Talk to yourself out loud in public.

I don't often wake up with pains, but I did this morning. Lower back pain, but I know why. My little brother gets a lot of back pain. His spine's twisted. He gets his test results back on Monday. I hope they're okay. I want his blood test to show nothing.

I made rice for everyone's tea yesterday. I cooked the rice as normal. I made a stir-fry from carrots, sweetcorn and a few string beans and pea pods then melted some oriental spice stock cubes into it. I cooked chicken pieces for the rest of my family in another cube. Then I just mixed the rice into the stir-fry. It was good. I love those stock cubes.

I made soup today. I was experimenting so I decided to use chickpeas rather than potato as the thickening element in the soup. But I wasn't sure what vegetable would go the best with it, in the end I went for cucumber. Now I have an amazing cucumber and chickpea soup (with lots of onion and some carrot and thyme and cayenne pepper for a slight kick). I'll have to try not belending everything next time. It would be nice with whole chickpeas in too.

I don't usually eat rice. I quite like bought egg-fried rice but I don't usually have it when the rest of my family does. They like white rice but I like brown. Brown is actually tasty. White's just bland. I used to liek rice-pudding but my mum hates it so she never buys any pudding rice. I don't like the tinned stuff. I used to have it at school witha blob of jam. But I hate strawberry jam so that put me off a bit.

I've never made anything savoury with pineapple.

Yep, bettter not have an international harem, or INS sends you to OUTS (Ostracisation und Termination Services). What's with you brits? It took mom decades to do this. You're our fledgling country, we don't need no stinking badges.
Hi, Secret Service? This is Mandy. Can you tell Bush I'm going to a neighbors home to borrow their toilet, ours isn't working right now. Hello, Secret Service? This is Mandy again. Is Bush there? Can you tell him we just found a porta-potty in the garage which we'll be using till the plumber gets here?
I keep Ireland in mind. I hear you can buy a nice castle for $700k, and artists and writers are tax exempt. As far as I can tell, I prefer the foliage here though. But you're living in london fog anyhow. When did you arrive here?

03 30 1975


get out of my fog...it's private!

There is definitely some bizarre loyalty that goes along with being British. Maybe it has taken me so long to do this because I didn't choose to come to the USA...I was made to come here.

Hate strawberry jam ? I have to rush off. I'm just leaving a comment to keep up the reciprocation cycle. I stumbled across your comment by accident. don't know why it ididn't come in replies.

neither did mom. She was seven just after wwii. An Oregon coastal fog sheep ranch was apparently rather similar though.

I had a bad experience with it once. My grandma made jam-roly-poly pudding. She - unlike my other grandma - is not much of a cook and I was sick after eating it. I've never been able to stomach strawberry jam since. I spotted a jar of gooseberry jam in a catalogue the other day. Sounds tasty. We may be getting a candyfloss maker from the same catalogue. It's quite cheap and the company is very good about taking things back that don't meet expectations. I can't stop thinking about candyfloss flavours.

I sometimes have problems with replies. I haven't been using them lately so that I can avoid certain surveys (like these) where I know I'll have to reply to someone and I don't have much time.

I spotted those comments. I don't know what candyfloss is. I was thinking flavored dental-floss, but when you mentioned sugar, I was thinking it was designed by a conspiracy of wicked dentists. I was also wondering who would be so gung-ho about making their own dental-floss. You could start using bookmarks to indicate surveys to get to later, either SC bookmarking, or create a favorites folder in your browser called unvisited-replies.

Candyfloss? But surely candyfloss is an American thing? Spun sugar that you buy at the funfair or by the beach. It's usually pink and on a stick.

All dentists are wicked. Especially my old one. He'd dig a big hook into my gums and jab until they bled. Then he'd tell me off for not brushing hard enough. As though they weren't going to bleed when he stripped the flesh from my jaw........

That's what I thought you might mean. We call that cotton-candy here. I planned a sculpture similar to such a machine. A spiralling wall of heavy navy-black velvet under black light (like the yellom brick road) gets you to the center where an antique popcorn-machine cart with it's windows frosted in an array of zodiac constellations. It would bubble with flourescent pink popcorn. On the ceiling would be an upside down relief map of wilderness with barbie riding a horse in a doctors outfit.

