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mrmarm
| | #1 posted January 26, 2009 at 6:02am (EST) |
..... As I walked home from my weekend out, I walked wearing my thongs, carrying my shoes and wearing my bag for four long blocks after Tony dropped off home not even an hour ago. We hugged and were both upset, not sure what to do, I told him I'll come back to him eventually one day, I suspect he doesn't believe me. I don't know if I can even belief myself anymore, I don't know who I am anymore what or where to go from here either exactly. I called talk to anyone about this not even the people who know what happened that night, not 'real' life people anyway.
I was starting off my weekend with Kirsten (a high school friend) shopping on Thursday planning this 'amazing weekend' with her, Tony and Emma (another high school friend) the day went by with us drinking at a gay bar, eventually Thursday went and so did my Friday night too with Tony at cinemas and then again with Tony in the city swimming in South bank. Tony melt down on Saturday night, he has stress problems were he gets frustrated and talks like a dickhead for about 15 minutes then calms down and apoligizes from everything he says. He doesn't say anything too bad, mainly he's just painfully critical, when he's like I usually avoid talking to him for something of 15 hours or so.
Naturally I woke up Sunday morning upset with him, the morning we planned to hit the gay bars with two of my friends, I only started talking to him again afew hours before we left. He wasn't sure why I didn't talk to him normally for as long I didn't, he thought in the back of his mind I was planning to leave him.... It was almost confirmed after I booked the two of us a hotel room in the upstairs area at the bar we all hung out at. A hotel room I passed out in, I'm not too sure exactly but somewhere between locking myself in and passing out on the floor the room was trashed, I must've have done it. Thrown the bed covers all over the room, knocked the chairs on their sides, thrown condoms everywhere etc. Eventually I must've have woken up and texted Kirsten to sneak out of the bar and run off with me down to a bar down the street for a bit, because that's where I 'woke up' talking to her and a gay man trying to 'pick me up' while drinking wine. We lied to Emma, I told her I was half asleep upstairs and told a lie about how Kirsten went to the main street to do some late night shopping.
I went back before Kirsten did to not make it not look suspicious, when we did get back we snuck upstairs and sat around and tried to make sense of my trashed hotel room, how I got down to a bar down the road without me, at the time, not remembering how I got there and where Tony's ID and keys were. Somehow I found his ID in my wallet, I have no idea even now how it got there I have no idea either how he ended up with one of my cards. While sitting and chatting upstairs about all the craziness of what was going on that night Emma thought it would've been funny to use a condom as a ballon and kick around the room, while Kirsten rubbed lube on the walls. I was concerned about Tony and decided to go down find him, I did then took him upstairs with the rest of us.
Basically he come in and started yelling about where I was and why they knew where I was and why he didn't because we were together and it was his business to know where were I was not as much theirs. They all yelled at eachother eventually it got out of hand, I had no idea what to do I my heart was breaking because my fearest imaginable fear was happening right infront of my eyes and I had nothing to say when the most terrible situation was with me in a small hotel room from both directions. It got worse when Kirsten said "Maybe he doesn't want to be with you!" Tony stood there stunned and the room went quiet, he then asked me, "Is that true? Is what she just said true?!" I only looked at him and that was all I could say, he then stood infront of me Kirsten told him to get away from me. Then he pushed her back with his hand on her face, then Emma stood in and told him to not touch her and go, somewhere after that he said "Why don't you go fudge off to her crazy boyfriend!" she slapped him in the face, I think then he grabbed them and forced then both out of the hotel room while they screamed and run to get security, he locked them out while one of then banged at the door to get in. While I layed on the floor while coughing after he blocked my way with his arm and his arm hit me in the throat. I ignored him until I told him to leave, he yelled at me calling me a whore twice while trying to slam my leg in the door twice, the security come and kicked him out when Emma and Kirsten ran in and hugged me while I was upset and lost, Kirsten was crying and I thought to myself I guess that it was the end with Tony then. Tony called me afew times in the next thrity minutes and asked to meet up alone with him down the road to talk, I couldn't go, then Emma answered my phone calls from him since I was unable to bear it he ended up sending drunken texts about how it was all their fault and he was leaving.
