Just who the hell is Freebird anyway?

I would say a fan of Southern Rock. Am I close?

In her 30's
She loves Skynyrd and Freebird
A mother of great teenagers?
A wife
A college drop-out

A friend.

Freebird is sweet, smart, lives in New Mexico, works for the state although she used to be a paralegal, and has been a delightful addition to Survey Central!

I dont know anything about Freebird. No offence, I just wasnt around here much.

A woman in her late 30's?

Then again, I could be confusing THIS freebird with another one, who I had exchanged a series of emails about 2 years back.

interesting. I'll let you fill this one out.

A woman in her late 30s (38?) who loves Lynyrd Skynrd Band, especially their song Freebird. She is a grandmother and a mother to teenagers who are sometimes horrible (like all teenagers) but she clearly loves them so they must really be great. She's a wife, for the second (?) time. I believe she dropped out of college, but I'm not sure about that - I think she may be doing classes at the moment to finish up her degree.

Someone who makes 'Who is..' surveys.

Despite us having a temporary truce on them - or at least an unspoken one.

Freebird is in her late 30's, feels that she should have been around during the 60's Works too hard for FAR too little, supporting 3? others. I know little about her children. Oh yes, and lives in NM

This is what I think about Freebird9;

She's a very sweet person - someone I'd love to meet and am sure I'd get along with. I could have picked many of the positive choices in this survey but I won't bother. I've had a good feeling from the start when she came along and my feelings have not changed since...

Couldn't agree with you more Sue!

Biggles - YOU are such a sweetheart! I'm falling hopelessly in love with you (as a MOM with a DAUGHTER) Can I adopt you???

I think my mum would have something to say about that!

Darn competition!!

I thought you did some thing in the law field like paralegal. I said your kids are good. I think you like the song Freebird, and I answered a couple others but they might be wrong so I didn't list them.

Thank you SueBee, and all of your answers are correct. ((((Hugs)))) Freebird9 (Maria)

I think you are so cool and I wish you could be my mommy. Your answers are correct.

You are good. These are correct.

All of yours are correct, Dr. Biggles, except I do have an associate degree and working on another. Just need 6 hours for that one. Then we can start the BA degree. I shouldn't need too much as I already have 118 credit hours right now, and my degree (BA) calls for 145 credit hours, I believe. I did used to work as a paralegal but no more. I can get the same pay as an administrative assistant or secretary and with benefits.

your partly right. I do have a paralegal degree but work as a secretary for the state of NM right now. Darn lawyers like to keep their money.

Yes, I am in my late 30's--38 to be exact. I have 3 children and one grandchild.

Thanks I am glad you consider me your friend wolf359. This made my day.

You're welcome sweetie!

I know not much detail there, but I tried without making an ass out of myself

a song?

I hear you there, I have a cousin that's a lawyer.
She was doing business law but now I think she is doing animal activaste stuff.

You are indeed.

Hey! Did you ever get my card? I wanted to tell you that it's a left over from our wedding invitations! The birds represent me and Ben - the funny thing is that we still look at each other that way!

My favorite Southern Rock band is Creedence Clearwater Revival (I guess they're Southern Rock ).

This is what I think about Freebird9...
"Yay! I'm glad she's here!"

I sure did and thank you for your assistance. The birds represent you and Ben? I liked them--you and Ben sound real cool. What's up with the Canadians--They are all so cool? I have never really had contact with any Canadians but all I have "met" on SC are so neat and friendly. I sometimes tell my husband that Canada sounds like a good place to live. Thanks again. I haven't really gotten back to all because of my grandson and daughter. I guess I am taking custody of him from my daughter. She is 16 her son is one and a half and she's letting us do everything for him. If I kick her out she will take him and not take care of him. All she cares about is partying and sleeping. Then they say you did the same, but I had no kids, then. This is all killing me and I really don't know what to do. What do you think? I really trust your opinion and everything you have posted leaves me to believe you are real smart and a good person.

thanks, I have your letter. I wrote you back but have not mailed it yet. Sorry. I appreciate everything you all have done for me. Let me know if and when you get it. Thanks for everything and I am glad to be here too.

Love CCR--Just them.

Oh my goodness. I know how time consuming it is just to mail a letter all ready to go. We're a funny species!

I do this all the time for my personal mail. Good thing I don't do this in the office--they would give me my walking papers for sure.