I'm being accused of something I didn't do. Or more accurately of not doing something that I tried to do. I tried but there's no trust. If I'm not trusted then I probably don't deserve to be trusted. But I haven't done anything not to be. They just don't trust me. It isn't fair. It's never fair and I should remember it. Stay at home philosophy. I'm being unfair. One person said it and I base what everyone thinks on what they think. I could prove it to them I think. Or maybe not. I don't want to. They should trust me!!! Should. Could. Could they? I want to say yes. I believe yes. I trust them. I'm angry. I want to cut all ties. I want to say no, to shut it all away to never leave to never walk out just stop. He's at liberty to shrug. I'm not. I was supposed to talk about candyfloss..........

You're supposed to say whatever you're thinking about here. If either you or the other person is shor of pure innocence, their is room for doubt. You can't say much more in response other than 'how unfortunate you don't trust me'. Trying to cleverly debate evidence of your trustworthyness could only be used against you as someone who can make clever arguements. One way to develop trust is to naively put your worst on the table right away, expressed as such. If my brothers been drinking, I can't trust him to be honest about it. Chances are it's people thinking you would do as they might. Is this a 'he' who doesn't think you're keeping up your side of a co-commitment? There's also the notion 'it didn't work - someone must be at fault'. Knowing more would definitely help me discuss this.

It was my friend's birthday on Sunday. We were going to the pub on Monday evening. I was meeting her on the bus. But the bus came early and I missed it. I didn't have any way to contact her. I tried to phone one girl I thought was meeting us, but her phone wasn't turned on. I waited at the stop hoping that it had been the previous bus coming early, but nothing else came so I gave up and went home. I didn't know where the pub was. I could have looked it up online, but I'm not brave enough to walk into a pub alone and late. And I was going to be about an hour late, I didn't know how long they were supposed to be staying. So I went home. Sent my friend an email to apologise. I was sorry that I hadn't made it.

Came on the internet today. I was talking to a guy who'd gone. He said that everyone had decided that I was just being anti-social and was breaking my promises. I told him what had happened. The bus was early. I missed it because it was early. He sid he didn't believe me. He's not a particular friend though. Later, I spoke to the friend I was supposed to be meeting on the bus. She says, oh the bus *was* early and she missed it too. But she got on the next bus. I couldn't know that. She says she doesn't hate me, but kept saying, I find it very hard to hate people. As though I'd done something worthy of hatred. That if she was a normal person then she'd hate me too. She *knows* the bus was early. But rather than say anything when someone else decides to send an unpleasant email about me, she just sends one to repeat her phrase about finding it hard to hate people. And this first email sent by someone whose opinion means a lot to me, and it was mean. It's unfair. If I'd done something awful, then I'd understand, but I missed a bus that came early! But when they were together at that pub, as a group, they decided what had happened to me. No-one phoned to see if I was okay. No-one asked what had happened before they launched into this picture they had of me.

These are my friends. People who mean more to me than most members of my family. People who I love. People who I trust. People who could tell me almost anything and I'd believe them. But there's a pack mentality and I can't break in.

And I'm just so hurt and angry. I'm upset but I want to shout at them all. I want proof that I'm telling te truth. I want the truth to be self-evident. I want it to be obvious as soon as I say it that it's true. And it's not.

I love these people. But I really hurt.

It sounds to me like I trust you a lot more than they do. Perhaps your friends aren't of the caliber you could find. There's probably some truth on a deeper level to their accusation. Two things (basically the same) could go wrong to cause events to go awry: 1) You were trying to hard and desperate to prove yourself in some allegiance to something other than god. 'I have to' attachment to things often geos wrong unless you really do need it to happen. 2) You really didn't feel like going (at least then) for whatever reason, and were fullfilling an unwelcome obligation to an allegiance against your own desires. {these two are the same if your path is in union with god} They could be angry because they feel in spirit that you allowed that bus to arrive early. and then, it could just be a new karmic prop to give you practice solving life complexities. Pack mentalities are never good. Even when I'm at a party, I relate with a whole sequence of one-on-one attention to people.

