Which did you attend first: a wedding or a funeral?

I've been to a funeral, but no weddings.

A wedding,when I was very little.They didn't have ceremony dresses my size,so my mother had to buy a doll's one.
I obviously can't remember.
The first funeral was my great-aunt's one when I was about 7 or 8.

I don't know. That was a loooooooooooong time ago

Wedding.

I attended two funerals a long time ago but never have attended a wedding.

wedding

I went to my first funeral last week (my grandpa's). I've never been to a wedding.

I attended several weddings before I ever attended a funeral

I attended my dad's funeral when I was 13yrs old, a year later I went to a relitives wedding whom I had never met before. Didnt enjoy eather one.

A wedding, I think.

Other: I don't know. First that I can remember? I don't know.

I think I attened a funeral before a wedding. Unless you want to count my mother being pregnant with me at my parents wedding.

My first funeral was in first grade, so I was 6. One of my friends had died of leukemia.

funeral

I attended a funeral before I attended a wedding, but it was all on the same day.

When I was 2 1/2 years old my aunt (Mom's youngest sister) was getting married. A few days before the wedding my uncle (Mom's brother) died. For some reason, (don't ask me who made the plans) they ended up having the funeral and the wedding on the same day. So, that morning we went to the funeral and that afternoon we went to the wedding.

I'm not *positive* that these were the first I attended, but I'm pretty sure they are.

A wedding. The wedding of an uncle and an aunt, but I don't remember it. I was 3 or 4. But I have seen the pics.

I don't know, I was taken as a child to both by my parents, but I don't remember what one was first.

Sorry to here that about your Grandpa, are you doing ok?

I've only been to a couple funerals ever. I've been to a ton of weddings, though,

Wedding--I attended several of them when I was little, and have been to many since. I didn't attend a funeral until I was in college.

I didn't really know him that well, I only saw him every couple of years. I'm sad about it, but not so much that it's preventing me from doing anything. My Grandma's doing pretty bad, though.

It was a wedding. My sister and I passed out the little boxes of groom's cake to the unmarried female guests. You were supposed to put the groom's cake under your pillow and then you would dream about your future husband. I was a little kid at the time and the bride was a cousin of mine.

I've only been to two weddings, one was a year ago, the other this weekend. I've been to many funerals though.

You looked great all dressed up and...being strangled!

Plenty of weddings, never a funeral, oh wait, there was my younger cousin's wake at sea a decade ago, oh, and a scottish funeral celebration back when I was a teen in the rennaissance faire, still plenty of weddings came first.

A wedding. It was my uncle getting married - I was bored crapless. I was about 7

I attended a wedding before I had ever been to a funeral.

Well I hope she gets better soon.

a wedding...I was a flower girl at my aunt's wedding when I was about six.

Thanks

A wedding. The first wedding I attended was when I was five. I didn't attend a funeral until I was 19. I've been to both this month.

Technically I was there during my mom's first marriage. She was pregnant with me.

First there was my grandpa's funeral on my mom's side and then about 5 years later I was in my cousins wedding

I don't know if this counts but....my grandmother died four days before my sisters wedding. What to do. What to do. One of her last wishes was to see my sister get married....so via, an open casket, we had the church service concurrent with the wedding ceremony. A bit odd, perhaps...but certainly, it was the closest event we could think of while keeping everyone ( in this world and the nest) happy!!

Wasn't your wedding considered a funeral?

Let me guess...your honeymoon was spent in "Barbies Dream House".

George and Martha's wedding? Or Abe's funeral??

I am watching EVERY reply from you from now on. I want no more "I don't remember" or "I don't know". You've used up your quota this decade!

What DOES an embryo wear to her parents wedding? How did you pay??? Abiotic fluid??

It is a good thing your mom's sister wasn't marrying your mom's brother. We ARE still talking about the south, aren't we?

Which parents took you to what first? Or what you went to first with which parent.

Very fat brides?

You, in college, must have been like a four year funeral to the other students!

Obviously, no cake under your pillow....you used a "Lady Finger" sandwich. That sounds about right!

It is probably the effect you have on people...where you fit in, and such!

Are you answering this question relating 'only' to Kristal-Rose? (There are several others, aren't there?)

No fun with the priests and the alter boys in the vestibule?

And your aunt was eight!

If she aborted you, would you have answered a "funeral"?

Who was answering had some influence on what memories came more immediately to mind. I was at the dentist today and as I left, forgot I was Thor these days. I was back to speaking like an innocent angel girl and exchanging hindu telepathic reverence bows before remembering that I don't generally live in that relationship with the planet these days. I recall days after my Thor rebirth, bowing to my theater teacher to answer a vast question. She pointed to her forehead and said 'That doesn't work here'. It was like a transition to the concrete with understanding guides to help with my reentry.

What are we going to do about this, now, misleading screen name? Did you go back into the dentists office and spit in his eye and say "Your mother wears army boots!!"

I'm not married as of yet.

I suppose I wouldn't be here to answer that question

My aunts funeral

Hell, you always look great!

Yeah, we're still talking about the south!

That reminds me of an old joke. A guy from Mississippi is planning to get married and he's talking to his dad. He says, "Dad, I'm nervous about marrying this girl. She's a virgin and I've never been with a virgin before." His Dad looks at him and thinks a moment. Then he says, "You mean, she's never slept with none of her folks?" The son says, "No, Dad, she's a virgin." The Dad says, "Well, if she ain't good enough for her own family, she sure as hell ain't good enough for ours."

