The Psychiatrist is in. 5¢

TV just said: "Maybe it's an alien influenced distortion in the space time continuum. It's the latest thing, you know"

I've been meditating on converging through space/time/matter lately. I wasn't in your head at the moment to know what it was in response to your context. I can't imagine it's more than humor if a response to your perpendicular emotional-social understandings.
As far as the bad mood survey goes, I'd say most peoples bad moods last 2-48 hours, probably 3-4 on the average. If you're reacting instantly to someone flipping you off, that doesn't count as a bad mood. Bad moods are more along the lines 'great, if I don't resolve this I'm fudgeed for a couple months.', or situations that conjure the greater pool of a persons negative experience; it's not just that you're being excluded from a party, it's that for some reason you can't figure out, you're usually excluded from parties. Bad moods are closely related to hopelessness / lack of empowerment. All moods are attached to an ambiguous field of like experiences. If a smell of crayons, or a certain candy puts you in a good mood, it's because those entire parts of your life were affiliated with loving creative problem free experiences, mysterious awe, etc. Just picking up things you owned years ago can set up not just your mood, but even your events. You wear an old t-shirt that you used to jog in, and a friend calls out of the blue to ask if you want to jog.
ps. You're not too far on the fringe if you can recognize group consciousness forming on a broken bus.

I don't stay in a bad mood as long as most people, I guess. I'm only annoyed for about as long as annoying things are going on. Once it's over, it's over. If I'm storming around after that, it's only for upkeeping all the adrenaline. I have unussually low blood pressure, which might explain why storming for no reason feels good. If I'm not invited to a party. I shrug it off and move on. If I have something that needs resolving for the long term, I don't get in a bad mood about it, at least not the whole time it's unresolved.
One day I will be having to rearrange the fridge to find something, and I will think "I hate having to do this" and the next day I totally won't mind.
I have a bad memory for details, even for things I said 1 day ago. I also have divergent thinking. I lose the point of a lot of in depth conversations, easily sidetracked. I'm like one of those stereotypical old people that sits in a chair telling stories... well maybe I'm not *that* bad.
I know I'm not too far on the fringe. I've been worse. When I was 16, I wouldn't have even noticed people feeling 'in this together' on the broken bus. In childhood, I was so far out there, that sometimes I wouldn't even notice people in front of me, trying to talk to me. I can't remember that. My mom told me.

So you don't get in bad moods, you get annoyed. I wouldn't know if you have a low threshhold tolerance, or just a more physical reaction. Do you spring out of your seat to dance or watch clouds at times? Do you crank music?

yes, i spring out of my seat to dance and sometimes to watch clouds. I don't crank music because I don't like loud noise (even if it's good music) Your physical reaction theory sounds right.

That being the case, you will probably get less annoyed in general if you romp around in mood elating exercise more. Traffic jams probably annoy you more than the average person.

*jumping around all over the place, bouncing off the furniture, smacking into walls*

hehe. So.... what do you suppose I could do to organize my thoughts and be less divergent, if anything?

