Do you feel that it is right to date someone considerably older or younger than you?

I'm 18, my grilfriend is 47. We do it just fine. I mean we do just fine.

You could well be Brians new hero

Hero? He's my GOD!

I'm with the people who consider it to be sick. My best friend just got married (She's 15) to a guy (He's 23) and I think this is just plain wrong.

She married him? Wow. Did she have to get her parent's consent? Where I am, you have to be at least 16 to marry someone without parental permission.

In that case it IS sick. She's a minor for God's sake! But what if he was still 24, and she was 51? Would it still be wrong?

Assuming we're talking "above the legal age", then in principle its fine to date someone younger. Although anyone "considerably" younger than me probably isn't legal anyway. I say in principle, but in reality I wouldnt (at my current age) date anyone more than 3 years younger than me as women under that age rarely interest me.
As far as older is concerned, in principle again, there is nothing inherently wrong. But in reality it would be extremely unlikely that it would work.

Okay, everyone, I've got something for you.

I recently met a really really nice guy, and I like him, and he likes me too. The only problem is that he is 22, and I'm 14. We are so compatable. Should I try to have a relationship with him, despite the really big age difference, try and keep things platonic, or try and stay away from him to avoid having something happen? Please give me your feedback.

I can't believe any 22 year old man in his right mind would date a 14 year old girl. There is probably something mentally wrong with him.

Where do you meet these guys anyway?

I don't know about 22. I mean sure, 14-year-old boys generally rate somewhere just above garden slugs in terms of how much attention they deserve, but aren't there any decent 16-to-18-year-olds around?

Jemmy, I'm afraid that a 22 year old man who would be interested in a 14 year old young lady might be interested for the wrong reasons. Be very careful my dear. Love yourself and the rest will follow.

There is nothing mentally wrong with him! I've talked with him, and he says it is up to me for now. He said that he doesn't want to tell me what he thinks yet because it might affect my decision, and he wants me to think really hard about it, so I won't do anything I don't want to.

Oh, I meet them lots of places. Younger ones I meet just going to movies and stuff, and then there are friends, and friends of friends, and cousins of friends, etc. I met this one at a party.

I guess there are some okay younger guys, but they are usually going out with someone else, and this guy is so nice! This would be the oldest I've ever gone though...

But what if he isn't? What if he likes me for all the right reasons, and things are realy good? But then again, what if things are bad? If this is going to hurt me again, I'm not sure if I can go through with it. But if everything worked out, and the relationship was really good, them I wouldn't want to miss out on it because of age.

OK. ABOVE ALL, I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR NOT WRITING ANY SOONER. I'VE RESTRICETED MYSELF TO ONCE A WEEK ON THE INTERNET SO THAT I CAN FOCUS MORE IN SCHOOL. SO WITH THAT IN MIND, EXPECT LONG LETTERS FROM ME ADDRESSED TO EVERYONE.
JEMS: I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL THAT GUYS OUR AGE ARE IMMATURE, BUT 24 (OR 22) IS WAY TO OLD. TECHNICALLY, HE'S A BIT SHY OF DOUBLE YOUR AGE. CRUSHES HAPPEN, I AGRE. BUT YOU'LL SEE THAT WHAT YOU WERE ORIGINALLY ATTRACTED TO WILL FADE AWAY. ALTHOUGH THE MATURITY LEVEL IS THERE, YOU'VE GOT TO LOOK FOR MORE.
ICUROK: I SEEM TO HAVE GOTTEN THAT ALOT WITH THIS SURVEY "ABOVE/BELOW THE LEGAL AGE". LET'S FORGET ABOUT THAT. LEGAL AGE BEING 5 YEARS OLD, IS IT RIGHT THAT A 16YR OLDDATES A 30YR OLD. BOTH ARE LEGAL (UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES I'VE BROUGHT UP). WHAT'S YOUR OPINION.
SUPPLICANT: I'M LOST. WHAT'S BDSM?
MIRELLEINS:SAME SITUATION AS ICUROK. LEGAL AGE IS 5YRS OLD. WHERE DO YOU STAND?
YOU ARE ONE WISE WOMAN. FIRST OFF, THANK YOU FOR THE HELP. SECOND, I NEVER THOUGHT OF IT YOUR WAY. WHAT'S WORSE? BEING GROUNDED BY MY FATHER OR MARRYING A MAN WITH ONLY ONE THING ON HIS MIND? BOTH CAN BE ARGUED. IF I WAS GROUNDED BY MY DAD, I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO MEET ANYONE, GOOD OR BAD. IF I WAS STUCK IN A WEB WITH A HUSBAND WHO NEVER LETS ME LEAVE THE HOUSE BECAUSE ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS SCREW ME, I WON'T MEET ANYONE, INCLUDING FRIENDS AND FAMILY.

