| | | Author | Message |
|---|
Otter
| | #1 posted August 14, 2008 at 1:22pm (EST) |
This topic had many older posts which were moved here:
http://surveycentral.org/forum/General/topic/10761...
| Otter
| | #121 posted February 9, 2009 at 8:05pm (EST) |
Joe died. His will provided $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend.
"Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.
"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"
"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."
"No!' Jody exclaimed. 'I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?"
Helen answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."
Jody computed quickly. "$22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!"
"Two and a half carats." | Irene007 
| | #122 posted February 10, 2009 at 1:09pm (EST) |
This is so beautiful...
A Mother's Love
A little boy says to his mother, "Mommy, how come I'm black and you're white?"
His mother replied, "Don't even go there! From what I can remember about that fudging party, you're lucky you don't bark!
| Irene007
| | #123 posted February 10, 2009 at 1:16pm (EST) |
Why Women Are Crabby
We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.
Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.
Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.
Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John . Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.
Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a wholewatermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB ? says, 'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar . Calm down and push. 'Just one more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the
%$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.
After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?
When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
So we progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause', the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks...
So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a tad crabby. You think women are the 'weaker sex'? Yeah right. Bite me. | cloudhugger 
| | #124 posted February 11, 2009 at 10:44am (EST) |
A mature (over 70) lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer : Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer : Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer : Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer : Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer : You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
| bill 
| | #125 posted February 28, 2009 at 6:32am (EST) |
Irene asked me to re-open this... | Irene007
| | #126 posted February 28, 2009 at 10:03am (EST) |
He would have wanted it this way. I'm going to miss his jokes... | FauxLo
| | #127 posted March 1, 2009 at 12:39am (EST) |
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared.
The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...what'll it be?"
The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! Don't think it can be done. Make another wish."
The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for...a good mate."
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that map again!" | FauxLo
| | #128 posted March 1, 2009 at 12:45am (EST) |
"Bless me father-- for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is.
"And who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration.
"You're a steadfast lad,Tommy Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned and you must atone. You cannot attend church mass for three full months. Be off with you now!"
Tommy walks back to his pew.
His friend Sean slides over to his seat and whispers, "Well... What'd you get?"
"Three months vacation and five good leads." | Irene007
| | #129 posted March 3, 2009 at 11:12am (EST) |
SMILE
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants!
Marriage changes passion.
Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.
So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?
Bumper sticker of the year:
'If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier'
And remember: L ife is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end; the faster it goes. | cloudhugger
| | #130 posted March 4, 2009 at 6:29pm (EST) |
funny stuf Irene  | cabinfever
| | #131 posted March 7, 2009 at 11:57pm (EST) |
I certainly agree.
I need to find the jokes I wanted to contribute. | Irene007
| | #132 posted March 8, 2009 at 1:13am (EST) |
All I can think about is all the jokes we lost because this string had to be trunkated. I wonder if Bill kept them - there's getting to be enough that we can publish a book, "The SC LOL Book"! | cloudhugger
| | #133 posted March 8, 2009 at 11:39am (EST) |
Irene, that's a fun idea 
Look up at the top where it says "skipping messages here"
that is where they have trunkated. | Irene007
| | #134 posted March 8, 2009 at 11:57am (EST) |
No, no - look at the number of your post (#133); there were like 500 before!! | Irene007
| | #135 posted March 8, 2009 at 11:57am (EST) |
Ask Bill... | gambler 
| | #136 posted March 8, 2009 at 5:29pm (EST) |
Harry walks into work one Monday morning with a huge grin on his face.
One of his co-workers says, "Why are you so happy?"
Harry says, "I went to Bingo for the first time in my life this weekend and I won a thousand bucks."
A week later, Harry walks into work on Monday morning and he's skipping down the hall, high-fiving everyone.
One of his co-workers says, "You win at Bingo again?"
Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. I bought my first lottery ticket this weekend and I won ten grand. I'm feeling so damn lucky that I think I'm going to ask that new Indian girl in Accounting out on a date."
The next Monday morning Harry is doing cartwheels down the hall.
One of the co-workers says, "Did you win another lottery?"
Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. You know that Indian girl from Accounting I asked out? Well, we had a great time at dinner, so I invited her up to my apartment for drinks, we wind up in bed, and the next thing I know she's giving me the best blow job I ever had."
One of his co-workers says. "Man, are you frigging lucky."
Harry says, "No, no, it's better than that. She's blowing me, I look down, and you know that red dot on her forehead? I scratched it and I won ten grand." | cloudhugger
| | #137 posted March 9, 2009 at 6:46pm (EST) |
Thought for the Day
Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or play with it,
Just pee on it and walk away.
| Irene007
| | #138 posted March 10, 2009 at 11:29am (EST) |
| EyesOfCharisma
| | #139 posted March 11, 2009 at 1:56pm (EST) |
Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite
to
eat,
they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress.
One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman
shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down
her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.
The woman is so
shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction
flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but
I ain't niver seed nobody
do it!'
| FauxLo
| #140 posted March 11, 2009 at 2:32pm (EST)
edited March 11, 2009 at 2:33pm (EST) |
I heard a different version of that where the hill billy licks his friend's butt and it causes the woman to throw up, dislodging the obstruction.  | Irene007
| | #141 posted March 12, 2009 at 1:31am (EST) |
An Italian, a Frenchman and a Newfie were comparing their love making success one day....
The Italian says, "When I've a finished a makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstasy."