Well, it seems I took one comment way out of line. An email from someone. I asked if he meant what he said. He seemed surprised that I'd taken it that way. He said he didn't mean it like that at all. I believe him.

When I put that to one side, there's just two people. One of whom, definitely meant what he said, but we aren' that close anyway. My friend who could have defended me is the one I'm worried about. I blew things out of proportion. I think she was joking but wthout enough experience online to realise jokes don't come across like that without smilies.

I tarred "my friends" with the same brush based on what 3 people had said. One of them certainly erroneously. I got wound up and I wasn't thinking logically. Maybe I was treated unfairly, but then I turned around and did the same to them. I didn't trust that they were just joking. Things look better in the morning.

I think that #1 has a lot to say. I'm hardly renowned for my pub-going. I was nervous, but I wanted to prove to myself, and them, that I was okay with it.

I have a lot to learn about life's complexities I suppose I just have to keep on going........I'm not done at all, thank goodness

Detach yourself before using intuitive analysis, and even then reserve judgement. and even if you havent misjudged someone, sometimes it's better to go on (internally) as if nothing happened because your own thoughts and reactions could manifest to keep it being the case. Things often revolve around misunderstandings and grudges.

Detachment. Always harder than it sounds. Float away from it all. I used to be better at that. Judge not, that ye be not judged. We used that in a play. Probably Tobias and the Angel, that's the only Biblical play we did.

I don't mean away away (at least not in this context), but more like look at the whole scene as if you were someone else and then try to figure out what everyone might be thinking or feeling. Yes, that quotes quite accurate, because we live in a mirror.

Live in a mirror?

A mirror. Yes. That's my fundamental teaching. Many faiths describe it as the threefold logos or something, but it always come down to the same thing. God is simulataneously our ego and our environment. Creation exists by turning us into creation and perception, but it's a feedback loop, in the back of our minds resides the creator. We (society) have an integrated multiple-existentialism where like clock gears, everything is synchronized to meet the expectations of any one gear. This is how we can hear our thoughts simulcast on the tv, radio, and neighboring conversations. When a person is cheerful, birds chirp, when they become intense, thunder strikes. We can even consciously direct the whole darn screenplay of events which come our way if we choose to do so. Karma, prayer, every major occult or spiritual principal (telepathy, clairvoyance, telekinetics, 100's more) fits into this model of being. It, monism (everything is one), can unfold to become dualism (god in heaven), and pantheism (god is distributed everywhere). If one loses their ego, their feedback loop becomes the world mind, and they watch their little gear as osme lower automaton with no more attachment than the rest of the clock, which hopefully thay are co-guiding with a heavenly energy. If you let go of your mind, like when you're half asleep but still witnessing both mind and environment, you can see they share the same author. The goal of the occultist is to move (integrate) their conscious intellect ego faculty into this loop without being washed away in a purely mystical state.

I remember reading something about threefold to do with Wicca. Had some interesting points, but I didn't think they worked. Not sure that's what you meant though - I should read on..... Oh, now I see better. Now I get you less.......why does there have to be a "creator"? What do you even mean by that? It implies a conscious choice to create. I noted an interesting "coincidence" just the other day.What was it? Oh, yes. I had a friend at my last school but after we left, we never saw each other again and didn't stay in touch. I haven't seen her since the last exam at that school two years ago. I was thinking about her the other night. The next morning, I went past her on the bus.

Men in Black - saw that today. "When you're sad, you make it rain" But it wasn't a good film. No va va voom. What's French for va va voom? I never thought of pantheism as being a more-opened out form of more standard (wrong word) ideas. It always seemed more direct, more focused somehow.