SEE YA NEXT WEEK!
ANGELA

First of all, congatulations on the once a week limit. I can't even get it down to once a day! (I am addicted to e-mail)

Second, I'm not sure if it is a crush or not. I mean what if it's not? This could be the best relationship ever...or the worst.

I'm 22 and my man is 30. I was 16 when we got together. I would never go out with anyone older than he is. There is small things that are diferrent, eg. he'd been through the 'clubbing' stage, i hadn't reached it! Also things like taste in music and things, makes it a bit hard sometimes.

My belief is what 2 consenting adults do is their own business.
I hate, (one of the few times I use the word) people who have no personal knowledge of something yet think it is their unalienable right to monitor / control / license / restrict it.

And you know who you are.

Okay, I just thought I would tell you all that I talked to the guy, and we decided not to go out or anything. We are still going to hang out and stuff though. I like talking to him. He says that he wants to be like a big brother to me...that's the way it usually turns out.

Dear Jemmy: Please try to find someone who is at YOUR 'maturity' level. Up until the age of thirty is where most people are setting their life templates and building their childhood memories. If you pick someone who is more mature than you, you will create a template of always following and doting. When you become truly independent, you may end up resenting depriving yourself of forging your own way. You should be looking for someone with whom you can learn and explore together, not have the ropes shown to you. A situation in which you are an equal impetus in the desires and events that occur. A really good catch is going to be choosy about personality, heart, intelligence, wisdom, education, sex, looks, etc. Someone 22 dating a 14 year old might have low expectations indicating low self-esteem, or much worse yet, have a diminished sense of solid self which they must protect by dating someone they can 'mold'. I'd hate to see you molded by someone who is afraid to mold themself. If you really want to do yourself well, you will take up the task of finding that 14 year old dude who is as mature as your 22 year old. That way you can expect him to keep maturing along with you, and you can fill the photo album with many shared experiences like your first car or 21st birthday that you wouldn't get to share with someone older. I know someone older sounds more adventurous, but it's really the other way around. The things that make an older guy attractive now might not ring true in a few years. I want you to be all you can be, and someone older is likely to be as much an imposition as it is an education, not to mention the maturity curve over the years.
On the other hand, if someone is merely seeking flavor and unformed potential, they might as well go for a young healthy body. They can easily be mistaken for adult to someone who hasn't been around much.

You don't go out, but you do hang out... What's the difference?

You said it not me

I don't like 14 year old guys. Well, the ones I know anyway. There are some really cute ones, but that isn't really what I go for...15 might be okay. I'm not independant, and I probably never will be. I need other people. I hate to be alone, and I love to talk. If I am alone, I am on the phone or the internet. I will never be independant. He doesn't have low self esteem. I don't think so, anyway.

Where I am, if you are "going out" with someone, you are dating them, have a relationship, etc. By hanging out, you are just chilling with each other. I hang with him the same way I would hang with my best friend.

OK. Thanx for clearing that up.

I saw that obviously. I just didn't want you to write off ever becoming such. I wasn't recommending you became a dominant leader type, just that you hold your own, and don't end up supressing your own creative life plans in submission to someone elses. Making life decisions takes practice, whethar that be what furniture to buy or what degree to pursue. Don't get yourself in a position where your ability to do something independent atrophies. It happens.

I haven't got any creative life plans to surpress. At least, I don't think so. What are they?
Atrophies?

They could be anything, I don't know. A victorian on a hill top, drifting in inner-tubes down the colorado river with skins of wine, reading the Lord of the Rings, driving in a convertible to the pacific ocean, owning a grandfather clock. Instead of controlling your life, you may very well end up hanging on someone elses shoulder whispering your desires and hoping that a few of them come true. You'll end up being delegated some responsibility like shopping for dinner, and spend the rest of your day in the sewing room like mom and great-great-grandma did because you will have lost your friends and he will be at work. You'll end up starved for attention and have kids which you'll try to lock up at home but the'll just resent your empty life and hang out at the park moon-howling.
"What are they?" If my son wasn't like you, I'd accuse you of humor. I can just imagine the two of you together, "I don't know, what do you want to do?", until the TV commercial comes on, "Bored, get a Coke." I got an email about women in Afghanistan just after my last comment to you; I think I'll forward it to you.

