"All the world's a stage" is a pretty cool one.

Idle boys are the devil's toys....

I am the mirror.

That was a waste of time, trying to think up some clever response.

"I'm desperately wringing the last drops out of the childhood washcloth that wipes up tears"

Ummm....I don't know if I have a favorite, but the 1st thing that comes to mind? "Life is like a box of chocolates". How sad is that?!?

I'm such a dork.

busier than a one-legged woman in an ass kicking contest

tastes like crap (um, how do you know? have you ever actually tasted crap?)

Um.....I can't think of one. I kind of need to be in the moment to think of things like that.

One guy in the military used to say, "I'm so hungry I could eat the butt-hole out of a bear!"
That's more a simile, I think, but oh well - it usually gets a laugh of disgust out of some.

I guess the guy in my example would answer your "crap" question with a "yes". Ewwwwwww!

Someone once asked a famous gay celebrity "So, er.. how long have you er.. licked the other side of the stamp".
Its not my favourite but it made me laugh. It was meant to though as it was a comedy chat show.

A simile - You're as thick as pig crap.

"Language is a vast and deep reservoir of metaphors" is a pretty good one!

'Bright as a bowling ball' and 'sharp as an eclipse'. No, wait...the other way around is funnier.

I don't know that I have a favourite. I'm sure that I use metaphors all the time. The only thing I can think of right now, and I suspect that it doesn't even qualify, is calling the key of A flat, "bead". Those are the four flats. I use that key quite a bit, but I don't actually use A flat major. I tend to use the mixolydian mode, so the tonic is E flat.

Apparently an interviewer asked Paul Lynde why he wasn't married. His response: "What? Do you live in a cave?"

Ah yes! The metaphors for stupidity. "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer." Those sort of metaphors seem to be quite popular.

Don't feel bad because that's the first one that came to mind for me as well! Great minds think alike!

I prefer mixed metaphors actually. "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't look it in the mouth" is one of my favourites. I usually slip them into conversations to see if the people that I'm with pick up on them. Sort of like sticking my neck out on a limb and running my kite up the flagpole to see if I get a bite.

Good! I really don't feel as bad now!
*blushes*

"I aint got it"

Fitzgerald May 2002

"the map is not the territory", which is not properly a metaphor but a negated simile, although the entire statement can be taken as a metaphor...

There is that poem... it's about an old men in the bad world that doens't accept him.... he is like the stone, and they are water... or soemthing like that...

I am sweating like a dog in a Chinese resterant.

Some football coach in my former high school kept saying that a lot.

In the south (Texas), we grew up on metaphors. Texans like to boast them for some reason.
"Tired like a hamster in a cat's wheel." "Scared as a porcupine givin' birth." "Full as a bull" used to be popular too. There were those 'metaphors' that didn't quite add up to anything, like they were a third-generation phrase that no longer made sense. My history teacher used to say, "Well that don't make a hill o' beans!" Some say "crap a brick", "I'll be a monkey's uncle", "mayor of turdsville"...
They are a complex people out there - where I grew up. "Yessiree-bobba-roonee! Sure as I'm sittin' here! Sure as a boomerang - you can count on that kite kissin' a tree!"

"Scared as a porcupine givin' birth." seems to add up. I've just spent about 25 hours rehearsing some 1699 theater piece. (I'm doing both Sir Henry, the drunken plunderous baron, and the chaste Angelica, his arranged fiancé which he has mistaken for a prostitute.) I'm incorporating a yoga magic element to the work to envelope the audience.
Boast as many metaphors as a roadkill has ants, eh? I was once surprised to hear somone from tennessee saying 'take a long walk off a short bridge' (apparently they don't have piers there.)

Well, hello there! I actually snuck some time in here this weekend. I think it's been a couple of weeks since I've been around. How you been?

Pretty dang decent, though fluctuating dramatically. Today I went swimming at the beach to rehearse my work more. We still need to do pool & beers, a visit to your place, or something. I've taken to closely guarding my time lately; not used to a worldly schedule.

I heard "I be a monkey's uncle before"

Genetics could make that a reality.

Yeah true, but I'd doubt that my brother would want a chimp for a kid.

wouldn't want to hear 'a chimp off the old block'. I can't blame him.

smooth as puppy crap