I've been trying to figure that out for 20 years. Figure out what your priorities are. Simplify. If you bounce around on visual cues. Hide cues for projects you aren't working on. Keep a highly clean house instead of having every project you've ever started scattered on the floor. Finish what you start. It takes discipline, but it does you nothing to move on to sometthing else before finishing what should have been a priority. Very thouroughly label every box and envelope as to why you would ever open it again. Eg. mail - letter opener is puttied to the wall just inside the front door, as is the mail sort bin. letters are opened before you ever sit down, then bills are labeled instantly eg. '4/27 $30/1800 7%' Meaning bill is due on 4/27, min. amount is $30, but there is 1800 due at 7% interest in case you wish to pay off more. Bills are sorted by due date. No need to look in the envelope until a few days before the first bill (staring you in the face whenever you leave the house) is due, and then you pay off all the ones present in the stack for efficiency's state, getting out the stamps, etc. If you had it set up so bills were everywhere, needed going into again to to find what they are, had notes about bills in different places, etc. you are going to be scattered, inefficient, and worried about them way more than you have to be. Also, every month, estimate all the bills you will have to pay, and what the maximum leftover for groceries and 'toys' that month will be. Again, no constantly having to figure out from scratch if you can afford something, or putting it on credit in case you're uncertain. That's bill management, but everything else is the same. Do the extra work right away which will make everything clear in the future. If you can't make decisions, pretend you are someone else offereng you pragmatic common sense. If you get rid of 1000's of loose ends that don't really have to be in the back of your mind, your mind is less cluttered to focus on whatever you are doing, ie feeding the cat. Don't leave projects because you are in a fog. Even if you halt work, make your immediate job determining 'what needs to happen here, what stands in my way, what is a waste of my time now?' Laziness creates confusion. You work on whatever you bump into, yet you set aside something you're not in the mood for. You'll be in a better relaxed mood if you took care of the 'have to's' with immediate lack of effort rather than turning them into more than they were. Don't leave anything in the form of unknowns, like 'save the world', instead that category should say 'recycle cans', something specific you can knock off, not something undefined that leaves you in a helpless fog about what to do. You and I both probably find discipline unnatural, but it can sure make life easier, actually. Don't torture yourself, dance and watch clouds, but when you come back in remember you are sorting your file cabinet. Clean your bathroom sink along the way if it seems the perfect time, but keep in mind you are 'sorting your file cabinet', so don't clean the bathroom or the kitchen. That 'I'm sorting your file cabinet' should be in your head until you finish. Some things shouldn't be started if you estimate you won't have time to leave it a state much less confused. Photos can't be sorted in an hour, so don't touch it unless that's your futile recreation time. Keep in mind 'is what i'm doing helping my CURRENT objectives'. A clean house might fit that objective, or at least the minimum necessity department (the cats always need fed, but transcribing your third grade english papers might not ever be your top priority, even if you always wanted to get it done.)

I cannot buy a car. I just cannot. I don't want to. I won't and you cannot make me. I don't want to test drive them. I don't want to talk to the people(car salespeople UG!) who sell them. I don't want to trade in my Probe(limping smoke spewing thing of beauty). I love her. She is me. I am my car. She defines me.
*wringing hands*
*pulling hair*
*poking self in forehead*

What if I hate the new one? What if I choose the wrong one?

I cannot decide! Style? Substance?2 door Sporty Sexy Coupe? Practical 4 door with Leg room for passengers? Don't make me choose!!!!!!!!!

*crying*

I cannot make up my mind.

Saturn's are supposed to be well engineered. Hondas were excellently engineered, but alas became pricey yuppie cars. Perhaps you should get a black jeep with violet polka-dots and hot-pink flames. Newer Fords are known for what you went through. If you aren't up to writing, you know how to listen. Remove your passion from the decision, and be willing to settle on a 70's station wagon, if that's what's really called for. You should be prepared to detach from anything worldly, love it while you have it, but be able to lose it and stay cheerful. Spirit strongly warned me against particular cars more than once, and I paid the price for getting them anyhow. IF you're not desperate, choose a model, and keep looking in the papers until the ideal price/condition comes along.

*kiss*
Thank you for your time.
You are correct, as usual....

I have a Saturn. I like it.

Those are good ideas, but I really want to know how to keep my train of thought on track. When I am thinking to myself about something, I can think it all the way through with no interruption. Once I talk to someone else, their comments and responses totally distract me from the point. Other people's input derails my train of thought.

Sidenote: I also noticed here at SC, my first inclination is to respond backwards. I'll respond to the most recent post before the next oldest one. I also feel tempted to respond to the last point someone makes, and backwards to their first one. (I had to rearrange the post I made where I ended by saying I know I'm not too far on the fringe.) Not a major problem or anything, but what's that about?

I'm like that myself, and other than doing the things it takes to have a clear mind, like minimizing your active concerns and getting sun & exercise, there's not much you can do. In formal situations, and even when conversing with friends, I keep a pad of post-it notes, or make mnemonic devices to keep track of a conversation. That allows me to listen, because otherwise unfortunately, anytime I'm holding onto something I wish to say, I can't listen to anything new. Most people can listen while something else is on their mind. I don't know if you're bad as me or not.
As to your sidenote, maybe you're desperate to keep up with what's fresh, and will only get back to the prior stuff if time allows. Seems practical. Peoples last points are often the culmination of all they were leading up to anyhow, so you get more punch per reply sticking to that. But again, it's probably the impulse to be actively engaged in the current loop before losing it. You are probably also considered rude in group conversations because you have to speak your mind instantly, and others haven't a clue that it's because the thought will evaporate otherwise. You claim to forget everything a day later. I hold onto it all, and can recite conversations I had months earlier. Those thoughts that evaporated during conversation reappear long after the person I was talking to is gone already. There are drugs to do it, but I found them absolutely agonizing. I'd be watching the clock every minute to get the day over. They stop your thought from fleeting by making it a struggle to think at all.