Coincidence - that which creates the memory of your friend, also creates her synchronistically crossing your path. You can become the conscious part of the creative cycle. I do it all the time, there will be a particular rare item I want at the thrift store tomorrom morning, T will finally call me tonight, etc etc. From my perspective, it often appears as if I god of earth, but I'm a bit more humble than for several reasons: 1) other people do exist (that friend that crossed your path may have had some synchronistic reason to meet you too) 2) I talk to some global force which is not my concious mind, and 3) I don't know what creates my thoughts which get manifested. My experience is pure evidence that everything follows a script. It's hard to imagine pre-ordained scripts without authors. to say it's pantheism would be like using the metaphor of a computer network where everyone could remotely program what other computers send to it. I don't exactly buy that. I give them the benefit of the doubt that they could have as much power in return, and that they appear to follow my script, as I do their's, means we are both following something else's script. On the other hand,it could be pantheism and some people do have more power than others. I have had a few people tell me that their behavior and state of consciousness is different in my presence, and that if I really want to know them, it's going to have to be on a long distance phone call. A typical example is how hours pass by here in what seems minutes. Rush type folks come to visit and get sucked into my native time awareness, wondering where all the time we were going to spend on errands went. Iwouldn't have much believed it, except I was once with the main friend that pointed this out to me, andI like snapped into consciousness in the middle of saying things to her that I would have never composed myself. Likewise, when I get into really deep talks with folks like my brother, they don't remember having the talk until the next time we talk so deeply.
I hadn't realised they planted any wisdom in that flick. No wonder our meditation group leader is fond of it. He likes the quote about how fast ones concept of the world changes, and how much it will change in the next 5 minutes.
You could use the term core principles. Christianity is somewhat at fault for dividing the world into matter and spirit. Before that, even the jews had different gods, which is the result of segregating concepts, while god and matter are still one. When they say you you shall have no other gods, it's because such did once exist for them. Judaism is born of pantheism which is why many christians aren't so keen on it. Even some modern Rabbi's preach about shekkenah, the holiness of enlightened individuals as the manifestation of god force which raises matter. Christianity was a major world movement, seperating god from creation (dualism), and generally placing us on the creation subjects side of things. Pantheism, like the monism of eastern religions puts much more importance on our manifestation and the role of human minds & souls. If you ask me, dualism was mans descent from the divine. It's main grace is that it gave us a gateway back to monism after monism suffered alzheimers and became pantheism so abstract that people were worshipping pantheons of deities instead of seeing the work of the unified creative source within themselves. So yes, pantheism is more direct in that you see the forces of creation, dualism is more direct in that you have a bridge to anything else going on in time and space, and monism is the most direct in that you are one with anything going on in time and space. Understand this and you've earned a theology degree. (oh wait, you'll also have to work on all the sticky stuff like good and evil, and cosmological proofs for the blind, and the nature of faith).
I am familiar with other shades of the 'no creator' concept, but which do you mean? How would that manifest into what sort of (integrated?) being and potentials?

Wow. That's long. No time to read it now. I came across this a little unexpectedly. I thought, I'll just look at the next survey before I go down for some tea.......

I'll be back!

It's worth reading. It's an overview of the worlds three main spiritual cosmology structures.

I'm back Said I would be. It's still as long as I remember it.....Get stuck in!

OK. A thrift store. Like a charity shop? I go in charity shops looking for books a lot. Biigles. They're catching on though and charging more for them.

A god of the Earth. I dn't understand the idea of gods as opposed to God. If you define a god as someone who has the power to make others bend to their will without exception, then there can only be one. But how do you define god?

Why should the script be pre-ordained? Whatever happened to free will? But if it isn't pre-ordained, then how can there be any author at all except the people living it? That makes more sense to me. We make our lives. There must be forces controlling us though, limiting us. So what are they?

I'm not so sure it was wisdom. Wisdom implies intent surely? I think they just threw in a phrase that sounded sufficiently pretensious. That's spelled wrong....Like Polonius telling Laertes what he must and must not do in Hamlet. A long speech, packed full with wise sayings. But Polonius is not wise, and so what he says means nothing.

