Age difference in love. Does it matter?

Ultimately, age doesn't matter, but when you're working on the low end of the scale, the addage my friends always used was "half your age plus seven".

Its not just the age difference, its also the age.

For instance, the difference between 14 and 18 is far grater than the difference between 35 and 40, even though its 4 years vs 5. As far as 23 and 18, I think that's boarderline. Are you asking if guys are into older women or are you asking does age difference make a difference.

It depends on many different things and is a far to complicated issue than just a flat number between ages.

23/2 = 11.5 + 7 = 18.5

Well, like I said, thats boarderline. I'd give it a benefit of the doubt.

I don't think it matters. My brother in law and his wife are 10 years apart- he being 24 and she being 34. They have two little boys and could not be better matched.
My father and his fiance' are also 10 years apart, my Father being her Sr.

I think it depends on the people involed.

Age doesn't matter at all if both people are mature enough to be in a relationship.

And as a sidenote, I think Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart make a great couple! I just love him...he's so smart.

it really depends on the people. Of course it matters! That doesn't mean that it's a necessary barrier.

I picked both doesn't and does.I'm not trying to confound the stats here.I think that a "it depends" option would suit me just fine.
Anyway when you are 23 and he is 18,certainly it doesn't,that's perfectly right.I'm 23 too and 18 is...my lower limit.Between 18 and 30,that's my range.I guess that shows that age does matter (I wouldn't date a 15 year old guy or a guy who is way older than me).But if you met your soulmate then age doesn't matter at all,excluding pedophilia of course.That means anyone over 13 and under 123 is okay.But in everyday life,I think that sticking to 18-30 (I can allow 31,32,33,,,) is the best thing to do.

Excluding pedophilia (not under 13) and necrophilia (not over 123)

IJt depends on the people.

In this case, it doesn't matter. When I was 22, I went out with a woman that was 33. We didn't have a problem with it, and neither did anyone else. IMHO, as long as everyone is of legal age, it really doesn't matter. I'd be more inclined to voice an objection if you were 15 and he was 20...

True love knows no age. My fiance is 13 years older than I am. That said, I'm sure that if I were the older one, people would look at us differently. But, as long as you love each other, who cares?!?! Let people look, let people stare. It will only make your bond stronger. But, in your case, the difference is only 5 years. People probably won't even notice that there's that much of an age difference.

Age does matter to a point. I mean, I think a 20 year old with a senior citizen is rediculous and disfunctional, but the ages you list are fine.

Age may matter, but it may not. It depends on the people involved.

age doesn't matter...but spelling is very important

I do not think age matters.

Age matters when you are young and matters less as you get older. Really, there is no true rule about how many years are enough of a difference to matter, because it depends on the emotional maturity of the people involved.

Which question is to be answered, the actual question or the one in the explination?

Age difference is totally a maturity thing.

Age tends to define us culturally. It pains me to say that now (even though I'm still a spring chicken at 27) I don't use the same words, or listen to the same music, or find myself interested in the same things as an 18yr old. And that matters to me. It depends what you base your relationship on. If part of your relationship is about sharing cultural experiences then you may find a large age difference is a barrier, although not an insurmountable one.
Either way, there is not a set number of years you can place on all relationships for what is or is not a valid age difference. Relationships as well as people are different. We're funny that way.

My opinion:
Learn to spell.
and 0-6 years

Wow. I wish I could remember what it's like to have two years be such a significant amount in time. *sigh*
Actually, there is only a difference of eighteen months in your ages... If you were a year and 1/2 younger, and he were a year and 1/2 older...

Besides, I'm sure I'm just repeating what many others have said in response to this question when I say: "It's spelled t-o-o"; "...and c-r-a-d-l-e." Wait - no, no. I meant: "Physical age doesn't matter, it what's in your heart and your mind and the very essence of you which counts and blah blah and read another chapter of 'Chicken Soup for the Soul'..."
Get over it. Do him, don't - fall in love with, don't. (That would be one of the harsher personalities in me speaking up at the moment.)

I've been in this scenario before, only I was the guy attracted to the very slightly older woman. If you do decide not to go out wiht him, give hima GOOD reason, becuase, ahving been the receiver twice now, the old "You're too young for me," even though the 2 girls I speak of had never had more than 4 years on me, is just fudging heartbreaking.

