Do you feel that it is right to date someone considerably older or younger than you?

feel loved, be loved. Yeah. Do things out of love for others too, but if you do it to try to have them love you than that wasn't really love was it?. Keep it up and you'll have orchestras of song birds accompanying you.

Yeah, now all I have to do is convince myslef it's true. It's hard to try and change how you feel, and change your habits after acting a certain way for so long.And it's hard to move on when people don't love you.

Well, I love you and so do many others. Please do move on and get yourself a little closer to the secret of life. Real change happens through spiritual energy. You are the most important part of what you see and create around you. When were you ever inspired by someone who did not care for themself at all? Even if your goal was nothing but to make others feel better, you'd still have to a rich self to actually accomplish that. Eventually, if you connect highly with God, you won't really have to worry much about yourself anyhow; that part will be taken for granted, freeing you to be a selfless source of love. But that's a long way off. And even then, were talking about living without attachment, in contrast, you, you will always have around, so start there. That means rest when you need to rest, work when you need to work, play when you need to play. Most often if you ask yourself what God would want for you (within your environment) at any moment, you will find that people will actually go along with it too, even if you thought the rules said otherwise.

I know people love me. At least, I think I do. I don't know, it's really hard. I always feel like they're better than I am, like I'm not worth their love, but I want it. On Oprah they said you have to find out what caused you to feel this way. I don't think anything caused it. Living without attatchment to what? Should I put my needs before other people's like that?

Mostly just watch your motives. Don't do things because society or protocol says it right, just do the things that are right. If your helping others (and you should), do it because you want them helped, not because you think you should make sacrifices nor because you wanted them to anything about you what-so-ever. Take the top view of things: if it's much easier for you to reach something dropped, do it (like helping old people). Don't give away something you'll need. God would consider equally important as anyone else, not less, not more; and even then some people willed their own misfortune into being and shouldn't drain you. You should have plants and music and some time to write poetry or whatever makes you feel better without being hedonistic (living for pleasure). The most conscientious thing to do is to figure out what you enjoy doing most that helps others the most. There shouldn't be any reason for you to to be glum in the things you do, but some of that is attitude, meaning you will have to do things like clean the cat box, but you might as well sing a song and make the best of it. I remember one piece of advice was to run your life like you were someone else doing it.
I'm not sure what you meant by "Should I put my needs before other people's like that?". There are certainly times when you have to say no to people; Like for instance if someone was trying to keep you around because they were bored but you had productive things you wanted to be doing. Don't lift something that might get you hurt.

Were talking mostly about behavior here but the important thing is outlook. Try this experiment: get yourself real depressed, think about all the things that ever made you cry or consider suicide while listening to the radio. While you do this, write down all the miserable lyrics that you can relate to. Then cheer yourself up. Think about all the things that make you want to sing and dance, and again, get out your pen and paper and write down all the stuff now that you hear on the radio that sounds like your mood. You should notice that the radio played gloomy songs when you were gloomy, and cheerful songs when you were cheerful. Likewise, in such a supernatural way, your friends and strangers will also react. You have to be stronger than them and set the mood of your environment, not react like you do now. Even if you are listening to a friends troubles, be the light shining down upon them, not the shadow they cast, otherwise you help neither them nor you. If you are doing your best, you always have a reason to be cheerful. One main part of detachment is not relying on anything or anyone in particular for your satisfaction. Know when to move on, and know that God always has something good in mind for you. Individuals can always let you down, though they are great way for God to show you intermittantly how she cares. But it's karma too. Karma is about how you feel and think; that's what comes back to you. Tell someone you think their dress looks great (because you want to make their day better) and someone else will say the same to you, give a buck tip at a coffee stand (because you think the'll appreciate the tip, not because you consider it part of the price), and someone will swing by when your thirsty and ask if you want a coke. But, if you give your friend a soda because you want them to thank you or give you something later, you're sure to be let down a lot of the time. Then you might get down on yourself and think things like "well, if I just gave them the right stuff, they'd be nicer to me." Ain't gonna happen. If God want's "everyone" to be happy, what would she have you be doing? Neither selfishness nor sacrifice.
Try that experiment with the radio. It will give you a taste of why it's so important to your world that you be cheerful.