Modern liberal Judaism appeals to me immensely. I have no idea why. I do not believe what they believe. That had overtones of the Koran just then. Perhaps we do all believe in one God. Even polytheists. Ultimately. Are Jews monists then?

I don't believe that anything conciously created the universe. It happened. Certain laws governed how the universe grew, how evolution occured. Perhaps you could call those laws, a creator, somehow....I need to keep thinking about this.

I used to struggle with the only one concept. For three years people were only a by-product of a play God and I were putting on, then I discovered the same thing was happening for many of them, and after more thought concluded god was still running all of us.
I do believe we have free-will and are running the show, each of us planning events that will occur tomorrow or a few years from now. But, are thoughts are all guided by the same force, or at least the force of synchronization makes sure that nothing happens to anyone else that does not fit their karma. It's definitely occurred to me that without that, everyone would be stepping on eachohers toes as they decided the weathar or other events which affect us all.
I'll have to enter the survey to find out what you are talking about on this wisdom thing.
Jews seem to vary in fuzzy ways, ultimately, yes, I suppose they tend towards something which is ultimately monism, but not necessarily. The majority may not have have thought it past a physical earth and deities present. I meet many jews who don't seem to be spiritually minded at all. It's not like Christianity where being labelled such is a testimony to your belief.
Things like creation get easier to accept when you find things like God isn't limited to time. I believe in evolution although I also believe god is capable of the 7 day myth. The estimate on stars these days is about 15 billion. The count has perhaps always been close to the population of Earth. No matter what other races exist out there, the evolution question remains however, somewhere. If we master terraforming, even we people ourselves will be capable of the 7 day creation myth.

Why do I always do this? I come across this at the wrong time. Maybe it's the right time. Or maybe it's just a reminder that I don't have much time left on the computer. If I hadn't seen this, I wouldn't have thought that. As before, I'll come back - just leaving a note so that I remember. I have to go and think about poetry. I'm going to improve. I will, I will. If I say it enough, it may just come true.

I'll return to read your last comment soon.

ok, I'll be here.

Even with terraforming, how could we create as much in 7 days as God supposedly did in Genesis?

One can mix a glass of tang quicker than they can grow an orange tree, play a movie about the rennaiisance faster than going through it again. One can prefab components for homes then build them in one day. We would have to have rules for building full grown plants and supercomputer calculating at that instant what changes to basic plant components would have to be altered for that plant instance to work. I'm sure without millions of planets for practice it would be very crude.
One could just scan entire molecular objects into memory and knit them like holograms projecting all the matter into place (like a teleporter) but the memory storage required might be immense. Without all sorts of data compression algorithms an object would take as much physical memory space as the original object. However, like compressing a jpg file, we can say 'ok, this entire region of eyeball contains this fluid with exception of a few protein strands of this or that floating around' instead of mapping out every molecule into explicit memory.
Time doesn't even exist. It's certainly not a constant, after all what do you compare it too? There are crystal oscillations, rotating planets, travelling light, but if ALL of those things suddenly covered the same distance in half the time, we'd never notice the difference.
On the seven days thing, if we only projected from memory without pausing for calculations, it would be closer to the time taken to download a file then 7 days. All of this stuff will be traversing the globe at the speed of electricity. One way to do it would be to create a 'Life Star' (that should piss darth off); It would be large enough to contain a model of an entire living planet, would sail up to an inert planet mass without touching it, and just suck it all up as raw material which it reconfigures into an adjacent clone of the model. Just seeding the planet would work if we could make a small enough seed. Chances are though that we would have to create basic seeds which specified just the chemical mineral constituency (water, etc), the cloud cover, and various mineral-proteins and bio-proteins to romp around for a few million years, until the next generation of genesis sattelite appears with enhanced programming.

What the WHAT was that?? I just peeled an orange sticky string off the side of my eye.

> Prime for a mystical existence? Not sure that I want one. Maybe that's
> the main limitation. Like being a good doctor. Technically, I'd make
> a great doctor, but it's not what I *want* to do so I wouldn't be
> any good at it at all. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

sometimes when i feel like posting something that has no place to go, i think of this survey