Star.. as much as I think the law is an ass on many occasions, it is molded by elected representatives (elected in part by myself). The age of consent in the UK for heterosexuals (and now finally, for homosexuals) is 16, and as arbitrary as an age of sexual consent is, I think that's just about right. I don't see it moving up or down in the near future.
Asking me whether I would approve of a hypothetical age of consent of 5 is a non-starter, as any politician proposing such a change to the law would be risking not only their career, but no doubt a public lynching for reasons too obvious to mention.
Regarding your question "Is it right that a 16yr old dates a 30 yr old?", I think the fact that it is legal is important, 16 is an age limit agreed upon by the judicial system and society as a whole. If you want to know whether I would date a 16yr old at age 30, the answer is no. But that doesn't mean I, or anyone else have a right to interfere in anyone else's relationship unless it can be proven that that relationship is damaging.

It depends on the maturity of the people involved. I completely emphathise with Jemmy cos I'm in a situation now where a 21 year old guy is interested in me and to be honest if I hadn't already found my boyf I would be with him now. But I'm 16 years old so I still haven't decided whether it is right or not

A convertable would be nice...A sewing room? Ha! I failed sewing. But I know what you mean, and it won't happen. I mean, I might be pitiful, nieve and dependant, but I'm not that sad, I am? My mom hates to sew...I won't lose my friends. Well, not all of them, anyway. But some of them aren't really friends, and some of them I'd probably lose anyway. But that's another story.
I would never lock my kids up at home. I would say "Get out of my house so you don't end up a pathetic person like I did" or something.
Actually, I'm pretty good at making plans, because I always have to do it with one of my really good friends...I usually end up doing about the same thing, but it is hard coming up with plans to please everyone. I can usually do it though.
If your son is bored, tell him to go to the mall or see a movie or go get a gelato or go get some coffee or go to a party. I'm rarely bored. I used to be, but not now.
I read the e-mail during Social Studies class, thank you. I signed it and sent it to a few people.

My point remains, look for a relationship in which you'll always be making plans so you can at least answer questions with "am I?", not "I am?".
My son's not bored either. He's content to play video games, read Stephan King, and inflict pain on the knuckles of his friends. I hope he enjoys the guitar I got him as much as I have been. I've been consecrating it by learning to play slide improv melodies to sting, beatles, and doo-wop concerts on TV this week.
I'm glad to hear what became of that e-mail.
You hadn't forgotten our prior sewing-room manipulation already had you? I knew you couldn't sew, that's part of what I was saying. Actually it's too bad you can't sew, I wish I could in a timely fashion.

Oh, he plays that game? I thought they grew out of it...maybe not. Anyway, doo-wop concerts? What are they?

I remember the prior conversation, but I don't remember mentioning sewing. I thought it was cooking or something. Anyway, I equally suck at both, so it really makes no difference. Of course, I suck at the "manly" things to, like tech, so I don't fit into anything. I don't need to sew. I can get people to do it for me, or I can just use the rips to my advantage.

Actually it was knitting. Doo wop was the precursor to rock.

Really? I can't remember ever doing that. But that involves sharp objects, so I think not. Precursor? (I apologize for my very limited vocabulary)

Remember when I suggested that victorian women would hang around knitting? I never said you knit.
Thinking about English takes you as far as vocabulary; Pre = Before, Cursor - like that thing on your computer that points the way.

Um, okay, but what does the computer thing have to do with anything?

Aaarrghhh.. Do you know what a cursor is on a computer? I was saying that if you knew that, you could figure out that a 'pre-cursor' to rock and roll was something that took place before rock and roll that pointed the way to it happening. Most complex words in the English language can be 'figured out' even if you never encountered them before. Understanding this concept is why they used to teach latin in high-school. Later they just called it SAT prep, and didn't explain much latin.

Yeah, I know what that is. Oh, pointed the way to it...well, you could have just told me that. I can barely speak english, I don't want to start in on latin too.

I think I'm starting to annoy with my idiotness...happens to everyone eventually.

Do you have a new boyfriend yet?

You say it like it is a pair of shoes!

No. There are some okay guys in my school, but I can't see them being a boyfriend, and I am trying to get over the older guy thing.