Kirsten's boyfriend Grant ended up coming shortly after to pick us up, I refused and was compelled to stay, I'm not sure why, maybe to level my head out, maybe because I didn't want her boyfriend who I dislike to come within contact of me, maybe it was in hope of seeing Tony again since he wouldn't risk drink driving and being caught doing that again and remembering where he parked his car too.
That night I snuck up to his car twice, the earliest was 5:00 am this morning he wasn't there, I had this fear he was with someone else already or worse was passed out in the gutter somewhere or hurt or something. I sent him a text asking if he was ok even though we weren't together, he replyed and said he wasn't and was very sorry and really upset that we were over and about what he did, I checked on him again and found him asleep in his car, I texted him a reply and asked if he wanted to have a cilivised breakfast. The texts must've woken him up since he pleaded for me to.
We meet up and talked and went to a side alley were he cried and apoligized for what he did and that he was so sorry and that he'd take it back if he could've and told me it was all his fault and he had no idea how to fix it. He asked if I wanted to break up and if I was ever going to see him again and that I was his life and stuff like that, in logic I knew he was bad for all the things he did and anyone else would've ran a thousand miles away with his friends on their mind. I feel guilty because I brought him breakfast and was giving him a second chance after everything he did and to not only me but my friends. I was heart broken that night but that morning I was sympathetic toward him, he's really a very lonely man, it was mainly from the alchol and the fact he has a major stress and anxiety problem that he did what he did. But I don't know I feel so conflict because I can't really tell my friends, Emma and Kirsten about this morning or even today because they could feel betrayed and talking about it all is just too much really, too unimaginable. I stayed at his house and slept, well napped with him for about 6 hours while he cried and told me he deserves to be left, to be dumped but he really doesn't want it. He asekd what I wanted to do, initially I dabbled with the idea of staying but only if it where a secret, now that I've told him want time to think about it all and realize what happened last night beyond all the confusion and see what I'm really wanting. To yry and found out if that Tony I feel in love with at the bar, who I stayed in the state just to be with is a Tony that I'll ever know or see as again or if last night will stay in mind and haunt me forever. I told him inevitably that one day I'll come back, eventually...... |
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mrmarm
| | #2 posted January 21, 2009 at 6:41am (EST) |
Really I think that yous just knew eachother in high school and instead of talking about the Obama's and Sarah Powins (or whatever her name) etc yous talked about boys and bong or whatever teens of that day talked about..... So really if yous talked about yous would probably get along better but yous have outgrown that type of conversation I suppose,  |
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mrmarm
| | #3 posted January 14, 2009 at 11:07pm (EST) |
highwaypatrolj wrote:
> was it the original 1979 Halloween or the new remake?
It was the oringal with Jamie Lee Curtis. |
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mrmarm
| | #4 posted January 14, 2009 at 7:46am (EST) |
Melf wrote:
. EXistenZ was
> terrible.
Oh that was so lame. | mrmarm
| | #5 posted January 14, 2009 at 7:44am (EST) |
I don't mind like 4 of the ones you have on there the rest I can't stand, I HATE jumper that is the most crap movie..... |
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mrmarm
| | #6 posted January 14, 2009 at 4:18am (EST) |
 Doesn't it with circumstances like if they spend it unwisely as apposed to buying illegal goods for a seemingly legit shop? |
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mrmarm
| | #7 posted January 14, 2009 at 2:49am (EST) |
never heard of it, but I watched Halloween for the first time last weekend, I was a little dumbfunded by it. It really stood out and I consider it one of my favourite horror movies now. I think it's alittle bit weird though, not the effects or difference in appearence, (that's expected since it's an older movie) however in the environment of the films and how the view and social ideas of good and evil are so odd.... |
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mrmarm
| | #8 posted January 14, 2009 at 2:38am (EST) |
eww, but really pretty. |
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mrmarm
| | #9 posted January 14, 2009 at 2:25am (EST) |
I know right, oh I feel so patronized when people 'check' up on my cooking while I'm cooking dinner... |
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mrmarm
| | #10 posted January 8, 2009 at 6:35am (EST) |
Wow, that's so cute. |
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