What if I attended one when I was 6 months old. Calling long distance to ask my mom a silly question like this, when she happens to be off work and I happen to be free, just isn't going to happen.

What was your first finger to hold up? What's you opinon on Pea Soup? You can't answer stupid surveys like these!

*Pea Soup was just a silly example.

No, I don't mind at all. I just wish I could figure out how to be thor and keep all the kristal stuff. I was called ma'am while shopping for poet food today too, though. I considered it a landmark success a couple years ago when I could dress like a man, talk like a man, and still be called ma'am or miss. It was simply a matter of who I was inside at the time. People attribute so much to external senses and circumstances when that's not what really drives things at all.

I know I went to both when I was little I just don't remember which was first.

Thanks for catching my screwed up wording.

there's a difference??

You gotta drop the Elvis thing before anyone is going to want to marry you.

It was hypothetical.

Good One!!!!!!!!!!!

(You'll have to take that up with DeeDee. My surveys aren't like that.)

I'll pay for the call to your mother. I'll talk to her boss to obtain permission for her to answer a question for you during her work hours....but YOU WILL ANSWER THIS QUESTION!!!!

When you are born with blinding beauty, you learn 'very quickly' that your external features are not thought provoking enough for others to seek a deeper meaning. I'm certain those seeking picked up on your essence, regardless of the costume.
What is 'Kristal stuff'?

Your unintentional sentence composition may denote irregularities in you love life.

Not if her name's Priscilla!!

Isn't she 60 now with two or three grandchildren?

Yeah, but she still doesn't look a day over 35.

You would look "12 "if you were being shown through a 'high gloss/double binder/lavender 35.5mm silk screen filter'...at a distance no less than 15 feet away!!!

Sometimes I wish I was 12 again.

Kristal's more likely than Thor to work from the inside out, whethar it be art or a conversation, rather than going through theory, research, analysis, experiment. Kristal stuff is having it come naturally to kiss a houseplant, getting up to dance out of the blue while feeling etheric rainbow streams spinning around the planet. On the other hand that ambient connection to my total surroundings was also the cause of things like social anxiety. I wasn't really free to think things that weren't for the global good. Just crossing a traffic intersection was an act of prayer for everyone. Also I was more materialistic as Kristal. My big hobby was window shopping for knick-knacks with metaphysical meanings, and of course clothes, perfume oils, jewelry, beaded curtains, colored lamps, all at rock bottom thrift store prices. I didn't stifle myself with pragmatic discipline. I've integrated a lot of kristal stuff though. I'm not the ascetic monk I left behind 9 years ago.

Come on now...I don't think so.

Of course, I speak the obvious...but by splintering these personalities (instead of merging them into one) aren't you suffering from limitations due to one (or several) of them being "out of character?" I mean, it is all "you". (Believe me, I know (for you...as well as for me ) that this is very elementary but I'm tossing in a little Western Psych, and perhaps I shouldn't be. So far, you have been the only one (here) that I feel comfortable enough with to change direction; in regards to the "transworld" concept.

I want you to: 1) Buy an engagement ring by Christmas
2) Offer your girlfriend a position with horses
3) Get closer to her son
4) Cut down...even more...on the beer!

Why?

I can buy an engagement ring and give her, but I'm not ready to get married.
I do get along great with her son and we do quite a bit of stuff together.
I like where I'm at on my drinking now, so will hold here for right now.

These are merely suggestions I am giving to you to enhance your life. Not complete (correct) it. Please note the difference!!

One of my aunts many weddings dunno how old I was...too young

I was about 5 years old at the time and I'm certain that I didn't even know what a groom was at that time.

Don't you miss those carefree years of childhood? Boy, I sure do!