It's normal to be more attracted to older guys. There's nothing wrong with it. Unless you personally want rid of it, I wouldn't get over the 'older guy thing'!

I've read people's comments, and I think that they are right. 22 is a little high for fourteen, even though we do really click.

You see. That's what I look for. Most people just end their response with "It depends on the legal age of consent". I don't know about you, but I can't work with that. Detailed information helps a lot (since I go through all the trouble to reply to everybody else). And what I meant about putting the legal age at five was that the legal age being when a person can tell right from wrong (Studies prove that the age is 5/6). I would never do it myself or support anyone who does it. I just tried to move the bar (the bar being the age limit) out of the way of the discussion. Am I making any sense here?

Hi! Are you back for your weekly visit?

yes i am! however it took a lot of work on my part. Above all, we are all allowed to be stupid sometimes, so don't apologize, Jems.
Second, I was thinking to myself earlier "Why does everyone put so much emphasise on age?" Finally it dawned on me. Yea, yeah, moral beliefs, blah, blah. But then, think of it. The question was about dating someone considerably OLDER or YOUNGER. Age. The question makes you focos on age, therefore it is 100% likely that everyone, in their response, will bring about age, and more importantly, the legal age.
I agree with Wicksy. Older is fine. How much older is the problem.
That was my light bulb moment I will have to say toddoloo for another week or so (now with Christmas preperations and all...) But you know what, as hard as it may be to deprive myself, it is very rewarding. How? I don't know. I just keep telling myself that and pretend as if it were the truth to help me feel better.

I am the legal age. In Canada, the legal age is 14, and anything below is statuary rape. I wasn't legal then, but I am now. I didn't know there was an age then, and even if I did, I probably wouldn't have cared.

It depends more on the person, if they can act mature in a relationship, or not treat me like a child, (oh and I have to be mildly attracted to them too) I would be will to go out with them.

Jems, baby, the legal age is 18 for all 10 provinces and 3 territories.

It is? Cody (another SC user) told me it was 14. Oh well.

Love is love. Those who say certain kinds of love are "wrong" apparently have never been in love -- when you are in love, you know that love, all love, is right and all love should be respected and cherished.

Nope, it's 18.
You wanna hear something. I met this guy recently and we are so in love with each other. I'm 15, he's 22. So...
TO EVERYBODY,
I CREATED THIS SURVEY WHEN NOTHING SPECIAL HAPPENED IN MY LIFE. I STAYED MUTUAL. HOWEVER, I MET A GUY, 22, AND WE SOOOOOOO HIT IT OFF. SO JEMS, I SEE WHERE YOU'RE COMING FROM. I KNOW HOW THE EMOTIONS FLY, YOU FEEL EUPHORIC, AND YOU FEEL YOU CAN TAKE ON THE WORLD WITH AN OLDER GUY BY YOUR SIDE (THAT'S HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW). BUT, AFTER TELLING 20 LIES TO MY PARENTS JUST TO MEET HIM AT MCDONALD'S, I REALIZED THERE ARE TOO MANY RISKS. LUCKILY, MY GUY IS WILLING TO WAIT THE 3 YEARS. WE'LL SE WHERE LIFE TAKES US THEN. BUT I MUST SAY, THIS EXPERIENCE REALLY OPENED MY EYES. ALTHOUGH AGE SHOULD NOT BE A FACTOR ON LOVE, IT IS.

Yeah, I think your right. I just wish I had someboy. I hate being all alone.

Everybody hates lonliness. But if we open our eyes, we are never really quite alone. Our friends easily substitute for that lonliness.

Not really. I have tons of friends. I don't need another friend. I need a boyfriend.

If that's because of sex, that makes sense, but if it's because of devotion and identity, perhaps you should be devoted to your friends and relatives, and build your own identity. That wayyou'll have a self to offer your boyfriend instead of losing yourself in one.

No, it's not about sex, actually. It's about needing to feel loved. I have my own identity. I just need it to be loved my someone besides my family.

There are two main types of love; Eros and agape. Eros is about personal intimacy and physical. Agape is like unconditional love, it's like having tears in your eyes because everyone is supporting you and you are likewise giving them whatever they need in life. It is being grateful to be alive and seeing God behind all that happens. If you're really there, you won't need eros. I myself just visit agape. My goal is to find someone to marry this year. Believe you are and will be loved, and concentrate your efforts on loving where you can. It will come.

