You have inherited a sandwich shop where the goal is to sell nothing. Describe the combinations of things that will ensure you meet your target of 100% no sales.

I am not going to play this game because I cannot use feces or crushed glass

Peanut butter and roast beef with sliced lemon.

-All sandwiches presoaked in your choice of apple juice or pickle juice for soggy goodness!

-Pick one item from the meat column and one item from the vegetable column:

MEAT

Kidney
Liver
Heart
Tongue

VEGETABLE

Radish
Cole Slaw
Parsnip
Eggplant

TODAY'S SPECIAL:
Count Chocula with lemon, molasses, pickled onions and hot mustard on rye bread.

I used to know a kid in grade school who regularly brought butter and sugar sandwiches for lunch. Aside from the lack of nutritional content, I always thought that was an unbearably gross combination for a sandwich filling.

I would sell liverwurst and grape jelly sandwiches, enlivened by a splash of Worcestershire sauce.

Lock the front door,turn off the lights,sit in a corner & eat everything in the store!

Liver & Peanut Butter sandwiches.

Raw herring and whipped cream.

Won't happen. If I have to use conventional sandwich items, I'm going to make a sale.

Haggis with kimchee on sliced fruitcake with durian chutney...

Ohh, I thought you meant conventional sandwich items. Raw chicken. No one wants salmanila.

Sushi with lemon curd.
Sweet and sour eggs with fresh cantaloupe slices.
Tofu with chocolate mushroom sauce.
Ham and hmm.. hard to go wrong with ham. guess I'll have to serve that with lychee nuts and kiwi.

Isn't that how they serve haggis?

rice, salad cream, apple.

Eggs,honey,chocolate and mayonnaise maybe.

Butter and sugar! Very tasty,everything you want,animal proteins and carbs,what's wrong with that? Here butter and sugar and butter and salt are traditional snacks.

Don't know how but this has some sort of weird appeal...

/shudders

olive loaf, oysters, and cottage cheese on moldy bread. Yum!

Or maybe creamed brussel sprouts poured over Spam. I once saw a can in the grocery store that said on the label, "Potted meat product". Sounded scary!

Why is the goal to sell nothing? The shop won't last long in that case.
For the nice little liberals here, just a small economic lesson...you have to make a profit to keep a business going. You have to pay the expenses of owning the shop, like taxes (HUGE bite), employee salaries, monthly bills, etc. Nothing to do with greed.

Hmm. Anchovies, headcheese, chicken gizzards, gum, rice pudding. That's bound to not sell.

Sounds like that kids parents were pretty crappy. Was he/she being neglected?

The only other time I ever heard of "potted meat" was in the movie "Sling Blade" with Billy Bob Thornton. Great flick by the way. Good, interesting story. You can't even tell it's Billy Bob, really. He wrote and directed it, too.

OK -- feces and crushed glass if you must.

Except that all those things you mentioned are the costs of running a business and don't count as profit. Profit is what's left after you've paid all the bills, taxes, wages, benefits, and associated operating costs. Non-profit organizations pay rent, pay their employees, pay their bills, etc. For-profit organizations may pay what's left to their shareholders, if they have them, or put it in the bank to pay for things later.
Just a note from your friendly neighborhood liberal.

probably plain ice cream with a full bottle of very very very hot sauce. Also, how about garlic flavored bubble gun. I could probably think of more things. Also, to ensure that I'd make no sales, I'd give away free samples first, that way someone could taste my "sandwich" first and then decide not to buy from this store. That way, it technicly wount count as a sale.

A sandwich made of 5 year old bologna (NICE AND GREEN to add that needed color to the sandwich)for the filling, moldy bread (NICE & GREEN as well-green is my favorite color), topped with mayo that's been allowed to set out in the blazing sun for a week with the lid off the jar to attract insects for that extra flavor. Also I would add an ENTIRE jar of Chinese hot mustard to each and every sandwich! Instead of a toothpick I would stick the halves of this SPECIAL sandwich together with a nice big piece of ABC gum and have some nice sour milk to drink with the specialty of the house. YUM, anybody hungry yet? >

Butter contains almost no protein (it's animal fat), and refined sugar is a "bad" carb -- it spikes your blood sugar levels which then crash a short while later.

I didn't know her very well, I don't know what her home situation was like. It could have been her one daily treat, or it could have been a pattern of poor nutrition.

Make it look dark and dingy. Turn out the light and make the windows dusty.

But if you already have low blood sugar is different.It's true that if your blood sugar is average it can bring it down,but if it's very low it takes it up.They give you sugar and water if you have hypoglycemia.And I'm not talking about being on the verge of a coma,just simple I'm-about to-faint-hypoglycemia.It doesn't crash a while later.In normal circumstances maybe,I never noticed.Usually I don't go around eating handfuls of white sugar...I eat a lot of pasta,bread,potatoes and sweets (like cakes and cookies,not like creamy stuff...)...I eat what I feel like eating,but I know nothing about the right diet...I simply eat what I want.
Yes,I think you're right about proteins and animal fat.Again animal fat is USEFUL,is not dangerous if taken in the right quantities.Also there are vitamins in butter.See,I can't see what's so bad in butter and bread and sugar.If I eat butter,bread and sugar I feel like I'm satisfied,not like I'm still hungry...and also,this boy had to eat what his parents wanted to make him eat,but the truth is usually that if you want to eat something,you need that something.If you eat what you really feel you need,without thinking about fashion,doctors,what the rest of the world eats,what you THINK you need,then you're eating the right stuff.
For me bread and butter and sugar could sometimes be the right stuff.There aren't things like bad or good things to eat,it's all a matter of what I need or what you need,it's not the same for everyone...

I haven't seen it yet, but it definitely sounds good. I will have to rent it or try to catch it on TV sometime!