I gave you one example of 'out of character' and you mistook the infrastructure. There's a spectrum with two distinct personas at each end. It's the internal perception, not a limiting of behavior. When I 'snapped out of it' at the dentist, I snapped from one end (kristal) to the other end (thor) with a quick glance that I had just been someone who perceives the world quite differently, through which different behavior is the natural consequence. It's not just speaking in a high poetic voice, it's thinking in a high poetic voice. When I sit down as Thor, it's not that I don't allow myself to get up and dance if a cool song comes up, it's that the urge doesn't occur to me in the first place. In an effort as Thor to mimic Kristal virtues, I bought a jasmine and honeysuckle, and named them 'Vibe' and 'Essence'. The next time I allowed myself to let Kristal take a turn strolling through the garden, my thoughts were along the line of 'Thor, you ditz, you don't get it all, can't you feel anything?', and proceeded to rename them 'Glisten' and 'Harmony', names any self respecting plant should be charmed to have. You just can't facsimilate magical thinking, which is where kristal comes from. The plant example is one of how I don't restrict out kristal behaviors, but rather invite them. The dentist example though was one of how I will not totally relinquish consciousness to my Kristal side and need to be at least present as a controlling editor. On brief occasions I have succeeded in having both minds present at once, where kristal was like a diamond in my forehead making the world magic, and I had control of everything from the eyes down to participate in that world. It was an awesome mix. Back around '93 when I first invited kristal into my life, we had a time sharing plan. As Thor, I was fairly surrendered at that point anyhow, and considered the consciousness surrender as a humble necessity for my continued well being. As Kristal though, I was quite passionate about clinging to every moment of consciousness I could get. Both sides at the time thought of the other 'You are totally missing the point of life'. For Thor, it meant transcendance to another plane; For Kristal it meant finding delight in earthly sensory and social experiences. Curiously, Kristal turned out to be a better navigator of new planes than I had been as Thor. At the time I invited Kristal into my being, I did at least realise that my life path was a neighbor to some living form of suicide and that something needed to be done. I had nothing to lose. My only request was that whoever this Kristal was to be, that she be equally spiritually knowledgeable, and love life. I'm still not exactly sure where she came from. My intent was to merge with a free soul having it's own history of incarnations, and I did have fresh memories as kristal of having been Amy, a young alabama trailer wife with a boudoir of elvis paraphernalia, oh yes, and a certainty of having drowned. The decision to change genders caught me by surprise and happened over just a few days. Until then, other than having seen Rocky Horror 14 times as a teen, I was fairly oblivious that people even changed genders. Although I had no recollection of a second set of personality attributes, I had much of my life felt that if I were to start from scratch, I would have preferred to do it as a woman, so it's possible I had been saving notes all those years way in the back of my head as to who I would otherwise have been. One difference in our personalities was that as Thor, I didn't even exist in my romantic fantasies; It was always totally about the woman. As kristal though, I was the star of my fantasies. As Kristal, I later learned to launch new personalities, so I could be Vivian, with beer bottles and motorcycle parts in the kitchen sink, staying up all night, home for 10 minutes swallowing some toothpaste, and off to the census office with a new fashion look (compared to my typical four hour get ready routine), or jasmine, writing under the pen name 'Lemon Soda' about the fairy tale birth of the world, with the sensitivity of a child. [look for surveys by jasmine to get an idea of that]. I also briefly tried some male personalities too [check out surveys by Q and Turing]. I had one personality, Celeste, whom total strangers would address as Celeste before even being introduced. As Thor again though, I seem to have no interest in breeding new personalities. It got pretty wacko anyhow. My Java programming final exam was ruined by having chrissy, a 12 year old retarded girl, present for the exam. Crap, I forgot about that one, how on earth did I put up with all that? I suppose willed multiple-personality-disorder (or possession) is a tad tough to fit on the western DSM-IV map. For a couple years there, I could swear I must have had some unconscious goal of collecting the whole set, trying out everything in the book. Perhaps it was like having compassion for the lepers. Everytime I figured out how to cope with one of these illnesses, I'd meet someone at SC and be able to pass the advice onto them. For all I know, come to think of it, perhaps I contracted these diseases of consciousness from them in the first place, much like my intentional 'downloading'. No doubt, the more I reveal my history, the more twisted I must seem. People who knew me as Kristal comment that I seem more part of the planet now, solid, having a plan (not that I actually have one yet, I just seem like someone who would).
I'm hearing a neighbor say 'That's the picture with my kids in it, tear yourself out of it if you want to.' I'm reminded of those wooden russian egg dolls that have another egg doll inside in it, and another in that... Men produce sperm, women are born with a set collection eggs (hence those rosary bead timeclocks.) I find it fascinating that all the future generations are somewhat prescribed in advance. reincarnation is another cool system. I recall a few of mine, mostly high military engineers and wandering rabbi types.
I only played transworld with you for one comment. I might be able to turn much of SC into the single conversation of your choice, if you haven't seen that trick yet.
They're ALL me, we generally agree to some limitation to experience 'mortal'. The limiting foundation of western psych is that it is all based on us being individuals in an external environment. It can't begin to explain a fraction of what's possible because of that. (though there are still infinite permutations within it's defined realm.) (within the infinite quantity of colors, there are infinite shades of green).
Dang, those neighbors words are a metaphor for todays situation with family, neighbors, content of this comment, and the first photo class I didn't attend today. I prefer to be in synch such that words that strike me are a bit more obvious what they pertain to.

No problemo!

I'm not quite sure if you know now!

When I was too young to have sex three times a day? Explain your reasoning.

What I received from your last comment was that Kristal was created by defeault...as life was becoming meaningless as Thor. This is the same premise very small children use to build distance from an abuser. If you had mentioned that life as Thor was exhilarating (yet grounded as it was) and that you felt the creation of Kristal was a "gift" to Thor...then I would note less difficulty in the formation of the DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER.
No, you do not (nor have ever) seemed twisted to me in any way, shape or form, Perhaps just the opposite. You need to become a little "twisted" in order to maintain the " I don't care what..." attitude it takes to, sometime, overcome adversity (Believe me, I know...read the "Rants" in Forum).
Your last comment borders of being defensive. Maybe it's me...but I doubt it. I guess I am not convinced that the return of Thor is not being initiated out of the same inference that Kristal was created in the first place. " I'm not getting anywhere as Kristal"... translates to "I'm not getting anywhere as Thor", just as easily. For weeks you have said Kristal is going to fade away, and, yet, the name remains on SC. You can no more live without Kristal than Mandy can live without SueBee. Don't destroy her.
This is Kristal:

It's a kind of magic
It's a kind of magic
A kind of magic - no way
One dream, one soul, one prize
One goal, one golden glance of what should be
It's a kind of magic
One shaft of light that shows the way
No mortal woman can win this day
It's a kind of magic
The bell that rings inside your mind
Is challenging the doors of time
It's a kind of magic
The waiting seems eternity
The day will dawn of sanity
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Is this a kind of magic ?
It's a kind of magic
There can be only one
This rage that lasts a thousand years
Will soon be done
This flame that burns inside of me
I'm hearing secret harmonies
It's a kind of magic
The bell that rings inside your mind
Is challenging the doors of time
It's a kind of magic
It's a kind of magic
This rage that lasts a thousand years
Will soon be, will soon be, will soon be done
This is (this is) a kind (a kind) of magic (yeah)
There can be only one one one one
This rage that lasts a thousand years
Will soon be done - done
Magic - it's a kind of magic
It's a kind of magic
Magic magic magic (magic)
Ha ha ha haa - it's magic
Ha haa
Yeah yeah
Wooh
It's a kind of magic

Silly boi!