It's just hard to believe that people really like me, because everyone says they do. It's weird, because I don't really belong to anything. I chill with everyone, and I don't understand why these people like me, but they don't like this person. I don't really have a personality type, and I don't really have a social group. I need to belong and feel loved by the people I belong with.
Good luck on finding someone to marry. Isn't that something that just sort of happens though?

Jemmy, if you create a need in yourself for excuses of worthiness, you are setting yourself up for failure, or at least a difficult time. It's a bit like loving a kitten, such love is unconditional until the kitten hisses back at which point it becomes conditional. When people start feeling unworthy they look down instead of smiling eye to eye, other people then notice the dark cloud and will avoid that person because they don't want to be brought down by their gloom. Incredible things happen when you feel worthy of them without feeling superior to others. Agape is not about 'fitting in'. Fitting in implies that their is an in crowd and therefore an out crowd. Believing in an out crowd fosters hate and discompassion. It would be unfortunate if you had to lose what you have to realise what it was.
As far as me marrying, I've gotten to a level of understanding in which I usually get what I ask for. For instance, before the last party I went to, I decided that I would have gorgeous woman clambering for my attention, and make out with one of them there, in spite of the fact that i am a transgendered lesbian. (which happened) I decide what whethar I want to happen when I vacation somewhere. There's still an immense amount of give and take, but deciding that I will run into someone who wants to marry me and vice-versa is a relatively short order in the grand scheme of things. Don't doubt away your blessings.

I'd go out with you, except I feel you are too young for me. And I have issues with your level of intelligence. No offense, but things that are public knowledge, things my 12 year old cousin knows in moderate detail, you seem to know nothing about. Like not knowing who Jim Brady is. I'm sorry, but I think you should focus on growing up first, THEN worry about dating and relationships. The only relationships you really need had this point in your life are solid friendships, like mine and mandy's. I'm sorry if I hurt you with this statement, but it needed to be said. Thinking your life is empty simply because you don't have a man is ridiculous. Looking to men for stability is like going to Crispin Glover for psychoanalysis (get soemone else to expalin that joke to you).

And, for the record, you ARE loved by people outside your family. We love you. Me, Twist, KR, sequel, ASB, bill, even cody. We care about what happens to you. You are part of this community now. Hope that helps. It helped me a lot. I doubt I;d even be alive today if not for this place. Remember that.

Who's Jim Brady? dang, and I was hoping to get married this year.

The guy who got shot at the same time as Reagen? Former Republican, now the sponsor of the BRADY BILL?!? Did I step into a black hole here wehre no one knows anything about anything that made the NEWS?!? I've had to explain this twice today! Next thing you know someone won't know about the Challenger explosion.

I figured as much. I've heard of the Brady Bill but forget which one it is. Bad gasket caused us to lose a tenor sax player. Jemmy wasn't even born then. How much do you know about Eisenhower?
I don't think she really needs to know about Challenger to have good relationships either, though I agree she has a lot she does need to learn. I remember a P.K. Dick story in which the soul was legally determined to reside in the body when a person demonstrated reason by using algebra, so the age was set at 12 up until which you could have the child aborted. Isn't this the wackiest support group ever? Thanks.

I'm not saying that there is an "in" crowd and an "out" crowd. There are just different crowds, all equal, or at least to me. I don't care where I belong as long as I do. Some people are bothered by the fact that they don't have friends in any group at all, I am bothered by the fact that I have friends in every group, therefore not really belonging to a group of friends, kind of like on the show "friends". Rachel, Monica, confetti, Ross, Chandler and Joey are the group. I want a group. Then I want a boyfriend.
I smile a lot. I am known for smiling a lot. And my smile is usually real too, you can tell when it is a fake smile. My eyes don't smile with me when I don't mean it. But I smile a lot. Until one of my closest friends calls me a dog, at which point I cry.
If I had to lose what I have in order to realize what it is...that's interesting, but what do I have?
Myabe i should start to be like you. I never get what I want. But I guess that's okay, because I'm still alive, so things must not be too bad!

Personally, I feel that growing up has nothing to do with who Jim Brady is. I'd rather have wisdom than knowledge, and I don't think wosdom comes with age, despite what people say. I know I need friendship's, and I really do value friendship, but I can't help it, I want someone to love me because I am me, not because they have to.

That does help, Brian, that helps a lot. And I love all of you too. Thank you.

