Tell me why I should come work for you and describe what you would have me do.

You're fired!

LOL

Wouldn't want him getting too comfortable in his new job.

Never mind...

You can be my chauffeur. I will buy you the car of your choice to drive me around in. I will pay you $100 grand a year, plus offer you a comprehensive benefit package and 401-K. As an added bonus, I will come over and wash those dirty windows of yours once a month.

Assuming I have the money to hire you, you would build a house. Then when the house is done, I would hire you as a housekeeper. If that didn't give you enough hours, you would help me write and illustrate comic magazines. You could also help put together some of my inventions.

You can start by cleaning my house.

I think you should email Greg Woods, my boss, about that:

grwood@doh.health.nsw.gov.au

Hare Krishna!

How can you afford that?

Holy cow. I have spread sheets that answer this question: Research topic lists, summarize reports, identify calendar issues for agenda participations, make reservations, catalogue and cross-reference my material, find suppliers, write software to specifications i list, get me out of the house daily, petition agencies, identify key people, connect funding, file papers and notate their status on hardcopy and agenda sheets, prioritize my projects for me, and maintain my existing mat'l organization. You'd be busy. Do you work for free?

Writing/illustrating childrens books (beyond seuss) is my next plan. I still have several inventions to prototype personally and many more to sell. I designed a house shaped like a conch staircase made of ceramic mural and art-noveau glass tile. The garage is underneath {single driveway but the cars slide to the sides} next to the kitchen hub. The kids room has apartments with bed loft balconies overlooking rubber cobblestone and a street lamp. The living room has a trail up past the hotsprings to the master bedroom cave, and the library observatory lighthouse sits up top with french victorian gazebo windows and mirrored greenhouse blue neon waterfall staircase to get there. The wall ceiling has blackout fluids to control the view and save summer heat for winter in case you're in Alaska, but the design would look nice above the alps or on a tropical beach too. I spent years programming AutoCad drafting software to work in 3D, but it's still too much work to even draft. Will that home do? I also have the studio with counter height bathtub and pizza oven meant for art that just happen to double for living purposes.
So what are you illustrating and inventing?

That sounds like a nice house. I like designing houses too. I took drafting, forgot a lot of it, jogged my memory with some architecture software. Do you like the architecture of Ludwig Mies van der Rohe? Right now I'm making little books and comic strips, and some novelty animal cards. I really should think about selling some of it.

Well, first you need to kneel in front of me naked....

Charlie Rose on PBS did a segment on him just last night (talking to an heir? apparently lacma or moma (both a few minutes away) is putting on a retrospective). It has some plusses, but I don't really care for it. nor for Wright for that matter. I like Greene & Greene, Gaudi, Horta, Guimard. Even the internationalist require french curves that don't look like polyhedron beehive sculptures or rectalinear fortresses to suit me. There was some Deco WPA era stuff i like though.

I'm not hiring!

I don't want you to work for me.

I confess. I CAN'T afford it. I was just joking. Oh, I am so sorry.

Stand on your head in the corner naked. you are a new art form. I will not annoy you during the day.

That's how i met my girl friend. We were at a reception and wandered into a room with knot art. She taped me to the wall. 20 minutes later I spent a couple hours in a knot on the floor with another woman synchronized with the band. I can't stand on my head even briefly without a lot of eye pain though. Nice job though. I think Bertoni had models do that sort of thing while in his castle designing the Citroen DS. Do you crack a smile throught that cynicism of yours?

Yes, after I've finished I'll read it again and giggle. How did you know? I didn't think my cynicism came through much here. I used to get strong reactions from people at work when I hit them with a bit. Now they just shake their head and walk away. It's still a reaction though, and that's what I'm after.

Um....what would I hire you to do?

ok, but first tell me if you can work for free, cause i am broke.

I forgive you! (hug) Hare Krishna!

hhhhmmmm, i am not in charge of hiring where i work. but maybe i could use you at home. i am fair, pay well, don't require long hours of hard labor, and did i mention i pay well.

Hold a sign up on the corner...WILL WORK FOR FOOD.
I don't have a job for you.

Thanks! A big Hare Krishna (((hug)))

Hare Krishna!

Chuy, is that you? I knew it. I knew that ASBT was actually my last client project manager. Hey, Chuy, just to let you know, we did too put the boat landings on backwards on yer platforms. Because the folks offshore didn't want yer ugly butt coming to visit, seein' how you won't ride on a helicopter! I got a copy of their memo, and some great photos of the party they threw us. Hasta lumbego, Chuster!

Wow, that was easy! Anything else you got for me?

Ya know, I think I'm gonna like working for you.
(Bowing and scraping)

Wow! Ahh...did I mention I am all thumbs?
Or at least I would be if I had any.