I wasn't that grounded as thor in those latter thor years either. Things were fading, going gray, or being a constant déja vu recycling of a limited couple hundred thoughts. My coming in touch with grounded being lately was more like a return to the pre-spiritually aware thor. I've heard other comments that as Kristal I was more like the ancient playful Thor in spite of residing on a mystical plane instead. I did feel like becoming Kristal was quite a blessing, as much as I felt about anything (in spite of finding some of the philosophy petty, of course I was jaded, Ifound earthly life petty back then).
I don't intend to get rid of kristal, too much magic there. I'm just still trying to figure out how to integrate it all. As old spiritual thor, I wasn't getting anywhere, and it was time for a change. As Kristal, I eventually got too far, too intense, beyond most limits described in wilder texts, but losing touch with mortality, and so I decided to hold true to my philosophy that it's just as valid to live fully smelling a rose as being a nebula. It also seemed an intriguing challenge to ressurect my former identity and correct all the jaded limbo difficulties I had abandoned it with.
One difference in us is that as k, I was too in the moment to think about what I would be doing 5 minutes later. Now I'm thinking about the next 60 years. Amazingly I fullfilled a ton of ancient ambitious thor goals as kristal, while just drifting along. The goals weren't really material though, more stuff like consult for presidents. Now I'm thinking more about career planning (not that I didn't attempt that as k). As k it was more 'Don't worry about trivial stuff like financing a house, society will buy you one while you figure out how to restore native american consciousness to society'. The world was mine, I was the world's, and anything could be worked out even if it entailed rewriting physics. Doubtlessly as always, I'm exxagerating to convey the essence, and probaly over glamourizing, since I unquenstionably had my haunted lonely limbo days as k too. Some of being grounded really means a call to selfish ego, swapping 'manifesting things' for taking personal physical credit, participating rather than mirroring. I can detect some evolution coming from this integration period. I've probably mentioned a few times by now how I've learned that physical interactions are all mind-over-matter. As k, I had difficulty at times with my personal physical world dissolving. Appliances all shorted, a variety of 20 pens couldn't guarantee that I could get ink onto a page. I had to dream all the parallel into working. Now, I generally don't have to think about it much at all, but I can feel it's like my soul sits now down in dense physical matter, and when I feel it levitating away the repurcussions to affecting matter through direct physical interactions are immediately apparent.
Now to read what must be wonderful prose.
Yes indeed.
I think the defensiveness you detect reflects back to the time-sharing 9 years ago when I was defending k's legitimacy as a consciousness.
I hope it doesn't appear I'm trying to destroy k. I feel at the moment like I have the whole spectrum available. The absence of k is a bit of a an exxageration too though. I did go out on a dinner date with my friend my first week back as thor, and it was like walking into the heaven I'd been looking for a decade earlier. I forgot all about the last decade as k, the streets were full of wood and volkswagon bugs again, lights twinkled everywhere, radios everywhere were playing my old music like bowie, but all redone in scintillating new sound textures. I ordered corned beef, after being veg for a decade. People were literally bowing to me as I passed by (as inwardly I was reverently in love with every particle). It was the Thor version of what I had earlier become Kristal to taste. Unfortunately old rat-race sort of habits and sentiments seem to have obscured much of that magic, and ihave to swing back almost entirely to the kristal end of the spectrum to keep in touch with it at times. My date commented that Thor was a magical being too and not nearly the droll washy geek I had made him out to be. After being my best friend for a couple years, she left me soon after with some unexplained comment about my being selfish. A song is now playing (to the tune of dance of the hours) with some gal singing about she loves a prissy guy in a dress. She had 55 guy lovers before she met me (wouldn't get physical with me though, said then she couldn't be my friend). I prayed for her to become a lesbian, but it back-fired, she finally settled down with another gal, and only went on dates with me when she got frustrated with her domestic scene. 'Mulholland Drive' was a bit of a biography of that period (part of my manifesting lesbians all around her to invoke a change without a direct rewrite)(I have my rules you know (there have been selfless motivated exceptions though)).
Will I get sued if i set music to those lyrics? As always, I'm having a great time playing to new sorts of music. I found some really warped 30's cajun recordings, and discovered a sort of folk be-bop lesbian group, 2 nice girls. The maxfield parrish like cover with a lute gave me appropriately high expections. I somewhat upgraded my playing skill, and the next morning the radio starts playing these newly released 60's classical recordings which upped the ante. That's been going on for some time now, I play with increased sensitivity and compositional conceptions, and then encounter artists new to me which stretch my horizons further. I think it's something like what I realised in early art college, that art was for artists; that without some educated exposure and sensitivity, one totally expressive french curve was indistinguishable from another. Gifted music artists get buried behind much pop shlock, and virtuosity I'm realising now has little to do with guaranteeing popular fame. I just shaped my plectrums today so they are better at intensely up-picking strings (like a claw) and not getting snagged on down strums/plucks. I hooked them just enough that I can still solidly hammer a fret. I'm also working now on flipping the guitar over so that I can play longer on worn fingers. It's a bit difficult so far. Since my (right) strum hand also hammers melodies, my strategy is to let it take over the chord-foundation/melody role. My left hand is adapting poorly though to taking on strumming/picking. At least with this strategy (since I was already fretting from above and below the neck) I don't have to worry about thinking in reverse. It's all the same relative to my palm. I hope I don't tire you with all the guitar updates. It's my passion, and I don't have other musicians to talk with. Fortunately I've already brought the forum for my xml programming class to life so I won't have to torture you there. I was speaking on analog math (slide rules) and our early punch card days. (true geek). I asked what we're to talk about if we can't offer code or solutions. The reply I got was 'My cats breath is like cat food'. I thanked him for the hint on typing data classes in advance and writing a parser with a lateral inheritance model, promising to be more obtuse before assignments begin. Our first assignment is to write a stock trading program, due on 9/11. {Just what I was grieviously preparing to do myself when the towers were hit}. I resent capitalism. Bill Gates does all I would do in his position if I had no morals.