Who is Crispen Glover, and why shouldn't he do a psychoanalisis on me?

Oh, and for the record, I do know other things. I know stuff about current entertainment, and I know a lot obout world geography, like the capitals of different countries and what their flags look like and stuff, and if I use a calculator, I can do math, (I got 97% on my last math test, so I can't be too bad at it! ) I know I don't know almost everything, but I do know a little bit. But basically, I only know about things I am interested in.

Brian, the whole Jim Brady thing and the Brady bill is pretty specific to the US. A country in which Jemmy does not live. She wasn't even born yet when he was shot. Give her a break on that one.

I haven't a clue who Crispen Glover is either. You'll have to ask the honorable Brian on that one. Apparently we are both poorly suited for relationships with our worldly knowledge. I'm sure now I'll never make it to second base until I have Janet Reno and Saddam Hussein's career histories down. I better throw in a course on helicopter pneumatics to be on the safe side, it should help explain why relationships get topsy-turvy and go up and down, or at least give me a better appreciation of hummingbirds (which can fly backwards and even upsidedown) so that I can bring to my partner my scientifically founded delight in nature. Enough ragging on Brian. I think he really meant that you should know more about human behavior patterns before getting caught up in things when there it might be better to keep your eyes wide open. I was an actor in the Rennaissance Faire at your age (well, 16) and so had an extended family of a couple hundred emotionally people going through all sorts of trips. I was also dating then. Like you, at your age I had several groups of friends, none of which I really belonged to like the French club, the track jocks, the studious types, the stoners, cartoon kids, adventurous types. Most of these groups would probably have had nothing to do with me if they knew I was involved in the other groups. It's a blessing to have the opportunity to understand as many types of people as possible. I must admit though that I didn't really enjoy school except for the fact that I did find my own group; it was the Fantasy Gaming Society or at the next H.S., the War Game club. These were the kind of people into punk rock and monty python. You could be as strange as you wanted, of course we had enemies too, particulary those who represented ignorant normalcy ie the soches and cheerleaders.
You have a genuine smile. Not everyone can say that. Brian was quite right that we do love you. You are humble, innocent, (with a streak of michievious concocted ignorance), and make a sincere effort at understanding love. No one could offer more. That's mostly what that ancient famous book is about. Think about that. Forgive yourself, do your best, and know that everyone willing is worthy of love. (So are the others, but that's a much more complex topic.)
Red Rover, Red Rover, send Glover right over. I am curious.

Oh, by the way, I think of you as my internet niece. Is that okay with you?

Internet niece? Of course that is okay with me.
Human behaviour patterns? I think that that is one of those things that you learn from experience, which is want I would get if I had a boyfriend.
The social groups has a lot to do with what I was talking to a friend about last night in the mall. We were seying how everyone really has their own style, for example, although she can't snowboard, her style is the snowboarder sort of style. I, on the other hand, can wear any style, and it no longer looks like that style, and the typeclothes I basically wear doesn't have a name. I can wear the rapper/hip hop style sort of thing, but I still don't look like that. Another one said to me "You're one of the only girls on earth who still looks cute and innocent wearing ripped up jeans, a bandana, and smoking" And she was right. I don't have a group. Or I do, but it only consists of me.

I wasn't born yet either. It was over a year before I was born.

Personally, I feel that growing up has nothing to do with who Jim Brady is.

It's more than that! I was merely stating why I wouldn't go out with you, and why most guys I know wouldn;t either. We all have this thing where we don't like explaining things to our SOs. We like it when we make an obscure reference like the Crispin Glover thing (total whack job that guy is. Ever see Back To The Future? He played Michael J. Fox's dad) and they totally get it! I guess what I'm saying is, I'm looking for Dennis Miller with boobs and a vagina.

Wow that was totally off the point. What was I talking about? I can't even remember anymore!

My social exposure shut down for a decade during my marriage. Until then I had tons of friends in all sorts of groups so I was going to punk concerts and hitchhiking or car pooling with old hippie artists to the rennaissance faire where I was a 16th century celt. When I married my highschool sweetheart, she was always at my side and we were in nesting mode. Except for our road trips in VW bugs up logging roads to find waterfalls & caves we were home-bodies concentrating on books, music, furnishings, and gardening. It wasn't till her and the kids moved to Alaska a decade later that I could pursue my computer programming career, my theater work, travel, and broaden all the cultures & wild types of people I knew, etc. Unless you intend to ride on the coat-tails of your mates diversity as my wife did to my dismay, you will have much more expesure to life single in groups.