Oh man! I've heard about yer house. Ain't nobody gonna be able to clean that mess. (kicking the ground and muttering obscenities)
What did I get myself into this time?

The health industry won't touch me with a ten foot catheter.

(yawn) Is that all? Sounds like what my boss has for me perform on a daily basis. Of course, "has for me to perform" and what I actually perform are two different matters.

(Actually the only difficult thing would be the programming. My last course was in Visual Basic five years ago. The industry has grown quite a bit since then. The silly little programs I wrote are so nothing compared to canned stuff off-the-shelf now-a-days. It's embarassing to remember how proud I was of them at the time.)

I wouldn't last five minutes in your "shop".
LOL LOL lOL
But I'd have fun trying...

(sniff, sniff) I guess I'll just have to starve to death.

Crossing romkey's name off the Christmas card list.

(Rolling up sleeves) I bet you can teach me a lot.

I knew it was too good to be true.
Ahh...are we still a go on my windows?

Not a problem, I am happy to accommodate.
However, it is doubtful that most critics will agree with your definition of "art".

Ahhh...can I get a pillow for my head?

Sure. Kristal Rose seemed to think this could be considered artistic.

So, posing as an art form I might also enrich my life.
I've been many things in my life, but never an art form.

(psst...that's the idea of the survey. What do you need done, you haven't found time to do?)

heyzeus1, my most witty and creative friend, for you I would work for free...ahh...but not for long!

Okay, the pay might be interesting, but what are the duties? I am picky.

(Although I suspect working in your home involves being "picky-uppy".

I am crushed, Oscar. I was most hopeful that you might find a place for me..ahh...other than the outbox, that is.

Oh. Okay then.

So, abuse me already. I'm a sick puppy.

Why is that?

Excuse my ignorance, but to which comment are you responding?

Yeah, after getting your hopes up like that, the least I can do is clean your windows!

Excuse my ignorance, but to which comment are you responding?

"The health industry won't touch me with a ten foot catheter."

Why is that?

Um...you can wash my strawberries and take off the little green things when I want to eat some.

ok then, you can organize my boxes of poetry, and if you still have time paint a mural on my wall. if you can't paint, just throw a bunch of bright splashes randomly on the wall with a saucepan, but try not to get any on the carpet. i will pay you with some bavarian honey wheat beer which should be done brewing by mu birthday next monday.

Oh, come on! It isn't that bad.

If I'm teaching you that much, then I'm not going to be paying you, but rather vice-versa-- you can sign up for one of my classes next time I offer one.

I'll be paying you in styro foam,bubble wrap & recycled boxes.That's all I can afford.I'd teach you how to sculpt a styro foam igloo & make acity out of boxes furnished with bubble wrap.

I'm pure art form.
Hey, I can use bouncing off of you at this moment. I've got a web tech business agent calling me up that I met and took home on july 4th (to discuss tech). He's conneected with vp, coos, directors, etc of paramount digital, vh1, mgm, etc. All these guys are spinning off on their own to start interactive media, and this fellow (who's name is Brian) is having me meet with some of them friday. Checkout wirebreak.com as one of the juicier opportunities. But I'm in the same boat as you to some extent. There was a time when i was reading 1/2" of tech briefs every night so i could migrate mainframe databases, etc. But essentially I'm an old Visual (FoxPro) programmer. I know that given time, I could simulate any canned package out there, with more appropriate tailoring and feature sets that wont be seen canned for a few years. But I'm way slow. As an example, there was a time my cubicle neighbor asked how to write some code. I layed out the whole methodology, then quietly went to race him at producing the code. He was five times faster at producing code that I specified, and he didn't even know I was racing him. In light of that, I think I'm better of just being an analyst consultant, but I'm behind on all the canned packages (which I now recognize are for analysts - know what needs done based on experience, find/specify a canned program, and have lesser programmers tweak it into place.) So anyhow, I've got to figure out what to present, how to position myself with these folks. I don't want to hang out in the closet hacking code again, because I eat my shirt on that part. I sure don't want to promise capabilities in 9 weeks that actually take 50 weeks to pull off. I do feel I've matured in that I can say 'that cool feature will cost $5000, but only save you 2 hrs week of basic secretarial'. Some of Brians clients are small time merchants, but many are indeed launching the next wave of media. I could forego teaching to have a hand in today's youth's content delivery. I lectured on metaphysics on KABC at noon (probably a million listeners), and that was a sort of high. I also have all the theater and art education. I've already been honest about my shortcomings, and this guy is convinced I need to connect with these associates of his. If I only do consulting, theres also the trick about making sure I'm paid for it, rather than having it considered friendly shop chat.
??
Ya gotta love and think birds, and have faith in that sort of connection.
At this moment a news segment on the Piedmont bird watchers is about to come on.