Would you have preferred them to lie? To invent a "good" reason? Or do you think that them saying you were too young *was* a lie? I was just wondering

Maybe you don't want to ROB the cradle, you just want to sleep in it for a little while.

For one, do whatever you want to do.

But beyond that, my useless psychological wisdom on the subject is that the most compatible couples have an age difference of 1-3 years with the male being older, and there is a SIGNIFICANT decline in the relationship prospects (how well they work out, how far they go, and how long they last) after that. The main reason is that in the human species the male needs to be dominant while giving the female SOME feeling of autonomy. If the male is too much older she is going to feel like she has to live up to his successes (a 23 y/o friend of mine who was dating a 40 y/o who had five Emmy's for camera-work had this problem), or possibly like he is inhibiting her dreams. Also, as he ages and she wakes up to reality she might start to realize that he's going to be an old man soon.

If the male is younger it is often the case that he won't be dominant enough, and the female will end up being the 'leader' in the relationship. I'll say this straight out- That almost never works. And when it does it is only because BOTH parties are pathological. Hey, if that's the case, so be it, but it is by definition highly (multiplicatively) unusual.

If the SIGNIFICANTLY younger male can dominate the relationship, there IS STILL a problem-- if he can dominate a mid-range attractive 26 year/old, eventaully he'll figure out that he can dominate a HIGHLY to EXTREMELY attractive 18/19 y/o (not to be a dick, but there are always buckets-full of more attractive (not-just-physically)people than ourselves walking around). He'll make the change. Up until there are kids, people are always in the market, and even afterwords sometimes. Then there is also the question of his motives with seeking out such an older girl. He might be trying to prove something, who knows, but chances are that raw attraction ("love") is not the major factor.

Give it a shot, morally I see no problem, but I'm not so sure it will work out. Additionally, from your description, it does sound like you are more or less in control of the situation. And the male ought to be. You ought to be up here asking 'This 18 y/o seduced me and now we are going out, do you think I'm being immoral for being in a relationship with him?'

If the girl were 16, that's the phrasing we'd hear... because he'd be driving.

The real issue is that you probably didn't dominate them-- or that they were uncomfortable being dominated by someone so young. I've only ever dated two girls that were younger than me, and the older girls have been 17 (for seven years, so it's kind of a different situation), 18, 19 (three different cases), and 26 (disturbing, even to me). I've prevented them from feeling uncomfortable, mostly by ACTING significantly older, by being in college, and by CONTROLLING the situations. Just because I was younger, doesn't mean I submitted to them.

Did you ever check out http://www.sosuave.com ? You really should. It works, I'm tellin' ya, as a changed man, it definately works.

And if you don't do that, at least do some research on The Tao of Steve.

No, a legitamite reason would be like, "my parents would hate and their opinion means a lot to me" which I wouldn't like but I would understand. And if they were 40 and I were 15 (why did I have to mius out on the 'tadpoling' fad of which there's a movie out there now about?) too young would be legitamite in that case. I'm saying if you really don't waqnna like me, find a REAL REASON. My date of birth should have little, if anything, to do with it.

How did this get through qualification with all the errors in the explanation?

Maybe I got it wrong,or maybe is just your opinion,but the things you said are a little offensive to me.The male ought to be in control of the situation? And the female? She just has to bend to her man will? See,it's obvious that in a male-female relationship the male has to be active and the female passive.It has to do with anatomy .But the female can be in control as well and I don't think this would made the relationship unhealthy.Looks like you are trying to suggest that....oh,I guess you used this word indeed....the male must dominate the female,since she is weak (you didn't say that,but that's what I get from your comment).As I said being passive doesn't mean being weak and being active doesn't mean being strong.

I'm not so sure that age isn't a legitimate reason - it's tied so strongly with maturity. I know lads who are "too young for me" even though they're *older* than lads who aren't too young for me. It's just the way that they are. Saying "too young" doesn't necessarily relate to your actual age.

Plus, there's a huge difference between a 24 year old girl and a 20 year old guy. My older brother's the same age as you - he's very mature, but there's *no way* that any 24 year old girl with a reasonable amount of self-confidence would ever consider him. On the other hand, I think he'd do just fine with a girl 2-3 years younger than him. I know you can't choose who you fall for but maybe you should try and get to know some girls who are younger than you or at least your own age? That way, they *can't* say you're too young!

I really hope you click with someone (mutually) sometime soon Brian, you deserve it

I know girls younger tha my age. They're all a bunch of classless idiots who think Pink Floyd is a guy's name, and that the Eurythmics ripped off Marilyn Manson. I hate them. I hate them very, very deeply.

