What would be an impractical joke?

Practical jokes involve some aspect of physicality. An impractical joke is therefore simply any joke that is simply told or written.

League of Gentlemen - Series 1 - Episode 3
SCENE 19. INT. JOKE SHOP. DAY.
A WORKMAN FROM THE CONSTRUCTION SITE BROWSES IN THE SMALL SHOP. HE NODS AT LANCE, THE OWNER, WHO STARES AT HIM WARILY.
LANCE: Yes, pal? Can I help?
WORKMAN: Oh, I'm just browsing.
LANCE: Sorry, chief. Didn't catch that.
WORKMAN: I'm just looking around.
LANCE: Straight out the door, turn right up the high street.
WORKMAN: I'm sorry?
LANCE: That's the way to the bloody library, alright?
WORKMAN: Isn't this the joke shop?
LANCE: Two pairs of plastic bewbs in the window, a jar of fart sweets on the counter - no mate, it's the bloody butchers. Jesus!
Yes, this is the joke shop, shop being the operative word so if you've come here to laugh at the bumper stickers and the wind up willies, you can sod off out of here now, alright?
WORKMAN: No, I am going to make a purchase.
LANCE: Well... whoopee crap. What is it, stag night, is it?
WORKMAN: What?
LANCE: You got a stag night coming up? Want something saucy? Come here, I got just the thing.

LANCE PULLS A BAG OF SOMETHING FROM BELOW THE COUNTER.

Look at that.

WORKMAN: What is it?
LANCE: Put it in the groom's undies the night before the wedding. Gives him crabs!

HE LAUGHS SADISTICALLY.

Bloody crabs' eggs, innit? Hatch out in his bush overnight, next day he's stood at the altar, missus next to him, all he can think about is scratching his bleedin' jewels 'cos they're crawling with bleedin' crabs! Four pound fifty.
WORKMAN: What?
LANCE: Alright, four quid.
WORKMAN: No, no. I'm looking for something more specific.
LANCE: Oh.

HE REACHES UNDER THE COUNTER AGAIN, AND PULLS OUT ANOTHER BAG.

What about these?

WORKMAN: What are they?
LANCE: Hot sweets. Give them to the best man before he makes his speech.
WORKMAN: Hot sweets, eh? What's in them, pepper?
LANCE: Potassium. Burns the roof of his mouth off, and his tongue, never talk again.
WORKMAN: No, no. It's not the kind of thing I'm after.
LANCE: Alright, hold your horses, squire. I know I've got something for you. What about this?

HE PULLS OUT A SMALL BOTTLE.

Couple of drops in the bride's champagne, she'll piss herself.

WORKMAN: What's so funny about it?
LANCE: Oh, it don't make her laugh. She pisses herself.. can't stop pissing. It's a sort of muscle relaxant. I got a mate who works for a drugs company, he knocks it up himself. Sixteen quid.

Here... put your hand in there.

HE INDICATES A BLACK TUBE WITH SHAPES GLUED TO THE OUTSIDE. THE WORKMAN SEEMS CAUTIOUS.

WORKMAN: What's in it?
LANCE: Go on chief, it ain't going to bleedin' bite ya.
WORKMAN: No thanks.

LANCE CHIDES THE WORKMAN.

LANCE: Put your hand in.
WORKMAN: I don't want to.

LANCE WALKS OVER TO THE DOOR, BLOCKING THE MAN'S EXIT.

LANCE: You're not leaving this shop until you do.
WORKMAN: What?
LANCE: I'm not joking squire. You're not leaving this bleedin' shop until you put your hand in that bleedin' tube.
WORKMAN: Please!

LANCE SPEAKS MORE FORCEFULLY.

LANCE: Put... your... hand... in.

TENTATIVELY, THE WORKMAN DIPS HIS HAND IN. AFTER NOTHING HAPPENS, HE SIGHS.

LANCE: Oh, it's not switched on?

HE PRESSES A SWITCH, CAUSING AN ELECTRIC CURRENT TO SHOCK THE WORKMAN. HE SHOUTS IN PAIN. LANCE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY.

It's good that, innit? Runs off a car battery, you can't buy 'em!

THE WORKMAN ESCAPES, NURSING HIS INJURED HAND.

Jesus... some people ain't got no sense of humour.

Replacing one of dab's small planes with a 747.

See, it would be funny... just not practical.

Asking who Clinton was on top of when he had his chest pains.... oh I know... booooooo.

A joke that is too expensive or time consuming would be impractical.

I truly don't know...sorry!

Nice use of dialect!

*rolls her eyes at the painfully BAD joke FordGuy just made!* *groan*

An impractical joke would resemble a practical joke except that you would play it on yourself and it would be fatal and no one would ever know about it.

Have you ever seen the League of Gentlemen? It was a surreal mix of sketch show and sitcom where there was a narrative of sorts running through it interspersed with skits containing recurring or one-off characters. I think they showed it on BBC America a while back but it didn't go down too well because it's very dark and very British and they edited it badly, showing episodes in the wrong order.

Using an elastic to make someone's office telephone handset unable to be removed from the telephone base. This could cause someone to be unable to answer an important phone call.

