Should our 19 year old daughter pay rent or otherwise help with household finances?

She shouldn't have to pay bills if she is in college, saving for college, or saving up starting expenses for moving out.

Yes, unless she's strapped for cash. You might also want her to be able to save up enough to move out on her own and be independent.

YEs. She sounds like she's spoilt. If she can buy CDs she can pay for some of her food.

You have a 19 year old daughter?

I'd say in part it depends upon your financial situation. If financially things are rough, there's no question that she should be helping support the family.

If things aren't bad financially and she's in a situation where she's expected to support herself in the future then I think it would be a good idea for her to chip in.

Not in this life.

Australian asylum seekers 'become mentally ill'
By Dominic Hughes
BBC, Sydney

A new study by a group of Australian psychiatrists has found evidence of what is described as unprecedented rates of mental illness in young asylum seekers being held in Australia's controversial detention centres.

The immigration minister has dismissed the study, arguing that those who have had their claims for asylum rejected are prone to exaggeration.

The study looked at 10 families being held in an undisclosed immigration detention centre in a remote part of Australia, all of whom have had their claims for asylum rejected.

Of the 22 children and 14 adults interviewed, only one was not suffering from some form of post-traumatic disorder.

The group reported having seen riots, fighting, fire, suicide attempts and incidences of self-harm during their detention.

On average, they had been held for two years and four months.

All the children interviewed were assessed as having at least one psychiatric disorder, and most were diagnosed with multiple disorders.

The researchers say it is unlikely they displayed any psychiatric illness before arriving in Australia.

But the Immigration Minister, Philip Ruddock, is sceptical about the report, which was presented at the annual congress at the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists.

He said rejected asylum seekers are prone to exaggerate, and psychiatrists have long been advocates of dismantling Australia's system of mandatory detention.
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/3023107.stm

Published: 2003/05/13 08:53:54 GMT

© BBC MMIII

Hare Krishna!

Not in this life? Not on this planet by the sounds of it.

I don't know why you posted that story but here are some points for you to chant over.

1. These people have had their claims to assylum rejected. Get it? They have been found to NOT be legitimate refugees. Everyone who are detained are free to leave Australia at any time. They are not held there against their will, they choose to remain there.

2. The self-proclaimed researchers could be biased.

3. The illegal aliens most certainly have motivation to lie or tell their children to lie.

4. These assylum seekers claim they come from places where they are persecuted and in fear of their lives yet "The researchers say it is unlikely they displayed any psychiatric illness before arriving in Australia". Someone's telling lies.

5. If you care so much for these queue-jumping criminals who broke the law to arrive in Australia illegally, why not sponsor a family? Put your money where your mouth is.

It depends on why she's still living at home.

It depends. Is she saving up to go to college, move out on her own, start a business, etc.? Then you should give her a break because in the long run, it will likely benefit both of you. If she's just kind of lazing around, having to pay for part of household expenses would likely motivate her to be more ambitious and develop goals.

Is she in school? If she is attending school I don't think she should have to pay (unless it's something for only herself, and not going to be used by other members of the household). If she's not in school, is she looking for a place of her own? If she is, let her save up until she moves out. If not, then I definitely think she should pay for at least somethings.

If she is in school I think it is fine if she doesn't pay anything. If she is not in school then definitley she should pay rent.

Whatever works for you and your daughter. It is not for me to decide.

Yes, she should contribute. If she is no longer attending school, she should be working full-time. I will give her the benefit of the doubt and say that at this time she cannot find full-time work and that we'll work with the 20 hours she is getting and assume she makes $10 per hour.

In the real world, the general rule is that lodging will cost approximately 25% of net income.

20 hours x $10/hr = $200 per week x 4 weeks/month = $800/month income.

I suggest you ask her to pay $200 per month rent.
I don't suggest that you ask her to pay for food etc at this time.

The $200 per month will give her her first taste of parting with her money just to have a roof over her head. You should not allow her to "owe" you the rent at any time. She must pay by the first of the month every month. Do not accept increments. Force her to save the money and if she has it before it is due, make her hang on to it until it is rent time. Issue a receipt and claim the income on your taxes so that she can claim the cost on her own tax return.

If it seems that she is not moving forward ie. trying to get a full-time job or some training or education to allow her to get a full-time job, you may have to force her out of the nest so that she will seek her independence.

It's hard because you have spent your life protecting her and taking care of her every need but she needs to learn that you will not have a 25 year old loafer living off of your good nature if you know what I mean.