Well it certainly doesn't sound like an easy situation... As a Mom, I really understand your concern. If you can get custody of your grandson, that would simplify things concerning him but it may complicate your relationship with your daughter. At 16, she's probably a bit immature to have a child (well, in this society anyway...) What you can do is involve a psychologist in your situation. Maybe substance abuse is not your daughter's problem but behaviour might be... It's too early in the game to really know but any kind of guidance will help her. The one thing that you shouldn't do is always "pick up the pieces" in her wake. The more you do for her, the more you ease her life and the more she'll depend on it. Then where will she be when Mom won't be there to fix her problems? Life really isn't a bowl of cherries; there are ups and downs throughout (I know what I'm talking about!!) and she needs to discover this A.S.AP. Teach her to see the silver lining in the cloud though, when things seem really black; the best thing is to look at the positive things and they're always there - you just need to learn how to see them. As a Mom, you're still responsible for her; you can offer her to further her education and help her with her son. If she doesn't want to pursue her education; then you must insist that she get a job to help support him. I'm sure you can come to some kind of agreement that will benefit everyone because, child or not, she is at an age where this kind of ultimatum should be happening anyway. She's at an age where she needs to start growing up, whether she likes it or not. Don't EVER let her use your grandchild as leverage to get her way. That's emotional blackmail and if she knows that she can use that to her advantage; you're royally screwed! If she threatens to leave with your grandchild, let her. It will be hard and it will hurt (and it won't go away soon) but you have to let her go and not fight her. Finding herself on her own may change her attitude, it may make her realize how much help you were to her and it might put her right on her feet. She sounds like a bad Mom but that may be just because she lives with you and can afford to be out all night 'cause the "sitter" is there with her baby. That's the kind of thing that keeps children from growing up. She may turn out to be incapable of caring for her son but proof of this will make getting custody of your grandchild much easier by court's order. She is after all, your daughter, living in your house and imposing her problems upon you - that gives you the right to make some kind of demands. Coddling her just hurts everyone involved. It's up to you to make her stand on her own two feet or forever be the bearer of her responsibilities. You'll never know if she'll sink or swim unless you throw her in the water... and that's the hardest part but you have to do it for everyone's sake.

That was just my 2 cents. I really don't know if it can help you because such situations are so much more complex than the little bit we get from each other here at SC. Just remember to be firm when making reasonable demands.

BTW: Yes - Canadians are cool and Montreal is the best city to come to for lots of fun and great restaurants!

How did you get so smart? Maybe right now my emotions are getting the best of me. You are the second person who says I may be enabling her. That's probably right. I am just so scared for him.

3rd person

So scared of him? Who him? Ohhhh... scared FOR him! I see and I understand but it's the only real way to help him - you have to make her sink or swim.

You know, a lot of folks make fun of their song "Bad Moon Rising". In the line, "There's a bad moon on the rise", they joke about how it sounds a lot like, "There's a bathroom on the right".

True...me too. But it's always so much easier to mail stuff at work, anyway.

Okay maybe 3rd person. Do you really think I should throw them both out? She took off for one week in December of 2003 with him and he was totally sick when she came back with him--he looked like he had been crying for the whole week. She doesn't take care of him. And right now, she took off from the porch last night and haven't seen her since. My husband is taking care of him until I get out of work. She didn't even bother to tell us she was leaving. See I can't throw him out with her, she will kill him or something. I need to take him from her. What do you really think, Kristal?

Because she knows you'll take care of him. She'll wake up to a complete slap-in-the-face new view when it suddenly dawns on her that caring for him is her responsibility. If you were a good example, she'll know what to do when you surrender the role you stole from her. Based on what you've said, I can easily imagine her saying with passive-agression 'Fine, you take care of him then.', and even taking poor care him serves to support the co-dependant surrender arrangement she has with you.
This seems like an ideal time for your ego to let go of worldly attachments and sense of responsibility/control, and find out what happens when you replace that with harmonious prayer, letting god take care of it.
Have you tried channelling any yet. If not the tv, try bibliomancy. That's where you open a book, a bible, don juan, sci-fi, whatever, and flip open the book to a random paragraph looking for a comment on your predicament.

She will gain wisdom and responsibility that isn't yet evident if you hand over responsibilty to her. Don't even give her advice. Have no attachment to advising her. Wait, perhaps a month, perhaps five years, till she asks you for advice, and finds you can offer it without any unloving judgements on how she parents. There are millions of kids out there, mostly doing fine. Unless she's truly a total psychopath or heroin addict, let go of the kid, and not with any passive-agression yourself, but with an honest blessing. Basically, it's an act of faith that your universe can be rewritten for the better.
It's all orchestrated by God, unless you've had a divine message that you should take personal custody of the kid, learn to trust and let go even when rational circumstances suggest you live in more desperate circumstances. Until you can learn to do that, you'll spend the rest of your life stuck in the dregs of life, and not the constant opportunity god can offer you.

I heard a buddhist book read over the radio I thought you'd appreciate: Sharon Salzburg's 'A Heart as Wide as the World', also avail on tape from soundstrue.com

OK, I guess I'm the fourth person because I agree with Irene and KristalRose. Especially the stuff Irene said about your daughter needing to grow up and take more responsibility. As hard as it will be for you to watch her make mistakes with your grandchild, letting her rely on you and dodging her responsibilities is only enabling her to continue down her current path. Why should she put forth any effort if there are no consequences to goofing off?

Of course this is all much easier said than done. If I were you I'd look for some good books on the subject in the library. There's bound to be something there that would give you some good ideas about how to handle your particular situation. My thoughts are with you, and I'm sending positive vibes your way, for whatever that's worth. You'll get through this! (((HUGS))

I think you are right, but it is so hard to do this. I don't know if I let go entirely if she'll take care of him. I am beginning to suspect there is some drug use with her and it's got to be that darn methamphetemine (sp?). Kristal I tried the TV channeling but kept getting pulled into the ad. I will try the biblio kind because it sounds like something that could work better for me. I am going to try this tonight. I sure need some respite. Do you think that my ego is getting in the way of me making a good judgment here? I know I tend to let my ego get in the way in other areas of my life. Why I keep doing that, I guess I'll never know. I am trying and thanks for the buddhist book--I am going to go see if I can find it at the bookstore or on the net. Boy I am glad to have all you wonderful "friends" here at SC.