Just this minute, the spring equinoxe hit LA. The birds became quite chirpy.

I meant that I always thought I should take care of other people before I took care of myself, putting their needs before mine. I know why I do that though, I like to help others with their problems so that I can put off solving mine. It is a lot easier to help others than to help myself. I get more enjoyment out of helping tohers than I do out of doing something for myself too. That's why it always hurts more when something happens to someone that I can't help with.
Not relying on anyone or anything for satisfaction...that's interesting. Especially because that is exactly what I do. But what else makes me happy? I'm not satisfied unless everyone else is, so how can I be satisfied without relying on someone else to be?
I love telling people how beautiful I think they look. I know it makes them happy. I don't really like it when people tell me though, I don't believe them, or it makes me think that that means I don't look good every other day.
Sacrifice and selfishness often come hand in hand. I sacrifice things because of fear of selfishness. I'll try the thing with the radio, it seems intriguing.
I can't believe spring is finally here, I love spring! It is full of flowers and color, and warmth, and almost my whole family was born in april, and I love birthdays! I'm so glad today is the first day of spring. (9:31 this morning!) I dressed in spring colors. It makes me so happy.

I would imagine it was inherited from you parents. You can still enjoy all the things you enjoy, especially the people, just don't ever expect it, let it always surprise you. I used to be like you; I would even get depressed when people complimented me because I felt I didn't deserve it. Tell me why should Britney Spears or Bill Clinton deserve a compliment more than you? In your own way you try just as hard, and are probably even sweeter. Do what it takes to think of yourself as an angel, or at least a saint. Apparently spring makes you happy. You should probably be working on finding what makes you happy besides making others happy. You've been raised on catholic shame like I was (came from Ireland I guess, even if mom's family schucked the religion itself). God made you like you, not like like something that can't be attained, and you weren't made to feel lowly, second class, or dejected in any way. You should be a tribute to glory. Look at the people you admire; some might be mother Teresa's, others might be pop stars; some are selfless, others self-centered, yet you would still probably consider them deserving of praise for their choice of earrings or the way they rescued a kitten just as you should be. If you can't love yourself exactly as you are now, then at least there is something easily within reach you could love yourself as, and you can love yourself all along the way simply for being on that path. Don't rely upon some goal though before you feel worthy, because there will always be a bigger goal than that when you get there. As the buddhists are fond of saying "it's the path, not the destination". Look at all those christians who feel alive or righteous for no other reason than feeling they made the right choice. That you love spring is reason enough for me to love you and you to love you. Love love, and find ways to have it your in life no matter who, what, or where you are, no matter who you're with, or even if you're alone with a radio or paintbrush. Love love; ultimately it's all the universe need consist of, and it's always available. Do not worry if you need to see it by spreading it or receiving it, and don't ever turn down opportunities to do either. You'll be creating even more love in others by being better able to receive what others offer you, instead of looking down at your shoes rather than smiling eye to eye when you get a compliment. Even loving yourself takes effort. If you look at yourself as two people, god's subject, and god's servant (this is one religious philosophy; I could have phrased it as manty others as well) then you as a servant you could do all your service of putting together a nice perfumed bubble bath with hot tropical rain for one of gods subjects who is particularly worn and would much appreciate it, namely again, you.

Most of the women I've been attracted to have been;

a) too old for me
b) happily married
c) were geographically unattainable
d) all of the above

Dang, you made it easy on yourself. Try being transgendered and trying to get spiritual monogamy from sex addicts. Unhappily like-married, too old, and a hard commute away were the easy obstacles for me. Insanely challenging's half the fun though, a relationship is as strong as the obstacles you overcome together. I would avoid all of the above if were you though, esp. b)
It's all going to come together for you. Get over the 'why' and 'if' phase and move into pursuing the best attainable. Sounds like you really need to move for one. Expect it.

