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alnsophie
#1 posted February 5, 2012 at 2:30pm (EDT)
edited February 27, 2012 at 5:20pm (EDT)  
dsadda
gambler
#2 posted February 5, 2012 at 3:33pm (EDT)  
The younger you are the greater the issue is regards age difference, e,g a 6yr age gap when one of is 40 is a non-issue................ if your happy *shrugs*, as much as I do not want to sound materialistic money/income is a real consideration, as blunt as it sounds (I am a diehard romantic BTW), you cannot take love to the bank.
FauxLo Survey Central Gold Subscriber
#3 posted February 5, 2012 at 5:27pm (EDT)  
I don't think he even knows who he is yet. He probably won't for another ten years, at least. I think as long as you don't try to make it a super serious relationship that it should be okay.
llamamama
#4 posted February 5, 2012 at 5:40pm (EDT)  
I don't even need to read your post. It's illegal..unless you're just hanging out. But if you're calling yourself a couple..then you're probably doing couple-ish things..right? In which case, find someone who has a driver's license and forget about him.

Also..Flo, 22 year olds don't really know who they are..Just saayin'. Maybe she does because she had a kid..But most people my age are still figuring it out.


These kinds of posts are becoming more prevalent than the hairnet perverts.
Liss Bronze Star Survey Creator
#5 posted February 5, 2012 at 7:49pm (EDT)  
I'd argue that a lot of twenty-two year olds know who they are; or, at least, no less than thirty-two year olds or forty-two year olds.
llamamama
#6 posted February 5, 2012 at 7:53pm (EDT)  
I'm not saying none do. But plenty don't.
I'm certainly not clueless about who I am..I know a large part of who I am. It's being able to really define it.
Lysannus Bronze Star Survey Creator Survey Qualifier
#7 posted February 6, 2012 at 5:19am (EDT)  
Apart from the illegal part (sex with a minor), I really don't have a problem with it.
I would say go slow and not jump headlong into a relationship that may be fleeting.
I personally would wait out the year and a half before making any type of commitment.
Hell, at 16 I was still discovering who I was and didn't really settle down until my early 20's,
but I know others are different and maybe there are some who have matured (but I feel that would be a very small minority)
cloudhugger
#8 posted February 6, 2012 at 7:16am (EDT)
edited February 6, 2012 at 7:29am (EDT)  
How do I feel about it? It sounds fudgeed up. Of course I am old so I know better. It's about maturity levels, not age difference so you two sound compatible, HOWEVER if for some reason you are reported to the authorities you will go to jail for a long time and NEVER see your daughter again and she will have to live with that for the rest of her life and the only time she hears from you is when you send money for her THERAPY because you have NO SENSE.
could you possibly be any selfisher or stupider???
You have a daughter that depends on you. That makes you a grown-up with a number one proprity, not some boy that you like. (That is what 16 year olds do, that day dream about cute boys by the way)
Boo hoo hoo, no one understands...  * frown *
wait a minute......you drive 4 hours to see him and his mother thinks it's alright!? Ohhhhh that is fudgeed up. She will be sitting in a jail cell with you and maybe you two will will be mates, no?

It seems whenever a woman has a relationship with an underage boy and ends up on all the news channels and ends up in jail it doesn't seem to set a good enough example of why this is A BAD IDEA. Perhaps the punishment needs to be harsher??

Here is my humane suggestion. Stop driving out of your way to see him. Stop long dreamy conversations with him . Play the responsible mom, be a mother, take care of yourself. I'm not saying to cut off all communication with him, keep it light and when he is 19 or 20 and has a good idea of what he will do with his life, that is the time to let him sweep you off your feet.
dab Survey Qualifier
#9 posted February 6, 2012 at 8:29am (EDT)  
For all the people saying sex would be illegal, the age of consent in a lot of places is 16. So she might want to check the laws where she is but that may or may not be an issue. -- your friendly picker of nits (just metaphorical nits, not literal ones)
gambler
#10 posted February 6, 2012 at 9:00am (EDT)  
dab wrote:
> For all the people saying sex would be illegal,
> the age of consent in a lot of places is 16.
> So she might want to check the laws where she
> is but that may or may not be an issue. -- your
> friendly picker of nits (just metaphorical nits,
> not literal ones)