No, I don't usually speak my mind instantly. Sometimes, but not a lot. I do what you do. I hold onto the thought, and *almost* want to bring it up long after the conversation is over. (I forget a lot of details in the conversation itself, but not what I was wanting to say) I don't bring things up later a whole lot either, (I just want to) so a lot of what I'm thinking during a conversation just goes unsaid. Much to my frustration.

http://typelogic.com/intp.html There's my dominant type.

I used to get quite frustrated in group conversations. I'd be holding on to thoughts that had become quite irrelevant by the time I had a chance to speak. I might be the same type myself.

What model and year?
Was it under warranty?
Have you had to have any work done?

1998 SL2 Yes. We got a 5 year warranty. It runs out this October. Just some minor work on the water pump.

Thanx!

There's nothing to describe. Just a general feeling of unease. Knowing something that I'd rather not know but hoping that I'm wrong about knowing even when I'm so sure.

Like what? the universe is run by locusts? you're hitler's granddaughter? uncle fergus has been doing things with the soap? I have a feeling, whatever it is, that you wouldn't feel as bad actually knowing it, as wondering, so perhaps you should graduate to that level of acceptance while it reamins unresolved.

You're probably right. Wondering is always bad.

Zim: Why is there bacon in the soap?
GIR: *with pride* I made it myself!

yechh. i've made soap.

I want to get off Earth, soon please.

We had such an awesome group meditation at church tonight. It was a vision of the entire universe being stirred. In my experience leaving it calls for accepting and loving being here first.

Not really. If I'm in a movie that sux I walk out. I don't need to make love and accept being there first to decide it's not for me. I'm not talking about offing myself, I just look forward to much better things when I finally leave.

I was really alluding to ways of having left long before you leave.
I'm in pain. Whatever it is, I've never had it before. I was dreaming my lungs were filling up with gallons of rubber-cement like phlegm and I had to strech and peel it out of my throat and off my tongue. I also heard something about pneumonia on the radio when I was asleep I've woken up with a feeling like i've been punched somewhere in the heart, or behind my lower throat or sternum, but I don't have a sore throat at all. It hurts worse when I lean forward. I took an anti-biotic and lots of vitamin C just in case. Maybe It wouldn't feel as painful I knew what it was. I rarely get any sort of ailment.

Eat whole cloves of garlic too. Do you hurt when you breath deeply? I'm sorry you hurt.

It's weird. It does hurt when breathing deeply, but it has no other cold like symptom. I have no idea what catetgory it even is. like maybe I sprained my wind-pipe when laughing. It's like a huge lump in your throat near the heart. I don't have more the slightest trace of smokers cough (like I cough twice a day more than not at all), but perhaps this is a sign to take quitting seriously. If this felt cold like, maybe it does, the garlic sounds right on. thanks.

Yeah, stop smoking Kristal. You really get nothing out of it and you're making butt-holes rich.

Last night, just before drifting off it sounded like a frog croaking in my chest immediately followed by a feeling of floating and burning in my upper body. I spend as much per month as the average person does in a few days. One nice thing about making a kit is I can make cigarettes with about half the tobacco in them. The main method though is to ask myself if thoeir is anything else I could be doing at the time. That doesn't quite work online though since it's easy to do both at once.

Think that every time you buy tobacco you're paying someone to kill you. Not only that, you are paying the government taxes on your ill health. Buy plants with you smoke money, even small plants. There is a plant for every little space around the edge of your building. Pecil pines take up no room at all. I went for a walk along the river in the inner city suburb of Kangaroo Point last week. I noticed that the city had done a fair bit of planting, but in some places it was obvious that locals who live in apartments had bought some Banksias and planted them along the river bank because they had used a bamboo stake that comes with a retail nursery plant to hold the plant up. When I was renting I always planted at least one tree. Sometimes I go around the old neighbourhood and see my babies growing. Don't pay Pall Mall or whoever. Buy a tree and watch it grow.