WRONG! Correct answer is, D. All of the above. But thank you for playing! Don Pardo, tell her what she didn't win!

Kristal, you didn't win watching your spouse become decrpit and require nursing while you sulk looking out the window at gorgeous women playing volleyball, you also didn't win long phone conversations, while wondering about the fidelity you can expect from someone you can't regularly visit, you also won't be savoring the ethical dilemnas of who you your mate should be interacting with and how, nor the possible jealousy or complex arrangements of time and heart sharing.
I'm sorry Kristal, please take this all expense paid carribean cruise on a ship full of like-aged marriage-minded independently-wealthy gorgeous-intelligent-worldly-spiritual pseudo-lesbians as our consolation gift.

Wow. I totally understand and love every word of what you just wrote.

You're welcome. Cool, I get to be personal Oprah to my internet niece.

lol I think everyone should have a personal Oprah!

Here's my standard; if the person was a minor when you were born, it's okay. Though a teenager myself, I've never really been attracted to teenage guys. My current SO is at the ripe old age of 23 (almost 10 years older than I am). And God Almighty--he understands what I think and say. Also, he makes me want to send all my former sexual partners to play in the sandbox.

Jems and I seem to have a lot in common. But I think I'm a bit more sure of what I am interested in a relationship. And I'm definitely doing the right thing (hee hee), so please, don't get upset, anyone.

So that would make you, what, 14? 15? You do realize that that isn't LEGAL don't you?

Almost 14. I don't live in the States.

Well, still, that is really fudging sick. What kind of perv would date a teenage girl? He's 23! I'm 19, and the idea of me dating a teenage girl is utterly repulsive to me.

He is not a pervert. It all depends on the emotional maturity of a person, not their birth date. And I'm too mature for most kids my age, so I simply rather be with a guy who understands more than half the words out of my mouth. You are entitled to your preferences as to who you date, but it's unfair to make assumptions without really knowing either of the people involved. And I do love him.

Dude, he is 23! You are 14! You are still a child, he is a grown man! Get that through your head! If I told you I was a 14 year old boy dating a 23 year old, what would you think? That the woman was at best a cradle robber!

Duuuuuude, that is so, like, uncool, like so unopen-minded. Okay, if you have so much wisdom on this subject, why don't you give me some advice on this *horrible* situation?

Unopenminded? I'm an open minded liberal person. But, you are a child! The rules are different for children. Always have been, always will be. Could someone back me up please? Twist?

What makes a person a child? Age? Or experience?
I think it's ridiculous that people consider a person ready to take on responsibilities and think like an adult on their eighteenth birthday.
It's absurdly subjective. What is in your mind is a written law for North Americans (which doesn't even apply in many states), and that is what you are basing your opinions on. So you can't say, truthfully, that you're an open minded, liberal person.

Age. 14 years old. I was 14 once. Your hormones are going at a mile a seond, you think you no everything, and every single thing your parents do is designed to opress you. You can't possibly know that what you're feeling is love. You're a CHILD! I've been your age before, I know what it's like. We here in the Western Hemisphere call men like your "boyfriend" pedophiles!

I met my ex-wife when I was 17 and she was 16. We had sex right away, waited a couple years to get married, and 3 more before having children. We stayed married for 7 years, and are still the closest of family 13 years after our divorce. She was my first of two sexual partners. Our break up was because of mistakes we made as adults years later. I think if either of us had much dating experience, we could have made the same sort of adult decisions 2 years earlier. Do you think a 14 year old is incapable of understanding the cost-benefits of a (long term?) relationship? If both parties can make that sort of decision (perhaps few can) then what matter the age difference?
{playing devil's advocate here, after all I took the opposite side earlier with Jemmy & such}

Sorry Brian....I was 17 when I met my ex-husband and he was 21. I felt we were a perfect emotional and mental match at the time, even though he was not legally supposed to be dating me.

