn't know. My immediate family all live relatively close to one another.

Yes, I think so, you've got a good excuse not to visit then.

What problems? I think that it does widen the gap though as family often gets on with their lives without paying you much mind. It doesn't help escape problems, it just makes it easier for family to forget about you.

I don't have family. I think distance might help for a while, but not ultimately. Most people eventually want to deal with their inter-family problems.

Or, they should.