I disagree with your assertion that eating whatever one feels like leads to adequate nutrition, but I don't care to have a lengthy discussion about it.

It works for me.Not what your brain feels like eating,what your body feels like eating.The problem is that people don't listen to their body enough.Maybe it works only for me,maybe some people can't hear their body and need guidance.I can tell apart the times (very rare) when I eat something just because I want to,from the times I eat it because I *need* to,can't you?

I think it was deepak chopra saying that our bodies know the moment we have had just enough to eat. We ignore the impulse and keep eating to clean our plate or for entertainment. Supposedly his system can work better than calorie counting which, if a person was even off by a tablespoon of peanut butter per day, could add up to vast weight gains. I just eat whatever I want and have a really fit body. I eat a lot of eggs and the doctor tells me I have good rare cholesterol levels. Never take diet news on tv seriously; It changes weekly depending on who the sponsors are.
I can totally dig the crave system - need some green, need some orange. I also have theories that food types relate to mood, and even spiritual temperament. Compare eating age, brown foods, chocolate, coffee, dates, cigarettes, staying up till sunrise; to eating fresh sunshine, grapes, salads, waking at sunrise - the two palettes are seldom compatable.

Yeah,oriental diet plans are like that I guess.They are planned following your temperament.The only problem I have is that I don't eat enough and should take more weight,but the things I eat never create problems to me.They used to,when I followed rules or a pleasure that wasn't deeply rooted in me...entertainment is the way you called it I guess...I have this feeling that my dietetic patterns change with the moon and with my menstrual cycle,but I still have to investigate...it's a fairly new discovery for me,but my instinctive approach seems to work.

that irish blood shows. Are all your relatives fond of butter like mine are? I've steeped a gallon of dehydrated fruits in high spirits for a couple years now and am thinking to use it for a fruitcake.

Well, if you order the 6-Footlong Fruitcake Party sandwich, you get free dessert!
Sandwich Shack's very own "Sundae on Hump Day Split" - a tasty concoction that gives you piles of fresh camel meat, tucked in between two taco shells (heavily-soaked in milk and Castor oil) packed together with dark fudge cake icing and smothered in a mound of fluffy, whipped pig fat (light) and finally topped with sprinkles of oatmeal grain and bits of corn kernels!
The kids will surely be good - for hours in the back seat - after this treat!

hmmm, spam, spam, spam and ham!!

Hmm, if I wasn't vegetarian then the spam in pancakes would do just fine - sounds tasty even....

I hate to say it, but your whole menu borders on perverted for me.

Oh my god... please contact your doctor!

Mayonnaise and chocolate is worse...dark chocolate of course!

So I guess making a profit is a bad evil thing huh? We all profit from something though.

When did I say profit was a "bad evil thing"? I was just illustrating that non-profits have to do all those things you describe, too. I'm all for profit. I think profit is great. Paying shareholders or putting money in the bank is fine with me. I'd be mightily screwed if there was no such thing as profit in this country.

I'm not sure why you think liberals don't like profit. That's patently ridiculous. There may be some things that some liberals (and probably a few conservatives as well) think should not be for-profit organizations, because they are concerned that the service being provided will become secondary to the desire to increase profit margins, but that's about conflicts of interest, not about profit being bad per se.

You might get the prize for that Black Licorice and Trout (BLT) -- your choice of a liver and syrup sandwich or a peanut butter and sardine sandwich.

Oh! I didn't realize the prize was coming from the "Gutwich Cafe", next door! I love their menu! All right!
(Fun survey, by the way - right up my alley, as you can depict from the size of my "sandwich board", haha.)

The shop specialty would have to be sardine-applesauce sandwiches.

Glad u liked it. I agree that livening things up a bit would help. Things are a bit better now than a couple of weeks ago, i must say.

1. Tofu & Steak (ignored by both meat eaters and vegetarians alike)
2. Anchovies, sliced sprouts, mustard, marmite and lime pickle special.

Ham and bubblegum sandwich with whipcream on top.

Crapper Crackers - there, you can see your own fortune!

I'll have the grilled SPAM on salted pancakes please. Sounds yummy.

*turns back toward kitchen, splashes some beets juice from drinking glass*
"Hey, CHUCK! Gimme a 'Sham-Ham' on a 'Alkalin-a Aunt Jemim-a'! And no lip there, Chuck, the customers are bit cranky today!"

Chuck'll be pitchin' you that slab real soon - and thank you kindly for visitin' us here at the Sandwich Shack...

Hot diggety, I can hardly wait!

Oh, can I get a large O.K. Soda with that? Thanks!

Oh, we're plum outta Orka & Kiwi Sodas...sorry for that - you know how that stuff practically jumps off the shelf when we got it. CHUCK! Double-check the OK supply!
That...and that new-fangled dry rice n' tapioca drink we concocted not too long ago. You know, we no sooner n' get our first batch of that dang stuff mixed up with our special liquid-fat and lima beans recipe, and it's all 'bout drunk up in no more n' a few minutes.
(I think Chuck's been spikin' it with his dishwater again, shhhh.)

CHUCK! Where's that damn SPAM PANKWICH already?!

Even though I already answered...I came to check new comments and read "You have inherited a sandwich."

Hmm...sounded pretty funny...I just pictured this fat guy dying maybe of an heart attack and handing me his half eaten sandwich just before breathing his last!

ham and coffee, Boiled Spinach and mayonnaise, Bugs and cheese,

Ex-Lax, sushi, chocolate syrup, Pepto-Bismol, more Ex-Lax, mushrooms, shrimp, fois gras, caramel and roast duck.

If feces and crushed glass are not allowed then urine, vomit, and earwax are obvious sandwich ingredients that would inspire 0% sales.