Careful, Kaleb! You're starting to sound like an environmentalist! Planting trees? Next thing we know you'll be snuggling after sex!

Sure, I'll plant some tobacco. Renters in California never plant a thing, or if they do, it's in planters they will take with them. I broke that pattern myself, unfortunately they all died and I will require better soil before I try it again.

I LOVE trees! That's why I oppose moves to reduce our carbon dioxide production.

Yeah, plant tobacco, just don't smoke it!

some form of depression i guess. i think its normal.

Good Survey #1.
No emotional difficulties right now, thanks.

If I have two conflicting attitudes about the same thing (1: It's no big deal, it's all ok etc, 2: It's annoying, ticks me off etc) what would you say about that? Is that unusual? I don't feed one attitude at the denial/expense of the other one. I feed them both, because they are both accurate, and the 'bad' attitude is no less legit than the 'good' one. When I'm totally annoyed with something, I'm completely aware that in reality, it really is no big deal. When I approach a situation with the initial attitude that it's no big deal, I can still sometimes manage to find it annoying or even infuriating sometimes as little as less than a minute later, all the while the feeling that it's no big deal is still hanging on.

For me that resembles my inner turmoil, where usually the negative feelings are unjustifiied, and although I don't embrace them, they don't go away until I at least acknowledge they are there, and accept to my annoyance that they might not go away. I have to transcend the internal chatter rather than try to cure it with more chatter.

I think sometimes I might embrace the negative more for entertainment or venting, even though the positive attitude makes more sense.

I've learned some negative behaviors just for the brief entertainment of acting them out, not because their was any internal impulse to have those emotions. It's been about a decade since venting would make sense in my emotional vocabulary. I'm not exactly sure why, because I still have bad days. perhaps because i'm not subjected to anything that's not of my own doing anymore.

I can very subtly feel an attitude and feel like I'm subtly showing that attitude, (good or bad) just by thinking about particular people who might have something to say about it if they saw it. It's just for entertainment. Very hard to explain. I can take that a step further when I'm actually around a person who feels strongly about something and I totally disagree, I subtly hint that I'm doing whatever it is they don't like, just to see if they notice. I know someone who is strongly against people passing off work on whoever will do it for them. (Like when you ask someone to help you do something, then give up halfway into the task and let them finish.) Even if the other person totally doesn't mind, she does as an observer. When I am around her, it makes me want to be lazy. I don't want to let *her* do the work, just other people who don't mind, because she is against it, but shouldn't be.

Demonstrating peoples faults is seldom helpful.

What do you mean? Is it demonstrating their faults, or something else? It's more like demonstrating something they oppose to subtly expose them to it, in the hopes they see how silly they are being about it.

It automatically implies you direspectfully consider yourself above them and are being judgemental. It would be much differnt if you could bring it up in a supportive conversation and ask if they want you to demonstrate what they look like to you. Otherwise it's being negative, and will just have them reaffirm their position and retaliate to the vibes you sent their way.

But I'm not demonstrating how they appear to me, I'm doing stuff that they oppose, because I don't find it worth opposing. I don't want to demonstrate how they appear to me. I know how they are (what they believe and oppose) first hand, straight from things they have done and said. I'm not being judgmental or considering myself above them. I'm doing things that don't bother most normal reasonable people, and if they could relax and be reasonable, they wouldn't be bothered either. That's what I want them to see.

Ah, I didn't quite get your comment.. so you're really just talking about the same thing you're always talking about. Still seems to me that you're being an aggravating imp. If a person is annoyed by squealing noises, I can't see how making squealing noises can help.

Oh, but it's only petty or self-righteous grievances that I feel are worth committing. Squealing noises isn't one of them. Squeaking sneakers on the floor isn't one of them. But if someone got all indignant or even whiny that someone just so happened to squeak their sneakers on the floor (accidentally) then I would get this barely-containable urge to squeak my sneakers on purpose. I know it's kind of impish, but it somehow feels like they *should* be exposed to it, until they get used to it.