Am glad you've learned that your existance as Thor is satisfying. All my text books are put away and I am speaking on a spiritual level. I am a bit clear, though dizzier. Kristal-Rose/Thor. A Rose has Thorns. Hmmmm.
I am reviewing our discussions from weeks ago and came across a conversation where I was insisting that you tell me about your personality (before I was aware of the existance of Thor). I wanted you to be "thorough"...I kept repeating the word "thorough"...and you were baffled. I was visualizing the word, "thorough" and you were explaining everything in every way possible. Now I see the word, "thorough". It is all unfolded at one time, isn't it. Thor.
Next, I see "employment" in your future, and it really is time for that, you know. The disabilities will just have to take a back seat and wait there turn to be in the forefront, but for now...you need the structure of a "time clock"...though maybe not, literally. Where Kristal would have been excellent in working in a field that requires a lot of repetition, I feel Thor needs something much more pragmatic/ challenging. I hope Kristal has hidden her back problem so well that Thor is unlikely to discover it
In a few hours I am off to Hyannis for a much needed three day vacation with my little gangsta. All I want to do is eat lobster and drink margaritas. I refuse to hear about "anyone being found with a ton of cement around their neck at the bottom of Buzzards bay". I start my doctoral education in ten days....moving to a new home in eight!! ( Throughout this reply, I'm talking to Jason...on the phone...who is coming down off a horrendous ecstasy trip. I told him to come in...He was afraid to go outside. So I stopped being the counselor and just became his ecstasy
buddy. He's fine. He just stopped in to hug me. God, that's never happened....(a visit AFTER the crisis) He told me that he he hoped I was feeling appreciated because...in his ecstasy state...he feels I wasn't. I thought of Forum and all that crap. God, the Universe is good to me.)