No, I haven't, but t may have been shown before we upgraded to digital cable and were able to get BBC America. They did that with a short-lived show on broadcast television called "Firefly". My son was very fond of the show, but said that they were showing the episodes out of order causing confusion amongst the viewers to the point where they stopped watching the show leading to it's cancellation. It kept being prempted for one thing or another, then when they would show episodes again, they would show them out of order which made it nigh onto impossible to follow the storyline.

Just for one 24 hour period - turn and point all of our defenses toward North Korea.....
and then turn back around and act like it never happened....

Filling the White House with unpopped popcorn and then pointing a huge laser at it and popping all the popcorn.

Fox strikes again, huh?

I just had to say it somewhere. Because I've been thinking it all weekend!

Yes, but I don't know if it was totally Fox's fault or the stations. It's a possibility that the stations showed the episodes out of order, but I don't know for certain.

You need to seriously develop better self control!

Yeah I know. I'll work on it. Soon.

Yeah....riiiiight!

My sense of humor is the perfect example of impractical joking.

The best form of impractical jokes is irony. irony directed at oneself especially.

Thirteen times seven equals twenty-eight! (13 x 7 = 28)

a practicle joke is something that's creative and funny. so an impracticle joke would be something lame and stupid. example: spray painting someone's door, or pulling the fire alarm at 3 am.

I'll have to abstain, 'cause I have not a clue.

It was me, sorry I borrowed your car keys and put a fake "Dog crap" on the front seat of your car I am sorry I could not resist hope you were not too upset...............................????????

See, totally impractical and not funny ......................

From one of my old Batman comics.

[Interview conducted by George Carver]
George Carver: Since you're the Joker, why don't we start off with a joke?
Joker: I'd prefer to end with one. Besides, I'm more of a performance artist, really.
GC: Oh, come on. One little joke?
J: All right. Did you hear the one about the three blind priests conducting an autopsy? The first priest reaches in and says-
GC: Maybe we shouldn't start off with a joke.
J: No, wait - I've got a better one. Why did the writer miss his deadline?
GC: Why?
[At this point orderly Alex Toklas entered with the brownies]
J: Brownies! Go ahead, have one. I had them baked special.
Toklas: It's alright. I had one myself earlier.
GC: Okay. Mmm. Good. Now, Joker - you've said in the past that you feel unappreciated as a comedian. Why do you suppose that is?
J: Well, you see, it's society's preoccupation with their provincial little notions of sanity. When the public considers my work they don't see the wit, the rhythm, the 'je ne sais quoi'. All they see is corpses. They look at me and say, "That guy is a maniac."
GC: But you are a maniac.
J: Yes, but I'm a *homicidal* maniac - in all other respects I'm perfectly normal. And although I've resigned myself to being misunderstood in my own time, I too would prefer to have the recognition of my peers.
GC: Your peers. Other murderers?
J: No. No. Other comedians. I mean honestly, what's the difference between what I do and what, say, the late great Lenny Bruce did?
GC: Well, Lenny Bruce never killed anybody.
J: Ah, but you're doing it, aren't you? You're letting the medium blind you to the message. Comedy is comedy, whether you find it in snappy one-liners, blasphemous rants, or the rictus grin of the recently deceased. The only important question is: does it make you laugh?
GC: But murder doesn't make people laugh.
J: Well, maybe it doesn't make you laugh. I, thankfully, have a more cosmopolitan sense of humor. Frankly, I'd hope that a fellow comedian such as yourself would be able to see the wit behind the brutality.
GC: So is that why you've [cough] spoken to us but turned down [cough] - excuse me - turned down interviews with more mainstream mags?
J: Not really. I turned down those journalists because none of them had any severe allergies.
GC: What?
J: Well, one of them was highly allergic to garlic, but try hiding that in brownies. Yuck!
GC: I [cough] I don't understand.
J: See, this is exactly what I was talking about. I've been telegraphing the punch line from the beginning of the interview, but you're so concerned about dying that you can't even see it.
GC: [cough] Dying? What do you you mean you [cough] [cough] you put peanuts in those?
J: Finely ground and mixed with the flour? Of course!
GC: How [cough] how did you know?
J: Oh, please. Your name is George Carver and you're allergic to peanuts? You can't expect something that ironic not to get around.
GC: My god, why?
J: The joke! Don't you get it?
GC: [cough] What? [cough]
J: Why..did..the..writer..miss..his..deadline?
GC: [cough] [cough] Why?
J: He was killed by a nut! HA HA! HA HA HA HA!

*shrugs* Practical jokes aren't even that practical, so how the hell should I know?

Dave, I don't know what you are saying. Dave, is there some logic to this? I'm afraid I can't understand the question, Dave.

One that take too much time, effort and money and the results are just crap and not funny.

Staying up for 6 hours from midnight until 6am in the SC chatroom....

*goes crosseyed*

You try to do the bucket-full-of-water-over-the-door joke, and you wind up breaking your leg while trying to get the bucket over the door...Or you slip on the spilled water and injure yourself somehow...BUT the joke still gets carried out