Remember, I am the same way around people with beliefs and opinions I like. I sometimes want to do stuff (subtly) to see if it reminds them of their attitude.

grievances worth commiting, you're the watcher for that, eh. - well, we got to the bottom of that. no, you're much better at reminding people of things they might better be off without, or with. You're sheriff on that fence.

I don't know what you mean. Reminding people of things they would be better off without or with? Sherriff? I don't want to be any sort of sherriff. I'm not a rule enforcer. I just like to make people think, without having to say anything. If someone is over-reacting and being some kind of morally righteous enforcer or correcter or whatever, I like to kind of call them on it, without saying anything.

I also like reminding people of things they are interested in. That's fun too.

put me in your possee, yeah cowgirl. you know the mirror comes from somewhere.

The mirror? You mean the positive one? Reminding people of stuff they like... their philosophy, their hobbies, their style. Yup that's really fun. Depends on who I am around. Some people bring that out of me, some people make me want to do the opposite of what they expect, and some people bring out both sides. I want to be agreeable, with bits of contrary thrown in.

put me in your possee, yeah cowgirl. you know the mirror comes from somewhere.
Here's a recipe for you:
Late Easter Lunar ecclipse Coffee
Full stressed days coffee ground refresh
Sugar
Jamaican Irish Moss, Cream, Coconut milk
Handful of chocolate chips
Chai black spice teabag
rainbow mini-marshmallows
more moss - microwave at pl-7 :55
1/4" plum brandy
sugar cookie sprinkles
microwave at pl-7 :55
remove teabag
spoon of candy dried fruits
more marshmallows
more moss

powdered sugar fluffing layer
microwave at pl-7 :55
Late Easter Lunar ecclipse Fuitcake Coffee

OK.

I hope that will clear my head, cause I'm confused.

If I ever went to a mall with you, I would guess you would be observing my interactions with people. It would be on the back of my mind. I would be my normal, kind self around them, maybe even a little more outgoing toward them, depending on how our visit was going. I would probably be more consciously aware of any potential for negative situations or dilemmas, because of the conversations we have been having here. I can imagine situations like deciding over the last open table in a food court. You might let some other people have it, while I am secretly hoping they would decline. You can tell by the way I'm looking at them that I'm secretly hoping they decline, can't you?

I wouldn't be observing you, I'd be with you, and the people at the table. get it?

Not really. I don't see why you can't do both. (Observe someone you are with.) It's nice to know that you aren't the type to observe and analyse people you are with the way so many people like to. I see how we could be 'with' the people at the table, but not in the sense that we are there at the mall together as a planned thing.

Flowing love to everyone, everywhere. Doesn't matter if they weigh 300 pounds and have yellow hair or pick their nose or do yoga in the grocery line. Their is a connection beyond all that get a smile from any of them. It does dawn on me that I would like to go before everyone else in line, but I let go of the thought and bless all those before me that they be chosen in proper course and be happy about it; somehow i usually get chosen to go first anyhow. You get what you give.

I agree with your non-judgmental attitude (yoga in line, boogers, weight etc) I find it incredibly hard, near impossible to have that kind of attitude toward bossy, intermeddling, or suspicious people though. If my empty food tray slipped on the floor and I continued eating, and someone walked by and said in a patronizing tone "Pick that up off the floor!" I wouldn't argue back or yell at them, I just wouldn't pick it up. I would have a hard time giving a flowing love to them, because I would be so shocked and stunned at their patronizing behavior.

This is why you stay centered instead of reacting. If you were to gently smile at them and say you're working on it, you force both of yourselves into something better than if you let their misery guide the life. Either reaction of yours will impress upon them; but only one gives them something worth thinking about passing on, and instead of leaving the scene thinking that person was a jerk, you can leave thinking you made the world better, remembering the sweet smiling apology they otherwise would not have had. Love is fearless. The choice is always yours.

Just now I was out at David's mom's. I was asking anyone/no one in particular if there was any root beer left. David's sister said, in a patronizing, almost melodic tone, as she swept her hand in front of her "Why don't you get up and look?" That ticked me off, but I just got up and looked anyway. Then I was just ready to catch my breath and feel better, shrugging it off, and I had the baby in my arms, she turns the corner and asks if he is done eating, and asks me to clean up his tray JUST after I took him out, and before I set him down. > She is a highly patronizing person. She bosses her siblings and even her mom around. She wanted to go fishing with David, and I took the car for a drive. I am still upset at her and she doesn't know.