Repetition. You have to be kidding. I couldn't do anything twice or remain seated for a solid 20 minutes. If my job was filling out checks, I'd miss the date or signature on every other check. Everything had to be a new learning or thinking experience or I would get depressed and go to sleep. Now I could maintain certain activities like web research for days straight as long as the info was always new and there wasn't the weight of some 'have to'.
I just finished posting some lengthy speculative conceptual intrigues on our programming classes board (about sequential tree-structured data with recursive circular references (in other words, possibly useful, certainly squirrely)). I did document the concepts very thoroughly, as if writing a text book. I was actually quite impressed with my sustained focus, even though it occurred to me there may be better uses of my time. I'm taking the class to better write automated auctioning software for building and resaling my viewmaster collection. I bought in lots with the intent to build a private collection sell duplicates retail. About $2000 of my credit debt is in viewmaster reels (it got quite addictive). Now, If I were sensible, I would calculate how long it takes (with or without the softwar I haven't written yet) to process a transaction, including packaging it. If it turns out that I'll average a dollars profit on an hours work, perhaps I should surrender in advance.
As Thor, I was fired from two (programming) jobs with the exact same parting words 'We aren't trying to build the Taj Mahal here'.
As Kristal, my best conventional job was admin for the cencus bureau. I learned every post there, and one day hung out in front of our room full of clerk-1's and solely intercepted the entire inbasket to expediate processing to the next station, which I also then helped expediate. Part of what encouraged me to try it out was to find that work did not have to interfere with mystical existence, and indeed, I found I could do things like see account numbers in peoples head before they show me a document, or part a deck of documents to immediately illustrate where one has an error. For the most part there though, my job description turned out to be almost entirely personal counseling on inter-personal grievances, doing tarot readings, doing fashion catwalks with my daily new fashion conceptions, and playing the harmonica. I left because because my slipped disk relapsed to a point that I couldn't even sit, and had to process documents standing against the wall. Also I was trying out for a job with my neighbor drawing the simpsons comic. I did an awesome job (it's posted on the portfolio page of my website), but it took me several months to drag myself to do it, 20 minutes a day, and they wanted a page drawn (@ $50) every day. I do channel a lot about needing to work. In fact just a few minutes ago as I was admiring my programming concept illustrations, I related it to bush's comments over the radio about increased work productivity pointing towards a rising economy. I did do a couple programming job as kristal, and they turned out miserable. One took months over budget so I made about $4/hr (programmers working with similar tech usually make $60-100/hr) and had torturous 16 hour days home alone. The web site also went way over time, but somehow my time sheets indicated that although i thought I was working on it most of the day, I was only averaging an hour per day. Where my time goes has been a mystery to me for years now. I have all sorts of archived spreadsheets and paper logs trying to figure it out. According to a visiting friend (as kristal), and a month visiting guest recently as Thor, I spend a great deal of time pacing in circles with no awareness that I'm ever doing it. The missing time quandary was immensely frustrating. The thought that I waste it obliviously pacing is scarier. I have a hard time believing it's true. I do know that at times writing just a couple comments here at SC can occupy hours. I suspect I can get lost for a couple minutes just trying to recall a word that escapes me. There are times when I've had nothing go on in my head, and a few other times when a friend or another inquired what I was just thinking about between sentences, and I was able to rattle off two dozen subjects and their details. Many people have mentioned that they enter a different time dimension when visiting my apartment, and that my time is quite elastic. Two vacations with family as a pseudo-thor were entirely destroyed by severe back problems, even though I so wanted to do all the nature hiking and family activities I had gone years without. Fortunately my last family vacation went fine in that respect even though it was mystically like a honeymoon in hades [personal chapter]. To maintain a conversation in class I still have to jot my thoughts on post-its before they are entirely eradicated by listening to another speaker first. Wow, you can talk on the phone while writing these responses? I refuse to get a cell phone because I can barely scratch my ear and still maintain a conversation, let alone two. My attention span/memory is barely suited for the forum structure so I avoid it (besides, it's so slow to scan). I make up for the lack of comprehensive internal organization by encoding it into my visual environment, such that I can just scan my surroundings and figure out what I was just thinking about or needed to do next. When the system gets back-logged I fall apart though. I seem to be surviving fine though without immediately following up on whatever is in that five pound bag of unprocessed post-it notes. I've taken to using a calendar again, but it always fails. Even if I put it on my door handle, I might forget to look at it until two weeks after I've missed an appointment. There is still absolutely nothing sequential or procedural about my life except a weekly class appointment, and a coffee and cigarette almost always following waking up. Quite often I get distracted by music or homework related subjects (alas, not the homework itself) or anything, and my morning shower gets delayed for a dozen hours. I do things like spend an hour preparing some exotic dinner then find it untouched in the microwave a day later. Increased resolve, confidence, and focus on a plan can diminish that a bit. Have you seen the movie 'Memento'? I'm quite a lot like him, except that I can vividly recall details, IF somehow I'm reminded of the subject matter. I just got back from one of those pacings, and attempted to analyze it. I don't entirely recall what I was thinking, but I believe it amounted to 'trying to solve not knowing what I'm trying to solve'. Fortunately it seems I'm picking up the the house while I do it (since I just got back from another one). I have recently analyzed some similar behavior. If, for instance, I find myself constantly wandering into the kitchen, it means I need to eat and should just drop whatever else I'm engaged in and cook something, otherwise I just get strung-out on coffee and cigarettes. Another possibility is that I'm getting tired. It is, after all, five hours later than the last time I went to sleep. Unfortunately it's been a dozen years since I've really had the tired sensation indicator kick in. Now I just keep going until I realise I am unproductive. It may because I used to do physical work. No, that's not it either. I was quite physical when I stayed up six days straight with the woods artist. (not sure how he did it, I heard rumours after he left that he did a lot of coke, but I never saw it. Perhaps they assumed based on his general sleep schedule, work three days, sleep one). I can somewhat get into the sleepy mode by yawning. I haven't had much luck with a bedtime discipline, since I don't have to have a schedule and I'm reluctant to give up whatever I'm working on, though I'd rather be on a consistent day schedule. Perhaps if I create a discipline of setting a nightly alarm at which point I must begin yawning. Yeah, these yawns are really catching on now.
It's occurred to me (perhaps useful in your field) that there's a relationship between ADD and OCPD. One doesn't want to relinquish their focus when they have it, no matter how trivial the subject is. The other aspect is a multi-tasking awareness. I purely have no multi-tasking capability. I may flit between projects, but i can't think of two projects at once. I suspect non-OCPD people have an editor-awareness that kicks in reminding them that there are other things in life to take stock of. Either that, or they bore more more easily, and hence take restock for that reason, without forgetting what they were just working on, in case it really does need done.
Does your study deal with such concerns?
You seem (since I can't specifically recall) to be on the psychologist track, not the clinical psychiatrist track, which tends far more to be a totally external behavioral 'black box' approach I find entirely offensive. I never considered myself schizo, although an external description of anyone with a mystical awareness would qualify. If they (DSM authors) were to see through the world through eyes like mine, how all the external data lines up to accomodate the perceptions, they would have the same beliefs and behaviors too. (though I'm sure there are non-mystical, just plain screwed up schizos too) and 'magical thinking' doesn't even belong on a list of deficits. I suspect the author of that passage was subconsciously jealous and wanted to rain on the parades of the blessed.

I've never been to either.

I think I attended a wedding before a funeral but I have no way of knowing. I think my parents took me to a wedding as an infant.

Thanks! I'll get right on it!

HA!

,... against the law in England? Surely, Biggles...you must be waiting for your own (Don't know which one, though )

I never said they were against the law in England.

Just off the top of my head..............................................................