I also had an affair with a 15 year old boy when I was 21. He seduced me. He was a virgin. He was as physically mature as any man and we had fun. Nobody got hurt.
I cannot back you on this one except to say that I would be concerned if my 14 year old daughter was having sex with a 23 year old. I would definitely want to talk to her about protecting herself from being victimized. I would make sure she was not being pressured or coerced and I would also make sure I got to know her "boyfriend" and let him know I was watching out for her well being.

How can you possibly "no" the state of my hormones, my intellectual capacity, my relations with my parents, and my emotional being based on your own experiences? What a thoughtless thing to say. "Adults" like you seem to consider us (poor, unintelligent creatures of fourteen) some type of vermin under observation for an experiment. Please rethink the way you, er, think.

My parents could care less, honestly. They are so wrapped into their own superficial little lives that they couldn't understand what it is to know and fall in love with someone who understands you on a emotional and intellectual level. And no, I'm not doing this to make up for the void left by my mother and father. I'm doing this because I need to, that's all.

I'm 19. I'm still in the late stages of adolesscent development. How can I know these things? My experiences, tales my grand parents had about my parents at your age, experiences of friends who can still remmebr their teenage years, and lot and lots of books. I do not hink of you as vermin! I would not be concerned wiht the emotional well being of vermin. I AM concerned about the emotional well being of children, because quite frankly I don't want to be the victim of a haert broken child, like a lot of the victims in recent school shootings (at least two of the major shootings that made headlines involved a kid who's recently been dumped). I like my liver sans bullet holes thank you.

Learn to spell...then think up some less dull arguments. Please.

*sarcasm begins* Oh that is very mature, referring to my declaration of a 23 year old man being a pedophile dull You have shown yourself to be a true adult. And calling me on my spelloing erros! Oh that totally debunks my whole argument! I misspeleed a word making me entirely wrong. It's not the facts, or the contnet, it's all about one or two lousy letters. *sarcasm ends* Seriously phoebe, saying that someone is wrong merely becasue they spelled a word or two wrong is truly immature, and shows how young you really are.

I understand. I was referring to your rather "Columbinesque" arguments. I respect your opinions. And I apologize to everybody who has contributed to this survey, because I shouldn't have brought up my personal matters. I'm sorry.

i think that it is ok to date someone older,actually i am dating someone who is 17 years older than me, such a wonderful experience and i love it!!!!!

(kind of a reply to someone who is no longer here but...)
Legal age in all Canadian Provinces for consent as to participation in male/female sexual relations is 14. BUT (As I said before), some places have "4 year rules" for people under 18... which means that 14/17 is alright, but 14/40 isn't. For this and all your "is he or she old enough" needs... go to http://www.ageofconsent.com ! hehe.

(In response to Brian's comment, which is hopefulyl fairly buried up there). ((Blushes)).

Of course I do, but... how did you know?
And you didn't need to tell her!

It doesn't matter now anyway, but thanks. My boyfriend is 16.

Ive dated those who are older and younger...As long as there is a romantic connection..it is ok

I don't see what's wrong with dating someone much older than yourself, what is the difference? The chance that your date would be more mature, more polite... have a car? I'm only 16 and I have never really been interested in guys my age. The last guy I dated was 23, and he wasn't a jerk or forward, we even parted as friends (something not likely with teenage boys).

The guy I'm interested in now is 30 years old. And he is the sweetest, most polite gentleman I have ever met. I know it is illegal for me to date men so high above my age, but we're not doing anything inappropriate. And I have never had an older man push me to have sex (as all younger men are bound to do), or even suggest it. I have never felt unsafe with any of the older men I am attracted to.