Either she'll get you, or she won't. All you can do is do the right thing. Do you give her the quizzical 'what's your problem?' look, or what. Either she generally feels powerless, or has some resentment about the terms of your visit and her role in it. It also sounds like david had some responsibility for integrating understandings that he was oblivious of or reticent in. I don't get the idea that there was any gathering for concensus on "what do 'we' want to do?". In brutal loving honesty, hidden gripes are not tolerated. Without harmony, someone has to be the cavalier knight, if not one of them, then you. I know you have what it takes to speak out, now if you can channel that into representing the collective welfare of your surroundings, instead of retaliating against it, you'll have some sweet mobility going.

What is the right thing to do in that situation? I didn't give her any sort of look, didn't say anything, just resented it. I wish I would have done the opposite of what she said. I could have told Lexie "Sorry, Lexie, no one knows of any root beer left, there must not be any." Then I wouldn't have had to 'get up and look for it.' I also could have left before cleaning the tray, or turned around and asked David to do it. David had absolutely no idea his sister was getting on my nerves. No one there did. I think I'm the 'cavalier knight' in most situations where I have a gripe. I don't like speaking out. In my experience, it creates more problems than it solves. You have people totally disagreeing, arguing back, not seeing your side, and you create all that tension, with no change whatsoever.
"Why don't you get up and look"
"Because it's easier to ask first, to see if anyone knows"
would have probably turned into a disagreement about laziness, or pestering people when I could check for myself, with me arguing the side of practicality and efficiency. It's more efficient to ask if there's any root beer left. If someone knew there wasn't any, they could tell me and save me time. Then I would have to listen to more about laziness or whatever her reasoning would have been.
Nothing would have changed.

"Why don't you get up and look" could have meant, "I really don't know anymore, I've lost control of my refridgerator". You still didn't quite get the cavalier knight thing, the idea is to make sure 'no one else' has gripes. Your not having any gripes is usually the reward of this advance compassion and surrender, because people tend to reciprocate with whatever has been offered to them. Seems to me that her and david not going fishing, with or without you, is a sign that things didn't work out as they should. It was a visit by david to his sister, after all, and if it wasn't possible for everyone to go, there should be other weekends where you and david do your own outings. If you speak in a tone which says I just want to understand, not argue the point, they have no fire to feed. Perhaps being quiet was the only answer you had, in which case your only salvation is to let any feelings go, think up a happy answer, or perhaps bring up later with david that you don't want it going like that in the future, and see if he has an answer.

Here's the thing though: It isn't his sister's house. It's his mom's house, and his sister is up here visiting.

Who else was there, and did you connect with them?

What do you mean by 'connect'? David and his mom were there.

Let's just decide it will go miraculously sweet next time.

i hope so

At the moment, I'm faced with abortion. It's not something I want to do, but I'm really confused, and I know it isn't the right time for me to have a child. My boyfriend thinks we should go through with it, so does the only other person I've told. I never thought I could get pregnant. I really didn't, but I hoped I could some day, and here I am.. but I can't keep it. It's a terrible time for me, I know this is the right choice, but I hate all of it.

(If I may interject, quickly:) One of my sisters had her first four pregnancies out of wed-lock beginning at 16. At fifteen, she once had a miscarriage. Even though she just couldn't stand to be in trouble - or to be any trouble for anyone - and even though her life was in no way one that looked like it could fairly accommodate a child of all things, she never had an abortion.
However, each time, she considered it. I was even driving her to the bus station, where I had already bought a bus ticket, a plane ticket and arranged for her, where she would stay, have the procedure, etc. We ended up turning around at the very last minute and dropping the entire thing.
That last episode I described was when I was in the military, with her and her two kids living with me. I worked another full-time job off the base and we were always pittance-poor. Also, we had not told our mother (far, far away) that she was pregnant again. But she just didn't feel it was right, so we made the decision to disregard the idea again. She ended up giving up two children (in fact, both to the same wonderful, hopeful parents). The first child they received from my sister was handed to them on Christmas Day. She has been in distant contact with those parents, and she has not ever seen them.
My chief points are: It is your and your boyfriend's decision. Legally, it's yours, in fact. You may decide to keep the child, or to relieve the child-to-be of a burdened life, or to have the child and provide the baby to needing parents.
Whichever way...
1) Go with what you believe is ultimately right. Since you're struggling with it, I surmise that you have an issue with not having the baby. You should know that you're going to revisit each decision until the last moment. But, once you have truly made up your mind, stand by it - forever.
2) Solicit support from your boyfriend. If not him, then someone who will hear you objectively and help you talk your way through it. You need ears and compassionate eyes/arms right now. Seek them! You might find you don't have to look very far after all.