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) usually involves obsessions as well as compulsions, although a person with OCD may sometimes have only one or the other. OCD is also implicated as having a high prevalence of comorbidity with other disorders.
DSM-IV (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual published by the American Psychiatric Association) lists OCD among the 'anxiety disorders', with another listing under 'personality disorders'.
It is currently estimated, that as many as 1 in 50 adults has a form of OCD, and twice that number have had it at some point in their lives.
A person is considered as having OCD when obsessive and compulsive behaviours are extreme enough to interfere with the quality of everyday life.
Worries, doubts, and superstitious beliefs are all common in everyday life. However, when they become excessive to the point of hours of hand washing, or make no sense at all, such as driving around and around the block to check that an accident didn’t occur, then a diagnosis of OCD is probably in order. In OCD, it is as though the brain gets stuck on a particular track, thought or urge and just can not let go………………….
Obsessions. Obsessions are unwanted, persistent thoughts, images, or impulses that occur over and over again and the person will feel that they are out of their control. An OCD person does not want to have these ideas, and finds them disturbing, and intrusive, and usually recognizes that they don’t really make sense or have relevance to the reality of the situation. People with OCD may worry excessively about dirt and germs and be obsessed with the idea that they are contaminated or may perhaps contaminate others. They may alternatively have obsessive fears of inadvertently harming someone else (for example while driving their car out of the driveway), even though they usually know this is not realistic. Obsessions are accompanied by uncomfortable feelings, such as fear, disgust, doubt, or a sensation that things have to be done in a way that is "just so."
Compulsions. People with OCD typically try to make their obsessions go away by performing irresistible compulsions. Compulsions are acts that the person performs over and over again, often according to certain "rules." People with an obsession about contamination may wash constantly to the point that their hands become raw and inflamed. A person may repeatedly check that she has turned off the stove or iron because of an obsessive fear of burning the house down. They may have to count certain objects over and over because of an obsession about losing them. Unlike compulsive drinking or gambling, OCD compulsions do not give the person pleasure. Rather, the rituals are performed to obtain relief from the discomfort caused by the obsessions.
OCD-like behaviours are present across the mammalian species, suggesting that it may well be a central nervous system disorder. OCD is a brain disorder that causes problems in information processing. At present there are no definitive biological findings diagnostic of OCD. Research however, does suggest that OCD involves problems in communication between the front part of the brain (the orbital cortex) and deeper structures (the basal ganglia). These brain structures use the chemical messenger serotonin. It is believed that insufficient levels of serotonin are prominently involved in OCD.
Recent studies suggests different OCD profiles across subjects. Factor analysis of Yale-Brown Obsessive-Compulsive Scale (Goodman, Price, Rasussen, Mazure, Delgado, et al., 1989) item scores in more than 300 OCDs yeilded four factors accounting for more than 60% of total variance: obsessions and checking, symmetry and order, cleaning and washing, and hoarding.
Not all obsessive-compulsive behaviors represent a disorder. Some rituals, like bedtime songs/stories, religious practices, etc., are a welcome part of daily life. People with OCD should not be confused with a much larger group of individuals who are sometimes considered "compulsive" because they hold themselves to a high standard of performance and are 'perfectionistic' and very organised in their work and oftentimes, their recreational activities.
This type of "compulsiveness" can serve a valuable purpose, contributing to a person's self-esteem and success at work. In this respect, it differs from the life-disrupting obsessions and rituals of the person with OCD. However, if taken to the extreme, this type of behaviour can become a problem when the ability to enter into and carry out interpersonal relationships (work, personal and social) are affected. This may signal obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD) as distinct from obsessive compulsive anxiety disorder in which a person experiences feelings of dread if the compulsive behaviours are not performed.
Normal worries, such as contamination fears, may increase during times of stress, such as when someone in the family is sick or dying. Only when symptoms of OCD persist, make no sense, cause much distress, or interfere with functioning do they warrant clinical attention. But as in all things, the sooner the interventional programme is begun, the sooner normal function may be regained.
Some other considerations concerning obsessive-compulsive disorder………………
OCD behaviours usually cause distress, take up a lot of time (more than an hour a day), or significantly interfere with the person’s work, social life, or relationships.
Most individuals with OCD recognize at some point that their obsessions are coming from within themselves and are not just excessive worries about real problems, and that the compulsions they perform are excessive or unreasonable.
When someone with OCD does not recognize that their beliefs and actions are unreasonable, this is called OCD with poor insight.
OCD symptoms tend to wax and wane over time. Some may be little more than "background noise"; others may produce extremely severe distress.
Some disorders that closely resemble OCD and may respond to some of the same treatments are trichotillomania (compulsive hair pulling), body dysmorphic disorder (imagined ugliness), and habit disorders, such as nail biting or skin picking. Impulse control problems, such as substance abuse, pathological gambling, or compulsive sexual activity whilst they share many similarities, may prove more intractable.
The most common conditions that resemble OCD are the tic disorders (Tourette’s Disorder and other motor and vocal tic disorders). Tics are involuntary motor behaviors (such as facial grimacing) or vocal behaviors (such as snorting) that often occur in response to a feeling of discomfort. More complex tics, like touching or tapping tics, may closely resemble compulsions. Tics and OCD occur together much more often when the OCD or tics begin during childhood.
In his most recent view of the neurobiology of OCD, Stein (1996) submits that "although OCD may be a disorder of the brain, a comprehensive understanding of the condition also requires attention to brain based emergent cognitive-affective structures and processes." We may therefore conclude from Stein's work that an exclusive focus on the neurological or the the psychiatric/psychological factors in isolation is simply insufficient.
This study was repeated and supports the view that these conditions correspond with the behaviour related to frontal lobe disorders correlating with serotoninergic system abnormalities. viz. depressive mood, emotional lability, perseveration behaviours, compulsion, agitation, anxiety, disinhibition, irrationality, apathy, loss of initiative, depression, general anxiety, panic attack, obsessive-compulsive disorder, aggressiveness, impulsivity, sleep disorders, eating disorders, pain, retardation.
Recent regional blood flow studies have shown that there are differences in the orbital prefrontal cortex and the caudate nucleus . Maria and Arvid Carlsonn proposed a circuitry analogy in terms of the flow of information and the signalling process within the brain in 1990. In depression and OCD, we are looking then at the overactive circuits that code for negative imagery of self and the world (depression) and fixed behavioural or ideational circuitry (OCD).
Depression and OCD often occur together in adults and, less commonly, in children and adolescents. However, unless depression is also present, people with OCD are not generally sad or lacking in pleasure, and people who are depressed but do not have OCD rarely have the kinds of intrusive thoughts that are characteristic of OCD.
Although stress can make OCD worse, most people with OCD report that the symptoms can come and go on their own. OCD is easy to distinguish from a condition called posttraumatic stress disorder, because OCD is not caused by a terrible event.
Schizophrenia, delusional disorders, and other psychotic conditions are usually easy to distinguish from OCD. Unlike psychotic individuals, people with OCD continue to have a clear idea of what is real and what is not.
In children and adolescents, OCD may worsen or cause disruptive behaviors, exaggerate a pre-existing learning disorder, cause problems with attention and concentration, or interfere with learning at school. In many children with OCD, these disruptive behaviors are related to the OCD and will go away when the OCD is successfully ameliorated.
Individuals with OCD may have substance-abuse problems, sometimes as a result of attempts to self-medicate. Specific treatment for the substance abuse is usually also needed.
Children and adults with pervasive developmental disorders such as autism and Asperger’s syndrome are extremely rigid and compulsive, with stereotyped behaviors that somewhat resemble very severe OCD. However, those with pervasive developmental disorders have extremely severe problems relating to and communicating with other people, which do not occur in anxiety related OCD.
You may have noticed that many of the conditions listed may be considered as relative disorders of attention. In OCD for example, the person is overfocussed on replaying a behaviour. In ADD the attentional abilities are just dysfunctional and underfocussed or non-existant, usually due to immature development of the frontal lobe 'circuits'.

