Tell me why I should come work for you and describe what you would have me do.

what am I gonna do with my dirty clothes until you get here?

Well, what you have been doing...wearing them!

lol Aw. heck, I'll do it for nothin'. I did get your hopes up about that chauffeur job and all.

and some people content themselves with saran wrap.

don't knock it until you try it

Back off bubble man!! No one pops my curtains,'cept me!!
However for a small fee I might let you pop the carpet....

OK, I will!

This raises the question: What else will you do for free?
(hoping, praying)

(stopped in his tracks) Saran wrap? Are we talking household utility or fashion here?

Ahhh...okay(?)...when I get there I'll try on your dirty underwear. This could turn out to be a great job!

I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Was that "you pop the carpet" or "pop you on the carpet"?

LOL
Oops...I thought you had said, "What have you been doing...NOT wearing them?"

Fashionable play for decades. I suppose the desperate could use Saran wrap for more limited utilitarian purposes, or employ bubble wrap for a textured experience.

Hmmm...VEG

LOL Too late! I look forward to exchanging undergarments with you.

Hmmm...let's just say probably not what you had in mind!

but I won't be wearing any.

lol lol Moving too fast for the kid huh??? No I don't do the carpet thing.Rug burns are a thing of the past for me...

VEG? and I was going to comment about you not making it through the curtains.

(sigh) I am too elated to even comment. I am busy recalling your most publicly embarrassing moment from the other survey...

VEG = Very evil grin

Tsk, tsk, tsk. Nostalgia is always in. >

lol
Tell me about it. I still haven't been able to live that one down.

Ahh. I was wondering if one of us was being accused of vegging, or if you were referring to more utilitarian purposes of saran wrap like wrapping cucumbers or bananas.

Ain't it tho?? **as she closes her eyes & reminisces**

(smiling warmly)
Nor do I intend to let you.
(smiling evilly)

lol

Hey, hey, hey! Easy now, the cyber carpet is beginning to smolder just from your reminiscing.

lol

lol lol lol Oops! Wrong smoke signal!!

Heap big trouble.

lol lol lol I'm glad your at this site!! You continue to make MANY a day for me smiling & laughing!! I really,really like you Brian.Your one of a kind that's for sure. Sometimes your sense of humor is a bit warped but I like that!!That's what makes you so cool & what makes you stand out here at SC. I'd like to meet you someday. You funny monkey you!!Your Hawaiian friend Cleo...Aloha!

I suppose you'll be dragging him off to the next festival. If he doesn't drag you off to Mardi Gras first.

Girl friend!!!You know are more than welcome to come along! Infact that would be way cool. That is,if you do intend,on doing the two days.Wel I'm already planning on saving up for the next Ho'olaule'a. I'm hoping my oldest daughter will be here by that time.Now Krystal,just calm down & take a deep breath dear.Your still my girl...

You don't miss a beat.

As do you sweetie!!!! You know I love ya!! Aloha Cleo

I finally got a couple aloha photos posted on my site. Haven't decided what surveys to post them in yet.

Take your time,there's no rush.
Well,now I'm just gonna have to visit your site huh?

You could always post them in the forum.

Forum..hmmm.. I'll have to revisit that.

I tend to forget about the forum, but that's the sort of thing it's there for, I guess.

I was thinking the 'picture survey' or a 'if I came to your town' survey.

Gee, so much work. You can't read a forum at once. Things get lost in there I'm sure.

Thank you. (truly embarrassed)

Look, I like to be silly and tease and flirt. That's a large part of me. But, I can also be a sometimes stubborn, hardheaded arrogant person whose sarcasm can be really really biting. So, please don't go thinkin' I'm something I am not. I'm very human with all the frailties.

Anyway, I would love one day to know Hawaii. And too, Ms. Cleo "dabprovin", no-so-secretly hope it is you who might give me my first Hawaiian lei.