Good luck.

if she is working then yes. if she is in school only then maybe no unless she expects a lot of extras from you, like cd's, money to go out, etc. if she is working and going to school, i would have her pay for her own activities, gas and extras.

what?????!!!! what the heck did you post that for?

When I was 18 and 19, and still lived with my folks, and was working full time, I contributed $100 a month. If she's only working part-time, I'd give her a break. Once she has a full time job, a token amount would be appropriate I think. It's up to you though, you're the parent...

Why is a 19 year old adult...only working 20 hours a week? Is she a student the rest of the time?

Well she pays fancy stuff already,right? She pays her luxury items,I don't think she has to pay more.Unless she spends a lot of time on the phone or online,then maybe she has to pay her part for that.But food,rent,heating...pay for her.Unless she offers to help herself.
What is necessary keep paying,what is not let her pay herself.

Except that you don't buy CD's everyday,but you have to eat everyday.

Maybe she is a lazy,depressed student working in a place where sometimes they have a lot of work to do and sometimes they don't call you for months like me.

I did say "some" of her food bills.

Okay.
I think that maybe it would be better for her to pay stuff like bills...I would give free food to someone in my house even if they had a job.That's just a nice thing to do,bills instead...she could pay for that.

Food is a bill. What's the difference? She's still a brat.

No she is not.

It's so funny,people that think living with parents at 19 is "still" living at home!! evevn those who move early here (that is just after high school) move at 18 or 19 here...the average person stays at home until 24 or 25 and MANY until 30.
And not all of them are spoiled-many are not-but they don't have enough money for an house.Especially those who aren't,because their parents TAKE their money.I don't mean they ask for help or share what's earned,I mean parents that STEAL their children's money.
Is rent so cheap where you live? or what? how CAN you move at 18?? With school and everything? And if you don't go to school,how do you find a job where you earn enough to pay the rent? Maybe is because you're more used to share flats with a roommate?

She's 19 and mummy and daddy are still paying all her expenses even though she works! She's a spoilt brat. She should be volunteering to pay her way as much as she can.

She is working-I would see if she wasn't or ask mom and dad money to stuff that isn't necessary.Brat is more someone that doesn't work even if she can I guess.
I'm 24 and much worse than that.I only pay my CD's etc. and 1/3 of the phone/internet bill.So I can sympathize with her.But it's also true that I wouldn't earn enough anyway.But I'm still a brat because I don't seek for a job where I have to work more and earn more.I could.I'm much worse than her,really.

It really depends on why she's still living with you, and why she's only working part-time. Is she at university in your home city (or nearby)? In that case, she's probably got enough financial commitments and things to worry about and you should give her a break when it comes to paying at home (unless you're having a fair amount of trouble making ends meet.

Has she just been kicked out by her abusive boyfriend and is trying to raise her child? If so, it might be nice to give her a break until she can get back on her feet.

Is she just lazy and can't be bothered to work any more hours and likes the easy (and free) ride she gets living at home? She should pay something towards her living expenses, or at least contribute in terms of chores. Get her to cook tea and do the shopping/laundry on days she doesn't work.

My parents are supporting me whenever I go to live at home. I don't pay for my food/rent/bills etc. I've also decided not to work during my holidays which means that I have no income outside of my student loan and that my parents are having to pay my fees for me. If I worked during my holidays it would make things easier because as it is, with two of us at uni and a third on the way, we're only just squeaking by.

But I'm not a spoiled brat. There's no sense of debt between me and my parents. They know that if I'm ever financially in a position to support them and they need it that I would do so.

Maybe this girl's parents are very rich and don't need a token amount of her earnings to get by. She's better off saving it so that she can afford to put down a deposit on her first flat or car or house or whatever.

I would make her pay, but what evr you decide suits me fine But why is she only working 20 hrs. My son is going t school 8am to 3pm and he is getting in 35hrs. a week and I make him pay me a little $1.00 for every hr. he works, he does make tips too butI let him keep those and hes doing well at saving most of his check.

Other, because it depends. Is she going to college? No... Saving for college? No. Planning on moving out after she gets promoted, a raise or a better job (and actually working at it), no. If she's obviously freeloading, with no plans for a career or future and no motivation to become self sufficient-yes...or just contribute some of her money to bills, groceries, etc.

