Forum: General Topic: Where in the world is Otter? Author Message Otter #1 posted February 15, 2009 at 8:57am (EST)   I'm in Oak Grove Kentucky on my way to Cedar Rapids Iowa, Oak Creek, Wisconsin, and Shawano, Wisconsin to deliver Monday and Tuesday.

Forum: General Topic: Favourite Jokes Author Message Otter #2 posted February 9, 2009 at 8:05pm (EST)   Joe died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said. "I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?" "All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand." "No!' Jody exclaimed. 'I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?" Helen answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone." Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!" "Two and a half carats." Otter #3 posted February 9, 2009 at 7:51pm (EST)   A man walks into a drug store with his 10 year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, dad?" To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for the high school boys, ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March..............."

Forum: General Topic: Where in the world is Otter? Author Message Otter #4 posted February 9, 2009 at 7:44pm (EST)   Oak Grove, KY. Parked for the night, on my way to MacClenny Florida to deliver Wednesday 17:30. Otter #5 posted February 2, 2009 at 5:55pm (EST)   I have everything, Hazmat, Triples, Tank, Passenger, I can drive anything except school bus and motor cycle. Otter #6 posted February 2, 2009 at 5:33pm (EST)   Hollywood Shower, is when you have unlimited hot water to shower for as long as you want, as opposed to Sea showers where you have 3 minutes of water to get wet, wash, then rinse, such as on board ship in the military. Otter #7 posted February 1, 2009 at 9:17am (EST)   Fairview TN. Just got back to the truck from a Hollywood shower and breakfast. Thinking about heading down the road. Otter #8 posted January 31, 2009 at 5:21am (EST)   My friend Barbara got her truck on Tuesday and loaded out of Le Mars Iowa going to Johnstown New York, with a stop at home in Ohio. I loaded out of Jay Maine going to Little Rock Arkansas to deliver Monday. I'm in Clear Brook Virginia, I'm going to take a Hollywood shower, breakfast, & hear down the road, planning on spending the night in Fairview Tennesee tonight and arriving in Little Rock Sunday.

Forum: General Topic: Favourite Jokes Author Message Otter #9 posted January 30, 2009 at 6:02pm (EST)   A woman goes into a Fishing & Hunting store to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which ones to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. A Bass Fishing & Hunting Store associate is standing at the checkout counter wearing dark glasses. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. test line. It's a good all around combination and it's on sale this week for only $20.00." She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says. She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?" He replies, "Yes, Ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Bear Repellent is $3.50." Otter #10 posted January 30, 2009 at 5:47pm (EST)   Dear employee: As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately. This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management. This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate. If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: H.E.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment). As H.E.R.P.E.S. and C.L.A.P.. are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received H.E.R.P.E.S . or C.L.A.P. will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company. Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our: Special High Intensity Training ( S.H.I.T.). We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our employees receive. We have given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the S.H.IT. you can stand. And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us! The Management Next page (only 10 shown here)