Scanning, I seen no mention of OCPD (P='personality'); it is particularly (just lost the word) 'associated' (no time to dig up the most appropriate word I just had) with obsessions of 'graphalia', mapping ones life onto spreadsheets, art, software, or other, possibly symbolic, expressions. A whole field of art thrives on this disorder. No doubt it it a form of Identity Anxiety tied in with neuro-processing deficits.
One doesn't want to let go as a security concern. You might anxiously insist on sending out a bill the moment you step in the door, even though mom is making a one day visit for the first time in years, because the last time you shelved that routine, the bill got buried for a month and cost you $35 in late charges.
At least my Tourette's, while I had it, wasn't physically voiced. It was still annoying because then I reacted with a train of thought to counteract and dispell a potential negative train of thought. Eventually I learned how to just disempower negative glitches on the spot and move on.
Sometimes I have to look back two years at my behaviors to realize how bizarre or unnecessary they were. They seemed paramount at the time of course.
We can rewire our brains. There are so many possible configurations. The ability to translate sensory experiences into symbolic abstractions that are almost autonomically templated into visual, kinesthetic, and auditory perceived manipulations of a guitar is an example. People are so different. Some are wired for bottom up procedural thinking, and others for top down metaphorical thinking. Training has a part in this. Art classes can alter awareness and processing modes.
Do you subscribe to Medscape? It's a great source for constant updates on studies of such topics, and important global news as well. It's the place to learn when, for instance, India has just rewritten their constitution to prohibit the news from tampering with entire medical genetics experimental villages. Back in the old days India only sold skeletons, and even then, after death, on an individual, voluntary contract basis.

Losing a train of thought or being troubled by an unwelcome repetiton may be more similar than folks imagine. If thought branch selection is determined by fascination, it would make sense that intriguing thoughts (including negative ones) are repeated while thoughts with no fascination factor are lost. I dont think that's really an accurate model either though. I lose immensely fascinating threads during conversations until something reminds me of them again.
Fascination is itself, a characteristic of being in the moment, ie 'Satori'. Rational and spontaneous behavior both need driven by at least a subconscious (or spiritually fed in the moment) channel of environmental awareness. Somehow, when one leaves the house, the memory to bring the overdue library book needs to occur to them. That is the sort of spontaneous memory which comes better to me by living lightly in the moment, than applying rational procedural thought with anxiety. If I operate through anxiety, it may take six trips back to the house to have everything with me I will need later in the day. Even then, murphys law kicks in, and it turns out I'll still have forgotten something like my wallet which destroys most of my errand agenda.
An example of that visual organisation I mentioned: next to my door is a letter rack, which contains bills to be sent, my glasses, my keys, a watch, and several other things which often accompany my excursions. All I have to do is remember to scan that one wall surface and bring my bike pack which stores all my homework, wallet, and things which I may need on excursions during the week. Upon each visit I just remove what is not needed for a particular trip onto my bed, and throw it all back in by the time I go to sleep. Basically I've created a procedure that can't be forgotten to compensate for my lack of appropriately timely spontaneously occuring memory.

a wedding first, think I was about 8...didn't attend a funeral, my grandmothers then the next year my mothers, til I was 24.

uuuuhhhhhhh......I was 5 when I attended a funeral, but I think I was 4 when attended a wedding......or maybe it's the other way around....I forgot - sorry.

I've been to a few weddings, but not a funeral yet.

More like twenty-eight!