I've sculpted in styrofoam. Toxic, but responds so nicely to heat tools. I had it in a 5' plaster glove with tunnels, tubes, mirrored stairs, and inner illumination by a 400 watt light.

Do not apply heat,only puffy paint!!!!!!! Tho the mirrored stairs sounds marvelous.There goes my Pack Rat mind again.......(sigh)

I was a joke, HareKrishna. You might have noticed my propensity toward humor????

Actually, my boss has been a creep lately. Could you clean his clock instead?

(I figure a couple a shots to the head with a two by four oughta do it.)

Okay, one bowl of cleaned, washed and neatly arranged strawberries coming right up. So...ahh...how much ya gonna pay me for this service?

K_R, if you have the stamina to enter the interactive media market, go for it. Those guys do move a the speed of cyberspace. But you already knew that.

Your creative is extremely high, so your contributions would be substantial. Leave the programming to the nerds. They feed on it and will love you for giving them ideas.

Yes, I will think in birds...again. Let's see if tomorrow yields any result.

Not according the Bureau of Public Health Bulletin published just days ago! So, if I come to work for you, I need a "moon suit" and three or four metric tons of disinfectant.

So...ahh...how much will this knowledge run me?
Will I get a certificate of accomplishment or something I can hang on my wall?

I get to be creatively messy and drunk, too?
Done, Mr. Boss, sir!
I shall arrive next Monday just in time to interrupt your birthday party.

Can you service computers? Maybe you can get a job where I work as a technician!

confidence, connection, love, faith, surrender, and knowing you are one with the universe. interactive media

Oh, would my clocks work better if I had them cleaned?
My other goal today is 4 metric tons of disinfectant. Though I don't leave a speck of food or dishes around, my walls are often covered with roaches. not quite the business impression I wish to leave.

Service cmputers. I can't even spell cmputer.

Maybe. ROFL (rolling on floor laughing)

Well join the club! I'm starving!

Hey, now there's a thought. How would you like to be a piece of living art, depicting "ROFL"?

This I can do. All too well. And shall continue to do so, provided that occasionally you visit and join me in giving in to insanity.

Well, at least you could find a simple chore for me to alleviate your condition. Like bring you bits of leftovers from the corner restaurant dumpster.

Gladly! Laughing for laughter's sake isn't really so insane. It's healthy. Have you ever laughed at something only slightly funny, but continued laughing for it's own sake, because it feels so good?

bbbbbllllleeaaagghhh!

Every time I look in the mirror.

I'll see if I can find some of that for you.
Is it Hungarian?

Never mind now. I found some Pasta Roni in the back of a cupboard. Not having milk or butter I'm trying Cremora and olive oil. It should turn out good, right?

Ahhh...what was that phrase?
Ahhh...oh yes, I remember!
bbbbbllllleeaaagghhh!

It wasn't too bad, actually! I wouldn't serve it to other people, of course, but I'm really not picky about what I cook up and cram into my gaping maw.
I might have reason to complain it didn't taste very good, but at least I'm not complaining I'm hungry anymore!

I'll call the Poison Control Center.

Actually, permit me to tell you a true story...
Once upon a groggy morning, I grabbed the wrong tube and brushed my teeth with baby butt cream. I was thinkin' to myself: "Gee, my cold must be getting worse 'cause I can't taste the mint."

Have you ever tried to scrape baby butt cream off your teeth?

And I'm feelin' real embarassed to call the Poison Control Center in Atlanta. I can hear the conversation already:

"Hello, Poison Control Center. May we help you?"

"Ahh...yes...sort of...I mean...well ya see what happened was...ahh..can you tell me...ahh...okay, so I brushed my teeth with baby butt cream, am I gonna die?"

(stiffled laughter on the other end of the phone) "No, sir. (snicker) You don't have to (snort) worry. You won't die, but you may not wanna go to work and brown nose today."

I gotta admit my teeth were smooth as baby's butt for a week.

Uh..yeah, I guess so.

And I bet that pesky rash cleared right up!

sorry...can't hire you then. how about laundry? You do laundry?

Oh I get it! Hare Krishna!

Really? Good thing I'm moving.

Really? Ya know, my friends tell me that alot.

Okay, so what do I owe you for that?

To this very day, I have no diaper rash around my lips.

I can provide my own washboard and rock with which to appropriately launder your lace and fine linens.

Yeah, well, just be careful of those ten foot catheters.

Glad to help out, but be forewarned I get distracted by bubble wrap.
Pop..pop...poppity-pop...pop..pop...(this is great!)

you got the job. When can you start?

I'm on my way, but don't wait up. It's a long swim from here to there.