Ahh...perhaps I should rephrase that. (blushing deeply)

You sarcastic??? Never!! Stubborn,arrogant& hardheaded,not you Brian..
I find you very witty & mentally stimulating!! What might I think you not be??? Not trying to build your ego or anything,just stating fact,you really are a funny & intelligent guy,with a fantastic imagination.Why aren't you writing books or something therefore like?? You have great writing abilities!!You could possibly be making tons of money if you were writing childrens books.Have you ever thought about doing that?
But,if on day,you do go to Hawaii,you might want to refrain from all lei jokes,as the locals there have heard it,one too many time already.

I haven't heard many "lei" jokes. Might you give me some samples, other than the intuitively obvious.

I do write, or try to, but never seem to find the time to finalize anything anymore. I have two books in the works:
"Food that will hurt you" (copyrighted) containing humorous tales and recipes of spicy food from around the world.
"As yet untitled" about the realities of living, working and surviving abroad (that is out of the USA). Half humorous/half serious.

I used to write standup material and actually sold some in 1993 and 1994 for a grand total $ 450 between the two years. I have framed on my den wall a copy of the first check.

(flipping hair over his shoulder) 'Cause I am a show off! And can say: "I am a professional humorist", albeit a very poor one.

Nope only the obvious! Sorry!
Hump,FOOD does not hurt you!!!I love food!Food is good for me,I mean you..
Where are said books??? I would so like to purchase them,as I know that they must be quiet well written.Why?? Because I know the author.You really are a good writer!! But,I guess I don't have to tell you that do I?? You already know that!

Only $450?? Surly you must have know that it was going to be a hit.Right??
Geeze Brian,with the kind of witty humor you have,you should've been a stand up comedian yourself.Maybe it's not too late for you to do that.Ever think about that Brian??

True, the forum is time-consuming to navigate. I'm sure everyone would enjoy seeing the photos in a survey. I would just suggest not posting too many in one survey because the pages take so long to load if they have lots of photos.

About my books, they are in the process of "becoming". I did send a draft of "Food that will hurt you" off to a publisher, and so doing "marked my spot" (copyrighted) the title. It was rejected, because it was too thin (not enough content) and my jokes need punching up. So, there it sits in my "to do" box in my den.

That last time I worked on either was while in Mexico before our January 2001 move to Brazil.

As for stand-up. I did/do it as a hobby. I used to perform at a small club in north Houston, Texas on open mike night, with only moderate success. I write much better than I deliver the jokes.

Anyway, the fact that I can write caught the attention of a real humorist Paul Seaburn, who has written for various comedians including Phyllis Diller and Johnny Carson. He introduced me to some "up and comings" whose material I would rework to improve it. (Well, at least I like to think so!)

It pays only $5.00 per joke. And these guys only buy about every 100th joke. So, it was lot of work for very little return.

My first sale was to a comic whose 45 minute routine I watched on video about a dozen times over a month, wrote over 90 new jokes, tags or improvements and he bought ten. A whopping $50 for around 60 hours work.

It's not too late for me, it's just I have a family to feed which requires a little more than earning $ 0.83 per hour.

I run into those situations in everything from contract software writing to drawing Simpsons comic panels. They sound like lucrative fame but turn out to pay less then flipping burgers. I think you have me beat at $ 0.83 per hour though; I've yet to see how selling viewmasters on e-bay goes.

Ohhhhhhhhh,how sad!! Here I thought that,being a stand up comic was a lucrative business.How ignorant of me.I think that you still could make an excellent stand up comic.Give it another shot....Make your joke book thicker,& try to sell it again.You can do it Brian.Your good!

There's a lotta good comics out there. I am not one of them. I am potentially a Neal Simon type. I can write a story and keep people's interest. (yawn) Ahhh...or so I have been told by Paul. His support keeps me pluggin' away.

First I gotta complete somethin'. There in lies my problem.

Hey,I like Neal Simon's work!! The guy is the BOMB!!! Yep,I can see you doing something like what Neal does.I have much respect for the guy,he's really,really good.I can't for the life of me name one of his movies tho.Help me out here.All I remember was,all his work was very funny stuff. I like it when people can make me laugh.

When renting movies I prefer comedy,David loves action packed movies.I don't know go figure.I'd rather laugh any day.

Mine too. A trail of 5-95% completed projects.