You'll decide the right thing the moment you decide as much - that is to say: "Whatever I do, it will have been the right thing."
God Bless.

Look out for weird mail that may appear to be from anyone you know. There's a worm floating around that makes mail appear to be from people you know. My antivirus quarrantined it. In case it comes by again, I took several names out of my contact list including yours, but I still might have old mail from you from way back. It looks for addresses there, too. More detail

http://securityresponse.symantec.com/avcenter/venc/data/w32.klez.h@mm.html

I've received mail from one of my own screen names in AOL to another. I've been receiving a lot of viruses at work as well - luckily Lotus Notes has great alarms to it. You're right - there's a lot of them traveling these days. I've been alerting people myself.

I just quarantined/deleted that one yesterday too. Anytime I try to examine the mail, it seems to bring in another copy of the virused attachment.

She is smart, understanding, willing to learn and listen, and loves me. She really loves me, but she is not the prettiest girl in the world and it's getting in the way!!!
How do I overcome my own superficial delusions? Or are these delusions just my heart waiting for something more?

The grass is always greener. People with gorgeous spouses will still be thinking someone else looks better. For every trait you are concerned with, of course someone will have more of it. Love is more than looks OR personality. I believe in a good relationship, you will be able to get your share of personality elsewhere. Sex is not something to base a meaningful and enduring relationship on. You can MAKE more, rather than wait. It's the things you make together which matter most anyhow. Infatuation, obsession, and fascination need to give away to other qualities. You need to find those things together. Eventually your SO may become your favorite part of the grand high intelligence. Disatisfaction will never have bounds, better not to fall prey to it.

That's just her earthsuit...look past it...deep into her eyes and find her true form is a beautiful glowing being of light.....just like yours, and mine...everyone's......
Your seeing her as unattractive is a projection of your fear that you, yourself are unattractive....

As for your other fear, that she is somehow *not the one*....
There is no *one* and yes, someone *better* may come along and then and only then must you decide whether to stay or go. Why throw away the possibility of the experience of something wonderful with her even if it is for a limited time? Relationships teach us so much. Teach each other something beautiful and then move on with grace and love once the lessons are over if need be.

hehehehehe
sorry doc...I couldn't help myself....

My next door neighbor mistook my intentions or something today. She ticked me off. I went to her hubby to talk about the dude that put ruts in our driveway. She came out and got all ticked that I didn't bring it up with her, saying it was "disrespectful"
How ON EARTH is that disrespectful? I'd like to know. She's lost it or something. She over reacted, acted like a pain in the butt. She thinks if I have anything to say about the house, I should say it to both of them. And that I shouldn't bring up anything about the house anyway. (??) OK, but she could have said that without making it sound like I was somehow in the wrong for not knowing. Sheesh!

She 'thinks' or she 'said'? If you greeted her first, why were you looking for her hubby?

She said I should talk to both of them. I didn't greet her first. I wasn't looking for her hubby. Her hubby was in the driveway. I walked up to him and told him about the fence guy. She came out in the middle of our conversation and had a cow. It's "disrespectful" to talk to ONE homeowner about the house. Like everyone should be present just to matter of factly bring something up, even if it's no issue or big deal. Thats absurd.

You do get the weird ones. Did you ask why it was disrespectful? or was that her answer?