Back to the question, Yes she should pay, especially if she buys entertainment. When I was at home I had to pay so much board that I only had enough for maybe a movie a week. I was also paying for my own clothes, which my parents managed to make sound like a good thing for me because now it was my choice. There are people who are married with mortgages and a kid at 19.

no, i dont see how her paying the bills would make a difference in what she learns. instead she could save up the $$ for later. gee, what can one possible learn by paying the bills. besides, it doesnt cost anything to have her live in the house besides food. and since she still has to live in your house and put up with your rules and such, i dont see why she should have to pay anything.

hey, wait a minute, is she in college?

Unless children are in full time education, they should pay their way. When I stay with my dad for the summer, I give him rent.. As it is now I pay for my share of the phone bill and my food bill and I'm in full time education and have a job where I work an average of 20 hours per week.

I also buy everything that I want myself. My TV, stereo, video, ps2, clothes, books. I've never had pocket money or even bus money for college provided for me. Kids need to learn that they can't just take from their parents. I also appreciate everything I have more because I worked for it.

If you're over 18 okay,but if you're under paying for yourself is also illegal.Well not illegal but it's illegal for parents to refuse to pay for you.That includes room and food,not the rest of course.At least here,dunno in UK and USA.

I'd say yes. I paid $100 a month in rent to my mom at that age and that was almost 10 years ago. I was working full time too. It wouldn't hurt her, unless she's going to college part time.

im 19 and i have enough on my plate trying to work and pay for my study at college.. i help clean up around the house and thats my board money at home.

This is a tough one - but I think, from my experience that if she is in school - support her all you can so she can concentrate on performing well. It could be a good lesson to have her pay some of her costs if it's hard for you to afford it or if she's not in school and needs to get an appreciation for the money she's earning at her work.

Parents steal their money? I believe you but how is it done - they have it put into their own accounts? I never hear of that!

It happened to a friend of mine,her mother died when she was 8 and her father used her orphan pension,now she has the to pay for stuff that he has to pay-like light and phone,I mean he doesn't want to pay or share,he doesn't pay so she has to or they cut stuff off.

I'm not sure about the law here in the UK. I started paying my dad rent when I was 17 and started paying for my own food and phone bills at my mums when I was 18. they took care of my during my childhood though. I think that's important.

Not working 20 hours a week. She should certainly help around the house more but rent really is for those working full time.

let the sve money to get a car and move out we don't usualy make as much as our parents right out of school or even a few years later let us get a careere and advance a little in it

whell instead of making them pay rent help the work on getting good credit !!!!!!!!!! it makes sence to me i am 20 and have no credit tryed to get a new truck once couldn't i have no credit whell ended up getting a differen't one a used one i could par cash fore anyway people under 25 have a higher inshurance rate then our parents whell i would say have them pay their inshurance not rent also car and car maintance it is sompting we wan't and most people have oneso i sah have the get a car and instead of rent also help them get good credit par fore it and inshurance

She shouldn't pay bills like utilities but she should pay for her own car insurance, health insurance, credit card bills, etc.

Credit card bills? I think I would be a bit less than supportive if I had a 19 year old still living at home and using credit cards. That's not a good way to start out.

Since she's over 18 she can get her own credit card by herself so she should have to pay her own credit card bills. I had a credit card when I was 18 which I used for gas so that I did not have to go inside gas stations or away from my vehicle where I might become a target, and for other various purchases so that I did not carry too much cash on me and make myself a target yet again. If I had been in an emergency situation where I needed money, for example car trouble while out of town, I had a credit card to make sure I wasn't stuck in some strange town without a lifeline.

Oh. OK. I pictured someone running up credit card debt without having the financial means to be out of mom and dad's house. That wouldn't be a good thing.

yes this way when she does go out into the rl world shell be use to paying out money that she really doesnt want to dish out , it will teach her some responsiblitiy....just dont over do it ...

I started working full-time when I was a 14 year old high school student to help out my mother and grandmother. I learned the value of things and how to manage money. I believe it was an excellent lesson and you will be doing your daughter a favor as a responsible parent if you make her help out financially. My brother moved in with me for six months after college and I charged him $250 per month. I put it in savings and gave him back most of it to cover the deposit on his apt. and utilities, but it was a good lesson.

she is using utiltites and food she should pay for some of the house hold expenices

If you want her to move out, make her pay.

It depends... is she in school? If she is, is she a good student? Does she have a large class load? If yes, then things should stay as they are. If she is not in school, in and out all hours, then yes, she should contribute a bit. You haven't mentioned this being a financial hardship. If you decide to have her contribute, then sit her down and talk it out... don't just tell her "you are going to now pay us this much". If you want her to contribute like an adult, then you should treat her like one.