You hate all girls younger than you, or just the ones that you know? Why not try and meet new ones at Pink Floyd conventions or something?

What do you mean by "they're classless"? From where I'm standing (in a class-ridden society), being classless sounds pretty good!

I guess he means they are not classy,that they haven't "style"...uhm,maybe.

I appreciate your reply, I'm happy to think some more about the subject with you.

Do you think a girl must be 'weak' in order to play the passive role in a relationship? I personally don't believe that I am weaker than any of my supervisors at work (in fact, I generally believe I'm stronger than nearly all of them), but I play the passive role in my relationship with them. I allow them to guide. They don't ENTIRELY dominate me, and if they did I'd quit. It certainly isn't 100%-0%, but it is more like 70%-30%... and anything else would be somewhat... neurotic... after all, they are the supervisors.

I'd say that girls CAN control a relationship, and many claim that they would like to, but when they find themselves controlling a relaitonship, they also find something else-- that they aren't continuing to perceive their partner as particularly attractive anymore. Do you believe that most women find weak, wishy-washy men as attractive, or do you believe they like a man who takes control?

Are the idols of male attractiveness in our society, strong, manly, decisive, leaders, or are they submissive?

There are plenty of strong women, and weak men. Perhaps women, en general, are stronger than men. This has nothing to do with what I am saying, however, which is that the ideal sexual relationship is one in which the man is *somewhat*, but not too, dominant. The exact nature/extent of dominance would depend on the people involved, but in the 'normal' case we would see male dominance.

It is rare and only by cross-cancelling dysfunction (psychological jimmy-rigging, if you will), that there can be a sexual relationship with female dominance over the male that is working out particularly well.

I'm not trying to be judgemental or make moral statements about the way things out to be, merely observing how I perceive, the way things are.

To answer your question... there is no reason for a woman to bend to a man's will. This is really different than social dominance in my opinion. A street magician, for instance, is dominant in the social situation that he is in, but he certainly isn't making people's major life decisions for them (and he's not necessarily any stronger than them either, he just happens to be guiding the affair). By the same sense, a man can consistently dominate *social* interactions without trying to control even the most minor aspects of a woman's life. His leadership is not in the sense that he is saying 'Wash the dishes, *****', but in the sense that he is taking her hand, walking a step in front of her, and breaking a crowd so that they can pass through. It is in the sense that he drives the car more often than not. And that he is handling introductions at parties, and that he is communicating with the host at a restaurant, and that he is suggesting ideas for dates (he ALWAYS 'Has a few ideas' and 'knows a few nice places').

Of course, he is taking her suggestions as well, and listening to her, and making her feel good about herself. He certainly doesn't try to end an argument by saying (or saying without saying) 'I'm the man, so we are doing it MY way'. He doesn't tell her what to do, ever, unless she specifically asks or it is clear that she is waiting for a suggestion, and even then it is a suggestion, not an instruction. He doesn't criticise her as though he is an authority on life. He does none of these. But he does guide.

I don't think that a ideal sexual relationship exists.I guess that's because I'm not perfectly "healthy" myself.Nothing annoys me more than a "strong" guy that tries to "protect" me.I do like male aggression,but I like feminine men.Men that are very much in touch with their female part.I guess that's a bit fudgeed up,but hell it could be worse.I want to be in control,if I'm not I freak out.My reaction to your comment was motivated by my own feelings.I think there are plenty of women in my situation,and that is not harmful at all.It has nothing to do with having issues with your own sexual identity or orientation (or maybe it does but I'm so repressed I didn't notice ).I guess that women want both a father and a son,I tend more towards the "son" part of the spectrum.Obviously if you go to either extreme you end in a very unhealthy situation.But,aside from these extremes,everything else is just fine.

I had a boyfriend that looked a lot as the "ideal" man you wrote about .I couldn't stand him.He listened to me a lot,was always kind...and was full of ideas,always had something he would like to "teach me",talked about how he would fight if someone attacked me,asked me politely not to drink (I didn't drink much)because it was no good for a girl.He was 23,I was 15.He treated me like a little girl,like he was teaching sex lessons,was always afraid of "scaring" me...I always been very mature,I still think I was much more adult than him,so it was frustrating.I broke up with him because he bored me to hell too.
As I said I don't go to the other extreme either.I like men to open a door for me,if someone ACTUALLY attacked me I would like my man to fight for me,I like men being aggressive and manly.But I also like men crying and not being ashamed of that,I like men that ask me for help,I like men that surely aren't machos.