The 'good-bye girl' and 'my dinner with andré' (I think).

"Same time next year", "Sunshine Boys", "Hollywood Suite"(not sure if that was the exact name)", "The Good-by Girl" and others I can't remember off the top of my head.

My Dinner with André? Neal Simon? I didn't know that!
I love that flick. I love Wallace Shawn.
Ya know not many people have seen that one. It was kind of a sleeper. I thoroughly enjoyed it and would love to see it again, but I have never seen it in Blockbuster or Hollywood Video in the states. Forget here in Brazil! Definitely too slow moving and too much USA cultural reference for their tastes.

Kewl, KR. Of course, it is the exactly type of movie I would expect someone of your varied interests to enjoy. Ahhh...you did enjoy it, did you not?

Surprisingly I missed my dinner with André (my ex middle name), and don't recall anything about the good-bye girl except putting it on my reccomendation list after seeing it.
I do see some way out varied movies of course. Everything from 5 hour czech comedies like 'underground' to mysterious art films like 'picnic at hanging rock'.
In my theater class I was performing a scene in 'Art' by Raza. Alan Alda, whom most closely resembles my prior male persona played the part in paris. I also did sartres 'no exit' which I practiced in the original french 'huis clos'. Do you speak french?

Hi Kristal,I lost the survey where you had posted the Ho'olaule'a picture of us at.Please help me so that I can bookmark it, for future reference.
BTW who acted in the Good-bye Girl? I can't think of her name.I don't think I've ever seen Dinner With Andre'.

I've only seen Hollywood Suite,Good-bye Girl & Sunshine Boys.
Did he also do "Max Dugan Returns"? Because that too was such a funny movie.(with Matthew Broadwick)

J'ne parle pas bien francés. J'ai etudie francés pondent une anie e car solmonte on 1982 (mil nuef san cuartre van du). J'ai habite on Cameroon, Afric pondent ouit semane, ou on parle francés. Ma fame Kátya e moi avon visite Paris on 1988(mil nuef san cuartre van ouit). Mai heujeurdée, j'ne me rel pas beaxcoup de moi.

And obviously I can't spell or write it worth a flip.
(My apologies to all French speakers everywhere.)

Neil Simon has a gentle humor that I like. He builds situations into humourous or absurd parities of reality.

Also he doesn't rely on vulgarity to get a laugh. You will notice I don't use a whole lotta curse words in my jokes. I was taught that it is much funnier if you can imply the famous four letters with out actually saying them. This, in my experience, turns out to be true.

Oh, that's priceless. How surreal. I can read it all, but I think you spelled all of five words correctly. Habveeuslee u wir abil tu kunvirs in it, bot it duzint siim yu got thuh hang uv thuh spelleen. Where did you meet Kátya?

http://surveycentral.org/?S=217707&V=8851
Do a search for 'town' or 'stay' to find "I, Miaow, will be visiting your home town next month for a couple of days. Can I come stay with you? "

Ahh...in an elevator?

Actually, she worked for a bank on the floor above my office in Rio de Janeiro. I kept seeing her in the elevator. I used to go from work to a nearby gym and would change in my office. I was pretty buffed in those days.

One day I caught her checkin' out my butt. So, about a week later I got up the courage to ask her out. That was 17 years ago. Been together ever since. Fourteen years as husband and wife.

sweet.

Your so right!! I think that a good comedian can get a laugh,just as well,if not better without cursing.Look at Dean Martin etc,from that era,they had no need to curse & they were great.I admire that!!

I think it was Marsha Mason who starred in The Goodbye Girl with Richard Dreyfus. Neil Simon's best known work that none of you mentioned is The Odd Couple.

...as a rose.

Ahhhh...how could we forget "The Odd Couple". That was before Bush and Cheney, right?

"I bought a package of batteries the other day...but they weren't included."
Gary Wright

Hey now! Watch it!

What? What! I meant I could be your older sister...with a bucket of makeup and wire supports.

