What do you think of my first ever poem?

I thought it was too long for my short attention span!
I also thought it was too romantic for my cold heart.
But I respect your passion that motivated you to write this.

The 'rhythm' is not very good. But the message of the poem is.

I think it's great for a first poem! And the most important thing is to have it be from the heart. Did you share it with her? Did she like it? Did she cry? Did you lose her in the mountains of Vancouver? And what about Naomi? Enquiring minds want to know!

It's full of too many predictable ryhmes and crap. It's a nice thought, sounds like someone is really in love with someone else. But I don't like love poems much unless they're a bit more creative....know what I mean?

Naomi?

I'm not too keen on love poems, and poems that generally lack talk about death, gore, antichrist, and all the other atrocities, but it's good.

I like the last stanza (especially "I really can't lose her/In the mountains of Vancouver"), but I'm not too keen on the rest. The rhyme scheme you've used makes it feel a little forced. I think it would work a lot better as a song than a poem.

I don't know.

Way back in the 70's there was a television show for children on PBS called The Electric Company. It was the next step in reading for kids after they outgrew Sesame Street. There was a soap opera spoof on The Electric Company called Love Of Chair. At the end, as with many old-time soap operas, there were all those questions - Would Jay ever sit on the chair? Who was behind the door? - and at the end there would be another question... And what about Naomi?. The funny part was there was never a Naomi in any of the Love Of Chair episodes, so it was always kind of a running gag. But every time I ask dramatic questions, I have to add that at the end. It just seems right.

it's good. did it come to you easily? sometimes I have phrases of a poem that come into my head - and sometimes I even jot it down. was writing this poem
something spontaneous like that for you? Also, it was wierd for me because I live in Vancouver so I got creeped out for a second.

OK, I'll write a poem just for you. BRB

I love it! It is absolutely beautiful!

First of all I must applaud the fact that you had the courage to write such a heartfelt poem and then put it up for public scrutiny.
I enjoyed seeing "inside" you, as this poem shows that you have a warm and tender heart, a loving spirit and the courage to express your feelings without being afraid of seeming weak. Many many men could never put these kind of things into words the way you have and even if they could they might feel afraid to share them with anyone. Bravo!
We get to see alot of your humor and cheekiness in your comments here at SC so it is cool to see there is this serious passionate and emotional stuff going on underneath too, this poem proves that you're definitely not just another pretty face

I love poetry and I am particularly drawn to poems about love and loss. My very favourite poem ever is Neutral Tones by Thomas Hardy. It is a poem that paints a picture with words, it doesn't even rhyme, but it flows and has rhythm. I'd love to see you go on to write more poems. Remember to keep pouring your insides out without fear and remember that if it doesn't rhyme at all it is ok.
Well Done!

Not very good.It could maybe be an okay song with beautiful music and you sing very well,but as a poem-not good.

I liked the feeling-the technique isn't there yet-but that's the first one right?

I'm pretty harsh when I judge stuff.If I say not very good it doesn't mean it sucks or that you have to forget about poetry-just that it can be MUCH better.

Eh.

Perched on my heart of stone
I watch the endless horizon
There is nothing to catch my eye
No wave, no wind, no hope

Fantastic! I loved that!

No really, I did!

This poem was not about anyone in particular. I wrote it on the plane coming back from Vancouver. I sat down and the words just rolled out onto the paper. It really was a song from the heart!

Yeah, it came to me quickly! It probably took me 30 min in all to finish it

You live in Vancouver? Thats why I wrote your city in it because I was just coming back from a holiday there!

You do!!

Ah, thanks a lot, I really appreciate it!

Thanks babe, I enjoyed reading your comments on my poems!

In fact, I always read your comments on any survey. In fact, I only read your comments and no-one elses!!

Actually, there is 1 other person's I read!

Anyway, thanks mandy, you're the best!

xx

More your style, I think
Thanks xo

I'm not really into poems.

I like it alot. It's full of emotion, passion, and uninhibited.

Thanks, I appreciate it!!

You're welcome! (I hope you read MY comments, though!)

*kiss kiss kiss*

Not very good. Doesn't have anything unique to say, and doesn't say it in a unique way. Lose the sing-song rhyme, and fix the punctuation, too.

MY comments though????

What did you think of Vancouver(you can tell me the bad, too)? I know people come on vacation here, but what would attract you to come here? Was it unusual for you to jot down a poem?

I thought you said you only read Mandy's comments and the comments of one other person.

Ah yes, but surveys that I create, I read all the comments!

I have cousins in Vancouver so that's why I went there!

I liked it but the weather is worse than England. Constant raining!

It was very unusual for me to jot down a poem but on the flight back, it just came out!!

OIC!!

I give you credit. I couldn't write poems, but it does need a little bit of work.

Talk about not having an exciting life and getting all up in his :)

Yeah, I don't have much of an exciting life, but at least I'm busy. As an old friend used to say, "Bored....traumatized....bored...traumatized...at least I won't be bored!"

Love it. You're not bad at all...keep up the good work!

Thanks!!

IMO I do not believe in keeping with what others say a poem should consist of...poetry is what comes from inside ourselves...and should be written how ever we think it, feel it, see it.....thank you for sharing part of yourself!

Thanks

Your welcome! and look forward reading any others you would share with us!!

Well, not sure when the next one will be but I will share it with you lot when I eventually write it

Nice to hear ....I know for me I can't always just write one at the spur of the moment, some have to be inspired.

I think it was quite good. Well done!