I suppose I could turn around the old Mae West saying here by saying 'it isn't what a boy does, but how he does it.'

If men who try to protect you annoy you, maybe you've only known men who do it in a certain fashion... and that fashion isn't agreeable to you. I've never known a girl who didn't like being treated like a lady, but I have known plenty that didn't appreciate it when someone who wasn't emotionally in-tune with her tried to.

Are you in an long term relationship now?

You say you like being in control, but can you imagine a man who might put you at ease and allow you to move past that? Maybe you're yet to meet someone so... charismatic, so... charming, so... confident, so... calm, that you felt comfortable with him being in control?

Or who knows, maybe you have. If so, I'd like to hear about it.

I don't like being led either, but there are these cases where I can, and have, put complete trust in someone... like with my Voice teacher, she's wonderful. Just perfect, I trust her so fully.

I don't think anyone wants to be led by someone who isn't a competent leader.

Sounds like your 23 y/o boyfriend was insecure, and like he idolized you. He forgot that you were just another girl. I don't suggest a boy do that, either. He became unattractive, so you broke it off, and he cried for 40 days and 40 nights, right? He was afraid to TAKE RISKS, and he was TOO PREDICTABLE, and he treated you like a breakable glass flower, right? And not even a cherry blossom (they look nice but there are millions of them in the orchard), but more like a perfect-red-rose (hard to find and valuable)?

I agree that there is a large range across which a relationship can still work, and also that there is no single 'ideal' for everyone, but I would tend to predict that certain relationship situations would tend to work out certain ways, most of the time. And one would work out best, most of the time.

Sounds like you've had a lot of trouble finding an attractive guy to go out with.

What's your home number?... maybe I can help.

Maybe.Yes I have a lot of trouble,but I don't think you can help.I have very high standards I suppose .Nothing wrong with that.Being idealized is okay for me if the idea is similar to what I am indeed.But her really didn't know me at all and didn't want to learn.Being treated like a lady I see that like being in control.Being protected (really,not just bragging about it)and all means that I'm leading.I guess that women allow their men to lead them,and they think that they are in charge,but they only are until the women let them.
I had another guy that was so shy and un-leading that really treated me like something precious and untouchable.I kept waiting for him to do the first move,and he didn't.Now,that was an exaggeration too.Wait,I had some others and it worked just fine for a while,so my love life isn't (wasn't) a complete disaster.
I don't think he cried at all.He was so sound and reasonable and I guess he already had 3 or 4 other girls ready for him.When we didn't see each other for awhile he never said "I missed you".Never.

My 1st husband was younger than me & my 2nd husband is younger than me. In fact all the guys that I ever dated where younger than me..... cept one,he was 5 years older. I guess that's what I attract......................younger men.

Well, I'm not a big Pink Floyd fan, but I don't ignore the impact they had on the world of music just because their style doesn't really speak to me the way it speaks to my father. Regardless of that, I obviuously know more about them than this stupid chick who wore a shirt with the band's name on it. Now that is just fudging pathetisad.

Hmm. Okay, so sometimes it is hard to fit a real world situation into a'cohort' or prototype or whatever. Not that I don't like trying... it is useful. I suppose this story is still playing out, we'll have to update in ten years or so and find out how it's gone...

'Will the finicky Dora find an attractive male?
Will her desire to be in control prevent a relationship?
Will the evil martian life-forms end up conquering all of planet earth, and choosing dora as their queen?
All this, and more, in another ten or fifteen years.'

There is such a variety of girls out there Brian! There's bound to be plenty of Brian-admirers, just waiting to meet you Just being a decent guy is all that you need to be, and I don't see anything here that suggests that you aren't a decent guy. Unfortunately, girls don't always want the decent guy when they're young - some of my friends have been out with really awful lads and men. But sooner or later, girls your age will start wanting a "Brian" and the wait will be well worth it

You could have them dropping at your feet yet!

I'm 21 and my SO is 28. My parents are 11 years apart. There is comfort in knowing that the older partner can relate to where the younger partner is because they've been there. There's humor in pop culture and trends that differ from the age gap. But there's never a problem with age difference in love if you don't focus on the fact that there is a difference at all.