I don't know who Dennis Miller is, but I don't think I should bother to ask. Yeah, I saw back to the future. I don't remember his father...was he the kind of nerdy guy? I think I remember now.

Maybe your friends wouldn't want to hook up with me, but I know people who do. It just happens that they are all people who will end up in jail. Not my thing.

lol I was just reading what I wrote earlier, and my typing is really bad!
Anyway, why couldn't you pursue all those things while you were married? A relationship shouldn't hold you back, your partner should support you and allow you to be independant, but offer support at the same time. Or, maybe I am just listening to too many Destiny's Child songs, and need to face reality.

You don't know who Dennis Miller is? What planet are you typing from?

America is not the whole world. I don't think Mr. Miller is particularly widespread outside of the US.

I suppose, but I have heard that other comedians lie him are. I know of a Swedish page dedicated to lenny Bruce *if I had a hat, I'd tip it*.

Obviously not the same one he is on.

My only independence was when she was asleep. All of our decisions were mutual. She would be snarly, sad, or jealous if I wasn't home with her every night and weekend. She was even jealoeus of the time I spent doing art work. I spent a lot of effort trying to make her independent, but that didn't really happen till we divorced.

Ha. Though I've heard the name, I'm not sure who Dennis Miller is either. As broad as my knowledge is, it concentrates on art, science, and the esoteric. I'm not much up on anything in the popular media. I'm far more concerned with NOAA and the NIAA bills run through at midnight then the Monica Lewinsky story. And far more concerned about the relationship between Heisenberg & the Spanda Karikas or the kaballah and nanotechnology.
Isn't Dennis Miller someone on PBS murder mysteries or something?

That's too bad. I mean, it's just like the Destiny's Child song "Independent Women", that just because you are in a relationship doesn't mean you have to be dependant on your SO.

What?!? He's a WELL KNOWN AND RESPECTED COMEDIAN! PBS? What panet are you from?

Next you'll say you don't know who James Brady is.

Robin Williams & Steve Martin are the last comedians I really payed attention to. Let's see, Greg, Peter, Bobby.. I don't recall any James. Was that the dad?

Romin Williams is really really smart. He's funny too.

Cute. Very cute. We already explained who james brady. Knock it off with jokes already.

i kinda did it, and i got into crap because of it, but still, it's our right. if those gay heads have that stupid right, than we, normal people have right to date who ever we want.

lol I didn't read the rest of your comment before, but when he mentioned Jim Brady the first time, the brady bunch was the first thought that ran through my head.

(and Brian, don't worry, I am intelligent enough to know that that was not what you were talking about)

I know how you feel, but which of the two sticks with you through thick and thin? All a guy is thinking of is when he can get his next sexual fix. And don't say "not all guys are like that", because they are. TRUST ME! Remember the guy I told you I met at the New Years Eve party, well, when I told him my legs were shut, miraculously he stopped calling! Take it from me child, wait!

TO EVERYONE!
IT'S BEEN A FUN RIDE, BUT IT MUST COME TO AN END. I FEEL THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH THOSE WHO PARTICIPATE ON MY SURVEYS. I CAN MAKE EXCUSES, BUT NOTHING JUSTIFIES WHY I CAN'T WRITE ANYMORE. TIME IS PRECIOUS AND, FRANKLY, I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH OF IT. THEREFOR, THIS IS THE END OF IT.
I WON'T BE CANCELLING MY ACCOUNT (MAINLY BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW) SO IF YOU FEEL MY SURVEY IS A PLACE THAT GETS YOU IN CONTACT WITH ANYONE ELSE, FEEL FREE TO USE IT. HOWEVER, DON'T EXPECT ME TO BE WRITING BACK.
I WANTED TO THANK EVERYONE FOR HELPING ME SINCE OCTOBER 1ST (THE DAY MY FIRST SURVEY WAS ISSUED).
JEMS, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND KNOW THAT THERE IS MORE TO LIFE THAN GUYS.
KRISTAL_ROSE, YOUR ADVICE HAS GUIDED ME THROUGH SINCE DAY ONE AND YOUR WORDS OF WISDOM ARE AN INSPIRATION. I KNOW I DON'T SPEAK FOR MYSELF WHEN I SAY YOU ARE EXTREMELY RESPECTED FOR YOUR WONDERFUL INPUT.
MAARTEN, REMEMBER THAT WHEN I BECOME THE FAMOUS STAR I TOLD YOU ABOUT, YOU'LL BE THE FIRST ON MY VISIT LIST! A PROMISE IS A PROMISE!
MIREILLENS, GOOD LUCK, AND DON'T GIVE JEMMY TOO MUCH OF A HARD TIME. SHE'S YOUNG!
IAMLOSER, THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME REALIZE THAT ALTHOUGH SOMEONE DOES NOT LIKE SOMETHING I HAVE DONE, IT SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN PERSONALLY. THERE ARE HITS AND THERE ARE MISSES.
SO, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH. OH! I REALLY HOPE THE PEOPLE I MENTIONED CAN READ WHAT I SAID. IF ITS POSSIBLE TO SPREAD THE WORD TO THOSE PEOPLE (JEMS, I KNOW I CAN TRUST YOU TO DO THAT FOR ME). THANK YOU.
GOOD-BYE!