Yea, I wasn't understanding the illegality either, in the UK and here it is 16 for age of consent
dab Survey Qualifier
#11 posted February 6, 2012 at 9:48am (EDT)  
In the US it varies by state. Some are 16, some 17, and some 18; Wikipedia has a list. Apparently no state is 13 anymore. Maybe that was just an urban myth.
cloudhugger
#12 posted February 6, 2012 at 12:05pm (EDT)  
It's freaky illegal where I am. Suppose it isn't where they are, but relocate to a place where it is legal. And I bet relocating often would happen. Unless his mom took them in, I couldn't imagine how a 16 year old boy could suport the family, but then again he could stay home and be house daddy. (he would have it made, if I were him I'd jump on it) Just pray he has some fudging clue at what real responsibility is, he might, and then he might not. It is rare at 16 to have any idea at what it takes to be a grown up and make grown up decisions. So SINCE THERE IS A CHILD INVOLVED he would have to possess a plan, a goal, unless of course...all she wants is a boy toy...

In all honesty, if true love that runs this deep - none of this would matter, so there would be no need for a discussion. But because the question anonymously shows up on some random forum saying "hey you guys..." I'd say it doesn't. It's the sound of a little girl who is confused and hasn't grown up quite yet. So yes, go for it, be his boyfriendGO MOVE IN WITH HIM AND HIS MOM!!! Let his mom finish raising all of you!
cloudhugger
#13 posted February 6, 2012 at 12:07pm (EDT)  
And gee, don't worry about all this 'negative stuff' you keep hearing, it's your life AND YOUR CHILD'S so do what you feel is right.
Irene007 Survey Central Gold Subscriber Bronze Star Survey Creator
#14 posted February 6, 2012 at 1:37pm (EDT)  
Mine is 12 years younger than me...
alnsophie
#15 posted February 6, 2012 at 1:38pm (EDT)  
cloudhugger wrote:
> It's freaky illegal where I am. Suppose it isn't where they are, but
> relocate to a place where it is legal. And I bet relocating often
> would happen. Unless his mom took them in, I couldn't imagine how
> a 16 year old boy could suport the family, but then again he could
> stay home and be house daddy. (he would have it made, if I were him
> I'd jump on it) Just pray he has some fudging clue at what real responsibility
> is, he might, and then he might not. It is rare at 16 to have any
> idea at what it takes to be a grown up and make grown up decisions.
> So SINCE THERE IS A CHILD INVOLVED he would have to possess a plan,
> a goal, unless of course...all she wants is a boy toy...
>
> In all honesty, if true love that runs this deep - none of this would
> matter, so there would be no need for a discussion. But because the
> question anonymously shows up on some random forum saying "hey you
> guys..." I'd say it doesn't. It's the sound of a little girl who is
> confused and hasn't grown up quite yet. So yes, go for it, be his
> boyfriendGO MOVE IN WITH HIM AND HIS MOM!!! Let his mom finish raising
> all of you!

Your opinion doesn't seem very helpful just sounds a bit arrogant.... I'm not asking for him to support me or my daughter...I have my financial situation under control and I already own my own house...I don't need him to take care of me nor would I never let him do that anytime soon.
llamamama
#16 posted February 6, 2012 at 1:39pm (EDT)  
So...is it legal in your state?
alnsophie
#17 posted February 6, 2012 at 1:44pm (EDT)
edited February 6, 2012 at 1:49pm (EDT)  
llamamama wrote:
> So...is it legal in your state?

Yes it is. but I wasn't too much worried about the sex part much...that, I can wait for... I do have respect for his mom. This was just something I wanted to know what others felt on the situation.
llamamama
#18 posted February 6, 2012 at 2:00pm (EDT)  
Yeah, I was just curious.