It really depends how mature the people involved are.

I tried to fix those 2 spelling errors and everything, but it wouldn't update :( Sorry I am not a perfect speller/typer.

Anyways, I do thank you guys alot for your opinions :) I am meeting him in Australia in September (I am in Canada btw) So who knows what will happen...

Age doesn't matter, for the most part. It depends on the people, the level of maturity, and the ages.

Age doesn't matter. I'm not ageist when it comes to relationships. All are welcome to ride.

small print This ride operates a sex discrimination policy but women are welcome to play with the nipples and kiss the ride operator

As long as it's legal than it doesn't matter. We don't need perverted 30 year olds dating 16 year olds!

That's legal.....

Not in 49 of the 50 states it's not!

I don't care!!!

You're kidding me? It's illegal for a 16 year old and a 30 year old to *date*???! What happened to civil rights?

Civil rights? For a perv to date a kid? THAT'S civil rights? Dr. King is spinin in' in his grave right now, I do declare, at such shocking use of the phrase! *spoken in my best southern accent* We have a term for anyone over the age of 19 who bangs anyone under the age of 18. Statutory Rape.

Who said anything about sex? Dating isn't just about sex.

Besides, isn't sex legal at 16 in most US states? A person is judged to be capable of choosing to have sex (and thus children), to be responsible - but not responsible enough to choose their partner? The civil rights aspect comes in when you consider how hypocritical that is.

I disagree. These are teenagers we are talking about. For all their braggadoccio(sp?) they're still retarded little flesh happy boff monkeys, that are an easy target for sick adults with delusions of importance and serious self-esteem issues (Hello, when have you ever a 20 year old guy with a 50 year old trophy wife? NEVER! It's always the other way around). Ever hear of Mary Kay Leutuerno(sp?)?

I was talking about the law. If the law gives you certain rights, then they are your rights.

Yeah, and in the States it is against the law to sleep with a legal minor, unlkess of course you are a legal minor yourself. If both of you are under 18, then go fudging nuts, just use protection so we don't wind up wondering exactly what this Soylent Green stuff is.

That's weird. You can have sex, but only with people your age......Bizarre.

Well, it's not as Junta-like as you make it seem. Legally in these states a 19 year old of either sex can give head to a 118 year old of any sex if they were so inclined. Actually and 18 year old could too, since that is the age of consent. But a 17 year old gets into a Santino Coreleone door banging froth with that same 118 year old, 118 is going to jail.

So, it's like having 2 seperate age of consents?

Um, I don't see it that way. Two consenting people above age 18 (general in the U.S.) or 17 (in a couple of states, most of them in the South) can engage in sexual congress, as can two consenting people. Just don't mix the two. Like Oil and Water, or Nitro and Glycerin.

It still seems odd to me. Here, when you're 16, you can have sex with anyone except under-16s.

So, the age of consent where you are is 16 then? If that's the case, then it's not different from here at all, cept for the numbers.

It doesn't matter, although the older partner may not be interested in or able to do the things the younger partner wants.

As long as both persons are legal ages, it doens't really matter. Like when I turn eighteen, in year and a half, Sean Connery will be over seventy. But I stilll wouldn't mind at all if he asked me out (like he would do so, right).

I think I'm in love with my history teacher, he's 12 years older than me. My friends say that i should go for it after I've left school. I now he's married, and I won't go for it, because it's illegal in the UK (where I live!). If both people are SURE it's love, then they should definatly go for it. I think that I am attracted to my teacher partly because of the thrill i get. There is just an adrenaline rush everytime he looks at me. I think that if a student and a teacher are in love, they should wait until the student has left the school. I can't describe how I feel when this teacher talks to me, or looks at me. Suddenly everything seems perfect, and my heart suddenly soars. But then it drops down to earth with a thump again. He is more developed then me in many ways. So, what i'm saying is, we can't say that dating teachers is wrong, because we all have different situations. You can't make a generalisation about Love. Yes, Love with a capital "L" I believe that Love is a very important thing.
Without Love we are nothing. So, surely a little number doesn't matter?

But what if it does matter? If all that I have just said is wrong, what will I do? I've already confessed to my teacher. He says that it's illegal until I leave. I can't wait until I leave, but I know nothing will ever happen, because sometimes age does matter.

As I said before you can't make a generalisations about love.
Every situation is different.

It matters if one of the people is underage, otherwise, it doesn't.