ANGELA VELLA
AKA
star2b_ca

But not all guys are like that. I know it seems like it sometimes, but they really are not all bad.

Dear Angela: I'd be sorry to see you go. I just read every one of your comments and have an idea why you're not communicating. Before reading i thought perhaps it was because you weren't asking questions; you didn't really ask me any. then I looked at your comments and saw that in many ways they were like my own. (and consequently I've just learned more about myself).
I could be wrong about you but I can at least give my opinion on how it would appear you are coming off to others. You have made this survey your pulpit. You speak sweetly and thankfully with respect and yet it seems you have come to spread your wisdom (as most often do I). For a true teacher, every direct teaching experience should be a learning experience. Not like using a diagnostic tool to put your subject on the map of your belief system, but to actually surrender to seeing things their way to the extent that you see that from where they're at, their decisions and philosophies do seem the most valid. In contrast it seems you ask questions as a launching point to telling it as you believe it works. there is another level of sharing yourself and others that is more of a rough-housing than a dry sweet love in concept. Build a rapport of trust with others that is more IMHO than 'as i see it it is', unless your certain of both your content and the receptivity style of your Friend, and that is a rare gift on this planet.
I also notice the winds of change waft strong in your white mirrored closet. You develop an alarmist sensitivity and hit the caps lock (which is quite disfavoured at SC it seems). We are usually on a cross-roads which involves not only the physical and ethical, but the perceptual as well. As you believe the world to be (by surrender, not insistence), so it becomes. Half empty cups get spilled, half full cups are savored. It would be a shame for you to leave without finding the friends you actually had lurking here.
I find myself speaking in poetic clichés which isn't quite my style, and although you don't, I suspect it is a common tongue I picked up in my efforts to understand your vibes. I hope you give SC another shot. I eventually had to leave my idealistic ivory tower and play in the senseless dirt. But there I found the pearls. Love, Kristal McKinstry.

It depends on what "considerably older" means... I get so sick of getting hit on by old men just because there are a few exceptions where it works out. I guess what I'm saying is that you shouldn't be *expected* to want to date someone a lot older or younger than you.

How much difference in age are you talking about? I am 12 years older than my wife.

I think it depends when you are a teenager your body and expierences of your life change a lot between 14 and 19 , and I think its disgusting when you see girls that are 14 going out with 19 year olds yeah I know females mature faster but still thats just nasty

It depends what you mean by 'considerably'. I've had relationships with women 10 years older than I am and 5 years younger and age was not the issue that ended the relationship.

It depends on the ages of the two people. For example, I think it is kind of strange for a forty year old woman to date a sixteen year old guy, but yet it would be okay for that same woman to date a sixty four old man. I guess as long as both parties are eighteen or older, they can date whomever they please. It also depends on their reasons for dating. If a forty year old man wants to date an eighteen year old girl just for the sex, I think that is kind of sick. And if I wanted to date a ninety year old millionaire just because I knew I would get his money as soon as he died, that would be wrong of me. I am 46.

Okay, I finally understand what you were saying before about love, and having to feel worthy. I was watching Oprah, and it was about how you have to love yourself in order for other people to love you, and you don't need to constantly try to please others in order to get there acceptance. That's exactly what I've been doing. I feel like I'm always climbing, always trying to please people so that they'll tell me it's okay now, we love you. But I guess I don't have to do that. I don't have to try and make people love me.