Yikes!! My bad!! I totally forgot about the Odd Couple. How 'bout "Barefoot in the Park" & "Brighton Beach"? That's TWO!
Ha! Maybe we should see who can name the most Neil Simon movies.
Yeah,that's right !! Marsha Mason!! I loved her in that movie.Isn't she great??? I wonder why she hasn't made any funny movies lately?? Is she still alive?
Richard is cool too! I liked him in the movie:
"Who's Life Is It Anyway?" I am a big time Neil Simon fan. I wonder what he's up to now......

Batteries???? Gary Wright??
Hey,speaking of Gary Wright,I got to see him in concert here two years ago.Not bad,just a little older,except the only good song was "Dreamweaver". Seen any good concerts in the last two years??

Huh? I meant watch who you call the odd couple.

Barefoot In the Park! That's it!! Thank you, I've been trying to remember that title for days. I saw that play in Seattle starring the guy who played John Boy on the Waltons. (Is that Richard Thomas?)

I think it's Brighton Beach Memoirs. There's a sequel to that, too, but I don't recall the title. I don't remember anymore Neil Simon. Except for his female version of The Odd Couple in which Mandy was hilarious in the starring role in a community theatre performance about 9 years ago.

Yep that was Richard Thomas.

Yay!! You go Mandy! (with pen & autograph nook in hand) "Ummm, can you please ask Mandy if she could sign my cyber autograph book?"

You'd be wanting her real autograph if you had seen the play. She was FUNNY! She'll probably kick my butt for making a big fuss about it though.

My aunt dated him back in 1974. Apparently she thought he was an egotistical jerk at the time, but who knows.

*gives you the look*
cut it out......

Well,somebody,s got to do the official braging.There's no shame in that,I often brag about my relatives accompishment, as well.

No kidding? How cool!He showed that side of himself well,in the movie
"Who's Life Is It Anyway?" Who would have know? & here I thought the guy,was just extremely good at his art.

Was it an autobigraphy, or was that just the sort of character he played?

I'm not sure,but I think it was an autobiography.The movie was really enlighteninig.Made me think ,"what if?"

Sorry, wrong entertainer. Steve Wright, a very off-the-wall comic. The only "show" I have been too at all in the last three years was the Rugrat Theater show in Mexico where they are called "Aventuras en Panalles" (Adventures in Diapers) Oh, that was just a diaper full of fun.

Responding to the wrong comment is becoming my moniker.

lol lol lol Okay....

the Rugrat Theater for "Adventures in Diapers"
How cute.I don't think that ever played here.The last live theater I went to with my kids was "Cats" at the Long Beach Theater of Arts.Had a great time.

Hey, quit trying to steal dabprovin's claim to fame!

That's actually the translation. Rugrats ("Ratos de Tapete") is nonsensical in Spanish. So, they invented the "Adventures in Diapers" thingee.

I beg your pardon! The first, last and only thing I have stolen from dabprovin was some lacey undergarments. They fit marvelously.

A few years back my daughter got me hip to them.I've never watched them in length,I suppose I should do that one day,when I'm not on SC.lol

Thanks SueBee,I knew you had my back!
Yeah! What WAS he thinking???

He's the comic. I'm the space cadet.(aka) Ding Bat!

Hey now!! Pick on somebody's lacey undergarment your own size. Oooooh,they do not fit well at all!!
Yikes!!!TOO.... Much information for me. lol lol

Oh the best thing about Rugrats is the deliberate mispronunciations that the writers put into the dialogue. They are hysterical. In fact they are usually a major part of the plot development.

There is one that cracks me up everytime. In the Rugrats movie, one of the characters is going to search for the "lost babies". She puts on a Sherlock Holmes hat, leashes up the pet dog, and says: "Spike, you can be my butthound".

To catch all of the word play, one has to put on closed captioning, because the dialogue moves so fast, that some jokes are lost.

Maybe I should start taping that cartoon.

I usually tend to only appreciate cartoons with the best animation,you know like Lord of the Rings,most Disney. However now that you mentioned it,I may have to pay closer attention to the dialogue instead. Thanks for the 411 on that.

De nada.

Top of the mornin to ya!!

Or bottom of the ninth...whatever.