Yeah, I said I didn't understand what's so disrespectful about it. She said "I'm the woman of the house and it's my house too" She said she didn't go running to David (my hubby) if she had a problem with my house. I told her I wouldn't mind if she did. She said it's un-neighborly.
Yes, I do get the weird ones. I'm not even sure if she would mind me bringing up idle chat (non-issues) dealing with the house or fence. That's all I had ever brought up before today. Does she think I can't talk about what type of fence I want to put in, or my plans or anything? She said "When we want to do something, we don't tell you about it, we just do it" ??? I don't get it. She can't tell idle chat from serious discussion and 'touching base' types of stuff?
Brad apologised to me about it, said they are having lots of stuff going on lately.

Who knows? Either she feels like she has no control, or the house is her job, or maybe she suspects her hubby is having an affair (with you even).
If it were me, I'd be looking first at what's going on in my own life.. my conceptions of how people operate, my own house plans and how I'm communicating with my own spouse, that sort of thing. For me, my reality starts inside out, not outside in, when I'm problem solving.

But I don't have those sorts of problems in my own house. I think maybe she thought I went over there to make problems, when I was merely making observations. When the fence was put up a couple of weeks ago, Brad commented on how sloppy it was. I thought he would be able to relate if I commented on how sloppy the hired help was when they left. I see how that could be taken as starting stuff, but that wasn't my intention.

Still, I'd have to be there to know what the interaction really looked like.

Now I just wonder if I can't go engage Brad in a friendly problem free, decision free conversation about the best kind of grass to use, or the kind of landscaping that would look cool. I wonder if Angela would think we were making decisions without her, or if I was going to brad to get decisions or seeing if he approved of my plans or something. She seems to see all my conversation starting as making plans or something without her input. I don't see why she would need input (as the woman of the house) in casual conversation. When Brad and David are talking about the fence, I don't feel a need to run out there and find out what they are saying. I don't even get the slightest tiny feeling that decisions are being made without me. Why does she?

should i give her a friendly note?

notes are lame in non-talking circumstances. Better te smile till your up to conversation again.

I can't find enough Hare Krishna News for my website: http://richardwyndham.tripod.com/

what's wrong with notes?

They indicate exactly what's up here, that you're not on talking terms. Better to forge ahead and be on talking terms than allow things to degrade further. I'd be willing to bet that if you wrote a letter to her about this that that she would neither write back nor even talk to you for at least three weeks. If you try to ease back into talking you could get something happening in about a week. A note is a way of saying i'm going to talk to you whethar you want me to or not.

I talked to her yesterday. It seems she is misinterpreting lighthearted conversation as bringing up problems. I asked if it was ok to talk to Brad about the yard if it was lighthearted conversational stuff, she said that was cool. I never got a chance to tell her that's all I had been doing all along. She still thinks I had been making issues.
I guess next time I talk to Brad about the yard, I'll have to try harder to make it feel like lighthearted chat.
That's not the first time someone has misinterpreted observations for issues. It happens to me a lot. That's the first time someone has gotten really upset about it though.

I can easily imagine that happening. You have a way of appearing to take everything to heart to get bent up over.

What do you mean? My previous conversations had always seemed (to me) to be lighthearted chat. I never got bent up over anything. You mean it appears to other people like I'm getting bothered?

Eureka! I think I figured out where our confusion comes from. She (or they) might see their yard and fence as just another burden, while I see it as an interesting, fun topic of conversation, as I like landscaping, ideas and practical stuff like that. I just didn't realise they weren't finding the conversations fun.

I mean it took me awhile for me to figure out that you're having light hearted chat with me. For quite awhile I thought you bent out of shape or just about anything. (unless of course you 'were' getting bent out of shape over the things you've generally been presenting me with.) You could be right on the burden thing. One of my first takes on the matter was that you had a complaint, and possibly wanted them to do something about it.

I think I might just let it go. I kind of still want to explain my side to her, but I don't want to bring it up again. When her daughter did all kinds of annoying things last summer, broke our bbq pit, ran into Lexie on her bike and such, I never brought it up because I didn't want to make problems. When I weeded my side of the property line, I weeded some of theirs too, to save them the trouble. Then when she comes out and calls it un-neighborly and disrespectful to talk about the property so much, (when I'm only making conversation) It's frustrating and discouraging. I don't want to explain all this to her, because it might bother her. How ironic.


I remember getting bent up when my sister in law was being perturbing, but most of the stuff I had been talking about to you is plain ol interesting topic, like when I talk about being able to vent. I just wish we could.