Good luck to you.
Lysannus Bronze Star Survey Creator Survey Qualifier
#19 posted February 7, 2012 at 4:49am (EDT)  
Irene007 wrote:
> Mine is 12 years younger than me...

Yeah but to us old farts 12 years is not all that much, feels just like yesterday (or year).  * smile *
llamamama
#20 posted February 7, 2012 at 1:55pm (EDT)  
If mine was 12 years younger than me..they'd be 9.  * winking raspberry *
Irene007 Survey Central Gold Subscriber Bronze Star Survey Creator
#21 posted February 7, 2012 at 8:48pm (EDT)  
Lysannus wrote:
> Irene007 wrote:
>> Mine is 12 years younger than me...
>
> Yeah but to us old farts 12 years is not all that much, feels just
> like yesterday (or year).  * smile *

Yep pretty much but I can't say that he's really mature, even at his age. My 27 yr old son is more so and responsible than he is or will ever be. I think he's rather dysfunctional but since I don't depend on him financially or for anything beyond affection, sex, companionship and fun; he suits me fine!
cloudhugger
#22 posted February 8, 2012 at 9:41am (EDT)  
alnsophie wrote:
> cloudhugger wrote:
>> It's freaky illegal where I am. Suppose
> it isn't where they are, but
>> relocate to a place where it is legal.
> And I bet relocating often
>> would happen. Unless his mom took them
> in, I couldn't imagine how
>> a 16 year old boy could suport the family,
> but then again he could
>> stay home and be house daddy. (he would
> have it made, if I were him
>> I'd jump on it) Just pray he has some
> fudging clue at what real responsibility
>> is, he might, and then he might not. It
> is rare at 16 to have any
>> idea at what it takes to be a grown up
> and make grown up decisions.
>> So SINCE THERE IS A CHILD INVOLVED he
> would have to possess a plan,
>> a goal, unless of course...all she wants
> is a boy toy...
>>
>> In all honesty, if true love that runs
> this deep - none of this would
>> matter, so there would be no need for
> a discussion. But because the
>> question anonymously shows up on some
> random forum saying "hey you
>> guys..." I'd say it doesn't. It's the
> sound of a little girl who is
>> confused and hasn't grown up quite yet.
> So yes, go for it, be his
>> boyfriendGO MOVE IN WITH HIM AND HIS MOM!!!
> Let his mom finish raising
>> all of you!
>
> Your opinion doesn't seem very helpful just
> sounds a bit arrogant.... I'm not asking
> for him to support me or my daughter...I
> have my financial situation under control
> and I already own my own house...I don't
> need him to take care of me nor would I never
> let him do that anytime soon.

I'm not arrogant, I'm just old enough to know better. (and snarky)
You sound a lot more mature in this post than you did in the first post.

My unarrogant at best oppinion: He's a kid, you are an adult. He's 16 for crying out loud, does he have any idea of what real responsibility is? It still doesn't make sense to me why his mom would think this is ok? Is this a new trend I am unaware of? Any mom with a 16 year old boy I know would go ape-crap crazy if a woman with a child was hanging around her boy let alone driving that far to see him and would either have the police there, or best case scenario have a chat with her and tell her to leave her child alone. This is from 50+ years of experience seeing this going on. most moms protect their children.

My question at this point is still...why are you asking strangers if deep down you thought this was a relationship that could work? You obviously are not sure. It isn't that you need an opinion of which pink shirt to wear with which green shoes, this is a very important life decision with a rediculous scenario. If his mom and YOUR CHILD and this boy think that this is a wonderful thing, but other people think it isn't, than why are you asking more 'other people'?
autumnlight
#23 posted February 9, 2012 at 6:43pm (EDT)  
I dated an 18 year old when I was 24 and I got LOADS of stick from my friends about it, so I'm not one to judge. I ignored them and did what I wanted and it was a good relationship that lasted about a year.

In hindsight, I'd just got out of a serious 3 and a half year relationship so I think subconsciously I wanted to date someone where I knew there was little chance of it going anywhere - do you think you might have the same motivations, having just got out of a marriage?