The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nutting. When Ah've finished making ze love with ze wife, Ah kiss all ze way down her body, and zen Ah lick za soles of her feet wiz mah tongue, and she floats 12 inches above ze bed in pure ecstasy."
The Newfie says, "Dat ain't nudding. When I've finished porkin de ole lady, I git outta bed, walk over to da winder and wipe me weener on the curtains. She hits the fudging ceiling!"
| Iseult
| | #142 posted March 12, 2009 at 10:54am (EST) |
I heard a really bad joke from a stand up comedian recently.
Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle. | FauxLo
| | #143 posted March 12, 2009 at 1:30pm (EST) |
Funny. | cabinfever
| | #144 posted March 14, 2009 at 3:06am (EST) |
Irene, that is hysterical! I laughed so hard I teared up, and when tears start up, so does the snot factory... dammit... I'm fighting congestion and here I go making more! | cloudhugger
| | #145 posted March 19, 2009 at 11:45am (EST) |
The Errand
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini,
each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar.
When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed,
the Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a customer,
who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done,
"what was that all about?"
"Nothin' , said the Irishman,
"me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
| cloudhugger
| | #146 posted March 19, 2009 at 11:46am (EST) |
Water to wine
An Irish priest is driving down to New York
and gets stopped for speeding.
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath
and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says,
"Good Lord! He's done it again!"
| cloudhugger
| | #147 posted March 19, 2009 at 11:47am (EST) |
Lost at Sea
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michael,
were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape
from a burning freighter.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions,
Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.
Secretly hoping that a genie would appear,
he rubbed the lamp vigorously.
To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth.
This particular genie, however,
stated that he could only deliver one wish,
not the standard three.
Without giving much thought to the matter,
Patrick blurted out,
"Make the entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"
The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash,
and immediately the entire sea turned into
the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.
Simultaneously, the genie vanished.
Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull
broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances.
Michael looked disgustedly at Patrick
whose wish had been granted.
After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:
"Nice going Patrick!
Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!
| cloudhugger
| | #148 posted March 19, 2009 at 11:48am (EST) |
You've Been Drinking Again
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night.
The bartender finally said that the bar was closing.
So, the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his face.
He tried to stand one more time; same result.
He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air
and maybe that will sober him up.
Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again.
So he decided to crawl the four blocks home.
Again, he fell flat on his face.
He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.
This time he managed to pull himself upright,
but he quickly fell right into the bed and is sound asleep
as soon as his head hit the pillow.
He was awakened the next morning
to his wife standing over him, shouting,
"SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"
Putting on an innocent look,
and intent on bluffing it out he said,
"What makes you say that?"
"The pub just called;
you left your wheelchair there again."
| Irene007
| | #149 posted March 20, 2009 at 12:19pm (EST) |
Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in
their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready,
with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is
going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what
we're selling'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a
curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft
voice asked "What are you selling' here?
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing
well. Only two left."
Seniors - don't mess with them! | Irene007
| | #150 posted March 20, 2009 at 1:52pm (EST) |
Questions That Haunt Me
If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can you cry under water?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... But it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What disease did cured ham actually have?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do doctors leave the room while you change?
They're going to see you naked anyway.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?
They're both dogs!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
| Irene007
| | #151 posted March 21, 2009 at 10:29am (EST) |
Lawyer with a heart:
One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
He asked one man, 'Why are you eating grass?'
'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied. 'We have to eat grass.'
'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,' the lawyer said.
'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.'
'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us, also.'
The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, 'But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!'
'Bring them all, as well,' the lawyer answered
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, 'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'
The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high'.
| Irene007
| | #152 posted March 21, 2009 at 10:48am (EST) |
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until
she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
'Good trade. . .'
| Irene007
| | #153 posted March 21, 2009 at 10:52am (EST) |
Interesting facts about the human body:
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6.6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.......................
Men are still busy checking their thumbs.
| Irene007
| | #154 posted March 21, 2009 at 11:20am (EST) |
You're An EXTREME Redneck When.....
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
5 You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines. '
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. | Frostbrand
| | #155 posted March 21, 2009 at 10:51pm (EST) |
I bought a new book today, called "1001 Use For Binary."
However when I got home I was disappointed to find that it only contained nine. | cloudhugger
| | #156 posted March 22, 2009 at 7:50am (EST) |
OMG I am sure that would be so funny if I understood it! | Irene007
| | #157 posted March 22, 2009 at 11:03am (EST) |
I got it! | cloudhugger
| | #158 posted March 23, 2009 at 2:30pm (EST) |
| Irene007
| | #159 posted April 2, 2009 at 10:08am (EST) |
**The Lone Ranger's Last Request"
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured
By an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ...
"In honor of the Harvest Festival,
YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request ???'
The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought
Before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with
A beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches,
The blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent
And spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits
he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse",
"But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request ???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak
To his horse.
Silver is brought to
Him,
And he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears
Over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise,
Silver again returns, this time with a
Voluptuous brunette, more attractive
Than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Rangers tent
And spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief
Is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... Alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees,
And Silver is brought to
The
Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone,
The Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears,
Looks him square in the eye and says,
Listen Very Carefully !!!!
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
I SAID ...
"BRING POSSE" | Frostbrand
| | #160 posted April 3, 2009 at 3:04am (EST) |
Two novels can change a bookish fourteen-year old's life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world.
The other involves orcs. | | |
Topic Page Hits: 10 today (5,586 in the last 30 days) |
